


Look at Us Now

by rthom77



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Album: Youngblood (5 Seconds of Summer), Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Ashton Irwin is a dad, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Luke Hemmings is a Little Shit, M/M, New York City, Oh my God it's Michael Clifford, Red Desert, They're not in the band...yet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:26:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 49
Words: 105,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26416384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rthom77/pseuds/rthom77
Summary: Luke is trying to get his big break in NYC, dragging his best friend, Calum, along for the ride. Little do they know, the two of them have a big storm coming in the form of a middle school music teacher and a studio manager...OrThe one where four chaotic Australian men meet by chance and change each other's lives forever...
Relationships: Luke Hemmings & Calum Hood, Luke Hemmings/Ashton Irwin, Michael Clifford & Luke Hemmings & Calum Hood & Ashton Irwin, Michael Clifford/Calum Hood
Comments: 31
Kudos: 65





	1. Chapter 1

Heeled boots clacked against the pavement, a rhythmic beat that only he could hear. New York in Autumn could get so damn _cold_. Clutching his leather jacket around him, Luke grabbed a door handle and ducked inside. Neon lights flickered in the window, a red glow glistening across the bar. Crappy music flooded the place, but Luke wasn’t paying attention. He knocked on polished wood, flagging down the bartender.

“Tequila— anything you got.”

As the bartender cleared his field of vision, Luke glanced around the place. Old tables, rickety chairs, black-and-white photos of celebrities framing the walls— a textbook dive bar. As he was surveying the place, the bartender slid his glass of tequila toward him. “Thanks,” Luke mumbled, already sipping away at his drink.

After his third glass, Luke began to feel a slight buzz coming on, but wasn’t ready to stop yet. Right after he ordered his fourth glass of tequila, the bell atop of the front door rang. Glancing over, Luke did a double take. Walking into the bar was a tall, red haired man that could have passed for a Greek god. The man took a seat two stools down from Luke.

“A whiskey sour. Angel’s Envy, if you’ve got it,” he ordered.

Tilting his ear towards the man, Luke noticed a slight lilt to the newcomer’s voice.

_Australian? That’s something you don’t hear every day._

Gathering his thoughts, Luke turned towards the fellow Aussie. Grabbing his new drink, he “smoothly” slid a stool over to attempt to get closer to the stunning man before him.

“I’m Luke, from Sydney,” he blurted out.

_Why the fuck did I say that?_

Trying to cover up his complete failure at an introduction, Luke went on, attempting to play up his accent a bit.

“...I take it you’re not from around here?”

_Oh my God, I sound like some fucking larrikin._

“Ha, no, and from the sounds of it, you aren’t either?” The man replied, obviously confused.

 _Fuck, even his voice is hot_.

“Yeah, from Sydney. But you already knew that.”

_Because you just said it, idiot._

Attempting to save the poor man before him, the red-haired man plainly offered, “Hornsby.” There was an awkward pause. “I’m Ashton, by the way,” he added, sticking out his hand as he spoke.

Eagerly reaching out to shake it, Luke replied,

“Nice to meet you.”

He then proceeded to go back to fiddling with his glass, before throwing back the rest of his drink.

“Woah, easy there tiger. You're trying to get drunk on a Thursday night?” Ashton laughed, eyebrow cocked, looking slightly impressed.

“Maybe I am,” Luke giddily replied.

Ashton took a long stare at his glass in front of him, before sighing. “These Americans... they just can’t seem to handle their liquor.” Luke let out a chuckle of agreement. “They can barely handle a margarita. We Aussies are just _really_ talented in that way.”

“Well, I can certainly drink to that!” Ashton cheered, as he too swung down his drink. It was now Luke’s turn to be impressed.

_Maybe this night won't be as lonely as I thought._

Turning to the left, Luke flagged down the waiter, ordering them both another drink.

As the night went on, the two men fell into easy conversation. As it happens, they didn’t grow up that far from each other, growing up and visiting some of the same nearby places. Luke learned that Ashton was a music teacher at a nearby middle school— “I’m the ‘cool’ teacher, obviously,”— Luke bought that easily.

“So... if you’re a teacher, why are you getting drunk with me on a Thursday night? Don’t you have school, or whatever?” Luke queried, words beginning to slur. “Ah, well, you see, the wonderful thing about being a teacher,” Ashton tilted his glass towards his drinking partner, leaning his head on his opposite fist,“...is that there are _quite_ a few random days you have off.” A puzzled expression passed over Luke’s face.

Picking up on this, Ashton continued, “For example, right now, I’m supposed to be at a teacher’s convention in Atlantic City. But, alas, here I am.”

“You won’t get… penalized, or something? For not going?” Luke asked, both genuinely confused, and just wanting to hear Ashton speak more. As luck would have it, that wasn’t a problem— it seemed like Ashton loved to talk. _Thank God._

“Well, not really. A lot of teachers don’t actually go, and those who do just spend the long weekend gambling in casinos and getting drunk with their friends.”

“But you’re getting drunk right now. Wouldn’t you much rather be doing it at the beach?”

“I’d much rather be doing it here, with you,” Ashton said with a smirk. Luke could feel a blush begin to creep up on him. He was hoping Ashton wouldn’t notice, or would just blame it on the alcohol. After a quiet moment, Ashton began, “So, Luke of Sydney, what brings you to the 'Big Apple'?”

“What?” Luke asked, unable to comprehend anything Ashton just said. He wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol, or the fact that he thinks Ashton just flirted with him, but Luke’s mind was completely checked out.

“What do you do for work?” Ashton clarified.

“Well, Ashton of… not Sydney,” Luke said hesitantly, looking down, “Uh— it sounds kind of stupid but—" Luke glanced back up towards Ashton, “I’m kind of trying to become a singer. Like, publicly.”

_Publicly? Luke, could you get any more awk-_

“Well, just when I thought you couldn’t get any better,” Ashton smirked, making eye contact with the bartender and saying, probably a bit too loud, “He’s a singer, too!” The bartender just nodded absentmindedly and looked away. “Wait, why would that be stupid?”

“I don’t know, people always look at me like I’m crazy whenever I say that.”

“Look man, I’m a music teacher in a goddamn middle school. I hear a lot of crazy, and a lot of stupid. Trust me, that ain’t it.”

Just as Luke was opening his mouth to reply, Ashton’s phone began to vibrate on the bar. Glancing down, Ashton piped up.

“Sorry, I, um... gotta take this.” Ashton abruptly stood up, stepping away from Luke for the first time since he arrived. As he moved out, Luke took the liberty of ordering them each a new drink.

Just as the bartender began to walk away, Ashton came back in.

“Hey, I’m really sorry to cut this short, but something just came up. I've got to head out.” Luke, trying to hide some of his disappointment, hastily replied, “Oh, yeah no problem man. It’s, uh, getting late anyway. I was going to head home soon too.”

Smiling, Ashton threw down a small wad of cash— enough to cover both his and Luke’s drinks. Turning towards him, Ashton continued.

“I really did have a good time. It was nice to hear another Australian accent.” The two shared a small laugh, before Luke quickly spoke up.

“I can cover my own drinks, you don’t have to, it’s—" Ashton cut Luke off. “It would be my honor to use my minimal teacher’s salary on you.”

A grin crossed over Luke’s face as he mentally prepared to part with Ashton.

“So long, Luke of Sydney.”

Ashton ducked out of the bar with a wink. Just like that, Luke was alone. It almost felt like a dream— a pretty awesome one, at that. The only thing to prove its place in reality was the wad of cash on the bar, and the two drinks the bartender deposited in front of him. Picking up on the fact that Ashton had left, the bartender went to grab one of the drinks. “I can just take both,” Luke answered quickly.

Maybe this night was going to be lonelier than he thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading Look At Us Now! The response I've gotten from this story is absolutely amazing, so thank you again for all your amazing support.
> 
> If you like what you're reading, please drop a Kudos, or leave a comment! I would love to hear from you about what you think of the story!


	2. Chapter 2

_C'mon man! Where are you?_

“He should be here any minute,” the brown-haired man said to the shorter blond sitting next to him.

“It’s no problem,” the blond replied.

“He probably just got stuck in traffic… or something. Maybe he forgot to set his alarm? He always does that,” the frantic man shot back nervously.

 _Luke, of all the days to be late, you_ had _to choose today?_

The two men sat together in awkward silence.

“Why don’t you try calling him?” The blond suggested. Taking a deep breath, the curly-haired man replied, “I tried that when he was only five minutes late. I guess I could try again now, though…” he whipped out his phone and began dialing Luke. Straight to voicemail.

_Little fucker._

He let out a nervous scoff, “No answer.”

“Maybe he’s just driving and not looking at his phone?” The other man offered. 

“Yeah, maybe…” he replied, knowing _damn_ well that Luke couldn’t drive.The two men continued to sit in that thick layer of silence as the minutes seemed to turn into hours. Not being able to stand the tension, the curly-haired man blurted out, “I’m Calum. Uh, Calum Hood. Luke’s manager.”

“Yeah, I figured. I saw your name on the schedule.” Calum looked away, burning a bright red. He made the wise decision to not attempt to continue the conversation, as to not make a fool of himself any more than he already had.

Sinking back in his seat slightly, Calum was grateful to return to the silence he had just tried to escape. Just as he began to relax, the blond began to speak.

“I’m Michael Clifford, I run the studio.”

“Well, it’s very nice to meet you, Michaaaael,” Calum replied, weirdly singing “Michael” for some reason. Internally cringing, he decided it would just be for the best if looked away from the awkward situation he just created. However, Calum couldn’t see the soft chuckle Michael let out as he did.

They both sat in the all-too-familiar silence for another uncomfortable stretch of time.

_Hey, Cal, buddy... don’t try to speak to him again. You know, that was a major fail last time. Please, just don—_

“So… um… Michael,”

Said man glanced up from his phone, peering at the manager. “Yeah?”

Stammering to form a cohesive sentence, Calum pieced together; “Do… you play any instruments?”

_Are you kidding me? Does he play any instruments? He’s a music producer! Of course, he can play an instrument! Probably more than one, too! That's the best you could do?_

“I play a couple of things, but mainly guitar.” Michael told Calum. “Really? That’s, uh, really neat. I play guitar too. But, uh, lately, I don’t know why I’ve just really been into the bass.” Calum had to stop himself from rambling more, coming to the conclusion that poor Michael definitely did _not_ want to hear about his endeavors with the bass.

“So, do you play bass for Luke?”

 _Maybe he_ does _want to hear about it._

Beginning to feel at ease, Calum continued the conversation calmly, “No, it’s more of a personal thing. I’m just Luke’s manager… and therapist… and best friend.”

Again, awkward silence. _Guess my joke wasn’t as funny as I thought it was._

In an attempt to point the conversation in another direction, Calum decided to switch the topic. “So… how long have you lived in New York?”

“A couple of years now... maybe four? Do you live here?” Michael responded to Calum, seeming to feel relief that the silence has seized.

“I actually just moved here, with Luke. Well, not like _with_ Luke— like, we moved here together, but we aren’t _together_. Not that there is anything wrong with that. Me and Luke being together, we just—“ Michael cut him off before he could either blabber more or dig himself any deeper into his hole.

“You guys are just great friends, right?” Michael summarized.

Letting out a sigh of relief, Calum responded with a simple “yeah.” Rubbing his temples with his fingers, Calum attempted to relieve some of the stress this situation was causing him. He then remembered— Michael could actually help him with something while they were waiting for Mr. “I’m-Late-But-Won’t-Tell-Anyone-Where-I-Am” to show up.

Slipping easily into manager mode, Calum began, “Like I said before, Luke and I just moved here from Sydney. When we did, though, our drummer wasn’t able to come with us. Long story short, we’re down a drummer, and kind of need one. Soon, too. Do you have anybody in mind that would be able to help us out?”

Michael thought for a minute, and then stated: “I have a few people in mind, but I can call around and see if I can find anybody for you.”

Letting out a sigh of relief, Calum replied, “That would be so great, thank you so much! I would do it myself, but I don’t really know anyone around here just yet. Plus, I’m trying to keep Luke in check, which, if you couldn’t tell, I’m lacking a bit in.” Michael finally laughed loud enough for Calum to hear.

Proceeding to send another urgent and strongly worded text to Luke, Calum pulled out his phone. Noticing the time, he was both mildly embarrassed and slightly saddened— the time they had rented out in the studio was over, almost five minutes past.

“Oh shit, sorry, I think our time is up. I’m sorry that I wasted your time. I really thought Luke wouldn’t flake on me... he normally isn’t like this, I swear."

_Liar._

“Ha ha, it’s no problem. Believe me, you aren’t the first, and you _definitely_ aren’t the last.”

“I feel like you could have been doing something useful during this time instead of sitting around me.” Calum rambled on, apologizing and truly feeling bad, even though the situation was completely out of his control.

“Dude, really, it’s okay. There are worse people to 'waste' my time with.” Michael said, a grin spreading across his face.

Calum began gathering his things, oblivious to the comment Michael just made. Thinking of something, he began fumbling for his wallet, before reaching in and grabbing a business card. “Here,” he handed the card to Michael, “My number.”

Slightly taken aback, Michael eagerly takes the card from Calum’s hand.

_Odd reaction to a business card, but I’ll take what I can get._

Just as he was about to head out the door, Calum hears Michael begin to speak and stops, “Yeah, maybe I’ll give you a call and… we could meet up sometime.”

Smiling softly at Michael, Calum replied, “Yeah, totally.”

The last thing Calum heard before he left the studio was Michael saying, “Goodbye Calum, who plays bass.” Calum turned around, smiled, and waved goodbye.

The first thing he thought as he left the studio was—

_I’m going to kill Luke._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading Look At Us Now! The response I've gotten from this story is absolutely amazing, so thank you again for all your amazing support.
> 
> If you like what you're reading, please drop a Kudos, or leave a comment! I would love to hear from you about what you think of the story!


	3. Chapter 3

Florescent lights of the station flickered through the train car as the subway entered a dark tunnel. Calum and Luke were on their way back from yet another long-ass meeting about _something_ important. Calum took notes, as usual, so he gave them a quick read as a way to clear his head on the long trip back.

Looking up from his notes, Calum glanced over at Luke, who staring out at the window like everything and nothing was there.

“So, where were you yesterday? What was _so_ important that you completely blew off the studio time we rented, that, by the way, you’re still paying for.”

There was no answer from Luke, who appeared to clearly be somewhere else. Getting slightly worried, Calum’s face fell as decided to let it go.

After a few more moments of silence, Calum was growing more and more worried about Luke.

_I hope he’s not spiraling again._

“You alright, man?” Calum interrupted.

Seeming to have been jolted out of his trance, Luke jumped and responded, “What? Oh, yeah, Cal,” Luke ran a hand through his hair, “Just thinking about the meeting, that’s all.” Luke then turned back to the window and returned his world of thought.

“Okay,” Calum mumbled to himself.

 _Luke never reflects on the meetings_.

Calum made sure to file that away for later questioning, as well as make a mental note to keep a closer eye on his friend. Attempting to shed his worry, Calum picked up his phone and began sorting through his countless emails.

Suddenly, the phone buzzed, a banner crossing the top with a message from an unknown number. Intrigued, Calum opened it.

“Hey, it’s Michael. Who plays guitar.”

Calum chuckled to himself. _Oh, thank God!_ _Michael must have found a drummer; one last thing I have to worry about._

Calum began to type out a response, satisfied after pressing 'send'. Almost immediately, his phone vibrated in his loose grasp, screen lighting up.

_Damn, Michael really got back to me fast. Impressive._

"If you're around today, we could meet for dinner?"

He typed back a simple, “I’m free for the rest of the day.”

Just as quick as the last time, Michael shot back, “Great! I know this little Italian place on Mulberry and Grand.”

_Italian, odd for a work dinner.Eh, he probably just likes chicken parm. Oh, that might be good… chicken parm…_

_“_ Sounds good, what time are you thinking?”

Less than a second later, Calum got a response, “6?”

“Great, see you then!” Content, Calum sat back, putting in his headphones, and started some Talking Heads to clear his mind.

\---

A few hours later, Calum found himself getting out of a taxi and walking up to an Italian restaurant called Seth’s _._ Laughing softly at the name, Calum took in the building before him. It was a little place on the corner of the cobblestone street, with big picturesque windows that looked almost vintage. On the windows were big, Egyptian-gold calligraphic letters reading _Seth’s._ The framing of the windows were made of ornate wood paneling painted royal blue, drawing the eye to a deep red door towards the right of the restaurant. Spilling out onto the sidewalk were little tables for two, placed under a cream-colored awning.

Calum then caught sight of Michael, who sitting on the inside of the restaurant, table pressed up against one of the full-length windows. With some pep in his step, Calum opened the door and walked toward the table to where Michael was seated.

As soon as Michael saw Calum approaching the table, he jumped to stand up. Enveloping Calum in a hug, Michael greeted the taller man. Shocked by his frankness, Calum tentatively hugged Michael back.

_A hug? At a business dinner?_

As Calum let go, Michael gestured to the table in front of him, sitting down. Following his lead, Calum sat down, twiddling his thumbs as the two sat in silence for a moment. Calum decided to end the slightly awkward moment by breaking the ice.

“It’s uh, nice to see you again, Michael."

At the sound of Calum's voice, Michael's face lit up. “Yeah, I’m really glad you could come tonight,” he said, ending with a smile.

“Why wouldn’t I have to come?” Calum questioned, a puzzled expression spreading across his face. Before Calum could continue, a waitress came over with two glasses of water. They both thanked her, and Michael sparked back up the conversation. “I just really had a great time with you yesterday.” A blush began to grow over Michael’s face.

 _Odd,_ Calum thought _._

 _“_ So, uh, what do you normally get here?” Calum asked, eyebrows raised.

“It really depends on my mood, I guess. Honestly, I don’t know what I’m going to get. They definitely have some pretty great chicken parm, though.” Calum smiled softly to himself and continued to peruse the menu. Still sitting in relative silence as they read, the waitress returned.

“Could I get you two anything to drink?”

Michael went first; “I’ll have a Sprite, please.” He then gestured to Calum.

“Oh, an iced tea,”

“Is unsweetened fine?”

“That would be lovely, thank you.”

As the waitress left the two men alone, their characteristic awkward silence began to fill the space between them yet again. This time, it was Calum’s turn to get the conversation rolling. “So, should we get down to business?”

Choking on his water, Michael composed himself. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Are you okay?” Calum asked, thinking that _he almost just killed Michael._

“Yeah, I’m— anyway, you were saying…”

Picking his thought back up, Calum continued, “Oh, right, business,” Michael’s face grew continuously more confused, “Who is it?”

A beat passed.

“I’m not going to lie to you, I’m not really following this conversation right now,” Michael asked with a confused tone, a more concerned look growing over this face.

Calum let out a small laugh and then clarified, “The drummer? The one you found for Lu—“

Michael then cut Calum off, stammering out a very cohesive, “Oh, uh, no, I, uh…”

It was now Calum’s turn to be confused, creating a confused look to rival Michael's. This was Michael’s cue to continue, as he spoke up, “I— well, I just—um, sort of… thought.. that this— uh, this was like a… was a—”

And with that, the waitress came back with their drinks.

“One Sprite, and one unsweetened iced tea. Are you guys ready to order yet?”

Both men were obviously flushed bright red, not making eye contact. Michael responded to the waitress, as Calum was obviously not about to. “Can we actually have another minute, please?” He said with an awkward, uncomfortable, and slightly annoyed undertone. Putting her notepad back in her front apron pocket, she responded. “Of course, no problem. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

After the waitress left, the men both sat, unwilling to acknowledge the other’s presence. After what felt like an eternity, Calum decided he had to do something.

“So, um, what… what _did_ you think this was?”

Not wanting to answer, Michael hesitated, but swallowed his pride and sighed.

“Well, you gave me your number so, I just assumed…” Trailing off, Michael refused to look anywhere remotely near Calum.

Just like that, it all hit Calum like a truck. The number, the shared laughs, the vague texts, and speedy replies, the hug. It all added up.

_Of course, I had led him on! It always has to happen at the worst times, not when I’m actually trying!_

Calum looked towards a mortified Michael, feeling himself growing redder and redder by the second. Attempting to form a coherent sentence, all Calum could get out was, “a date.”

Neither one spoke for a moment.

“You thought… this was a date?”

“You thought this was a date.” he repeated, dumbfounded. Michael and Calum were now both sporting matching shades of red. Before either of them could say anything more, the waitress came back yet again.

 _Perfect timing,_ Calum thought.

“Are you guys ready yet?”

Without missing a beat, the two men both snapped at the waitress, “We just need some more time!”

Another beat passed. “Please.” Calum added weakly. Obviously not knowing what was happening, the waitress left the table sourly.

_She's definitely gonna spit in our food. Well, if we even make it that far…_

Calum went back to looking at his lap, not noticing that Michael was doing the same. Still looking down, Calum felt the need to say something, anything. Feeling horrible, Calum tried to clear up the situation. “Well, I, uh, I don’t know if this was such a good idea.” Standing up, he began fumbling for his wallet, but Michael swiftly stopped him. “I got it, it’s alright.”

Normally, Calum would have fought this, but at the moment, he was trying to get out of this situation as quickly as possible. He turned back, grabbing his jacket from the chair. Looking back at Michael, who was still not meeting his eyes, Calum quietly remarked,

“It was a lovely iced tea, by the way.”

With that, he turned and left.

Opening the cherry red door of the restaurant, the cold Autumn air hit Calum’s face like a chilling, piercing pain. Taking a deep breath, Calum sighed and began walking down the street to fetch a cab home.

Meanwhile, Michael sat, all alone, at a little Italian place on the corner of Mulberry and Grand, with nothing but a Sprite and a hung head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading Look At Us Now! The response I've gotten from this story is absolutely amazing, so thank you again for all your amazing support.
> 
> If you like what you're reading, please drop a Kudos, or leave a comment! I would love to hear from you about what you think of the story!


	4. Chapter 4

“I don’t know why, but the air in the studio… it just seems really off today, to say the least.”

“In what way?”

“It’s just… I can’t really place my finger on it. For one, Calum is acting all weird today, kind of closed off—“

“He’s just shy, you know this.”

“Yeah, but this is different. I can’t explain, I just know. Anyway, my falsetto is _not_ cooperating today and we are _still_ down a drummer. The studio manager, shit, uh, what’s his name…” A beat passed. “Michael! The studio manager, Michael, has been trying to fill in the drums as much as he can, but he’s no Choncy. God, I miss Choncy.”

“You and I _both_ know Choncy wasn’t going to be leaving Australia anytime in the next century. Just try and breathe, take it one step at a time.”

“Thanks, mom. Now, look, I got to get back into the studio—“

“I love you, Luke,”

“Love you too, mom. Bye.”

“Goodbye, honey.”

And with that, Luke hung up and walked back into the studio, taking a deep breath to prepare him for whatever was to come. As he strolled in, everything was stock still— not a single person was speaking, or even breathing, by the looks of it. Michael and Calum were seated on opposite sides of the room, both of their heads down.

_Jesus Christ, this is going to be… fun._

Looking up, Calum noticed Luke’s reappearance and gave him a curt nod of acknowledgment. 

When Luke and Calum first came into the studio, Michael had _told_ them he found them a drummer, but, alas, there was still no drummer in sight. Taking a glance around the room, there wasn't anyone who seemed to be eligible for the position, unless the frightened college intern in the corner is secretly a drum god, but Luke didn't think so. As he scoffed to himself, Michael suggested that he should warm up.

_Don’t tell me what to do._

Luke then proceeded to do lip trills, but not because Michael told him to, because he _wanted_ to. 

He was halfway through some standard warm-ups when the door to the studio opened suddenly. Startled by the sudden loud noise piercing the mostly silent room, Luke jumped back and, _just my luck._ Luke jumped straight into whoever had just stumbled through the door.

Both fell to the floor in a tangle of limbs.

_Shit._

Luke quickly bounced up from his “tumble”, attempting to fix his outfit the best he could. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Calum trying his hardest to not dissolve into a fit of laughter. Luke mouthed a classy “Fuck you” to Calum, to which he got an equally-as-classy finger back.

As he was about to turn around to help the mysterious person on the floor when Luke heard—

“Luke? From Sydney?”

Turning around, Luke saw standing before him, none other than—

“Ashton?” Luke let out a laugh.

_Fuck, where is he from again?_

_“_ from… not Sydney.”

Obviously confused by what was happening, Calum broke up the two men’s gaze and began: “Do you two know each other?”

Being the first to break away, Ashton took the lead, “Oh, yeah, we met a few nights ago at the b—“

“The cafe!” Luke interrupted, “You know the one Cal, on Greenwich and 12th.”

Side-eyeing Luke suspiciously, Ashton added hesitantly, “Yeah… they have great… Americanos?”

“Ugh, they really do, just the best!” Luke added, body language suddenly getting very enthusiastic about the Americanos. “Oh, I’ve been there,” Michael finally added, “I personally think the coffee is just okay.” All three men stared at Michael. Well, two of them stared at him, the other was looking at the poster that was directly on the wall behind him.

“Unpopular opinion?” he guessed.

Michael then sunk back into his chair as Luke began, “It’s… uh… really nice to see you again.”

“You too,” Ashton replied, offering Luke a small smile. The two men just looked at each other, amazed at what just happened. Luke never remembered Ashton having such an intoxicating smile.

Eyes wide, Calum was frantically looking between them. Clearing his throat, he began to speak up. “So… Ashton from...?”, prompting Ashton’s response.

“Hornsby,” Ashton finished.

“Hornsby, right. What are you—“ Calum paused. “Wait, Luke,” turning on his heel to face his best friend, “How did you _not_ remember he was from Hornsby?”

Perplexed, Luke asked, “What do you mean?”

Laughing for the first time in what seemed like ages, Calum continued, “Isn’t that the town where you first—“

… _slapped the goon. But we won’t speak of that one._

“—Anyway,” Luke quickly cut Calum off, giving him a death glare before he could do any more damage. Softening his expression, Luke said, “So nice to see you, Ashton.”

_C’mon Cal, read the room! Can’t you see I’m trying to get in his—_

“You… already said that.” Calum piped up. Neither Ashton nor Luke appeared to hear, as they continued to just stare at each other with a matching amazed expression.

 _Fuck, who knew his eyes were_ that _perfect?_

Before Ashton could reply, Calum started up again. “So, Ashton… not to sound rude but, what are you doing here?”

Snapping out of his trance, Ashton looked back at the other men that Luke, quite frankly, forgot were in the room too. “Oh, uh, what was that? Oh, right, um— I’m the new drummer. It’s nice to meet you.”

_What?_

Ashton stuck out his hand, but Calum was not eager to grab it.

 _What the fuck Cal, shake his hand man! Who_ wouldn’t _want to shake his hand?_

Michael approached with a smile, “Nice to meet you, I’m Michael Clifford. I happen to be the studio manager here at Red Desert.”

Shaking Michael’s hand, Ashton replied with a brief, “Ashton,”

_Yeah you are,_

“Ashton Irwin.” Trying obviously not to eye Ashton up, Luke's thoughts began to wander.

_What a suitable name. Ashton Irwin, a strong name for a strong man. Nice sound too, bold, sexy—_

Clearing his throat, Calum brought Luke back to reality. “So, you’re the new drummer,” Luke noticed Calum put on his trademarked “this-is-my-friend-so-back-off” face, but no one else except Luke would have been able to tell that.

“That’s what he just said,” Michael remarked, still not meeting Calum’s gaze. The line had been a tad too snarky for Luke’s taste.

_Oh, I’m about to beat his ass._

Calum tucked his arms behind his back, folding into himself a bit— Luke recognized Calum’s response as soon as it happened— and he was _pissed_.

_No one embarrasses Calum like that, except me._

Just as fast as he shut down, Calum sprung back into action and stuck out his hand for Ashton to shake.

_Yes, Cal! Stick it to the man!_

_“_ I’m Calum Hood, Luke’s manager.”

Ashton eagerly accepted the handshake with a warm and welcoming smile. An odd sensation came over Luke. Seeing his best friend and Ashton together brought on a wave of emotion that he couldn’t quite place.

Luke then proceeded to stick out is hand for Ashton to shake.

_What the fuck Luke! What are you doing? He already fucking knows you!_

Nevertheless, Ashton turned and shook Luke’s hand without hesitation, flashing a bright smile in the process.

_Fuck yeah._

Staring Luke in the eyes, Ashton started saying, “So, what are we working with, exactly?”

 _Fuck, look at his lips… they’re so—_ no _Luke! This is now a_ business _relationship. You can’t have these thoughts. Just, try to ignore it all. Whatever you do,_ don’t _think about running your hands though his hair as he—NO, Luke, stop it! Focus._

After an uncomfortable beat, Luke realized that the question, left unanswered, was directed at him. Caught off guard, Luke began, “Its— uh— I— um— well—”

Apparently not wanting to endure viewing this cruel torture any longer, Calum decided to save Luke. “He’s working on a new single.”

“Yeah, right,” Luke added, turning to Calum with thankful eyes, only to be met by some very confused ones.

“Well, why don’t you let me hear what you've got already!” Ashton responded, seeming very excited about the new project. _Cute._

 _“_ Michael, could you show Ashton what we have so far? I just… have to talk to Luke about something in the hall.” Calum asked, still not looking directly at Michael.

_Yeah, we need to talk about this sketchy thing that you got going on._

Michael responded with a short, “Yeah.”

Calum began walking to the door of the studio, Luke trailing behind. As soon as they were both in the hallway, door shut behind them, Calum spoke to Luke in a passionate stage whisper.

“What the _fuck_ is wrong with you?”

Ready to tussle, Luke quickly came back, “Really? You’re one to talk.”

“I’m not the one practically _ripping_ Ashton’s clothes off!”

“Well, what the _hell_ is going on between you and the studio manager?” Luke said, a little too loud for Calum’s comfort.

“Keep it down!” Calum whisper-shouted, frantically looking at the door of the studio, making sure no one had heard what they were talking about.

“Let’s just say when _somebody_ decided to not show up for their recording time, _I_ had to spend a little _too_ much time with Michael.”

Feeling slightly guilty, Luke tried to reason with Calum, “Look, I just lost track of time with Ashton…”

“You were with Ashton?” _Shit._

A single beat passed. “So let me get this straight. You were getting coffee,”

_He bought it, thank God._

_“…_ with a boy you _just_ met,”

 _A_ man _, but I’ll let this one slide—_

“…and you didn’t even bother to send me a text saying you weren’t coming?”

Running his hand through his hair, Luke attempted to reorganize his thoughts. “Look, Cal, I really am sorry. Honestly, I lost track of time. But I’m here now, aren’t I?”

Still looking annoyed, Calum scoffed, “Yeah, whatever.”

“Dude, don’t do this. Let’s just skip all the bullshit, and you can tell me how I can make it up to you.”

Thinking for a moment, Calum answered, “Just— please don’t do it again.”

“Consider it done.”

The two went in for a solid bro-hug. Luke started towards the door of the studio, but suddenly stopped when he heard Calum begin to speak again. “Oh, and actually— you _could_ buy me that good ice cream I like. You know the one.”

Luke dissolved into a fit of laughter, Calum following shortly thereafter. “You are one easy man to please, Mr. Calum T. Hood.” Calum shrugged as he walked back in to the studio, Luke slinging an arm around his best friend.

They headed back into the booth and— _fuck._ Ashton was seated at the drums looking like a four-course meal. _God, how can one man be so fucking hot. Damn, the arms, the hair, th— Luke, we’ve talked about this. Stop getting so distracted by this boy—uh, man. You can’t get off track now, especially not by a guy from_ Hornsby _. Even if he_ is _kind of hot though…_

 _“_ Hey— lover boy,” Calum whispered to Luke, only loud enough so he could hear it, “Take a picture. It’ll last longer.”

Glaring, Luke decided to keep his reply classy. “Eat a dick, Calum.”

“ _You_ eat a dick,” Calum responded.

“Gladly, bitch,” _Ashton’s…_

Moving in to the studio, Luke took a seat on the closest thing he could find, which happened to be a random speaker. “So… _Ashton_ ,” Said man glanced up, catching Luke’s eyes. Heart beating out of his chest, Luke choked out, “Uh, so. There isn’t really a part written for the drums, so just give it your best shot and see, uh, what you can do.”

“Sounds good. I’ll just play around and see what I’ve got,” Ashton said smiling, glancing around at the drum kit at his disposal.

_Oh God, he’s going to be the death of me._

Coming over the speaker from the booth, Michael spoke up, letting the studio’s occupants know that he was just going to play the tracks they had so far. “Don’t sweat it, just see where it takes you.”

“You got it, Ash,” Luke encouraged, awkwardly tapping at one of the cymbals. Looking up, Luke was surprised to see that Ashton didn’t look to be nervous at all. In fact, he seemed ready. _This should be good. We love a man that’s confident, and hot— LUKE. STOP._

The overlapping vocal tracks began to play, Luke’s voice echoing, “why”s enveloping the studio. It continued for a little bit, and Ashton sat still, letting the music speak to him, telling him what to do. During the first chorus, the drummer began lightly tapping a rhythmic beat on the high-hat. _10/10 already._

Luke looked back at Calum, whose eyebrows were raised, arms crossed, obviously skeptical of the redhead’s skills. Not to disappoint, as soon as the chorus ended, Ashton began going harder and harder. _Hot._ Not before long, he was absolutely _destroying_ the kit. He was moving faster than Luke’s mind could even process. But he could certainly process how _fine_ the other man looked playing the drums.

At some point through his set, Ashton did a _very_ zesty stick flip. _That’s so fucking hot. Fuck, not again. Luke— just don’t think about it._ Ashton then threw his stick up in the air, caught it, and presumed drumming like nothing even happened.

_Damn it. I wouldn’t mind being that drum stick._

For the next couple of hours, the four guys played around in the studio. Luke was (semi-, according to Cal) successful at keeping it in his pants for the duration of the remaining studio time, only receiving a few sparing glances from Calum. Nevertheless, something about the track felt empty, sort of like how he felt on the phone with his mom earlier. What could the track need? They’ve got drums, a couple of guitar tracks, some overlapping vocals— then, without warning, an epiphany hit Luke. Strolling over to the glass separating the studio and the booth, he lightly tapped on it to get Calum’s attention. Cal looked up from his phone, a slightly bewildered look crossing over his face. Luke gestured for him to come into the recording studio.

Calum opened the door and hesitantly stepped in. “What’s up?”

“I think the song is still missing something. I know the rest of the band isn’t here, but can you just give me a sample bass line? Just so I know if it works?”

“Um, sure.” Calum gingerly stepped over towards the bass that was placed in the corner of the room, fidgeting slightly. He picked it up, slipping the strap over his shoulder, attempting to get it into a comfortable position while walking back towards Luke. Just by putting the bass on, Calum visibly relaxed from the guarded stance he had been sporting all day.

“What did you have in mind?”

Smiling as he saw how much joy the bass secretly brought his best friend, Luke hummed a series of notes.

“Could you do it a few more times? Just so it’s really in my head.” Calum shyly asked.

“‘Course,” Luke then began to sing the riff over and over again. From his peripheral vision, he could see Ashton looking him up and down. _It’s definitely all in your head._

After a couple of measures, Calum began to play the corresponding notes on the bass, albeit a bit unsure. Slowing lowering his volume, Luke let Calum fully come in to it.

Still playing the sample Luke gave him and not looking up, Calum quietly asked, “Could I try something out? I think I’ve got an idea.”

“Yeah, just try to not fuck up my song,” Luke sarcastically replied, playfully tapping the bassist’s shoulder.

“Watch me,” Calum shot back, looking up at his best friend with a smile growing across his face. _That’s the Cal I know._

Turning toward Michael, Luke signaled for him to start playing what they have recorded. A beat later, the room remained silent, with not a single note streaming through the variety of speakers in the soundproofed chamber. Looking around, Luke caught Michael staring at Calum almost, dare he say, longingly? Luke waved a bit, attempting to get Michael’s attention off of Calum for a moment, and gave him the signal. _Looks like Cal's got himself a little admirer…_

Calum continued the play what came to his head throughout the song. While he did, Ashton stood up off his stool, wandering over to stand next to Luke. _I don’t remember him smelling this good at the bar._

“He’s pretty good.” Ashton whispered, leaning in towards Luke. Luke felt his breath hitch, praying that Ashton didn’t notice. Taking a deep breath, Luke sent a small smile of agreement Ashton’s way before turning his attention back to Calum. _I knew he was good, but this is_ good _. Like,_ really _good. Ugh, he’s so fucking talented. See, Luke? You_ can _think of something that’s not the hot piece of ass right next to you. Dammit._

As the tracks faded into silence, Luke grazed over to Calum, pulling him into a tight hug.

“Dude! Where did that come from?”

“Your mom’s house! Hey-o!” Calum laughed back, immaturely. Hearing Ashton dying at the joke in the background, Luke decided to keep the joke running, responding with mock-seriousness, “Why you got to bring Liz into this, man.” Calum descended into yet another fit of laughter, causing Luke to smile. _He’s back alright._

Turning towards the glass where Michael stood, Luke excitedly asked, “ _Please_ tell me you got that?”

Michael nodded a simple affirmative, while a small smile, almost undetectable, crossed his face.

“You really killed it, man,” Luke overheard Ashton telling Calum.

“You’re one to talk, who knew that a man in a polka-dot button-down had so much _punch_ in him!” Calum and Ashton kept their conversation going as the pair headed off the studio floor to where Michael was sitting. Luke was elated by the sight but caught Michael’s eyes following Calum. _Still? Must be puppy love. Calum_ is _pretty adorable._

Luke walked out of the recording studio, collapsing on to the floor right next to Calum’s feet. The room reeked of exhaustion from all four of them, the hours of hard work finally settling in.

“Why don’t we take a little break?” Michael suggested, facing the small group.

Thankful for the perfect excuse, Luke took the lead, “Yeah, definitely— I think we deserve one,” Letting a _slightly_ awkward chuckle, he internally cringed, before continuing. “Ash, do you want to come to help me get coffee for the lads? I think there’s a place down the street.”

_Now I’ll get alone time with Mr. Smolder-Face, and Calum will get some alone time with his new little “friend”._

“Sure!” Ashton eagerly accepted. The two stood up and began to walk towards the door. “The usual, Cal?” Luke asked.

“Um, what? Uh, yeah— thanks.” Calum mumbled. _He’s always saying how he is lonely, maybe this interest from Michael will brighten his mood._ “And what about you, Marshall?” Luke said, grinning to himself.

“It’s Michael…”

“Right, _Michael_. You want a drink?”

“Um, sure. An iced tea, please,” Michael glanced over at Calum yet again, “Thanks.”

“No problem, man.”

And with that, Ashton lead the way out of the recording studio, Luke swiftly following behind. He certainly did _not_ want to keep this _beautiful, godlike, can’t possibly be human, man_ waiting— leaving Michael and Calum alone, together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading Look At Us Now! The response I've gotten from this story is absolutely amazing, so thank you again for all your amazing support.
> 
> If you like what you're reading, please drop a Kudos, or leave a comment! I would love to hear from you about what you think of the story!


	5. Chapter 5

A thick beat of silence passed. Neither Calum nor Michael spoke a word. They just sat in the silent studio, waiting for Luke and Ashton’s return. Hesitantly glancing over at Michael, Calum caught a pair of eyes staring back at him. Both men quickly looked back down, avoiding the other’s gaze. _I should've offered to go grab coffee with Luke instead._

After what felt like ages, Calum got a text from Luke. “The coffee shop down the block was closed. We found another one a couple of blocks down. Be back a bit later. Have fun!”

_Have fun? Really?_

Calum tried to forget about the other person in the room, but it was hard when Michael kept fidgeting every five seconds, readjusting his position. After what felt like another eternity had passed, the silence broke through Calum, suddenly becoming too much to handle. Turning to his left, Calum snapped, “Why are you here?”

Startled by the sudden burst of noise, Michael let out a soft and confused, “What?”

“Here,” Calum gestured at the empty studio, “What are you doing here?”

Still not fully grasping what he meant, Michael responded confusedly, “Well… um… I work here.”

_No duh._

Compiling his thoughts, Calum took a deep breath, letting his eyes slip closed, feeling Michael’s stare burning through him. “You could have had _anybody_ else in the studio work in here with us, so why are _you_ still here?”

“I— I— well,” _Just spit it out man, “_ I honestly don’t know.”

This was clearly _not_ the response Calum was expecting, as he blurted out, “What do you mean you don’t know?”

“I guess… I just don’t feel like running this time.” _Running? This time?_

And with that, Calum sunk back into his seat, wanting the floor to swallow him whole. Head resting against the back of the desk chair, Cal sighed and closed his eyes again, not wanting to look at Michael. Both men sat in the characteristic silence, not finding any more words to say to the other. With a jolt, Calum realized— he forgot to respond to Luke. Glancing down at his screen, he sent back a simple, “k”.

_I hope you’re doing a lot better than I am, man._

_—_

As the drummer and the singer left to go get the drinks, Luke couldn’t help but smile to himself.

 _Cal’s gonna get some. If I play my cards right, maybe_ I _will too. No, Luke._ Not _a work relationship. You know that can only end bad._ Ashton opened the front door to the studio, holding it out for Luke to pass through, shooting him a smile in the process.

 _I mean, it couldn't be_ that _bad if Calum is going to do it too…_

The two walked in comfortable silence, admiring the random warm day that characterized a New York Autumn. Wandering along the sidewalks, people bustled past, some in a hurry, some just enjoying the view. _That’s what I love about New York_ , Luke decided. _It doesn’t matter what you’re doing here, you just move with the crowd. Man, I love this city. …except the pigeons. I fucking_ hate _the pigeons._

Eventually the two arrived at the coffee shop. Luke rushed to open the door for Ashton, but it wouldn’t budge. It was then that Ashton pointed to the closed sign and said, “I can look up another, there's gotta be another one close by.”

_A drummer and helpful! Could he be any more perfect?_

“Yeah, this _is_ New York after all— I feel like there’s a Starbucks on every corner.” Luke felt a surge of accomplishment when he saw the smile Ashton was directing down towards his phone.

After a brief moment, Ashton told Luke he found one a few blocks down; “A bit hipster for my taste, but it’ll work.” The pair began in the direction of their new location when Luke halted suddenly. “Wait,” he said, jumping to pull out his phone.

“Everything okay?” Ashton queried, looking a bit worried.

“Oh, yeah, I’ve just got to tell Calum that we are going to be a bit longer than we thought. He worries, ya know?”

Luke sent the text while Ashton waited patiently, seeming to understand the message's importance to Luke. In no time, they were walking down the streets of New York once more. While passing by what felt like the millionth Broadway theater, Ashton suddenly spoke up.

“So… a cafe?”

Running a hand through his hair, Luke had to think, and think fast. “Yeah… Um…” He glanced over and saw Ashton’s growing confused expression. “It’s just… I didn’t want Calum to know.”

Still very unclear, that concerned look crossed over Ashton’s face again.

_Oh, I hate that look._

“Why not?”

 _Think._ “It’s just… Cal is my best friend, but he’s also my manager. _And_ a crazy health nut.” _Didn’t he_ just _ask you to get him ice cream?_

Continuing, Luke added, “He’s one of those guys who thinks your body is a ‘temple’ and anything you put into it is poison… probably a side effect from his football career in our teen years,” awkwardly chuckling, he continued, “He _really_ doesn’t like me putting tequila in ‘the temple’,” pausing, Luke quickly added, “…from time to time.”

Letting out a soft laugh, Ashton replied, “Yeah, I knew guys like that in uni.” _Ashton, in uni... that_ has _to have been good…_

“So,” Luke began, eagerly trying to change the subject, “The drums, huh?”

“Yeah, I started playing when I was a kid. It’s kinda stuck with me throughout my life. Never really been able to shake it, ya know?”

“I get that, I’m trying to be a singer for a living,” Luke responded with a laugh.

“You _are_ a singer Luke.”

 _God Ashton, you are_ not _making this easy for me._

Luke looked at Ashton, lost in the kind gaze the redhead was sending his way. However, Luke _didn’t_ see the random crack on the sidewalk. Suddenly, he lurched forward, only to find himself falling, limbs flailing and all.

 _AH! Fuck, ow! Oh God, ah, SHIT, fuck-ass, not the face PLEASE!_ Luke then realized, he never actually touched the ground. _Huh?_

Suddenly coming back to himself, Luke felt a pair of arms around him. _Ashton._

_Damn, my hero. Now, if only he were in spandex._

“Woah,” Ashton let out, “You good, man?”

On his feet again, Luke felt the pressure of Ashton’s arms disappear from his torso, only to find a softer touch on his shoulder— Ashton’s hand. Turning to face him, Luke got a good look into the drummer’s hazel eyes. _Much better now. Wow, the bone structure on him is just,_ exquisite.

Noticing he must have been staring for a little too long, Luke quickly let out, “Oh, yeah, I’m alright. Thanks,” before clumsily stumbling away from the other man. _You know, I was_ never _clumsy before. A day after meeting him, and I’ve fallen_ twice. _Three, if you count in lov— STOP, LUKE!_

“No problem,” Ashton said, letting his hand slip off of Luke’s shoulder. _Goodbye, beautiful hand._

After that, Luke and Ashton had some light conversation, just comfortable in each other’s presence. They just _clicked_ like that, almost like that first night at the bar. Before they knew it, the pair arrived at the new, opened, coffee shop. Slightly disappointed that the first half of their walk was over, Luke quickened his pace to open the door for Ashton.

“Thanks,”

“No problem.” And let’s just say, if Luke said his eyes didn’t wander a little bit as Ashton walked in… well then, he might just be a liar.

They walked up to the counter, Ashton ordering a black iced coffee, absentmindedly drumming his fingers on the counter while adding in Michael’s iced tea. Then Luke’s turn, “…a medium Miel latte, and a large, hot green tea please.”

As the barista rang them up, Ashton turned toward him. “What’s a ‘Miel latte’?”

“I think it’s coffee with some honey in it or something. Honestly, I don’t really know. It’s a Cal thing.”

Ashton had opened his mouth to reply, but the barista butted in— “That’ll be 10.78,”

Luke and Ashton both reached for their wallets at the same time, their hands knocking against each other, both armed with an outstretched twenty. “Don’t worry, I got it,” Luke assured.

“You sure? You really don’t have to.” Ashton said.

“It would be my honor,” _Yeah it would._ “Plus, you paid for the drinks when we were at the bar. The _least_ I can do is get you a two-dollar coffee.”

Smiling, Ashton accepted Luke’s answer. “Thanks.”

Stepping aside to allow for the next customer, Luke and Ashton moved towards the pick-up counter, taking comfortable stances beside one another. A chime rang out between them as Ashton jerked his phone up, glancing at the illuminated screen. “Hey, I’ve gotta take this, so I’m just going to step outside.”

Luke gave Ashton an enthusiastic thumbs up.

_Who told you thumbs up was cool? Why do you do this?_

_“_ Order for Ashton?”

Luke awkwardly stepped forward, realizing a second too late that _he_ was picking up the “order for Ashton”. He thanked the barista, before turning his heels towards the toppings bar. Grabbing some straws and sweetener for Ashton and Michael, not knowing if either of them took any in their beverages, Luke took a quick glance around the shop to check for an all-clear. After confirming that no one was looking, Luke pulled out a small silver flask from his inner jacket pocket, dumping the contents into his tea. Shoving the flask back in his jacket, Luke looked outside to Ashton, checking to make sure that the other man didn’t see anything.

Luke guessed it was his lucky day, because Ashton seemed to be _very_ engrossed in whatever conversation he was in. _Damn, he looks good in that lighting. Huh, and he looks happy too. I would_ not _mind seeing more of him like that._

Luke waltzed out the door, drinks in hand, catching the tail-end of Ashton’s phone call in the process: “Love you too, J”

_Oh no. He’s not— fuck. Of course, he is._

Luke saw it all come together; the way Ashton looked when he was on the phone, the “I love you”. Ashton Irwin is—

 _In love. Of course, he’s in fucking love. There’s no_ way _someone as perfect as Ashton Irwin wouldn’t be snatched up already. Great, just my fucking luck._

Ashton noticed Luke just standing blanking in his direction. Tucking his phone away in his back pocket, he exclaimed, “Hey! You ready to go?”

 _I’ve been thirsting over a taken man for_ days _now._ Luke took a sip of his drink. _Just this once, I met the most perfect human ever, and he’s already boo’d up. Fuck. My. Life._

“Oh— uh, yeah, here’s your coffee,” Luke said, pushing the drink into Ashton’s hands.

“Thanks.” Both men just stood there, Luke took another long drink from his tea.

“This way, right?” Ashton asked, pointing to the left.

“Um, I think so,” Luke replied, really having no idea. Still in disbelief, Luke followed Ashton’s lead, trailing slightly behind, eagerly sipping on his tea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading Look At Us Now! The response I've gotten from this story is absolutely amazing, so thank you again for all your amazing support.
> 
> If you like what you're reading, please drop a Kudos, or leave a comment! I would love to hear from you about what you think of the story!


	6. Chapter 6

A week and a half later, the guys were all in the studio once more. They had been recording rather consistently every other day, with a few exceptions here and there. They, of course, had to accommodate for Ashton, who still had to work until 4:00 on weekdays, so he came to the studio as much as he could. _When he isn’t at the studio, he must be home with ‘J’. Lucky duck._

It was already dark out as Calum, Ashton, Michael, and Luke were all leaving for the night. Calum and Michael walked out first, laughing at something one of them said.

_Look at Cal, making moves, taking names._

Michael playfully grasped Calum’s shoulder. Luke, knowing Calum wasn’t one for touch, was waiting for his friend to back away. Much to his surprise, Calum didn’t.

_Moving a bit fast here, aren’t we lads?_

“I’ll see you guys later.” Michael said, walking in the direction of his car.

“Night, Mike!” Calum replied. _Mike? Where the_ fuck _did that come from?_

“See you later Mike.” Ashton said, waving at the other man as he exited through the studio's front door. _When did we all agree to start calling him Mike? What meeting did I miss?_

Calum turned to face Luke, asking sincerely, “You need a ride home?”

“I’m all good,” Luke replied.

Getting a confused look from his manager, Luke continued, “I… just want to take the bus.”

“ _You_ want to take the bus. Luke, ‘I only wear leather pants that are _perfectly_ tailored to my self-proclaimed fantastic physique’, Hemmings, wants to take the _bus_?” Calum said in disbelief, visibly perplexed by literally everything coming out of Luke’s mouth. _Well,_ that _remark was strangely specific._

Seeing Ashton trying to stifle his laughter from the corner of his eye, Luke began, “I just want to clear my head for a little. Contrary to popular belief, I don’t want to spend _every_ waking minute with you.”

“Oh wow, I’m going to cry.” Calum sarcastically clapped back.

Luke could see Ashton was enjoying their little show, eyebrows raised, glancing wildly between the two friends. _Why not continue it then?_

Of course, at that exact moment, seeing Ashton’s smile triggered Luke’s mind to go completely blank. “Oh what, cat got your tongue?” Calum snickered.

“Fuck off, _bitch_.”

“Oh, shut up. You know you love me,” Calum said, spreading his arms wide as he walked towards Luke, going in for a hug. Luke gratefully accepted.

_Damn, Calum gives the best hugs. I bet Ashton is good at hugs, and maybe some other—NO! Luke, don’t do this to yourself again._

The two slowly pulled away from their hug.

“Maybe, maybe not, wouldn’t you like to know.”

Calum’s laughter rang through the poorly lit parking lot, boots crunching on the gravel. “See you later, Ashton. Night, Luke.”

Ashton waved towards Calum, while Luke let out an attractive “Night, bitch!”, putting a little extra emphasis on the ‘i’ portion.

“Eat shit, Hemmings!” Calum yelled back from his car.

“No, you—“ Calum slammed his car door. _Dramatic little fucker._

Turning his attention back towards Ashton, Luke caught those hazel eyes looking right through him. Ashton looked away as soon as Luke turned around. _I guess I can look at the menu, just not order…_

“You’re really taking the bus, huh?” Ashton piped up, stuffing his hands into his pockets as he wandered towards Luke.

“Seems like it,” Luke replied, shrugging slightly.

Pausing for a moment, Ashton’s face twisted into what Luke considered to be a _hilarious_ expression. “I don’t know, isn’t that a little… stanky?’

Laughing as he replied, “Stanky?” Luke was soon joined by the sound of Ashton’s laughter. “I work with _middle schoolers_ , what do you expect?” Ashton wheezed out between laughs.

_I swear, it sounds better every time I hear it._

After compiling himself, Luke began speaking again. “I’m probably going to get a drink first, though. I’ll see you later.” Turning on his heel, he began walking towards the sidewalk in hopes of it leading him to the nearest bar. However, his feet stopped when he heard Ashton’s voice echo from behind him.

“Wait! Uh…. can I come?”

“What?” _He wants to spend time with me? I mean... okay, then. Didn’t see_ that _one coming._

“Yeah,” Ashton paused, “I— I— don’t want to intrude, and if you don’t want me going, I totally get it. You probably want alone time. I’ll just head home, no biggie.” He stammered.

_How is he so fucking cute?_

Getting lost in his thoughts, Luke saw Ashton begin to trudge away towards his car. _Oh, shit._

“Ash, no. You can totally join me.” _Score!_

“Really?” Ashton asked, turning with an excited smile.

“Yeah! Let’s go,” Luke said, tilting his head in the direction of the bar.

—

After entering the dingy little dive bar, affectionately called Sploot’s— _who names a bar Sploot’s?—_ Ashton and Luke were seated at a table against a wall. A few drinks down, Luke and Ashton were practically hanging over the cool wood, laughing hysterically at a poorly-worded story Luke was in the midst of telling.

“So, after Cal broke the man’s window, _I_ had to get the ball from inside the house. ‘Cuz Calum was _not_ about to.”

“‘Cuz he’s a baby,” Ashton added, flashing an amused smile.

“Exactly!” Luke agreed, laughing. Just then bartender came over with their next round of drinks and Luke told him to make their next round a double.

“Anyway, so I reach in, and then there’s all this blood on my arm, right? I cut the whole side of my forearm on the broken glass! Gl _aoss_. Wait, Glass?” Luke pondered for a moment, switching between the two pronunciations of the word. “I don’t know who I am anymore!” Luke exclaimed, head down on the table, shoulders shaking from laughter.

Ashton, following suit, was leaning back in his chair cackling. “Do you not have an accent now?”

The laughter subsided and Luke finished his drink, slamming the glass down on the scuffed up table. _What is that now? 3? Wait, no, too low. 5? Could we have made it to 6? Uh…_ He then signaled to the bartender to bring him another. If Luke was sober, he would have seen Ashton’s facial expression, prompting the next thing he was about to say.

“Don’t you think you’re going a little fast with the drinks tonight, Luke?” Ashton asked a single eyebrow cocked while spinning his glass on the table.

Running his hand through his hair, Luke let out a sigh. He didn’t speak after that.

_Don’t tell him, he doesn’t need to know. Just make something up to appease him._

_Wow, we just_ love _lying to everyone and anyone. Healthy Luke, really healthy._

“You okay?” Ashton spurted out. Luke realized some time had passed since Ashton last spoke. “Oh, yeah. I’m fine. It’s just—“ _Lie to him. “—_ I’ve been really stressed the past couple of weeks.” _Good._

Growing concerned, Ashton treaded lightly, asking a simple why.

“It’s just been a lot. Working on this solo album, moving away from home, everything. I just feel like there’s a lot of pressure on me. Weighing me down. I feel like my wheels are spinning, but I can’t keep up, I’m not going anywhere.”

Luke could see Ashton’s thoughts running, his gaze started down at the table, eyebrows pressing together.

 _Good, he took that._ God, _I hate having to do this. But it’s the only way to convince them I’m fine. I’m_ fine _, right?_

Ashton then cut into Luke’s thoughts: “I get it, Luke, I really do. But think about it— you’re living the dream! I always hate when people say that to me, but I think it really applies in this situation,” Luke let out a soft chuckle, “I mean, take me, for example.”

“As a kid, I always wanted to drum professionally. Look where _my_ life ended up.”

“Uh, excuse me?” Luke passionately asked. He paused and took a sip of his drink, practically finishing yet _another_ glass. “As far as I can see, you’re a pretty rocking drummer.” _And just plain pretty, too._

After taking his own sip, Ashton replied, “Yeah, but where is all that going? I’m a middle school music teacher, for Pete's sake! I teach pre-pubescent little brats how to go up and down the solfege scale, or watch as they fall asleep to my attempt at teaching music theory. Not that I don’t love my job, there’s a lot of good in it too, but I just always feel like— like…” Ashton trailed off.

“Maybe there’s something more?” Luke offered. The two bathed in the comfortable silence that formed.

Luke was the first to break it. “I don’t know… I don’t know if I would call it ‘the dream’, necessarily.”

“Why not?” Ashton queried.

Getting another drink order in, Luke expanded. “Well, when your biggest crowd is only 150 people, you don’t _feel_ so successful.”

Ashton scoffed, “That’s 150 more than I’ve ever played in front of.” The bartender placed Luke's new drink in front of him, taking the empty glass back with him. Ashton, however, was still working on his old one.

“Are you happy? With what you’re doing, I mean.” Ashton asked Luke.

He thought for a moment and then responded, “I guess so.”

“Then nobody can tell you that you aren’t successful.”

Letting that sink in for a minute, Luke leaned back in the ancient bar chair. “You can still feel pretty shitty though.”

“You and me both,” Ashton replied as they shared a small laugh. “Well, when in doubt, just remember: when you find yourself in times of trouble, just get absolutely hammered,” Ashton said, going bottoms-up on his whiskey.

“I _don’t_ think that’s what The Beatles were saying, but I like your energy,” Luke said following suit, gulping down the remainder of his drink. “Another round, please!” Luke hollered in the general direction of the bartender.

The night began to fade into a blur for Luke— drink after drink, feeling his thoughts slowly fade away.

 _Just the way I like it— absolutely numb_.

At some point, he just started taking whatever was in front of him, not even processing the taste, only the burn in the back of his throat. Somewhere along the way, Ashton stopped drinking— not that Luke completely noticed. He was _so_ far gone. The walls around the room felt like they were spinning, Ashton’s face warping every time his eyes flicked up to look at him. Glancing down, he waited a moment for the table to come into focus, before realizing that Ashton has abandoned his drink, just watching the singer with an expression Luke couldn’t place— probably because he couldn’t see Ashton clearly anymore.

_Well, findersss-keepers? Right? Ooooo, Doubleeeeee-troubleee._

As Luke got more and more shit-faced, he slowly became more and more interested in Ashton. Even though he couldn’t really see the other man clearly, he _knew_ that Ashton looked _damn fine._ He _always_ did, so why would this time be any different? Before Luke knew it, he was clinging all over Ashton, arms draped around his drinking partner’s _very_ muscular shoulder—

““H-h-h-heeeeey! How’d we get out ‘ere” Luke slurred, jabbing a finger into Ashton’s chest. It was just then that Luke realized— they were already outside the bar.

“We’ve walked out here… I think it’s time we go home now, Luke.” Ashton said gently to Luke, speaking to him like one of his fifth-graders.

“Whattt? Whyyyyy?” Luke pouted like a child.

“Because you are absolutely fucking legless, man!”

“I’m don’t know _what_ you are talking about. I’m as sober as ever. I’mma... I'mma go back inside and drink moreee. And there’s nuffink I— wait, wait, wait— nuffink _you_ can do ‘boutit, wheeeeeee.” Luke said, trying to walk back in to the bar, but was shortly stopped by Ashton.

“Ah-ah-ah, no, you are not.”

“Pleaseeee?” Luke said, puckering his lips.

“No, Luke. It was fun, but now we need to go _home_. It’s really late—or, early, at this point, I guess.”

Luke could barely stand on his own, let alone be able to make it into his apartment building. Ashton obviously knew this, as he sighed, practically holding up Luke’s body weight for him. “Luke?”

“ _Yessss_?” Luke replied in a sing-song voice.

“How would you like to come back home with me?”

Stopping abruptly and staring into Ashton’s eyes, Luke replied, “I would never want ‘er do some’ing more in my life Ash-sh-sh-sh-sh-tonnn.”

“Jesus Christ,” Ashton let out, before attempting to bring Luke to his car.

Clinging to Ashton as the two walked, Luke was still stumbling and falling every couple of steps. If not for Ashton, he most likely won’t have made it more than a few meters. Just as they were a couple of feet from Ashton’s car, Luke came to a sudden halt.

“C’mon man, we’re almost there, just a little further,” Ashton coaxed, practically dragging Luke to his car.

“Ash, I think I'mma— I'mma—" And with that, Luke threw up all over himself and the sidewalk. Ashton jumped back, springing like a kangaroo while attempting to hold onto the hurling singer next to him. “Awwww, man, not my boooooots. I just got these. And they make fun clacking noises. Look, Ash!” Luke whined, clacking his now vomit-covered boots about. Coming to stand at his full height again, Luke swayed dangerously. “Woah, I sho— shouldn’t do that.”

“Okay, let’s go Luke. I promise we’ll get you new boots later, maybe they’ll clack too. But for now, we need to get you home. And if you are going to throw up again, please try not to get it _in_ my car.”

“Aye-aye captain!” Luke announced, saluting Ashton while giggling to himself.

Ashton helped Luke get in the car before getting in himself. “You know, Ash,” Ashton turned toward Luke, “You would've really loved Choncy.”

“I’m sure I would,” Ashton said, attempting to appease the drunk man next to him. Turning back to the steering wheel, he heard Luke yell to stop just as the key was sliding into the ignition.

“ _Please_ don’t say you are going to throw up again.”

“No no no, what ‘bout the bill? Ya know, the money, money, money.”

“I put it on your tab.”

“I don’t have a tab?” Luke replied.

“Well, you do now.” Ashton ushered back, pushing the key into the ignition once again, before beginning to back up.

 _Okay, Luke. Just chill. He’s only taking you back to his place._ His _place. Fuck, do I smell bad?_ Luke subtly attempted to sniff himself. _Passable. Just play it cool, Luke. Play. It. Cool._

Within the next minute, Luke was absolutely unconscious against the pleather seats, drooling all over himself and snoring lightly.

Ashton took a picture.

——

They, by some miracle, made it back to Ashton’s house. After about 20 minutes of trying to convince Luke that Ashton didn’t kidnap him, the redhead was able to drag the taller man up the stairs, who still clinging to Ashton every step of the way.

Ashton sat Luke down on the bed, coaxing gently, “You just stay here. I’m going to get you clothes that aren’t covered in your own vomit.”

“Okayyyyy,” Luke drawled. _Wow he even makes_ vomit _sound pretty. Just. Like. Him._

Moments later, Ashton came back with a pair of pants and a shirt. “Here ya go. I’ll be back in a few minutes, just get changed while I’m gone, alright?”

Luke took the clothes and followed Ashton’s instructions. _Don’t disappoint him, Luke. You made it this far. You got this dawgg._

Just like he said, a few minutes later Ashton returned, having changed into a pair of pajamas.

Laughing at the sight of Luke, Ashton commented on how he looked “like a giraffe in those clothes. I mean, I know you’re taller than me, but those couple inches really do make a difference. Damn.”

Not sure if he was being made fun of or not, Luke decided to laugh along with the redheaded man.

“Why don’t you just sleep this off. You can take the bed, and I’ll be downstairs on the couch if you need anything.”

Luke nodded sleepily, sliding underneath the covers of the bed. Correction, _Ashton’s bed. God, it even_ smells _like him._

As soon as Ashton started to leave the room, Luke called his name, beckoning him to the side of the bed. “Where ya going?”

“To sleep, Luke, and you really should too.”

“Ya know,” _Flirt your heart out, Luke, “_ your bed smells _really_ nice.”

_Nailed it._

Not knowing exactly how to respond, Ashton just replied an awkward thanks, but Luke kept going. “You know, _you_ smell really good. Actually, _you’re_ just really good. Like, literally everything about you is _perfection_ ,” Luke said, becoming very animated with his hands, “Like your face, with those eyes, and that _intoxicating_ smile. Those dimples! Ugh, I could drink soup out of them,” Ashton began to laugh, eyebrows raised in a confused, but entertained, expression, “And that laugh! It… would make doves cry. Is that a phrase? I don’t know. Not to mention your _everything else_. Like, you’ve got a killer personality, but those arms. Those _armsss_ , those hands. Ugh, I wish you would just take them and—“

“Okaaaaay Luke, you _really_ need to sleep this one off, so I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Oh, okay, nighty-night.” Luke replied, hearing another slight chuckle from Ashton. _Making moves, Luke, making progress._

Forgetting how he just professed everything he loved about Ashton _to_ Ashton, Luke just let his eyes slide closed. Taking a pillow, Luke hugged it close.

_It’ll have to do for now._

“I love you,” Luke whispered to Pillow Ashton, but Pillow Ashton didn’t say it back.

 _Figures, just like the real thing_.

And with that, Luke passed out into an alcohol-induced sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading Look At Us Now! The response I've gotten from this story is absolutely amazing, so thank you again for all your amazing support.
> 
> If you like what you're reading, please drop a Kudos, or leave a comment! I would love to hear from you about what you think of the story!


	7. Chapter 7

_NEW YORK CITY: ONE YEAR PRIOR_

“Do you actually have _any_ idea where we’re going?”

“Hush, Luke, I’m trying to focus,” Calum replied, squinting harshly down at the maps app on his phone.

“So… I’ll take that as a no?” Luke ushered back, earning a glare from Calum. Chuckling to himself, the two continued walking aimlessly through the city.

In some amount of time, Luke turned to his best friend.

“Cal, why don’t we just go to a Starbucks or something?”

Looking up with wide eyes, one eyebrow cocked, Calum replied, “Are you _actually_ serious right now?”

“Um… is that a trick question?” Luke saw Calum dramatically roll his eyes. Laughing, Luke began, “Look, blame it on me being a high school drop-out, but I still don’t know what the fuck you’re trying to say.”

Taking a deep breath, Calum pinched the bridge of his nose. Looking up at Luke, he began, gesturing around him. “Well, as you can see, we’re in New York.”

“No, really?”

“ _Anyway,_ ” Calum continued, electing to ignore Luke’s snarky comment, “We’re in New York City, and there are Starbucks literally everywhere on the planet.”

“Okay…”

“So, being in New York, we should seize the opportunity and go to some ‘hole-in-the-wall’ coffee shop to get the full ‘New York’ experience.”

Luke paused for a moment, feigning thought before replying, “You realize _everywhere_ has ‘hole-in-the-wall’ coffee shops, not just New York, right?” mimicking Calum’s actions.

“Oh, just shut up, we’re almost there,” Calum said, trudging ahead.

Laughing to himself, Luke began to follow.

_Oh, Cal. You silly wombat._

_Wombat? Literally,_ why _, Luke?_

After quite some time, Calum suddenly stopped walking, causing Luke the run right into him, not that Cal seemed to notice. His best friend was gleaming up at a little sign hanging about eye-level to them, with a set of stairs leading to a landing a few feet below.

“See! I told you we would find it!” Calum excitedly let out, smiling brighter than the sun.

“ _Wow,_ ” Luke began sarcastically, “What would I _ever_ do without you?”

Still beaming, Calum replied, lightly smacking Luke’s arm,

“You’d be drinking Starbucks.”

Walking in the door and pausing to hold it for Calum, Luke took _his_ turn rolling his eyes.

Heading into the quaint room, Luke took a look around. It was a cute place, with slightly-outdated wood paneling on the walls, a few sets of two-person tea tables, little scratches covering the walls serving as small reminders of the shop’s past. Luke strolled up next to Calum, who was currently staring at a chalkboard menu with a dumbfounded expression.

“You alright, Cal?” Luke asked, slightly perplexed at Calum’s expression.

_Earth to Cal?_

Not tearing his eyes away from the menu in awe, Calum responded, “Yeah it’s just…”

Luke positioned himself slightly behind Calum, squatting down a bit in an attempt to see what exactly was so interesting to his best friend. _Huh, the menu. How cool? To each their own, I guess._

Calum resumed, “There’s just… so many _options_.”

“Uh-huh, well, it is a menu. How about you take a minute to look over it, and I’ll order first.” Luke suggested, still not really getting Calum’s starstruck behavior from a chalkboard.

 _What a weirdo. But he’s_ my _weirdo._

Luke approached the wooden counter, ringing a little bell labeled “ring for service”. The backroom door opened, barista scurrying in from the back. Walking up to where Luke was, she quickly apologized, attempting to fix her ponytail.

“Sorry, I didn’t hear you guys come in. What can I get for you?”

“Oh, it’s no problem,” Luke said, waving her off. “Could I get a large, hot black tea with a lemon, please?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t quite hear you. A hot, black tea with…?” The barista questioned.

“Lemon,” Luke replied, a bit confused, but hoping she would get it this time. By the look on her face, she did not.

_But by god, it does help that she’s cute._

Once again, Luke said it again, putting extra emphasis on the word, “ _Lemon_?”

The barista began awkwardly laughing, scratching the back of her neck. “Sir, this is really awkward, but I’m sorry… I have absolutely no clue what you are saying.”

_Are you serious? How hard is it to understand the word ‘lemon’?_

_“_ Dude,” Luke turned around to see Calum, seemingly broken away from his trance of the menu. He laughed slightly, “It’s the accent.”

“What?” Luke replied.

“She doesn’t know what you are saying because of our accent.”

Luke looked back at the barista, with curious eyes, looking for confirmation.

She gave Luke a nod, still slightly laughing to herself while glancing down at the counter, a clearly embarrassed blush on her cheeks.

 _Okay, geez. She is_ really _cute…_

Putting on his best-worst American accent, Luke went strangely, and horribly, southern. “Lemon, honey pie…” drawing out the “e” for some goddamned reason.

 _What the_ FUCK _was that, Luke? Why, just_ why _, are you like this?_

He heard Calum sputter behind him, absolutely losing it. Luke snaked his arm around his back, sticking up a middle finger that only Calum could see.

Still laughing, the barista seemed to get what he was saying, writing it down; “Hot black tea with _lemon_ got it.”

Luke ducked behind Calum, attempting to hide his rising blush behind his friend.

_Fuck. My. Life._

“And… what about for you?” The barista said, acknowledging Calum after finally composing herself over what had just happened.

‘Um… Luke?” Calum said nervously, tilting his head towards Luke.

“What’s up, man?” Luke asked, popping out slightly from his hiding spot.

“What should I get?” Calum asked, with genuine concern in his voice.

“Just get a coffee, you like coffee,” Luke replied as if it were obvious.

“But like, this is my first coffee in,” Calum gestured around him, “ _New York_.”

“So just get a ‘New York’ coffee,” Luke replied using air quotes around New York, letting out an amused huff.

Luke saw the light flicker in Calum’s eyes. _What now, Cal?_

“Okay, so,” _Here we go,_ Luke thought, watching as Calum turned to face the barista. “What is the most ‘New York’ drink you have?”

“Um…” The barista paused, “I don’t know.”

Calum, looking defeated, glanced down before conceding to a simple black coffee with almond milk, ending his order with a sigh.

“Wait,” Luke interrupted, “No.”

“No?” Calum questioned, turning to him with a comically confused expression. “What do you mean, no?”

Luke turned the barista, and then back at Calum, and then back at the barista, “What do you mean,” Luke looked at the barista’s name tag, “ _Katrina?_ Oh, wait, like the hurricane?”

“Um…” Katrina started, “I guess so…”

_Wow Luke, really nailing this whole ‘flirting’ thing. A+._

Attempting to recover, he quickly continued, “You’re from New York, and you don’t know the most New York drink out there?” Luke questioned Katrina.

“I’m… from New Hampshire.”

Luke opened his mouth to say something, and then shut it, eyebrows scrunching. “Oh, um, yeah… that would explain it.”

“Luke, really, it’s fine. I can just have a coffee.” Calum said, attempting to reign Luke back in.

“No, it’s not. You want a New York drink, I’m getting you a goddamned New York drink!” Luke said, whipping out his phone, pulling up Google. After a moment of awkward silence,

“Boom!” Luke said holding his phone out to Katrina, “a Miel Latte! Most New York drink out there!”

Luke looked over at Calum, whose face just lit up at the news.

“Could I see that? I need to read the recipe. I honestly have no clue what a Miel Latte is,” she said, awkwardly chuckling again. “I’m not really aspiring to be a barista, so I’m not _exactly_ applying myself here.”

Luke handed over the phone to Katrina, but being fueled by whatever adrenaline finding a drink for Calum brought him, he looked Katrina right in the eyes and passionately said, “It doesn’t matter if you don’t want to be a barista. You’re a barista here and now. So be the best fucking barista you could ever be in your entire goddamn life!”

Both amazed and confused, Katrina just looked at Luke, _okay, but those eyes…_ She replied, “I think this is the longest interaction I’ve had with anybody in this shop, _ever_.” Laughing a bit, Katrina walked through the backdoor to go make the two drinks.

Luke held out his hand for Calum to high five, Calum easily hitting Luke’s hand back. “Dude, I think that’s the most energy I’ve seen you have, like, ever.”

Luke just laughed, asking Calum, “Okay, so we got your drink. What’s next?”

Calum looked at Luke, excited as a puppy in a park, and began listing off his ‘New York to-do’ list items. “…and we can go to the Met, and we _have_ to go to the MoMA, duh. Oooh! Oooh! Oooh!,” Calum began exactly jumping up and down, and Luke smiled as he did, “And we _have_ to climb up the Statue of Liberty!”

Not ready to burst his bubble, Luke hesitantly began, “I don’t think you can actually do that anymore, Cal.”

“You can’t climb up to the torch, you _can_ go up to the crown.” _What a dork._

“Why do you know that?” Luke asked, a bit confused, but entertained nonetheless.

“I just do, don’t question my talent.”

The two laughed, as Luke began, “I won’t again.”

Just as Luke was about to say something else, they heard Katrina exclaim from the back:

“Alright, let’s get this party started!” As she approached the two men with their drinks.

“Yeah!” Calum enthusiastically seized, fist-bumping the air, Luke turning and laughing at him once again.

“One hot tea with _lemon_ ,” Katrina said, mimicking Luke as she handed him his drink, phone as well. “…and one Miel Latte. You learn something every day.”

“Thank you,” they both replied when given their drinks. “How much do we owe?” Calum asked.

Looking at Luke, and then back at Calum, Katrina simply responded, “Don’t worry about it. It’s on the house.”

“You sure?” Calum further pressed.

“Yeah, this is the most fun I’ve had on the job in a while. Consider it a ‘welcome to New York’ gift. From me to you.”

Smiling Luke replied, “And they say all New Yorkers are mean.”

“New Hampshire,” Calum whispered.

“Fuck off,” Luke whispered back, still smiling at Katrina.

Calum took a sip from his drink, “Oh damn, that’s fire!” They all shared a laugh at Calum’s reaction.

The three exchanged some final words as Calum and Luke left the coffee shop, but not before Luke threw a fifty dollar bill into the tip jar.

As they walked back down the street, Calum laughed as he pointed to Luke’s cup. “What?” Luke asked.

“Looks like _someone_ made a friend…” Looking down at his cup, Luke saw a phone number than _Katrina,_ with a little heart next to it.

“Huh,” was all Luke could let out.

_FUCK YEAH MAN, YOU STILL GOT IT!_

“Huh? Is that all you got?” Luke looked over at Calum as he continued, “We’ve been in New York for only a few _days_ and you already got a number!”

Luke just laughed.

“You better watch it, or else New York is gonna eat you up…” Calum said as he trailed off into silence. Luke could see the wheels spinning in Calum’s head. Just as he was about ask his friend about what he was pondering on, Calum spoke up.

“So… how have you, ya know, been?”

“I’m good, how are you?” Luke said, deflecting the question in a joking manner.

“Luke…”

Luke let out a sigh, running his hand through his hair, “I know, I know. But really, I’m doing fine,” _Are you sure about that? “_ Why are you asking?” Luke queried, attempting to keep his tone even.

_Shit, do you think he knows?_

“I just read somewhere that with all the changes, you know… moving all the way to New York, the—“

Luke cut Calum off, stopping to look him in the eyes, “Bro, I’m doing _fine_.” Glancing over at his best friend, he saw Calum’s skeptical look, “Really! You don’t have to worry about me, I’ve got everything under control.” _Yeah… about that…_

“Okay… but,” Calum began walking once more, “You know I’m here if you need anything, right?”

“Since day one, brother,” Luke said, wrapping an arm around Calum.

 _How the_ fuck _did I get so lucky to be able to call this guy my best friend?_

Attempting to change the subject, Luke quickly asked, “Alright, so you got your ‘New York’ coffee. So, what’s next on the ‘Calum-Hood-ultra-extravagant-amazing-New-York-City-list-of-awesomeness?” Luke, overusing the air quotes.

Giggling softly at him, Calum replied, “It’s actually called the ‘ _Calum-and-Luke_ New York to-do list of awesomeness’, thank you very much. And…” Calum said pulling out the list, “Next up it’s, drum roll please,” Luke stopped and leaned down, patting a beat on his legs, “…a walk in a New York City park!”

Luke paused, a shocked expression spreading over his features. “You wanna go for a walk? In a park? Haven’t we been walking all day?”

“This is _special,_ though. It’s in New York!"  
“Yeah, I get it, it’s New York.” Luke gave a mock-exasperated sigh. “Okay, let’s go find ourselves a park.”

Calum whipped out his phone to map the nearest park, but Luke stopped him. “Hey Cal, it might just be our lucky day,” Luke said, pointing to what looked like a park a few blocks ahead of a bus stop.

Nearly sprinting towards the park, Calum dragged Luke through the street. Finally arriving at the iron gate, Calum stared up in amazement.

 _Oh, if only I could see whatever the_ fuck _he sees._

As they began to walk into the park, Calum stated, “Oh my God, it’s just like _Good Will Hunting,_ isn’t it Luke?”

Luke stopped for a minute, cocked his head at Calum, and remarked, “Isn’t that Boston?”

Scoffing Calum replied, “All American cities are _basically_ the same, right?”

Luke softly laughed at Calum before saying, “How is it that you can be _so_ smart and _so_ dumb at the same time? If anything, I thought you’d be making a _Coming to America_ reference right about now, you know,” Luke paused for a moment, think of a quote. Holding up his middle fingers, he put on his best “Zumundan” accent and imitated Eddie Murphy.

“Fuck you, neighbors!”

Calum couldn’t contain his laughter, doubling over, as the pair heard a lovely response;

“Fuck you too!” Shouted back the most stereotypical New York accent, which only spiraled the two into another fit of laughter.

_There’s the warm New York welcome I was expecting._

After the moment seized, Calum beckoned to Luke, “C’mon,” as he began walking into the park, “we got a whole _city_ to see.”

Smiling, Luke followed Calum into whatever awaited them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading Look At Us Now! The response I've gotten from this story is absolutely amazing, so thank you again for all your amazing support.
> 
> If you like what you're reading, please drop a Kudos, or leave a comment! I would love to hear from you about what you think of the story!


	8. Chapter 8

A warm glow was cast across the cream-colored bedroom, covering the space in a beautiful shade of yellow— not that Luke noticed, now awake and vainly attempting to shade his eyes with his hand.

 _Ah fuck, when did the sun get so damn bright?_ Luke thought, throwing his head on the pillow to cover his face. It felt like cotton was stuffed all the way up to his nose, worming into his brain.

Slowly, Luke removed the pillow, rolling over towards the nightstand to try to see the time: 6:40 am. _Ew._

On the small bedside table, the singer also saw a glass of water.

_Hydration station. Bottoms up._

Luke then tilted his head back, moving to chug the glass to the best of his ability. However, as Luke rose his arm to bring the glass to his mouth, he felt the shirt he was wearing pull tightly against his chest. _What the…_

Upon further inspection, Luke realized, _this is not my shirt. Oh God, where am I?_

Luke frantically looked around the room for a sign.

_More importantly, who am I with?_

Eventually, after contemplating all of his life choices, Luke slung himself out of the strange bed he was in.

“Ah, fuck,” Luke let out, placing his hand on his forehead in an attempt to ease the pressure building behind his eyes. _Standing up? Big mistake._ The distantly familiar dizzy feeling returned, forcing Luke to run his hands along the bed, fumbling for the next thing to hold on to.

 _Serves you right. This right here Luke, this is why we shouldn’t_ fucking _drink._

He found the wall and, hunched over, ran his hands along it as a means of support as he made his way out of the bedroom. Trying to piece together the events of last night, Luke could only remember leaving the studio— then, nothing. 

_I guess this whole “drinking thing” might have its perks,_ Luke thought comically, trying inadvertently reason his actions. _Feeling nothing is better than everything._

Using one hand to block the light streaming down the hallway, _why is this house so damn bright?_ and one as his guide, Luke slowly, but surely, made his way to the stairs. _One foot in front of the other, you got this bro._

Luke slugged down the staircase, only making it halfway in a few minutes. He looked around curiously, now being able to see into parts of the house through the railing rods. Attempting to see if there were any signs of another living person, his investigation came up fruitless, with the exception of a pile of blankets on the couch. _Okay, maybe this won’t be as problematic as I thought it was going to be._

Plotting his escape, Luke ventured one step down, concluding that he should wait until he _knew_ nobody was home. _This sure won’t be a speedy exit._

Now, just loitering on the stairs, Luke kept trying to think back to last night’s events. _Okay, okay. You left the studio and went to… to… God, where did you go, man?_ A moment passed. _Sploot’s! You went to Sploot’s. One point for you, zero for blackout memory!_

 _Okay, next. You starting drinking tequila. Fuck, that shit was good. Focus, Luke! You weren’t_ alone _. Who were you with? Who the_ fuck _were you with, man?_ Luke kept asking himself, over and over, but still no answer. _That’s okay, we can come back to that one. You started drinking. Okay. And then kept going. And going… and going. Lots of tequila._ Luke paused, remembering something. _There was another drink too, wasn’t there?_ Attempting to revive his memory, Luke smacked his tongue to the roof of his mouth.

 _Sour! It was_ definitely _something sour. Okay, you’re making progress now, Luke! You don’t order sour drinks. What person, that you know, would order a sour cocktail? Calum might, but we can definitely eliminate him. Who else? Choncy would’ve, but unless he made a surprise appearance from Australia, I would veto that one too. Who else do you know?_

Luke suddenly heard a noise from the kitchen, involuntarily causing him to freeze on the spot. Slowly leaning forward, he peered through his spot on the staircase. A tall figure came into Luke’s view.

_Ashton!_

He let out a sigh of relief. _Oh thank God, it was Ashton._

Still staring, Luke noticed that Ashton was all cleaned up, definitely in much better shape than he was. The drummer was wearing a black button-down with short sleeves, and a pair of pants that— _worked wonders for him. Oh, and those_ arms _. Wow. Those_ _arms are the arms of a— wait. Hold up. What is Ashton doing?_

Luke leaned further into the railing, squinting, trying to make out what Ashton was doing. _Is he… packing a lunch box? Oh, he’s a teacher. Duh, Luke. You’re a real idiot sometimes, you know that?_

And with that, Ashton pulled out another lunch box. It was a lot smaller, with an embossed picture of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on it. _What the fuck?_

As if on cue, a small boy, definitely no older than five, came toddling out from behind Ashton.

 _Oh, he looks just like Ashton._ Luke observed the two. He noticed both Ashton and the mystery boy had the same exact mannerisms.

 _Wait. He looks_ just _like Ashton. Well, with brown hair. Ooo, Ashton with brown hair…_

Jolted out of the house’s relative silence, Luke heard Ashton begin to speak. He looked back into the kitchen, only to see Ashton squatting, eye-level with the boy. “Alright little man. Today is a _new_ day. So, I want you to go out there and I want you to crush it.” The boy just nodded.

“Ah-ah, I want to hear you say it. I’m going to _crush_ it today.” Ashton exclaimed very passionately.

The boy shyly replied, “I’m going to crush.”

Sighing, Ashton looked down, causing a sharp pang in Luke’s heart.

“Alright, I just got to make sure you know,” Ashton placed his hand on the boy’s tiny shoulder, “It’s me and you, buddy. You and me against the world.” The boy began to smile.

“We don’t care what those other kids say. They are just jealous that you have such an awesome dad, right?”

“Right!” The boy responded, now seeming a bit happier.

Ashton was now smiling too, _God, that smile._

“So, we are going to go out there, and what are we going to say to _anybody_ that’s mean to us?” Ashton asked, a bit more fire peeking through his actions. Ready to hype up the boy, Ashton stood up.

“We tell them to _fuck off!_ ”

Luke had to do a double-take, eyebrows skyrocketing. It appears Ashton did too, because he simply squatted down again, looking at the boy. “What?”

Stifling laughter, Luke heard the boy respond not as confident anymore, “…fuck off?”

In awe, Ashton just asked, “Now, where did you learn language like _that,_ young man?”

The boy looked at Ashton, then looked away and replied, “…from you.”

Ashton let out a soft laugh, holding his head low, and whispered to himself, “Just when you think you can’t screw up anymore.”

Looking back to the kid, Ashton told the boy that “only adults” can say that word. Instead, “We should just tell them to stop, and if that doesn’t work— we snitch on them.”

“I thought… snitches get stitches?” The boy asked, confusedly.

Luke, enjoying the show from his balcony seating, heard Ashton laugh. “I’ll protect you, don’t worry.”

Satisfied, the boy nodded.

“Now, let’s try it again. Repeat after me. I,”

Repeating the boy followed, “I,”

“Johnny Irwin,” _What a cute name._

“Johnny Irwin,” _Wait, what now? Irwin?_

And with that, Luke lost his already poor grip on the stairs, falling the rest of the way down.

“Fuck!” Luke exclaimed as he reached the final landing, forgetting he was in the presence of a child. _Not just any child. Ashton’s child? Oh shit. Johnny. ‘J’. They're the same person. Ashton is_ paternally _in love._

_So, wait. He’s still single, right?_

“He said the adult word!” Johnny exclaimed excitedly.

“That’s because he’s an adult.” Ashton ushered back.

Lost in his thoughts while attempting to process everything he had just heard, Luke didn’t notice Ashton or Johnny run over to his side. Next thing he knew, Ashton was helping him stand up. “You good, man?”

 _Fuck, he looks even better close up._ “Uh, yeah, I’m all good.”

“You sure? You took quite the tumble,” Ashton said, obviously trying not to grin too wide.

_Wow, how caring. I literally fall in on a cute father. Damn, he really was in a great father-son moment and still comes to my aid. Why is he always saving me? No complaints, but—_

_“_ Daddy, why is there a giant in our house?” _He is a Daddy alright… NO LUKE! You can’t think that in front of his_ fucking child _._

“Oh… um… he’s” Ashton struggled to find a reason.

“I’m a friend of Ash— your dad’s. We work together. I’m Luke.”

Ashton smiled at Luke, practically thanking him with his eyes. “I’m Johnny!” The boy squeaked, peeking out from behind Ashton’s legs and situating himself between the two men.

With Johnny in arms’ reach, Ashton covered his son’s ears and began speaking to Luke. “You sure you’re okay? You got pretty legless last night.”

Luke began to nod his head yes, “Yeah, I’m alright. Last night I just got really fu—“ He looked down at Johnny and coughed, attempting to cover up his slip-up. “…got really _hammered_.” _No exception to literally every other night. Shut up Luke, you don’t need this right now_.

Ashton moved to uncover Johnny’s ears. “Well… um. I’m going to bring this little guy to the bus stop, and then I’ll be right back.”

Luke nodded, and Ashton continued, “We can, uh, talk. When I get back.”

_Oh shit, does he know?_

Running his hand through his hair, Luke gave Ashton a thumbs-up as he and Johnny began to walk out the door. Ashton suddenly turned back to Luke, already halfway out the door. “Why don’t you call Calum while I’m gone? I’m sure he’s worried sick.”

Reaching for his phone, Luke responded, “Oh yeah, I’m on it.”, immediately pulling up his phone’s favorites list.

Luke saw Johnny waving to him from outside the door as Ashton turned to leave. “Bye Mr. Luke!”

Luke responded with the same energy, “Bye Little Johnny!”

He saw Ashton laughing as he shut the door.

As soon as the door was shut, Luke let his composure slip as he slumped to the ground, running his hand through his hair once more. He then turned off his phone, tossing it onto the nearby sofa. Time to avoid Calum at all costs. _I just…_ can’t, _right now._

A few minutes later, Ashton stepped back through the door, greeted by Luke sitting on his kitchen counter, drinking a Capri-Sun like his life depended on it. Luke heard the front door shut, looking up at the newcomer. “Hey!” He said, waving towards his friend.

Laughing, Ashton came over to the counter. He stood across from where Luke was seated. The two just leaned back in their respective stances, enjoying the other’s company in comfortable silence.

“Wait,” Luke started, “Shouldn’t you be at school right now?”

“Oh, yeah,” Ashton chuckled a bit awkwardly, “I just told them I had a doctor’s appointment. I’m going in at lunch. I had nothing important going on this morning anyway. It was just hall monitor duty. I figured I’d rather see you off.” Luke flashed Ashton a smile, _Oh you would now, wouldn’t you?_

Ashton began fiddling with his thumbs, “Um, I think I’m going to make some coffee, do you want any?”

“Oh no, I’m fine” Luke replied, running his hand through his hair. “Thanks.”

Neither of the men spoke while Ashton made his coffee. Once he was done, Ashton took the seat next to Luke, cradling a steaming mug. “Are you sure you’re okay? You got pretty roughed up last night.”

Letting out a sigh, _he doesn’t know_ , Luke responded. “Yeah, I’ll be fine,” he met Ashton’s gaze. “It’s just been a tough couple of weeks, ya know?”

Ashton nodded in agreement, humming slightly while taking a sip from his coffee. _More silence. I can’t_ deal _with more silence._ “So… are we going to address the elephant in the room?”

A confused look grew on Ashton’s face, so Luke continued, “Johnny?”

“Oh, um, yeah. He’s my…” Ashton paused and looked down at his lap, “Um, he’s my son.”

Luke glanced down as well, before making the bold decision to pursue the conversation.

“Where’s his mom?”

Ashton coughed slightly, continuing to look down at his coffee cup.

“Out of the picture.” _Oh, so he_ is _still single. Good._

Taking that as a cue to not talk further about Johnny’s mom, Luke began asking questions about Johnny himself. As soon as he did, Ashton’s face began to light up. _There’s that smile again._

“So, how old is he?” Luke queried.

“He’s five.” Luke knew that Ashton could see the wheels turning in Luke's mind. Ashton continued, “I was eighteen when he was born.”

Luke nodded, looking at the other man before asking, “Why didn’t you tell us about him, Ash?”

Ashton let out a sigh, “I knew that question was coming,” he paused for a brief moment, “I’m not… _ashamed_ of him. I’m really not. It’s just— when people find out I was a teen dad, they just always…” Ashton paused, looking up at Luke. “They always think of me _differently_.”

Refusing to break the eye contact, Luke just stared back into Ashton’s eyes. “I don’t,” Luke replied with certainty in his voice, shrugging his shoulders slightly. 

Smiling, Ashton broke the eye contact. Sipping from his coffee, he proceeded, “Well, you are one and few, Luke Hemmings.”

Luke smiled, his eyes lingering on Ashton for a moment before turning his head and looking straight ahead.

“So,” Ashton began, “How did the conversation with Cal go?” _Shit._

“Oh, yeah, um—”,Luke ran his hand through his hair, “…it went well.”

“Oh, oka—” Luke cut Ashton off, pretending to look at the time on his phone.

“Um, I should probably get going soon. Got places to be, you know?”

Finishing his coffee, Ashton replied, “Oh, uh, yeah. Of course.” Luke could hear the slight disappointment in Ashton’s voice. Luke sprung off the counter, smoothly throwing his Capris Sun away, beginning to head in the direction of the door. He heard Ashton snickering behind him and slowly turned around.

“I know you’re only a few inches taller than me, but those clothes look absolutely _ridiculous_ on you.”

“Fuck you,” Luke responded, now smiling too. _No, like please. Let me fuck you. …like, consent is key._

“Before you go, let me see if I can find you clothes that _won’t_ make you look like a tween girl,” Ashton remarked, disappearing upstairs. Luke chuckled to himself.

Waiting for Ashton’s return, Luke strolled around the room, now noticing a bunch of pictures of Ashton and Johnny. _Huh,_ Luke thought, picking up a photograph of Ashton and Johnny at some concert. The boy was on his dad’s shoulders, both holding up the rock and roll symbol with their hands, _he looks really happy._

Luke heard Ashton coming down the stairs, so swiftly he placed the photo back where it belonged.

“Here, these should work. They’re big on me, so they should be good enough to get you home.” Ashton said, outstretching a pile of clothes to Luke.

“Thanks,” Luke replied. “I’ll be right back.” Luke turned on his heel, heading to what he presumed to be the bathroom to change.

Ashton was right, the new clothes did fit Luke much better. Still not his style, but he’ll take what he can get. It was just as he was about the leave the bathroom that something on the shirt caught his eye. On the back, in big jersey letters, the shirt read, “IRWIN 77”. _Never mind, these clothes are my style._

Luke left the bathroom, only to be greeted by Ashton, who was beginning to get ready for school.

“Um,” Luke started, not wanting to interrupt Ashton.

“Yeah?” Ashton said turning around, now facing Luke.

“I just wanted to thank you, for everything. I’m really lucky to have a friend like you.” _Really Luke? Friend? You had one job man, one job._

“It really was no problem, Luke. I’m there, anytime you need me.”

“Be careful what you say, _Mr. Irwin_.”

They shared a laugh as Ashton walked Luke to the door. “I guess I’ll see you in the studio tomorrow?”

“Looking forward to it,” Ashton replied, making Luke’s heart flutter.

“Um.. thanks again.”

Ashton waved Luke off, shutting the door behind him. It was then, after leaving the warm embrace of Ashton’s house, that Luke realized he was _not_ dressed properly for the weather. A chill ran over Luke as he crossed his arms, headed towards the bus station.

—-

Armed with Calum’s ice cream in a grocery bag, Luke was ready to go home and give it to his best friend. The bus had just rolled up to the stop, doors about to open as Luke turned his head, seeing an expanse of trees, colors a beautiful array of reds, oranges, yellows, and browns. The park. No, no. _Our_ park.

 _It’s_ _only three blocks. And I_ do _really need to clear my head._ Making a spit-fire decision, Luke ditched the bus in favor of walking down the street, making himself as small as possible to preserve his body heat.

As he entered the park, he spotted a small wooden bench, situated on the path in front of a large oak tree. Closing his eyes for a moment, he could hear the distant laughter of two boys, stumbling down the walk, clinging to each other, high on the joy of just being together. This wasn’t just any bench. It was _their bench._ A sharp pang of guilt struck through Luke’s heart, sending a jolt down his spine. Seeing it was open, Luke sat down on it, shivering as he did.

_Maybe, you deserve to freeze._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading Look At Us Now! The response I've gotten from this story is absolutely amazing, so thank you again for all your amazing support.
> 
> If you like what you're reading, please drop a Kudos, or leave a comment! I would love to hear from you about what you think of the story!


	9. Chapter 9

“Keys, coffee, ID, assignments. Check, check, check, check. Alright. Let’s go.” Ashton said to absolutely no one but himself.

Leaving his home, he shut and locked the door behind him. Pulling open his car door, he threw his messenger bag onto the passenger seat, right on top of a manila folder full of sight-reading books. Placing his coffee in the cup holder, he reached for his phone to plug into the car’s stereo. _Not in the left pocket, not the right either. Damn it._

Ashton sighed dramatically, getting out of his car, unlocking the door to the house, and grabbing the phone that had been abandoned on the counter. Remembering his guest from this morning, he shot Luke a text asking if he made it home alright. “Smiley face emoji?” Ashton wavered. “No, no, that’s too much.” He murmured to himself, pausing briefly. “Is it?” For the next minute, Ashton internally debated the pros and cons of a smiley face. He ruled it to be the perfect balance between flirty and subtlety and pressed send.

Once Ashton was back in his car, he plugged his phone in and turned backward, pulling out of his driveway. His normal jam-sesh was interrupted by a sharp ringing noise. _Incoming call from Calum Hood,_ the car’s robotic voice announced. “Really? In the middle of Rancid?”

Shaking off his brief annoyance, Ashton clicked answer. “Hey Cool-Guy-Cal, what’s up?” He could practically hear Calum’s confusion from the nickname through the line.

“Um, hey Ash. I was just wondering if you’ve seen Luke recently? He never came home last night, and he isn’t responding to any of my calls or texts. I’m getting really worried.” Calum frantically asked.

“Oh yeah,” Ashton began, “He came home with me last night. He got pretty sloshed at the bar, so I thought it was best for him to not be alone.”

“Oh, okay, great, thanks. You know, man, I’ve been stress eating ice cream—” _I thought Calum was a health nut?_ “—all night, worrying ab— wait… did you say… you guys were at a _bar_?”

“Yeah,” Ashton responded nonchalantly. The other end went silent. Ashton tried to justify Luke’s actions, “He was saying how it had been a rough couple of weeks for him and he just needed to drink it off. It’s really—“

Calum cut him off, “Stop,” Ashton could hear the crack in Calum’s voice, “He was… _drunk_ last night?”

Ashton noticed Calum’s voice drop. “Um, yeah, he was.” There was a moment of nothing. Ashton began, trying to understand what exactly was going on. “Hey, are you sure everything is alright? I know this isn’t my place, but—“

Calum cut Ashton off again, needing answers. “Do you know where he is now?“

“No, I don’t,” Ashton responded truthfully. Calum swallowed thickly.

“Wait, didn’t he call you? I asked him to call you while I dropped—” Ashton quickly corrected himself, clearing his throat in an attempt to cover up his mistake, “…while I ran out.”

“No,” Calum replied sternly. “He didn’t.”

Ashton let out a soft, “Oh”.

Neither of them spoke of a moment. “Just, if you happen to see him, can you tell him I need to speak with him,” Calum asked, voice becoming almost robotic. _To mask his emotions. Been there, man._

“Yeah, no problem.”

And with that, Calum ushered back a small, “thanks,” and hung up, leaving Ashton both confused _and_ worried about this whole situation with Luke.

Ashton drove the rest of the way, trying to figure out what the hell was going on. He sent Luke another text, saying Calum was looking for him and that he had told him about the bar situation. “Sorry.”

As Ashton pulled into a parking spot, he felt his entire body go cold. It hit him. He knew what was up with Luke.

_Oh no._

_Oh god, no._

_I didn’t just… enable…_

He looked back at the night before and saw all the signs, hands tightly gripping the steering wheel before him.

 _Luke’s an— a—,_ Ashton couldn’t bring himself to say it.

_Oh god, not again._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading Look At Us Now! The response I've gotten from this story is absolutely amazing, so thank you again for all your amazing support.
> 
> If you like what you're reading, please drop a Kudos, or leave a comment! I would love to hear from you about what you think of the story!


	10. Chapter 10

Calum was urgently walking down the sidewalk. Shoving past people, he figured he had places to be. Where exactly? Well, he didn’t actually know, but Calum knew he had to get there fast. His head was pounding, blood rushing through his ears. Thoughts were spiraling around in his mind, too fast to keep up with.

_He lied to you, Calum._

_Maybe he lied about being your friend, too._

Feeling sick to his stomach from the voice in his mind, he physically shook his head, attempting to keep moving forward. His feet carried him to some unknown location, feeling as if his subconscious knew where to go, even if his overcrowded head didn’t. As he continued down the congested pathways, he saw a sea of warm-toned leaves in the distance.

 _Our park. Of course, he’d be in_ our _park._

Calum marched under the iron archway, marking the entrance. Kids were running past, overworked teachers telling them to “stay in their buddy groups”. Dogs barked, their leashes letting out a metallic clank, sending shockwaves through an already overwhelmed Calum. He buried his hands deeper into his overcoat’s pockets, tucking his face into his scarf.

_What kind of best friend are you, Calum?_

_You can’t stop him, you’ve never been able to._

_Why did you think this time would be any different?_

Frantically looking around, Calum took in the scene around him, breathing in the fresh air. Never before, did fresh air feel so stifling.

 _All these years, and he still can’t trust you, Calum. What does that say about_ you _?_

Pushing the thoughts out of his mind, he made a few laps through the park before deciding to throw in the towel. _He must not be here._

Sighing, he took one last gaze around the park. Walking briskly, a few trees cleared his field of vision, and he caught a glimpse of somebody out of the corner of his eye.

_Of course, the bench. Of all places…_

Looking down at the concrete pathway, Calum began his descent towards the man hunched over on the bench, curled into himself. As he approached, Calum was sure that this was who he was looking for. He saw the man’s blond curls and, _is he not even wearing a jacket? It’s too_ cold _for that. God, he can be so fucking stupid._

Calum was just a few feet away from the bench when his feet suddenly became unreliable, planting him to the spot. A burst of about twenty different emotions rushed through him, forcing him to look down at the ground before approaching the man in front of him _._

Not being able to bring himself to look at the other person, Calum just stuffed himself deeper into his coat and stood staring straight ahead. Both men didn’t acknowledge the other was there, although they were both acutely aware of the fact that they had company. They both just stared, silently, at the large oak tree that was before them.

Out of his peripheral vision, Calum saw the man spare a glance at him with a worn-out expression. He flicked his view down to meet the other man’s eyes. For just a split second, their gazes locked, but the blond quickly looked down at his feet, appearing smaller than Calum remembered.

Calum didn’t say anything. He didn’t know where to begin.

Lightly, he heard the man take a deep breath. _Here we go._

“I’m….” he shortly trailed off, swallowing audibly.

Another beat of heavy silence passed. Once again, the man took a shaking breath and started.

“I’m—“ He let out a sigh, choking out, “I’m sorry.”

Calum closed his eyes, letting out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. Tears pricked at his eyes, and squeezing them shut, he could practically hear his own heart shatter in the silence. With the softest voice imaginable, Calum responded.

“I don’t know if sorry can cut it this time.”

He breathed in again, feeling like his lungs were made of lead.

_If I don’t say his name, none of this will be real. He won’t be the same guy that I know._

More silence.

_C’mon Cal, you know that’s not true. This is—_

_"_ Luke.”

The blond turned to face him, an unreadable expression on his face. His cheeks were flushed bright from the cold, ears burning a cherry red. Calum winced at the unfamiliarity the name sounded off his tongue.

“I don’t know… if there's anything else I can say.”

“I don’t… I don’t know either.”

_God, he must be so cold. Look at him._

Another moment passed and the silence was becoming suffocating. Calum just needed to _say_ something, _anything_. Looking towards the man next to him, he swallowed thickly before asking:

“When you met Ashton… it was at a bar, wasn’t it?”

Luke said nothing. Instead, he just continued to stare at his feet.

Knowing the answer could only hurt him, Calum kept pressing. “I _know_ Ashton wasn’t the first time,” Calum looked away from his friend.

“How many other times were there, Luke?”

Once again, Luke said nothing. _Too many to count?_

Calum leaned his head against his hands, wanting to believe this wasn’t happening, that it was just a dream. _Please God, just let me wake u—_

“Two days after we got to New York.”

There it was. It felt as if a rug had been pulled out from under his feet. _A year. We moved to New York a year ago._ He squeezed his eyes shut, unable to bring himself to look in Luke’s direction.

“It was all too much for me.” He paused to glance up at Calum, who willed himself to slowly turn back towards him. “The move, leaving my family. I couldn’t handle any of it. It was all—”

Calum cut him off, “I can’t. I can’t hear anymore of your excuses, Luke.” He looked directly at Luke for the first time that day, “I just _can’t_ hear them.”

Staring back, Luke broke the eye contact, bringing his fingers to his scalp, getting more agitated. “I know there is nothing that I can—“

Calum felt something surge through him as Luke said that. He cut Luke off from his _half-ass apology._

 _“_ Missing studio time is _one_ thing. Bailing on me, we can move past that. You can buy me ice cream _,_ and we can move _past_ that.” Luke mindlessly touched a grocery bag next to him.

“But a year, a _fucking year_ , Luke! A year of sneaking out at night, lying to me about something you _said_ you stopped years ago.” Calum made direct eye contact with Luke.

“Something you _promised_ me.”

Feeling the tears begin to well in his eyes, Calum turned, no longer facing Luke, barely being able to look at him. Taking a shaking breath, Calum turned his head towards Luke, speaking softly.

“My worst fear, for _years_ , was that I would find you passed out in an alleyway, you know that? After being taken advantage of? I would wonder _what I would do_ , what _could_ I do, if something like that were to happen to you.”

Pausing for a moment, Calum continued, “After that night, in Jamberoo… when I found you like that—” Calum stopped, choking up, unable to continue.

He took a second to gather himself, taking in a shuddering breath.

“I couldn’t sleep soundly again until you _told_ _me_ you were stopping all this. You _promised_ me that you were going to get help, to stop this,” Calum gestured to Luke, up and down.

“You don’t have to worry, I can take care of myself,” Luke added weakly, still not achieving his normal volume.

“Obviously you can’t, Luke! Because if you could, we wouldn’t _be_ here right now, would we?”

Passersby were beginning to stare at the two men, but neither cared, least of all Calum. Luke looked down, Calum’s sentiment clearly getting to him. A dark look entered his eyes, face heating up. Staring down at his feet, Luke began speaking, poison dripping out of every word. “ _You_ made us move to New York, not me. _You_ said my career would take off—“

Cutting in again, Calum, with an, even more, angered tone, took the lead:

“No. You don’t get to blame me for this,” Calum pointed aggressively at Luke’s chest, his anger coming back to the surface. “You and I _both_ know that. You don’t get to blame me for trying to _help_ _you!_ ” Calum paused for a moment, attempting to slow his breathing.

“It is the _only_ thing I’ve _ever_ tried to do, ever since I’ve known you. Now let’s think, how many times have you helped me, Luke? _How many?_ ”

Silence filled the space between the two men. Like being hit with cold water, a memory flooded to the surface in Calum’s mind. It felt as if all the blood had rushed from his face. He knew this sight looked familiar. Another day Luke looked like this— red-rimmed eyes, a guilty look painted across his face. Another day Calum was left behind, _forgotten._

A chill ran down Calum’s spine, as he stood in front of Luke, looking at the oak tree. He tilted his head towards the other man before beginning quietly,

“…do you remember that day? At the football field?”

“Oh, Jesus, not this, please…” Luke whispered under his breath, hands rushing towards his hair, words almost inaudible— but Calum still heard. He turned to face Luke, eyes still trained on the ground, before continuing, nearly silent.

“You _promised_ me you would be there, Luke. At my _championship_ _game_. Quarter after quarter, I would look in the stands, trying to find you. I was _looking_ for you _,_ Luke.” Volume rising word after word, Calum was now staring directly at Luke, Luke unable to do the same. Calum’s face began to heat up once more, tears threatening to spill.

“I told you that my parents couldn’t be there, that I _needed_ you there. For _me_.” Luke finally looked back up at Calum, eyes wide with the memory that had struck him as well.

_Wind in his face, jersey rubbing uncomfortably on his skin. His feet were moving, left, right, left. Score for the other team, dammit. He jogged backward, back to his position, allowing his eyes to scan over the crowd. A blond head with an awful fringe appeared— is that? He felt a smile forming on his lips. A whistle sounded, the boys around him beginning to run, but Calum wasn’t listening, he was looking for his best frie—_

_THUD._

“When I was on the ground… when it felt like my entire leg was on _fire,_ when they were pulling me off the field, all I wanted was _you,_ ” Tears were rushing down his face at full force, as Calum gasped,

_“LUKE!”_

“I was _screaming_ your name, Luke. And You. Weren’t. There.”

The pain, the recollection of his own screams were pounding through Calum’s head, bouncing off and echoing between his ears. He tried to shake the memory, breathing in deeply.

Calum sighed, turning to sit back on the bench, before going to look straight at the old oak tree once again. “As long as I can remember, my entire existence was spent caring after you,” Calum recalled, brokenly. “Do you understand how that feels, Luke? To always follow you around? In primary school, secondary, all the way to _here._ ”

Calum’s mouth was now moving faster than his thoughts. “I lost _all_ that time,just trailing along behind you.”

Calum turned back to face Luke, his gaze met with a pair of piercing blue eyes.

“I had a life, Luke. I was supposed to play football. I was _good_ at it. Of course, you would’ve known that, if you had ever shown up to one of my games.”

“I did go to one…” Luke mumbled under his breath.

Calum looked at him with a look of utter disbelief.

“Are you _serious_ right now? One game, Luke! I played football for _fifteen_ years, and you only went to _one_ game.”

Luke hung his head in his lap, not wanting to touch the subject anymore. Calum pressed on.

“You started to make it, and I couldn’t leave you. _Imagine_ what I could have been. I put everything into us, and as far as I can tell, you put in nothing. I—”

It was now Luke’s turn to cut Calum off, shifting aggressively to face his friend.

“Stop making this about you!”

In complete disbelief that Luke actually _said_ that, Calum nodded.

“Okay, you want to go back to talking about you, sure. We can do that.” Calum stood, placing himself in between Luke and the oak tree.

“How about this: you _never_ commit, whether it be to a _meeting_ , _studio time_ , or getting goddamned _clean_ , you never _fucking_ commit!” Calum hissed. He continued, “Do you ever think about that Luke? You are a _half-measure_.” The words hung in the air.

“Do you _know_ how many times I needed you, and you weren’t there? This isn’t just a _stupid_ football game anymore, Luke. Countless times, and you can’t even commit to sending a _text!_ ” Calum exclaimed, barely thinking, just talking.

Luke looked up at Calum, shrinking smaller with every word his friend says.

“I didn’t know.”

Calum yelled back, “I shouldn’t have to tell you!”

For a moment, all that could be heard was Calum’s heavy breathing. Wiping a hand over his face, Calum put one hand on his waist and wandered in a small circle, before turning to Luke, pushing his hand out.

“God, how did I not see this before? You’re such a _fucking prick,_ Luke!”

Luke’s breathing was giving away the fact that he was now audibly distraught, but nothing was stopping Calum.

“I remember the day you brought home your _stupid_ fake ID. God, you were so proud of it too. It makes me _sick_ to think about it now.” Calum said in a slightly resentful tone.

He took a breath before shakily letting out, “I should have taken it away from you when I had the chance,” he paused, looking in the distance past Luke, absentmindedly biting on his lip. “…maybe I could have stopped this whole thing. I wouldn’t have cared if you hated me, it would have been worth it. I would’ve rather you resented me, then stand by and watch you destroy your life.”

Calum now stopped himself, taking a moment to brush the tears away, shaking his head. The attempt was to no avail— they were coming quicker than he could comprehend. _Forget it._

Voice cracking, Luke spoke up, “…there’s nothing you could have done.”

For a brief moment, Calum quieted down. In a regret-filled voice, he replied;

“There’s a million things I could have done.”

Unwanted silence passed though. Just as quickly as it came, it was gone. The anger and disbelief were coming back in painful waves.

“You went from party to party, all through school. I watched you hook up with him, her. You were _always_ leaving me. Constantly, you were doing things I couldn’t even _dream_ of trying. You want to know what the worst part was?” Calum paused, seeing the tears now streaming from Luke’s eyes. He leaned towards Luke, pointing at himself. “I couldn’t _stop it._ ”

Calum, with an accusatory tone, went on, “You are so _fucking_ selfish _,_ that you would leave me behind for a bottle of _anything_ at the drop of a fucking hat! How is that, Luke, for talking about you?” Calum took a deep breath, absolutely exhausted. Luke just ran his hand through his hair, lightly tugging on it as he did. 

“All this time, all these years, and where has it gotten us? I left my life behind to get you farther. All you’ve _ever_ done is let me down.” Calum repeated, words pierced into the cold autumn air like knives through paper.

Luke, almost unable to speak through the tears, barely hiccuped out, “No, don’t say that. Please don’t say that.”

Calum could practically feel the words shoot through his heart, just as vividly as he could feel his tears staining his cheeks.

Calum noticed Luke continue to run his hands through his hair, pulling harder and harder each time he did. With another pang of guilt, Calum took a deep breath in, and trying to calm himself down. In a slightly softer tone, he went on.

“I’m constantly wasting my time on you, over and over again.” He let out a quiet breath,“We’re just the definition of insanity, aren’t we, Luke?”

Calum looked down and saw Luke’s hands in his lap, which were shaking slightly. The sight shattered Calum’s already bruised heart. _God, he looks_ so _cold._

All Calum wanted to do was hug Luke, tell him they would get through this _together._ That’s what he would’ve done, years ago. Deep down, he knew he couldn’t just play along with Luke’s little game anymore.

“We were _sixteen_ , Luke,” Calum said tiredly, drawing Luke’s attention back towards the conversation.

“It all started with all those parties. The way you would go to one every _single_ night.”

Calum looked directly into Luke’s eyes, “The way you wouldn’t stop, no matter how much I begged you. No matter how many times I tried to _stop_ you.”

Calum looked down at his feet, exhaling. “You wouldn’t stop. Not even for me. And that hasn’t changed.”

Silence grew over the pair, as Calum began to feel the tears he worked so hard on barricading start to breakthrough.

“You know what, Luke,” Calum met Luke’s tear-soaked eyes, seeing a glimpse of hope in them as Calum said his name.

 _No, not again._ The tears came back at full force.

“Now it’s _my_ time to leave.”

All Calum heard was Luke begin to say, “No Cal—“ but he never got the rest. He was already too far gone.

He walked back down the path, tears continuing to pour from his eyes. Frantically attempting to fix his coat, his scarf, anything to get his mind off of what just happened.

Calum plowed down the sidewalk as fast as he could, thoughts starting to spiral once again.

_I guess it’s been a good run, Calum. There goes your only friend._

_Look at that, now you’re alone._

Scoffing at the thought, he kept moving, stuffing his hands, once again, into his coat pockets. Normally, he would have cared about all the people staring at him, but now he couldn’t even think about anything other than _Luke_. He was simultaneously thinking about everything and nothing.

He could feel his breath was suddenly quickening and getting heavier— he was starting to panic. Finding the closest wall, Calum sunk against it, not caring about the people stepping over him. He fumbled for his phone, pulling out of his jacket pocket. He was barely being able to make out the words on the screen through his tear-filled eyes.

Blurry vision and shaking hands, Calum went to his contacts and tried to find who he was looking for.

A name flashed on the screen, and his breath released slightly, his shoulders dropping. Calum blindly clicked the call button, pressing the phone to his ear like a lifeline. Breathing shakily, Calum could feel himself slipping deeper and deeper into his own thoughts.

_Alone._

_Alone._

_You’re alone, now, Calum._

After only ringing once, the other line picked up. He heard exactly what he needed to.

“Cal?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading Look At Us Now! The response I've gotten from this story is absolutely amazing, so thank you again for all your amazing support.
> 
> If you like what you're reading, please drop a Kudos, or leave a comment! I would love to hear from you about what you think of the story!


	11. Chapter 11

Michael was waiting by his door to his apartment, pacing back and forth.

_He should have gotten here by now. Where is he?_

Michael couldn’t help but let his mind wander. _What if something happened to him?_ His mind went blank for a moment. _No, nothing could have happened to him, right?_

Minutes passed slowly as Michael got himself more and more worked up, practically leaving dents in his floor from the excessive pacing.

 _I mean, Luke and Cal are so close. Something_ bad _had to happen for a reaction like this._

_God, where is Cal?_

Michael opened his door and peered out. No one was there. Shutting the door, Michael leaned against it, took a deep breath, and resumed his pacing.

 _Calum isn’t one to just make a big fuss out of anything. This had to…really hurt him._ Michael’s heart fell with the thought.

Just then, Michael heard footsteps sounding in the stairwell, heading up towards his floor. Eyes wide, he stood on one side of the door, not wanting to open it prematurely.

_You can’t seem like you’ve been waiting for him for the past hour._

As he finished the thought, Michael heard a loud thud in his hallway.

_Fuck it, he needs you._

Michael opened the door to his apartment and looked down the hallway. There, on the staircase landing, he saw a red-faced Calum, tear tracks and all, collapsed in the middle of the hallway. He looked awful— overcoat spread out around him, scarf strewn off his neck, legs appearing to have just given out.

Running faster than he ever had in his life, Michael stumbled down the stairs, appearing by Calum’s side in a second. He fell to his knees, sliding across the floor to become eye-level with the other man.

Calum refused to look at Michael. Hiding his face in his lap, Michael could only hear Calum’s soft cries. _Oh, God._

Gently touching Calum’s arm, Michael began to speak delicately. “Hey, Cal… can you look at me?”

Nothing could be heard throughout the corridor, just painful sobs bouncing off the sheetrock.

“Look at me, Calum, please. I need to see your face.”

A moment passed before Calum slowly began to pick his head up, turning towards the blond. Michael could practically see the pain Calum was in, it was written across his face. When Calum looked into Michael’s eyes, Michael could swear he stopped breathing for a moment.

All the pain Calum was feeling, Michael felt it all in that very stare. He could feel the tears, the heartache.

 _Luke must’ve really done a number on him._

The world melted away as Michael placed both his hands onto Calum’s arm, devoting all of his attention and focus to him. Michael didn’t know why he was so compelled to help Calum, but he _knew_ he had to.

Michael wrapped one arm around the other man and felt Calum’s breathing begin to quicken.

“Hey, Cal, you need to look at me okay? Look at me,” Calum turned to look at Michael, their faces inches apart. “You need to _breathe_. Can you do that for me? Just breathe.” Calum nodded and began taking short, quick breaths.

“No, no, Cal, like this,” Michael demonstrated a deep breath in and out, repeating the movement to create a rhythmic beat for Calum to mimic. With panicked eyes, Calum still did not follow Michael's lead. _How did he even make it this far?_

Sighing, Michael gently took Calum’s hand, giving the other man time to pull away. He didn’t.

Michael took Calum’s hand, placing it on his own chest, allowing the other man to feel the motion of his breathing. Michael began once again, breathing deeply in and out, in and out. This time, Calum followed Michael's lead.

Even after Calum’s breath steadied, the two stayed like that for minutes afterward, just sitting on the cold linoleum floor.

“Cal, why don’t we go inside my apartment? This hallway is…well, it’s pretty gross.”

Calum simply nodded an affirmative, and Michael slowly put the other man’s hand down, shifting onto his knees before standing up. Leaning down again, he placed his hands on Calum’s bicep, guiding him up. Still holding onto Michael, Calum rose from his position on the floor, his hands shaking slightly in Michael’s grasp. The two slowly made their way up the final few stairs, Michael wincing at the small noises emitting from the man beside him.

As Michael closed the door behind them, Calum began mumbling on about how “it’s too hot in ‘ere. Can’t breathe.” He started to tug aggressively at his scarf, which just tangled around him worse. Obviously starting to panic again, he moved to try to take his jacket off, but to no avail.

“Hey, hey, lemme help you,” Michael said, aiding Calum in taking his coat off. “Better?”

Calum just nodded. Michael grabbed Calum’s coat, tossing it onto the nearest surface. As the coat fell onto the counter, he felt a weird slickness on his hand. Looking down, Michael’s eyes widened as they fell upon a red, wet smear across on his palm. Upon further inspection, he saw that it was blood.

“Cal?” Michael said worriedly, turning back to Calum.

He saw Calum staring down at his still-shaking hand, which was drenched in the same red that covered Michael’s. _Probably from the fall._

“Cal. We need to fix this.” Calum’s eyes shot up, his face going a deathly pale. Swaying on his feet a bit, tears began to form in his eyes again. _No, no, no!_ “Hey, Calum, it’s gonna be alright, okay? Let’s just get your hand cleaned up, and we can go from there.”

Putting an arm around his friend, Michael led him to the kitchen sink. _Forget about whatever happened with Luke. Calum needs you now._

“This might sting a little,” Michael warned, sticking Calum’s hand under the faucet. Calum’s hand was resting atop of Michael’s as the water began to pour on his wound. Glancing up at the slightly taller man, Michael saw that Calum’s downcast eyes continued to well, but he figured it wasn’t due to the pain. A slight chill ran down his neck; he could feel Calum’s breath on him.

_This is the closest we’ve ever been._

“I’ll be right back, Cal. I’m just going to get a bandage for your hand, alright?” Calum nodded wearily, his hand still under the warm running water.

Michael scurried away quickly, opening the door to his bathroom, cringing at the crimson smear left on the door handle. _Great, more cleaning._ He pulled open the cabinet, sorting through bin after bin for some kind of dressing. Coming upon a tan ace bandage and some gauze, he sighed. _It’ll have to do._

Michael headed back down the hallway, hearing the faucet running in the short distance. Seeing that Calum still had his hand under the water, Michael turned off the tap and gently took Calum’s hand in his.

_They’re… really soft._

_Michael, now is_ not _the time._

Feeling a slight blush spreading across his cheeks, he turned away, grabbing a dishtowel in a weak attempt to hide his embarrassment at the thought. Turning back towards Calum, he began to pat the outstretched hand dry. It had resumed shaking slightly, Michael feeling the tremors in his soft grasp. Michael felt a tug at his heart as Cal’s hand trembled.

“L-Luk-L,” Calum could barely speak.

Michael looked directly into Calum’s tear-filled eyes, “We don’t have to talk about Luke right now.”

The was a moment of comfortable silence. “What we _are_ going to worry about,” Michael glanced down at the jagged cut, “…is your hand, and after that, we can talk about anything you want, okay?” With that, Calum visibly relaxed into Michael’s touch. Michael took that as a yes, the pair standing in comfortable silence as the guitarist wrapped the injury.

“Alright,” Michael spoke softly, guiding Calum to the couch. “Just get comfortable.”

With that, Calum slowly sank down, only a few inches away from Michael. Calum shyly looked up at the other man, almost as if he was asking for something. Michael took a moment, before picking up on the bassist’s clues. Nudging a little closer, he put his arm around Calum and murmured, “Is this okay?”

Calum didn’t say anything, but Michael felt him softly nod his head yes against Michael’s shoulder.

The pair stayed there for some amount of time, slowly becoming more and more intertwined with each other. It felt like forever, and just a small moment, all at once.

Out of nowhere, Michael felt the warmth around him dissipate, as Calum sat up, turning to face him. _Is this the same man who collapsed in my hallway hours ago?_

Neither of them spoke, but Calum looked into Michael’s eyes with an expression that he couldn’t quite place. Growing more confused, Michael was about to speak when Calum took his bandaged hand and placed it softly on Michael’s face, deepening their connection. Michael let out a small gasp in shock.

Then, after staring into Michael’s eyes for just a second more, Calum moved in towards Michael, hesitating when he was only an inch away from the other man. Not knowing what to do, Michael just froze. The next thing he knew, Calum’s lips were on his.

Slowly processing what was happening, Michael took a moment before he began to kiss Calum back, moving his hand to cup his face, mirroring Cal’s movements from seconds before. It was more than Michael could have ever anticipated. All their feelings, all their regrets, their everything was being poured into this one _perfect_ moment.

Michael was the first to pull away, softly panting as he rested Calum’s forehead on his own.

“Did we really just do that?” Michael whispered, and as he did, he saw it.

Calum smiled.

Not just any smile, but the most genuine, bright smile Michael had ever seen. He felt Calum’s tears falling between them.

_God, he has the most beautiful smile. It’s been too long since I’ve seen it._

He took his hand, lightly brushing the tears off of Calum’s face. He closed his eyes, chuckling softly to himself, before glancing up and being met with a tear-filled gaze. Smiling to match Calum’s, it was now his turn to make the next move. As he inched closer to Calum, Michael couldn’t help but think to himself:

_I’m definitely not running this time._


	12. Chapter 12

“—lum,” Luke was barely able to choke out, watching in agony as Calum, his best friend of _two decades_ , frantically ran away from him.

_What am I going to do? What am I going to do?_

Unable to watch Calum leave, Luke turned his head towards the oak tree, tears streaming down his face. _You really fucked it up this time, Luke. Way to go._

Feeling a chill run down his spine, Luke noticed how much body heat Calum gave out, that warmth being swept away with the wind. He let out a shaky breath, seeing it float in the brisk air. Tucking his head into his hands, Luke folded himself up on the bench, tugging on his hair as he did.

Not caring about all the people staring at him, Luke just sat, curled up on the bench.

_Cal—_

A single thought and he began sobbing all over again.

After what felt like an eternity, Luke only noticed how long he actually been there when he felt the wind blow against him, cooler than before. Looking up, Luke saw the sun disappearing behind the clouds, beginning to set.

_Fuck._

Standing up, Luke began to prepare himself for his journey home. Shivering slightly as he came out of his ball of warmth, he embarked back into the harsh Autumn air.

 _I really should’ve taken a jacket earlier_ , Luke thought absently, completely forgetting the events of that morning.

Turning to leave, a translucent white entered in the corner of his vision, a crinkling noise sounding as his boot brushed against it. _Ca— …his ice cream._

Unable to even look at anything that would remind Luke of _him,_ Luke quickly looked to the left, stuffing his hands into his pockets, and began walking home. About halfway down the path, he realized:

_You’re going the wrong way, idiot._

Turning on his heel, Luke began to head in what he believed to be the _right_ direction. Only soon after, a few feet into his new route, he realized that _none_ of these paths looked like the right one. _No, you came from the direction of the gate, right?_ Luke looked towards the gate. _No, no, it_ had _to of been passing those rocks, right?_ Luke glanced towards the rocks. _Fuck, man! How did you even get in here?_ Luke paused for a moment.

… _he knew where to go._

Pulling out his phone, he went to Google how to get out of a _fucking park, it’s not even that big man. Can you not even find your way_ home _without him?_

Opening his maps app, _shit._ The screen went black.

“Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit,” Luke repeated over and over again, attempting to revive the device. He tried slapping it repeatedly a few times, but still, nothing.

“Fuck,” Luke mumbled, shoving the phone back into his pocket.

Luke took another glance at his surroundings. “You don’t need him. You can do this,” he said out loud, to no one in particular. Luke proceeded to do a full lap around the park, before ending up right back where he started.

_Can you?_

After running in circles around the park in enough time for the sun to completely set, Luke eventually swallowed his pride, asking a random passerby for directions. Equipped with _some_ semblance on how to leave, he finally escaped the park.

Once outside the iron archway, Luke stood frozen on the sidewalk.

_Okay, take two, you got this. How do you get home, Luke?_

With absolutely no idea, he just started in what he hoped was the right direction.

_Fuck, I could really use a drink right now._

Luke stopped dead in his tracks.

“Are you serious right now?” Luke yelled to no one but himself. Pulling at his hair, Luke found the closest wall and slumped against it.

 _You_ _want a fucking drink? After_ everything _that just happened?_ He rubbed his hands over his eyes. _Luke, you can’t do that anymore._

He let out a sigh, beginning to feel a warm stream of tears creep down his face. _Haven’t you fucked up your life enough for one night?_

Suddenly feeling completely numb, Luke wasn't even registering the cold anymore. He attempted to compose himself, still squatting against the wall, before slowly rising to his feet. Sluggishly, he resumed his walk back to his apartment, people bustling and shoving past him.

A little way down on the block, Luke saw neon colors splash across the sidewalk, a jarring blue and red light cast across the concrete. His feet led him to an illuminated glass door, the building practically calling out to him. The source of those blinding lights blared a bright “O’Della’s Pub”.

Luke just stood outside the building, staring up at the sign. He took another step towards the door, placing his hand on the handle.

_No._

_No, Luke._

_This ends_ now _. This_ has _to end_ now _._

Luke pulled his hand back, flinching away as if the handle was red hot. Feeling the all-too-familiar prick of tears forming in his sore eyes, he cast his glance down at the pavement, the lights distorting in his water-filled vision. He took another deep breath before fixing his jacket, running a hand through his hair, giving a quick tug on the split ends. The dull pain pulled him back into reality, a sharp _clack_ piercing through the deafening silence, the sound emitting from his boots as he took a heavy step away from the bar.

Rushing past the windows as fast as he could, Luke spared a single glance at the neon-bathed pub as he crossed the busy street. Pausing momentarily at the edge of the curb, Luke shook his head and kept ongoing.

_If you want him back, this stops. Right here, right now._

_————-_

_Three Months Later_

Tortured notes wavered through the air, silver-painted fingernails clicking quietly on the ivory keys. Hands glided over the piano, attempting to play something, _anything_. Luke continued to laboriously plug notes, praying for just a _single_ good measure.

After hours and hours of _nothing_ , Luke let out a frustrated groan, slamming his head down on the piano. Dissonant chords rang through the air, reverberating through Luke’s skull. Picking up his head, Luke moved his hands to his hair, pulling on it out of frustration.

“Come on, Luke!” He aggressively spoke. “What the _fuck_ is wrong with you?”

Looking into the glossy black of the piano, Luke saw himself for the first time in hours. “Jesus Christ,” Luke ran his hands along his face, not sure if it was entirely his. “I look like shit.”

Luke saw tired, sunken eyes— _his eyes_ — staring back at him, seeing right through. _Maybe a drink’ll help me write this album._

“No, no. Stop it. You can do this.”

_Are you sure you can?_

Letting out a shaky sigh, Luke went back to hitting random keys.

 _You’ve got a deadline, man. You_ always _write better after a—_

Luke forcefully rubbed his temples, attempting to push the thoughts out of his mind. A buzz echoed through the piano, vibrations coursing through Luke’s fingertips. His phone lit up to his left.

_The record agency._

“Shit,” Luke whispered under his breath, reaching to grab the phone off of the piano.

He pressed the little green button, raising the phone to his ear with an exasperated sigh. Before he could begin speaking, someone on the other line had already begun. Pressing him, the person on the other line, some manager’s assistant or other, was stating that they were calling to get an update on how the new record was coming along.

“Oh…um, yeah. It’s going _great_ , I’m actually working on something right now.” Luke quickly replied, hoping for no further questioning.

“Mr. Hemmings, you _do_ know that you’re already a week late on getting us those demos, right?”

Confused, Luke asked, “Aren’t those due on the 9th?”

The person on the other line paused.

“It’s the 14th.”

Pulling the phone away from his ear and glancing at his lock screen, Luke saw that it _was_ indeed the 14th. _Shit, where did the time go?_

“Oh, um, yeah. So, I’m actually finishing something up right now— can I send it over by the end of the week?”

“Only if you actually stick to it. I’ll relay your message.”

“Okay, thank you so much. I’ll get something out to you, I promise.” With that, Luke hung up the phone, shoving it into his pocket in frustration. Wrapping his arms around himself, Luke began frantically looking around the room in attempts to find _any_ inspiration for this song that was _supposed_ to be finished by now. Looking past the piano, his eyes couldn’t help but land on a small photograph, framed in silver, tucked away on a little shelf.

Two boys smiled at him, eyes scrunched up in a look of pure joy. Both were dressed in loose-fitting navy blazers, grubby hands both grasping a small golden trophy, holding onto it as if it were the most precious thing in the world. _The talent show. We sang the worst cover of “Teenage Dirtbag”— my voice cracked in the middle of the second verse, but that didn’t stop us. God, he was so proud of that stupid little trophy…_

_Not so good at keeping promises, are we Luke?_

Staring at the photo, Luke felt his breath begin to get uneven. _Dammit Luke, not now._

Taking a breath, he devoted his focus back to the piano in front of him, still unable to shake the feeling that washed over him.

_Jesus, I could really use a drink right now._

Luke looked out his window, the golden glow of the setting sun feeling warm against his cheeks. Placing his hands gently on the keys once more, Luke hit one note, trailing his ring finger to another.

“Okay, wait. That sounded pretty good, actually. _See,_ you _don’t_ need alcohol to write. Take that, Luke!” He exclaimed to the empty room.

“Wait,” he paused, “I’m Luke.”

Quickly brushing past that, Luke felt his fingers begin to dance across the keys, feeling his mind finally take control.

Long after the sun had completely set, the cool of the night settling into the apartment, Luke was ready to call it. Looking back at his work, he saw he only had—

“A single melody? Are you fucking kidding me?”

Shaking his head and sighing, Luke stood from the piano stool, legs stiff from lack of use. Stretching a bit, he walked to the entryway, grabbing his coat and his wallet as he went.

“Better than nothing, I guess,”

He strolled out the door, slamming it behind him.

——-

Walking down the streets of Manhattan, Luke finally reached where he was looking to go. Pulling his hands out of his coat pocket, he reached for the door handle, twisting the cool bronze. The familiar stench of alcohol and bad cologne flooded his senses as he walked into yet another dingy dive bar.

Plopping unceremoniously onto a creaking bar stool, Luke looked up at the bartender, hands shaking as he began to signal over to him.

The bartender greeted him, “You?”

Luke nodded.

“Again? That’s the fifth time this week!” The bartender looked at him up and down, “Themissus kick you out?”

Luke laughed at that, watching the bartender reach down for a bottle under the counter. “No Ricki, I guess I just like the vibes in here.” Luke ushered back.

“Eh, to each their own. Personally, I don’t know why you come _here—“_

“Isn’t this _your_ bar?” Luke questioned, eyes squinting.

Pausing, Ricki continued— “Exactly.”

The two shared a brief chuckle as Ricki slid Luke a glass full of clear liquid. “The usual, right?”

Luke just nodded. “Thanks, man. Just put it on my tab”

Shooting him a smile and a nod, Ricki walked away from Luke, already preparing his customer’s second drink.


	13. Chapter 13

Slowly, Calum’s eyes fluttered open, morning light peeking through the blinds. Squinting in an attempt to focus his vision, he looked blearily at the clock— 6:30am. Blinking to clear his vision, Calum reached a hand out from under the warm covers to hit the snooze button on the clock, silencing the alarm that was meant to go off at any second. Satisfied, Calum shifted onto his other side, coming face to face with a sound asleep Michael.

Smiling softly at the sight of the man next to him, Calum couldn’t help but be a little cheesy to himself.

 _God, how did I get so lucky? I get to wake up to_ this _every single day._

After staring at Michael for a _little_ too long, Calum concluded; _Okay, this is getting a bit creepy._

With that, he peeled himself out from under the duvet, met by the cool morning air, sending goosebumps down his arms. Gingerly stepping to edge of the bed, Calum reached for the nearest sweatshirt. Smiling, he “accidentally” grabbed one of Michael’s, an old All Time Low tour hoodie. Wrapping his arms around himself, comfy in the feeling of the shared jumper, Calum slipped out of the room, careful to be as quiet as he could be.

Lightly padding into the kitchen, Calum moved through the maze of boxes the two had created the previous day. _We should have really spent more time unpacking these and not…_ he coughed slightly at the implication, his thoughts trailing off.

Calum strolled over to the coffee machine, lightly humming a random melody that came to him. Waiting for his drink, he opened his phone and started to go through various emails and newsfeeds. In what seemed like a second, Calum reached for the mug in front of him.

Taking a sip of his coffee, he nearly gagged, _blarghghsh, room temperature? I must’ve—_ he looked at his clock, seeing exactly how much time had passed. _How could you forget about your coffee? It’s only the best thing to ever grace this Earth. Sorry Michael, coffee wins._

With that, he threw it in the microwave, watching it like a hawk so that _right_ before the machine was about to beep, he could stop it. _It’s Saturday,_ Calum took a sip of his now-warm coffee, _Michael likes his sleep on the weekend._

For the next 30 minutes, Calum paced around the kitchen, trying to find something to do with himself. Unable to wait any longer, He prepared two more cups of coffee and proceeded into the bedroom.

Lightly walking over to where Michael was, Calum set the coffees down on the nightstand, perching himself on the edge of the bed. Smiling gently down at the sleeping man before him, he saw Michael’s eyes groggily open.

“Good morning!” Calum chirped, the most chipper voice possible.

“‘Morning,” Michael murmured back, not nearly as enthused. “What time is it?”

Glancing over at the clock, Calum replied, “Almost eight.”

“Wow,” Michael said, a smile spreading across his face, — _gosh, he has the most stunning smile— “_ I think this a new record. ‘Latest time you’ve woken me up on the weekend’”

Calum couldn’t help but laugh. “I’m sorry, you know I can only occupy myself for so long.”

Giggling, Michael sat up, blindly reaching for the coffee he knew would be on the nightstand waiting for him. “I can’t help it, I’m in love with a morning person.”

Smiling, Calum agreed, “Yeah, it’s really not your doing, I mean who can resist all this,” gesturing to himself.

Laughing, Michael went on, “It is your one flaw, Calum Hood. _One_ flaw.” Calum could feel a blush begin to form. Attempting to hide it, Calum took a sip of his coffee, trying to use the mug to cover as much as his face as possible.

Sleepily, Michael was able to get out, “So, what are you up to today?”

Setting his coffee down on the nightstand, Calum answered, in a somewhat defeated tone, “I’m on the hunt. I got a couple of job interviews scheduled for today.”

Taking Calum’s hand in his, Michael looked him in the eyes. “Hey,” there was a moment of silence when the two just gazed at one another. “You’ll find the place for you, I promise.” Michael, the dork that he is, pretended to cast out a fishing line, hook it on to Calum, and attempt to reel him in.

 _Like he always promised,_ Calum thought, nearly flinching at the words. Looking down at his lap, Calum let out a weighted sigh. Michael continued, leaning towards him a bit. “You’re an absolute _catch.”_

Looking back up to Michael, Calum couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle. _What a dork._ He was met with a toothy-grinned Michael, who was clearly very proud of what he just did. _But he’s_ my _dork._

Standing up, Calum looked at Michael, who was visibly disappointed that Calum was not interested in playing along with his little game. Looking down at those _goddamn puppy eyes,_ Calum fed in slightly. “Oh, no,” he said in a monotone voice, “You caught me.”

Smiling yet again, Calum leaned in and placed a small kiss on Michael’s head, before turning to get ready for the day ahead. Approaching the closet, Calum stopped short, realizing that he’d never actually unpacked any of his clothes. They were currently residing in the moving-box mountain he and Michael had left behind before they had gotten… distracted. _Shit._

Walking back into the bedroom, he asked Michael, who appeared to have no plan of getting out of bed anytime soon, “Do you know which of the boxes my clothes are in?”

Looking up at him, Michael responded simply, “In the ones labeled ‘Calum’s clothes’.” _My god, really?_

Sending him a loving glare, Calum answered with, “Cute, _really_ cute.”

As he began walking back towards the door of the bedroom, he could hear Michael remark about how he “wasn’t the one who _needed_ the label maker. You were the one who insisted on labeling _everything.”_

From the down the hallway, Calum shouted back, “Yeah, and look, all my hard work paid off.”

Calum chuckled at the laughs he heard from down the hall, followed by a muffled, “You are impossible.”

Smiling to himself, Calum approached the boxes that were stacked around the room. He began sifting through, eventually finding a pile labeled ‘Calum’s Clothes’. Looking at the sides of the boxes, he found the one with the marking, ‘Suits and Dress Clothes’.

 _See?_ He thought, opening the box. _My labels_ did _make life easier._

Blindly grabbing the first jacket-and-pant set he could find, Calum quickly took whatever else he needed from the box and disappeared into the bathroom to get changed.

Barely sparing a glance at the mirror, other than to fix his hair into it’s signature curly swoop, Calum ran out of the bathroom to grab the pair of dress shoes he had dropped outside the door. Slipping them on, he turned back to the kitchen to hit the coffee maker for his third cup of the day, before quickly turning back down the hallway in a flurry. Ducking into the bedroom, he heard a sharp whistle coming from the right.

Michael was still sitting there, his huge black-rimmed glasses perched on his nose, smirking in Calum’s direction.

“Don’t you clean up well?” He remarked.

Not giving a verbal response, Calum ducked down and gave Michael a quick peck on the lips, a small blush forming across his cheeks. _Ugh, he always makes me blush_.

After exchanging small ‘I love you’s, Calum headed out of the bedroom for the millionth time that morning, grabbing his travel mug and satchel before strolling out the door.

He looked down at his outfit right before he shut the door to their apartment. It was a classic piece but still had some character to it with a modern twist. _Very_ Calum.

Walking down the already-busy street, Calum was now his only company. Looking at his reflection in a passing window, he couldn’t help but think, _Damn, I look_ good _. Why don’t I wear this more often?_ Running his hands along the seams, he thought back to the last time he wore it.

_Huh, I guess the last time I wore this was…_

The memory came flooding back, faster than he could control.

_He turned to face Luke, the blond boy sporting the brightest grin Calum had ever seen. His deep blue eyes were wide in shock, Calum suspecting he looked the same. Luke was the first to break the euphoria._

_“Wait,” Luke began, “You_ really _want to sign me? Like me, Luke Hemmings, me?”_

_Elbowing his best friend, Calum hissed out a quiet, “Luke!”_

_“What?” Luke glanced over at Calum, a confused look in his eyes. Calum whispered out, attempting to be subtle,“Why would you be asking the man who just asked to sign you, whether or not he was really sure?”_

_The two were hooked on each other’s gaze, communicating intensely with no words. Their stare-down was only broken apart at the sound of laughter, emitting from the record executive in front of them._

_“You two really are some characters, huh?” Calum and Luke stared at the man, looking like deer in headlights._

_“Yes, I want to sign you. You’ve got talent kid, that’s undeniable. I think you would be a great addition here,” he paused, “…unless if you have some reason for me not to?”_

_Looking over at Luke, Calum quickly answered before his best friend could do any more damage. “Nope! Absolutely not!”_

_Smiling, the record executive held out his hand, Luke basically running to him as he eagerly reached out and grabbed it._

_“Welcome to the team.”_

_Unable to stop their excitement, Calum and Luke bolted out of the office. As soon as they were out of anyone’s line of sight, they tackled each other into a forceful hug._

_When they pulled away, all Calum could get out was, “Dude!”, which was followed by the sound of Luke’s laugh._

_“Did we_ actually _fucking do it?” Luke asked._

_Only able to nod, an idea suddenly popped into Calum’s head._

_He began frantically looking around, before spotting exactly who he was looking for. Bounding towards some random secretary, Calum peeped up an “excuse me, Miss?”_

_She looked up at him, while Calum continued, “Would you mind taking a photo of me and my friend here?” Calum said, gesturing to Luke, who just waved._

_“Um… sure.”_

_With that, Calum ran back over to Luke after handing the secretary his phone. “We’ve gotta remember this day forever.”_

_“Don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget it!”_

_Feeling Luke’s tightly wrapped his arm around him, Calum followed suit, the pair unable to control their excitement._

_All Calum could think was,_

_We did it man._

Snapping out of his head, Calum realized he had been standing still on a New York City sidewalk for god-knows how long. He could hear random exclamations of annoyance from his fellow pedestrians, so he began to pick up his pace once again, a bit shaken up. He rubbed his eyes, shaking his hands off, attempting to rid them of whatever memories they may hold.

Looking behind him, he could have _sworn_ he heard something, a sound oddly similar to the noise a boot makes when stepping on ceramic floors.

_Cal, you can’t do this. Not right now, please._

Trying to push the thoughts away as hard as he could, Calum put his earbuds in, turning the volume all the way up, and set out to his first interview of the day.

———

Ashton pressed the glowing doorbell, hearing a loud _brrrrngggg— the_ sound from inside. Looking down at his son, Ashton was met with two little hazel eyes pouring up at him. Sending a reassuring smile his way, Ashton heard a few locks click, a door opening.

“Hey, Ash,” The man at the door looking down to the little boy, “What’s up, Johnny?”

Johnny let out a sheepish, “Hi Uncle Harry.”

Feeling his heart sink with the sound of Johnny’s voice, Ashton turned to see his brother opening the door a bit wider to welcome Johnny in. Harry knelt down, Ashton watching as his brother got eye-level to his kid.

“Why don’t you go inside? Lucy and Mason are in the kitchen making cookies.”

Seeing a smile form on his son’s face, Ashton let out a sigh of relief. “Can I, Dad?”

Laughing as he knelt down as well, Ashton answered, “Of course, bud.”

Just as Johnny was about to run in the house, Ashton stopped him, grabbing the small boy by his backpack. “Are you not going to say goodbye first?”

The little boy pivoted, wrapping his arms around his dad’s neck. Ashton held Johnny close for a moment before he felt his son pulling away. The boy ran off, yelling a high-pitched, “Bye, dad!” from inside the house.

Standing back up, Ashton saw Harry’s eyes following Johnny into the house. He then looked back at Ashton. Shutting the door behind him, Harry stepped out to meet Ashton on his stoop.

“Hey man, thanks for doing this. I really appreciate it.”

Looking down at his feet, and then back at Ashton, Harry continued, “You know, this is the third time you’ve dropped him off this week—”

Ashton cut him off, “Yeah, I’m really sorry about that, I—”

“No, it’s nothing to be sorry about. Johnny is great to have around. Mason really likes having him here.” His brother paused and took a deep breath. “I just… wanted to make sure everything is okay. You know, with you.”

Not speaking for a moment, Harry quickly picked up his train of thought, “It’s just, last time you did this was back when—‘

It was now Ashton’s turn to intervene in his brother’s speech. “Thanks for looking out for me, but everything is _fine_.”

His brother gave him a suspicious look, not quite believing him. Licking his lips, Ashton thought carefully of his next words.

“I—umm… I,” he stuttered out, “I just… I’ve got this friend, who’s going through this thing. He just… really needs me to be there for him right now.”

Nodding, his brother left out a soft, “okay.” Ashton continued.

“Really, thank you, so much, for doing this.”

“Don’t worry about it, Ash. That’s what I’m here for.”

Sighing, Ashton spoke up again. “Is there anything I could do, you know, to make this all up to you?”

“Stop,” Harry ordered. “Just stop it.”

Taken slightly aback, Ashton’s expression grew confused. “Just make sure your friend is alright, okay? For me.”

Ashton nodded, mouthing a thank you back to his brother. As he turned to leave, Ashton heard Harry yell, “And don’t worry about Johnny. We’ll have him anytime.”

Waving as he opened his car door, Ashton watched as his brother opened the door to his house, walking back in. Getting into his car and setting himself down in the driver’s seat, Ashton sat there for a moment and then slammed his head back into his headrest. Taking his hands, he grabbed his face, urging him back to the moment. “Okay,” He said to no one, “Where would he be?”

With absolutely no clue, Ashton turned on his car and began driving into the night.

———

After driving around aimlessly for some time, Ashton had a sudden realization. Eyes widening slightly, he made a split-second decision to pull a borderline illegal U-turn and continue in the complete opposite direction from before.

“All New York drivers are crazy, right?”

Laughing softly at his own joke, Ashton felt his heart drop when he pulled into a parking spot. Looking down the block, he saw the place he was looking for. He pulled himself out of the car, before taking a deep breath and fixing his jacket over his shoulders. Mind wandering as he approached the building, he squinted at the bright lights pouring through the windows. Hesitantly, he reached for the door handle to the bar, seeing exactly what he didn’t want to see.


	14. Chapter 14

Staring down at his drink, Luke swirled the liquid inside before finishing off the glass. Waving his arm tiredly, he signaled to Ricki for his fifth drink of the night. Glancing at his watch as he waited for the next drink, Luke noted he had only been at the bar for 40 minutes.

_Off to a quick start. Great…_

Ricki slid Luke his next drink, the Australian mumbling back a small “thanks.”

Luke took a sip— _Oh yeah, that’s the good stuff._ Out to the corner of his eye, he saw strange movement outside the door. Putting in some effort, he looked over and saw a random man take a seat directly to Luke’s left. _Really? The_ whole _counter is empty, and you_ have _to sit right next to me. Douche._

Looking over at the man, Luke saw him smile in his direction. _Gross._ Luke sent back his best bitchy smile before turning his attention back to the _obviously_ more important drink in front of him.

Taking another sip, Luke set his glass back down on the counter, turning his back to the man as best he could. He then heard a voice start, “So,” _Fuck my life—_ “What brings you ‘round here, pretty boy?”

_What the fuck? No, absolutely not, no thank you._

The man still stared at Luke, who looked toward his right, pretending he didn’t hear the question. “You know it’s rude to ignore someone, right?” _You know it’s rude to harass someone, right?_

Sighing, Luke stood up and began to walk away, not wanting any of the attention he was currently receiving.

Only making it a few steps, he heard the man continue, “Hey! I was talking to you.”

 _Just leave me the fuck alone! What about literally_ anything _I’m doing makes you think I want to talk to you?_

Attempting to not escalate the situation anymore, Luke turned around and tried to reason with the man.

“Look, I just wanted to have a couple of drinks,” the man stared at him with cold eyes. Hesitantly, Luke continued, “So, if you could just leave me alone, I would really appreciate it.”

The man was obviously not satisfied with Luke’s response. “Who the _fuck_ do you think you’re talking to?” The man yelled, volume increasing as he began to rise from his stool.

Getting fed up, Luke snapped, “I know exactly who I’m talking to— a piece of shit!” _Where the fuck did that come from?_ As soon as he said it, Luke wished he could take it back.

With those words, the man walked over to Luke, getting uncomfortably close to him. The man towered over Luke— _not_ a very common occurrence. _Oh shit._ Luke gulped. Feeling immensely intimidated and uncomfortable, Luke tried backing away, placing his hands in between himself and the man’s chest. Not deterred, the man kept inching closer and closer to Luke.

Trying to save himself, Luke reasoned, “No, I just— I just wanna talk.”

“Obviously, you don’t. You’ve made that _plenty_ clear.”

 _Fuck._ _Luke, you’re gonna have to make a break for it._

Luke didn’t hear the door open behind him, the little doorbell ringing as it swung wide. The next thing he knew, in between him and the giant, was none other than—

“Ashton?”

_What the fuck is he doing here?_

_“_ Hey— why don’t we all just take a step back here,” Ashton began. _What the fuck is he doing here?_ Ashton continued, “We can all just go our own ways.” _Why the fuck is he here?_

“Mind your own business, shorty.” the man snapped at him. _He shouldn’t fucking be here._

“Look, man. Just step away. We don’t want any trouble.”

Looking up at the guy, Ashton continued to say something, but Luke wasn’t paying attention. He was spiraling deeper, lost in his own thoughts. Said thoughts were getting progressively angrier and angrier.

_How did he know that I’m here? He doesn’t need to be here. I can—_

“Hey! I’m talking to you.” The man snapped in Luke’s face.

“Wha—” Luke let out as he looked up.

“I _said_ , do you know this guy?”

Luke hesitated, “Umm…” He paused, still not fully processing what was happening around him. _Who gave him the_ right _to follow me here?_

Ashton glared at Luke, who reciprocated the act.

The man turned back to look down at Ashton, “Why don’t you leave me and your friend alone, huh?” Luke looked around him, not realizing that two of the man’s friends were now standing behind him. _C’mon Ashton! I was doing just fine before you got here._

“No, I don’t think that I will,” Ashton said simply, refusing to break eye contact with the man before him. _Just leave me alone._

The next thing Luke knew, Ashton was doubled over, head in his hands. _Did he just? A—_ Ashton stood up, a hand coving his nose. He moved it to reveal a bloodied face. _He just— punched him? Are you fucking serious?_

Almost appearing taller than he did before, Ashton rose, a fire now burning in his eyes. He wiped the blood that was pouring out of his nose, red smearing between his pale hands and, without missing a beat, threw a punch back at the man with full force.

_What the FUCK is happening? When did Ashton learn to fight li—_

Soon _everybody_ was punching somebody else, Luke included. Unable to hold his own, Luke just tried to look for Ashton, wanting to get out of there. Seeing random people at the bar join in the fight, Luke frantically looked around him, attempting to not be the next victim of assault. Failing, Luke was smacked right across the face, sending him plummeting to the floor. From down there, he saw Ricki reach for the bar’s landline, probably punching in the numbers for the police.

From his new spot on the ground, Luke attempted to stand back up, only to be knocked down once again. _I guess I’ll just stay down here. The floor. It’s—_ he looked at the gross tile— _nice?_

Trying to find Ashton’s legs, Luke finally caught what he thought might be the drummer's. Trying to avoid as many people as he could, Luke stood up to half his height, running through the swarm of bodies that had formed. _Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit._

As he got closer, Luke could see a pair of cherry red Doc Martens squeaking on the tile floor. _Ashton._ Feeling a millisecond of relief, he continued to rush forward.

 _Is he fending off two guys? Like, at the same time?_ Now distracted, Luke once again got socked in the eye, but this time didn’t fall over. He attempted to swing at his offender but missed by a mile. Just like that, another hit to the stomach. Keening over, he staggered back to his nice place on the floor. Distantly, Luke could hear high-pitched shrieks in the background— _sirens_. Apparently, Ashton did too, because next thing Luke knew, the redhead was grabbing his hand, pulling him off the floor, and unceremoniously dragging him out of the bar.

Before they completely exited the bar, Luke yelled out a broken, “Sorry, Rick!” as the pair bolted out the door.

“Don’t stop running,” Ashton ordered Luke. “We _can’t_ stop running, just keep going.”

Sprinting as fast as he could, Luke couldn’t help but see how well Ashton was handling the situation.

_This couldn’t have been his first bar fight. Honestly, not gonna lie Luke, a little surprised that it’s yours._

Ashton, trudging ahead, pulled Luke into an empty alleyway, sirens wailing in the distance. The two stood there, catching their breath for a minute before Luke realized his hand was still clenched in Ashton’s. Eyes widening slightly, Luke pulled his hand out of the other man’s grasp and ran it through his hair.

Standing up straight, Luke really looked at Ashton for the first time that night. Besides the blood pouring out of his nose, and the bruises beginning to bloom, he looked the same. _He looks… good._

Finally able to partially grasp what had just happened, Luke stood up to his full height, now towering over Ashton.

“What are you doing here?” He asked bluntly.

“What?” Ashton replied, still out of breath.

“You shouldn’t be here,” was all Luke could respond.

After a moment, Ashton explained, “I couldn’t just leave you.” _Is he serious right now?_

“Leave me?” Luke questioned, suddenly angry. “It’s been three fucking months! And _now_ you can’t leave me. Where were you three months ago when C—“ Luke cut himself off, not wanting to finish his sentence.

Stammering to find words, Ashton began, “I— I couldn’t just leave you. I feel like I’ve been…” Ashton trailed off.

“Enabling?” Luke finished for him, clenching his jaw, “That _is_ what you’ve been doing.”

All Ashton could do was let out a small noise of agreement.

Taking a breath, not wanting to cause any more damage, Luke ran his hand through his hair again, smearing specks of blood into his golden curls.

“So,” Ashton looked up at the sound of Luke’s voice, “How have you been?”

_Why are you like this, Luke?_

Smiling at him, Ashton replied, “Are you serious? I’m here, in an alleyway, on a goddamned Tuesday night, after getting in a bar fight for you. How do you think I’m doing?“

Looking down at his feet, Luke smiled. “So… I guess the same as me, huh?”

Ashton let out a small laugh as he nodded yes. Luke pressed on, “I’m guessing this isn’t your first bar fight then?”

Confused, Ashton asked, “What makes you say that?”

 _Hm, I don’t know, maybe because you just absolutely_ destroyed _a pack of men, all of whom towered over you._ “You just really seemed like you could hold your own.”

“Um,” Ashton hesitated, “Yeah, I guess you could say I’ve led an…interesting life.” _Oh, will definitely be keeping that one on the back burner._

Softening a little bit, Luke looked down at his hands, and then at Ashton’s. Both were covered in a layer of somebody’s blood. _Gross._

Looking back at Ashton’s face, Luke saw just how beat up he looked. “You know what?” Ashton cocked his head. “Let’s go get your face fixed.”

Walking out of the alleyway, Luke heard Ashton question, “Fixed?”

Turning around, Luke responded, “Yeah, it’s pretty fucked up.”

Letting a smile loose, he began walking towards Luke. Stopping beside him, Ashton ushered back, laughing, “Yeah, you’re not looking too hot either.” _Rude! I_ always _look hot._

Noticing the other man wasn’t moving, Luke grabbed Ashton’s hand, now doing the dragging as he pulled Ashton out onto the sidewalk. Luke looked both ways before deciding his plan. One way was the direction of the bar— _best to avoid that for now—_ and the other way, he saw a building a few blocks down. _Ah! A Walgreens. Just our luck._

Continuing to string Ashton along behind him, the pair walked over to the Walgreens, practically falling through the door. When the two walked in, there was only one person working at the register. She stared at them for a moment, a peculiar look on her face.

 _What are you looking at?_ Luke looked down at himself, and then at his friend.

_Oh, yeah… right._

The lady up front obviously couldn’t have been too shocked by their appearance, as she simply just said, “aisle eight,” and turned back towards her phone.

Exhaling a brief thanks, Luke now trudged ahead to aisle eight. He got there and,

“Um… Ash?”

“What?” He heard Ashton reply as he came up behind Luke.

“I… umm, think she gave us the wrong aisle number,” Luke said, gesturing to the shelves in front of him.

Sighing, Ashton scoffed, “Look past the condoms, you idiot.”

With that, Ashton walked in front of Luke, further down the aisle. Luke read the little sign hanging to Ashton’s left. _First Aid Supply._

“Oh,” _Dumb blond moment._

Walking over to Ashton, Luke saw him grab a few things, and then turn back to face Luke. “Ready to go?”

“Yep,” Luke answered, popping his p for extra ump. _Again, why?_

As the two began to walk back up the aisle, Luke stopped, “Oh, wait!” Turning on his heel, he rushed back toward the freezer section.

“Where are you going?”

Reaching the freezers, Luke began hectically looking. “Peas, peas, peas…” he focused on the freezers before him, “…we need peas.”

Ashton, confused, pressed on. “And why, exactly, do we need peas?”

“To ice our black eyes, _duh_.” He stated as if it were obvious.

_Take that dumb blond moment._

“You know anything frozen will do, right?” Luke froze, standing up.

“What?”

“Hold on. Did you really think frozen peas, in a plastic bag, had healing benefits?”

… _or not._

Coughing to cover up his embarrassment, Luke grabbed the closest frozen product to him, which happened to be a box of Mini Cinnamon Eggo Waffles.

 _Huh, these are Ca— uh,_ his _favorite. God, remember that one time when we got absolutely sloshed, and he tried to eat them while they were still frozen? Fuck, I mis—_

Luke’s thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Ashton’s contagious laughter.

_Damn, I forgot how great his laugh was._

“So, you _genuinely_ thought peas helped heal wounds?”

Now starting to laugh too, Luke answered, “Fuck off,” as he began walking up to the cash register.

“That’s what they always do in the movies! How was I supposed to know? Not _everyone_ has had your level of experience with bar fights.”

Meaning it playfully, Luke seemed to have struck a nerve. Ashton’s eyes went strangely dull, his laughter fading away into nothing.

_Way to go, man, you’ve only spent a total of one hour with this man and you’re already fucking things up again. Can you even—_

“Luke…” Ashton began, “Why don’t you come back to my place? So we can make you look less like a murder mystery novel,” He began walking towards the blond, placing a hand on the other man’s shoulder as he approached. “Also, you’re definitely concussed right now, I mean, just _look_ at your pupils.”

_Oh, maybe I spoke too soon…_

Luke was only able to spurt out, “Um, yeah, yeah. Cool.” He said, shooting finger guns in Ashton’s direction. _Stop with the fucking finger guns! Please, I’m begging you!_

_————-_

Trailing behind Ashton, Luke followed him into the little house. Attempting to be as quiet as he could, Luke shut the door behind him with great care. Practically tip-toeing into the living room where Ashton was, Luke heard Ashton not being nearly as quiet as he was attempting to be. _You’d think, it’s his son. Wouldn’t he at least try and let him sleep?_

Luke looked towards the stairs, waiting for Johnny to come down after Ashton woke him up with his mysterious noises.

“…he’s not here.”

Luke turned his head back to Ashton. “Johnny. He’s not here. You don’t have to try and be quiet.”

“Oh, okay.”

Ashton walked over to the couch and took a seat, gesturing to Luke to follow suit. The two sat in a moment of silence before Luke asked:

“Why isn’t Lil’ Johnny here?”

Sighing, Ashton licked his lips, _fuck,_ and then began talking, hesitantly.

“Well, to be quite honest,” He paused for a moment, looking down at his lap, and then back at Luke, “Every time I go looking for you, I send him to my brother’s house.”

“Why?” Luke queried.

“It’s just… I never know what state I’m going to find you in. And I’d rather not give Johnny any more childhood trauma than he has.” _More? Okay, now’s not the time to ask about that._

Luke looked down, feeling some kind of weight fall onto his chest. “Yeah, I get it.”

Another moment of silence passed between the two men. Luke attempted to break the ice. “Honestly, this night went better than I thought it would go.”

“Are you— are you _serious_?” Ashton said gesturing to the bag of medical supplies and Eggos beside him, “How did you think this night would go?”

Letting out a faint chuckle, Luke answered, “I don’t know, but what I _do_ know is that my night would have ended a lot worse if not for you showing up,” He paused for a moment, “Thanks, by the way.”

Smiling over at him, Ashton nodded reassuringly.

Switching his gaze down to his feet, Luke realized, “Ah, fuck!” He reached down and took his boots off, “I got blood on my boots! That’s like, my third pair this month!”

Hearing Ashton laugh next to him, Luke turned to face him. “Are you _still_ going on about those boots?”

Joining in, Luke replied, “Why, _yes_ , they are my trademark. I can’t just give that up _now_ , now can I?” Tossing his boots to the floor, Luke turned back towards Ashton.

The moonlight was the only thing brightening up the room, leaving a faint glow across the two men. _Wow, Ashton just looks so…. so…_ unable to think of another word, Luke landed on _beautiful._

A different kind of silence brushed over the men. After a moment, Luke realized he was staring at Ashton for longer than he probably should have. Snapping out of it, he looked down at his feet, fiddling with his fingers, trying to give himself something to do other than look at the person in front of him.

Barely able to hold it in anymore, Luke had to ask. Looking back at Ashton, he began.

“Why are you trying to save me?”

He could see the words pierce right through Ashton. After a moment, Ashton responded.

“I’m not _trying_ to do anything. I just want to make sure that you don’t, ya know, die.” Ashton ended with a laugh, but this time Luke didn’t follow.

“Ash,” He paused for a moment. “I’m a lost cause. Don’t waste your time on me.”

Still looking down at his feet, Luke heard Ashton begin, “You’re not a wast—“

Luke cut him off, “No, I am.” Letting out a shaky breath, he continued, “Not even C—” He stopped before he could begin, running a hand through his hair. “Not even my _best_ _friend,_ since I was two, could deal with me anymore.”

Luke could feel tears begin to form in his eyes, so he forced his head to look down.

_Goddamnit Luke, not now. Please, not in front of Ashton._

Luke noticed Ashton inch slightly closer to him. “Luke,” He faintly heard the other man say.

Luke looked up, only to be met with Ashton’s piercing hazel gaze. Taking both of Luke’s hands in his own, deepening their connection, Ashton went on.

“I don’t believe in lost causes.”

They stayed like that for a moment, just looking at one another in the faint moonlight.

Suddenly, something possessed Luke, and he took his hands out of Ashton’s grasp and rushed forwards, his lips surging into other man’s. With nearly enough force to knock them both over, Ashton steadied himself before he, too, was reciprocating Luke’s actions, not missing a single beat.

Feeling as if they were meant for each other, Luke found his hands making their way to Ashton’s hair, attempting to bring the two closer to one another. Then, reality hit Luke. Pulling his head away from Ashton, Luke, still breathing heavily, rushed out— “Wait, are you okay with this?”

Ashton let out a small chuckle and soon after, lunged back into Luke. _I guess I’ll take that as a yes_.

Engrossed by what was happening, Luke barely noticed Ashton’s hands slip under his shirt and begin to travel.

_Maybe this night won’t be so bad after all._


	15. Chapter 15

“Honey, I’m hoooome!”

The front door to the Clifford-Hood apartment swung open, revealing a beaming Calum. Walking in, he was greeted with Michael standing in the swarm of boxes, attempting to unpack them all.

Laughing, Michael replied, “What am I? Some 50’s housewife?”

Smiling at him, Calum chuckled for a moment before reassuring Michael.

“ _No_ , you’re my strong, independent, and _incredibly_ sexy boyfriend,” he said, shedding his suit jacket and tossing it onto the cluttered kitchen counter.

Still laughing to himself, Michael turned back to the heaps of boxes before him, making little piles as he did. Calum noted that Michael was decked out, head-to-toe, in sweats. _Nice, a bit jealous right now,_ Calum thought, glancing down at his attire. Humming to himself, he rolled up his sleeves to right above his elbow.

“So,” Calum glanced up at the sound of Michael’s voice, “How did the interviews go?”

Calum sighed, walking over to a box and beginning to empty it. “More of the same, I guess. I should hear back from them by Monday.”

_As if you actually got the job anywhere. Maybe you should just stop and join the circus now, save yourself some time. You can ride a unicycle, right?_

Michael nodded, canning the subject, “Didn’t expect you home this early.”

“Yeah,” Calum replied absentmindedly, attempting to make some sense of the pile he was creating, “There was a lot less traffic than I presumed there would be.”

“That’s a nice surprise though,” Michael said, taking the box he just finished unpacking and breaking it down to a flat sheet of cardboard. “I was trying to unload all of these boxes before you got home.”

Confused, Calum looked around, seeing the mountain of boxes that still needed to be unpacked. Sending a quirked eyebrow Michael’s way, his boyfriend continued, “…I may have started a little later than I was aiming for.”

Laughing, Calum ushered back, “As per usual.”

———

Michael could hear Calum behind him, bustling about as he moved boxes around. The more they unpacked, the more boxes seemed to magically appear on the floor.

“Okay,” Calum sighed out. “Now, we at least have piles. Piles, in which we can make piles from, and piles from those piles, and piles from—“

“Stop,” Michael intervened, pushing his arms out while squeezing his eyes shut. “You’re making my brain hurt.” He opened his eyes to the sound of Calum’s bright laugh, before seeing him bend over to pick up a box labeled ‘Pictures and More’.

Michael went back to unpacking the box he was working on, hearing Calum do the same a few feet from him. Humming a tune, Michael was pulling out the last random novel stuffed at the bottom of his box when he noticed Calum had stopped unloading. In fact, he had stopped moving, period.

_Cal?_

Concerned, Michael slowly approached the frozen Calum, standing in front of him. Cal was hunched over, folded into himself. He looked down at Calum’s hands, seeing they were holding a small picture frame, the image tilted away from Michael’s view. Unable to move himself around the boxes to peer over Calum’s shoulder, Michael was forced to ask, in a soft tone, “Cal, whatcha got there?”

Being met with radio silence, Michael attempted to get within Calum’s eye line. Attempting to make it through to Calum, Michael placed his hand on the other man’s and began once again.

“Honey, what’s wrong?”

As a set of chocolate brown eyes met green ones, Michael could see something painful hiding in Calum’s gaze. Letting out a weighted breath, Calum loosened his grip on the photo, the frame tilting back into Michael’s view.

Not wanting to look away from Calum, Michael hesitantly broke eye contact to look down that the photograph. _Oh no._

In his hands was a picture of Calum and Luke, arm in arm, huge smiles on their face and, Michael glanced up at Calum.

_Is that the same suit?_

Looking back up, Michael was met with Calum’s eyes pouring down at him, appearing almost expressionless. Taking Calum’s hand in his own, the pair stood there quietly, taking a moment. Michael, deciding on his next course of action, released his boyfriend’s hand as he walked over to the kitchen counter, placing the frame face down next to the abandoned jacket.

Looking out from the kitchen, Michael saw Calum gingerly resume unpacking, now at a much slower pace, with a completely new box. Any signs of joy were wiped clean off of Calum’s face, a withdrawn look taking their place. As he was looking on, it hit him.

_That’s what been missing._

Sighing, Michael looked down at his feet, before sticking his hands into his sweats’ pockets. _I hate to say it, but Calum and Luke, they…_ His thoughts trailed as he looked back up, watching Calum closely.

_They need each other._


	16. Chapter 16

Letting a breath in and out, Luke slowly came to, greeted by the early morning light. Sluggishly opening his eyes, Luke tried to make out the room around him.

_Where am I?_

Squinting around the room that looked _eerily_ familiar _,_ Luke kept trying to push the morning fog out of his brain. Taking another deep breath, Luke noticed a warm heat behind him. _Is someone…?_ Inhaling deeply— _huh, smells like…_

Luke turned his head slightly, trying to make as little movement as possible. His eyes locked on something, going wide at the sight of—

_Ashton!_

Quickly turning his head back to its original position, the memories of the night before came flooding back to him. After a moment of complete and utter shock, Luke felt a light smile forming on his face.

 _Ha, I thought it was all a dream._ Lightly pressing his back into the person behind him, he tried to check if what he was experiencing was, indeed, reality. _Fuck, it was real._

Suddenly, Luke felt a chill run down his body. _It was real._ Glancing down, he noticed the clothes they were wearing— or, rather, the lack thereof.

_Fuck._

_It was real._

_It… was… real._

Noticing his breath begin to quicken with the abrupt realization, thoughts began to rush through Luke’s head.

 _Fuck, did you just mess this whole thing up? God, he’s never going to want to speak to you again. Way to go, Luke! You finally got_ one _good thing, after three months of goddamn torture, and you already fucked it up. That has to be some record, right?_

Thinking of a plan, all Luke knew was that he wanted to get out of Ashton’s house as fast as he could. He just _couldn’t_ be there anymore, the room feeling smaller with every moment that passed by. The only problem between Luke and leaving the house was the six-foot, 180-pound man that was currently entangled around him, arm draping over his torso. _Think, Luke, think!_

Glancing around the room, Luke had a sudden idea. After snaking out from under Ashton’s arm, which seemed to weigh about three times more than when Ashton was awake, Luke quietly slithered out from his position on the couch.

_Okay, step one— done._

Standing up, Luke could hear something shifting behind him on the couch. _Shit, no, no, no, no, please don’t wake up!_

Thinking fast, Luke grabbed a pillow from the chair next to him. Quietly, he approached the stirring Ashton and delicately lifted his arm, inserting the pillow in his place. _Hehe, pillow Luke._ Ashton appeared to settle back down and drift back into a soundless sleep.

_Wait, so I can be believably replaced by a goddamn pillow? Huh, I guess you learn something new every day._

Wanting to make his exit as quick as possible, Luke grabbed a pair of pants and a shirt from the floor, throwing his shoes on haphazardly. Slightly impressed by his stealth, Luke headed out the door, shutting it as softly as he could.

Standing out on Ashton’s front stoop, Luke glanced back at the door he just shut behind him. Sighing, he took a lookout to the street before him. With a small gasp, he shielded his eyes and squinted at the sunlight that pounded through his head.

 _God, must be that fucking concussion. Great, you’re concussed_ and _a mess. What else is new?_

Letting out a sigh, Luke began walking.

_Way to go, Luke._

_———_

Not quite ready to go back to his lonely apartment, Luke proceeded to wander the city aimlessly. As he walked, he noticed people’s stares linger on him.

_What the fuck are they looking at? It’s not like I—_

Luke cut his thoughts off as he looked down at himself.

_Oh._

He could see his shirt (and boots, _fuck! Not the boots!_ ) were covered in blood from last night’s “adventure”, not to mention his—

 _Wait…_ Luke patted down his pants, _whose pants are these?_

Looking at the black skinny jeans for a moment, it hit Luke.

 _FUCK! Luke, did you seriously grab Ashton’s fucking_ pants _? God, this must be why your ankles are so cold._

Squinting in the distance, Luke could see a row of shops lining the sidewalk. He picked up his pace, attempting to get his concussed head to read the nearest sign to him.

_Square, navy blue, white writing— is that a… Gap? Eh, it’ll do._

Luke huffed and proceeded in the direction of the storefront. Reaching for the door handle, he was hit with a strong gust of warm air as he stepped inside. The sudden temperature change shocked Luke a bit, the effects of last night finally making themselves known. Shaking himself off, Luke wandered in the direction of the men’s section, trying to keep his head down from the blinding lights overhead. Feeling the intense stares of the fellow shoppers, he felt a rush of embarrassment as he grabbed the closest pair of jeans in his size, a random band t-shirt, and— _ah! Son of a bitch, my head._

Looking at the display in front of him, Luke sought out a pair of basic sunglasses, literally _anything_ to cover his eyes. Of course— _just my luck—_ there were none. The only pairs left on display were the most extravagant, brightly colored sunnies Luke had ever seen. Gauging the need for the glasses, Luke sighed heavily as he grabbed a pink pair and stepped in line to check out. _Guess we’re going as Elton John today. Yay._

Approaching the cash register, Luke smiled at the cashier and placed his clothes on the counter. Getting his total, Luke reached into his pocket, fumbling for his wallet.

Slightly shocked at the cool metal that connected with his fingertips, he whipped out what he _thought_ was his wallet. Instead of seeing the brown leather, as he assumed he would, he saw a gunmetal money clip, complete with a Lightning McQueen sticker running vertically along with it. _Okay, first off, I don’t use a money clip. Second of all, why the_ fuck _is Lightning McQueen on it?_

Looking down, Luke remembered, _Right. Ashton’s pants. Great._

Wanting to spend as little of Ashton’s money as possible, Luke decided to buy only what was _completely_ necessary. “Uh, hey, sorry… I know this is going to be a pain, but can you actually skip the jeans, please?”

“Oh, yeah, sure. It’s not that big of a deal. Don’t worry about it,” the cashier said, looking Luke up and down before flashing him a pitiful smile. Trying to forget the look the cashier just sent his way, Luke glanced back down at the clip. _Guess Johnny must like Cars. The kid’s got taste._

Getting his new total, Luke handed the man a few of Ashton’s bills and shoved the money clip back into his pocket. _Forgive me, Ashton._

Luke grabbed the shirt and glasses and proceeded to the changing rooms.

 _Technically, Ashton_ did _throw the first punch, so this is all kind of his fault… right? Yeah, yeah— let's go with that._

Taking off his absolutely _decimated_ shirt, Luke looked in the mirror for the first time since the fight.

“Jesus…”

Luke looked all around his body, jumping from bruise to bruise. His torso looked like a bad excuse for a modern art piece, splotches of blues, blacks, reds, and greens blooming across his skin. Lightly touching his face, Luke felt his swollen cheekbone and the cut right above his eye. Wincing a bit as his hand brushed over the light scab, he sighed to himself.

“…I look like shit.”

Knowing there was nothing he could do about it now, Luke threw on the most recent addition to his wardrobe, before completing his look with the bright pink sunglasses, feeling some relief from the pounding in his head as he did. Looking at himself one last time before he headed back out, Luke laughed quietly at his reflection.

 _You still look like shit,_ he thought, looking down at his shirt. _At least now you look like shit who’s also a Doors fan._ Scanning up, Luke glanced back up at his face. _Oh, and all that too. There’s just… so much to unpack here._

Leaving the Gap, Luke continued his aimless wandering. _At least people aren’t staring at me as much as before. But hey, this is New York after all_. A breeze brushed through the city streets, tousling his curls slightly.

_Fuck, my ankles are still cold. Why does Ashton have to be so short?_

Continuing to pass building after building, pedestrian after pedestrian, Luke fell into a sort of trance, sleepwalking through the streets of New York. Strolling through yet another alleyway, Luke’s head pushed the events of last night to the front of his mind as he tried to figure out what he was going to do next.

 _I should probably give Ashton these back._ Reaching into Ashton’s pockets, Luke felt both the money clip and another few pieces of metal. Pulling them out, he recognized them immediately.

 _Ashton’s car keys. Shit, he’s going to need these back._ Fishing around in the pocket a bit more, Luke realized something else was missing too.

_Fuck, I don’t have my phone. As if this day couldn’t get any worse._

Stopping at a crosswalk, Luke waited for the ‘walk’ sign to light up. _I can’t go back there. Not to Ashton’s house. Not right now. Not after I just_ ran _from him after we—_ Luke cleared his throat.

 _Wait…_ Luke paused. _If I have Ashton’s keys then… fuck! I can’t go home, even if wanted to. I don’t have the keys to my goddamned apartment!_

Pausing for a moment, Luke thought,

_Okay, Luke, I know you had the forethought to give someone a spare key, so who is it?_

Coming up with absolutely nothing, he scrunched his eyebrows together in frustration.

_Shit! Who has the spare key?_

Finally, the face of the spare-key owner flashed through his mind.

_Of course. Calum does._

Trying to think of anything not related to Ashton _or_ his best friend _(is he still?)_ , Luke kept walking, letting his feet lead him. Beginning to recognize his surroundings, Luke couldn’t quite place where he was still.

Deciding to see where his feet wanted to go, Luke retreated back into his thoughts.

The next thing he knew, he was surrounded by the familiar feeling of nature, _in the middle of New York. Huh, why did you go to a_ park _? What the fuck is wro—_

Luke froze, standing directly behind _their bench._ God, it was _their_ bench. Now tainted, Luke could barely look at the wooden seat, but once he did, he couldn’t seem to look away.

He breathed out, “Fuck,” feeling tears starting to form in his eyes. _Not again._

Standing by the bench for much longer than he anticipated, Luke snapped himself out of his trance and looked up to the oak tree in front of him. Sighing, Luke ran his hand through his hair, turning around to go wherever his feet took him next.

 _Just_ anywhere _but here._

Just as he turned to leave, Luke looked up and saw someone standing between him and the path to the gate.

“Mitchell?”


	17. Chapter 17

Letting out a yawn and stretching his arms out, Ashton slowly sat up from his position on the couch, rubbing at his neck.

“This is why you shouldn’t sleep on the couch, man.”

Moving his hands to his lap, Ashton surveyed the room around him. Much to Ashton’s confusion, the house seemed empty. “Luke?”

Getting no answer, Ashton stood up and began walking around his house, looking for the other man. After doing a complete lap, Ashton heard the alarm on his phone go off back in the living room and walked over to shut it off. Phone in his hand, Ashton decided to attempt to call Luke.

Letting it ring a couple of times, he heard a faint vibration from the kitchen. Looking over, Ashton saw a cell phone abandoned on the island.

“Huh, Luke left his phone. Guess you really can’t contact him now…” he huffed to himself before a sobering thought crossed his mind. “…maybe that’s for the best.” Ashton paused, “Where is he, though?”

Walking back to the couch, Ashton began to clean up the mess on the floor.

“Wow, how great is this? You sleep with the guy, and then he walks out on you with no warning _what-so-ever!_ ”

Ashton picked up his shirt, crumpled in a pile on the floor, arms swinging as he spoke.

“You know what Luke, that’s a pretty shitty thing to do. You don’t just _do_ that. You just do—” Ashton froze as he picked up a pair of pants that were strewn over an armchair.

“These are _not_ my pants. What the fuck?”

Twisting his head harshly, he scanned around, his search coming up with nothing— no black skinny jeans, _anywhere_. “Are you _fucking kidding me?_ He leaves and takes my pants. _My_ pants. They won’t even fit him! _How_ do you not notice that?”

Sighing for a moment, he took a breath to calm down before continuing.

“Well, I guess he _does_ have a concussion. …and he _is_ kind of stupid normally…”

Laughing to himself and shaking his head lightly over his comment, he strolled into the kitchen. Ashton threw whatever clothes he had into the hamper, before turning on his heel to go make his coffee. After setting the machine, he leaned forward, resting his elbows on the kitchen counter. He fed his head into his hands, closing his eyes for a moment. “ _Fuck,_ man. Now you’ve gotta go to school.”

Ashton heard the coffee machine beep, signaling it was ready to be poured. “ _Fuck,_ ”

Ashton repeating, pouring the coffee into the waiting travel mug.

“You know, coffee, you are the _only_ reliable thing in my life right now.” Ashton took a sip, “Well, you and Johnny, but he’s not here right now.”

Ashton paused for a moment, looking up. Due to the silence around the room, save for the cars passing outside, Ashton realized just how quiet his house actually was.

“You can’t keep doing this to him,” Ashton said to nobody, as he began walking through his empty house. He leaned back against the doorway connecting the living room to the kitchen, pressing his head against the painted wood.

Last night began to flood back— his brother’s look as he walked away, ripped skinny jeans, crappy country ballads in the bar. Cherry red Doc Martens, bloodied blonde curls, a hand in his. Ashton sighed for what felt like the millionth time that morning, as he scrunched his eyebrows together.

Collecting himself, he took a deep breath and headed to the stairs to get ready for the day.

After getting dressed and pouring another coffee into his travel mug, Ashton grabbed his bag and proceeded to the door. Reaching to the small ceramic bowl next to his door, Ashton was greeted with only air.

“What the fuck?”

Hitting Ashton, he threw his hands in the air.

“My keys. They’re in my pants. The pants that _Luke_ has. Great, as if this day couldn’t get any better!” He stalked off in the direction away from the door. “I don’t have my keys, so it looks like I’m taking the bus. _Best. Day. Ever._ ” Ashton stopped, before patting his pockets _again_. “Shit, I don’t have my money either!”

Frantically looking around the house for any money to use, Ashton was only able to find a stray button under the couch. “Awesome,” then inspiration struck.

Walking over to the hamper where Luke’s pants were, Ashton reached into the front pockets, before pulling out a well-loved brown leather wallet.

“Sorry Luke, but you take my money, I’ve got no choice but to borrow yours,” Ashton said, giggling to himself as he walked out the door.

———

 _Creak._ As the bus halted for its trillionth stop, Ashton swayed on his seat slightly, along with the bus on its breaks. Sitting there quietly, coffee in hand, he kept his head down, not wanting any awkward eye contact with other passengers. In the meantime, he decided to take this trip as a lovely moment for self-introspection— introspection on what, exactly, he was going to do with this ‘Luke’ situation.

 _You_ have _to find a way to contact him. The idiot doesn’t have his phone, though._

 _…but he’ll need to get it, right?_ Realizing his front door was still unlocked, _damn not having my keys,_ Ashton continued, _he could just walk in and take it._ He glanced out the window.

_But you do need to give him his wallet. And he still has yours. You’ll have to see him at some point. God, you’ll have to see him._

Trying to change the subject of his inner monologue, Ashton realized— all he could think about was _Luke_.

 _After last night, he just fucking leaves, and now you’re going to have to see him again. Great,_ Ashton tapped his finger against his lap, drumming a random beat, noticing they were pulling up to the school. _Fuck my life. You know he can be so goddamn selfi—_

“Mr. Irwin?”

Ashton looked up only to see one of his students standing by his seat. Trying to mask the emotions drawn up by last night, he turned and smiled towards the girl.

“Oh, hi Kara! How’s it going?”

“It’s alright. Why are you taking the bus? I’ve never seen you on the bus before.” Kara asked, beginning to head for the exit.

Following behind her, Ashton answered, “Um, a… friend had to… um… borrow my car. Yeah. A friend had to borrow my car.”

“Oh, okay,” Kara replied, the two now off of the bus.

“So um, I was wondering if…” Kara nervously began, “Um, I’ve been learning this thing on the piano, and I was wondering if I could maybe show it to you at some point?”

Smiling, Ashton enthusiastically replied, “Of course you can. I would love to hear it!”

A smile beamed on Kara’s face, “Really?”

“Yeah, totally! Why don’t you come in at lunch and show me?”

“Okay, great! Thank you so much! Have a great day Mr. Irwin!” Kara said, skipping away towards the school building, away from Ashton.

“You too! See you at lunch!” Ashton waved goodbye, heading towards the staff entrance of the school.

Walking in to the cafeteria, he saw— “ _Doug!_ ” Ashton hollered out, waving to the fellow teacher down the hall.

Doug, waving back at Ashton, had a perplexing look on his face. As students piled in for their study hall, Ashton walked up to the science teacher.

“Geez, looks like you had quite the night,” Doug piped up once Ashton was within earshot.

Swallowing, Ashton’s mind flashed back to the event of last night. “Oh, um… yeah. It was a bit too wild for a Thursday night if I don’t say so myself.”

Setting his bag down and sitting across the cafeteria table from Doug, Ashton glanced around, making sure no students were eavesdropping on their conversation.

“Did I see you getting off the bus this morning? You hate the bus.”

“Does anybody like the bus?”

“Bus drivers,” Doug fired back.

Lightly chuckling, Ashton took another drink from his coffee. “No, I don’t even think they do.”

Smiling, Doug pressed on, “So what exactly happened last night that caused you to take the _bus?_ ”

Just in case anyone was overhearing, Ashton decided to make his next statement in code, not wanting to scar any of the middle schoolers around him.

“Well, let’s just say I had a busy night of—” Ashton coughed, “ _Exercising._ ”

Dough’s eyes widened with intrigue, stuffing a smile behind one of his hands. Ashton continued, “And it looks like my, uh, _workout_ _partner_ , may or may not have taken my pants.”

Nearly choking on his drink, Dough spurted out, “I’m sorry, what?”

Ashton laughed at the action, only able to nod in emphasis.

“So, let me get this straight. Your ‘workout partner’ took _your_ _pants?_ ”

Ashton nodded, taking another swig of his coffee. “Yep.”

“How does that even happen? Honestly, how do you know what your own _pants_ look like?” Doug cut himself off as a student approached the two men, but the kid obviously heard too much. Trying to save the situation, Doug smiled in the student’s way.

“Hi, what can I help you with?”

Ashton put his head in his hands as he heard the student begin to ask Doug something about their test on ‘mitosis’ and ‘meiosis’, not that Ashton understood what they were talking about. Laughing quietly as he picked his head back up, he shot a look at Doug.

As soon as the Bio teacher saw the student off, Ashton hissed out, “Dude, can you _be_ any more discrete about my sex life?”

Just his luck, he might have said that a little _too_ loud, getting a couple of looks from the students at the surrounding tables. “Fuck,” Ashton hissed out under his breath, hearing Doug laughing in front of him.

“Okay, so anyway, you were… exercising. And your workout partner took your pants,”

Ashton nodded once again.

“Damn, you’re going to need those back.”

“Yeah, I know! And h-“ Ashton cleared his throat, not ready to out himself quite yet, “ _she_ took my pants. That have my keys. And my wallet. And pretty much anything else I need. Want to know what the best part is?” Doug leaned in, enticed, “She left her wallet _and_ phone at my place.”

Doug couldn’t contain his laughter. “It’s not funny!” Ashton yelped, before sinking down in his seat from mild embarrassment. He let out a light huff with Doug, realizing the absurdity of the situation.

“Are you kidding me? This is hilarious! I really don’t think you know how funny this is.”

“Maybe I’ll be laughing when I can actually _drive my car._ ”

“Don’t you have a spare set of keys?” Doug questioned.

“No,” Ashton took a long drink from his coffee, “John dropped them in a sewer grate and I haven’t gotten a new pair yet.”

“Ah, I see.” Doug paused, Ashton, seeing the wheels turning in his head, “Wait, where was Johnny during all of this?”

Sighing, Ashton went on, “I dropped him at my brother's last night before I went out.”

“Oh, gotcha.” Doug let out, “So—” He paused, raising his eyebrows, “…you going to see her again?”

“Well, I have to to get my shit back!” Ashton answered, chuckling.

Dough laughed as he moved on, “So now, the elephant in the room.”

Ashton cocked his head, breath hitched.

“What happened to your face?”

Letting out an awkward laugh, Ashton attempted to explain without saying too much. “Um, yeah… I may have sort of got in a fight?”

Nearly spurting out his coffee Doug exclaimed, “You what?”

Ashton just paused, letting the statement sink in. “Why? How? Who? Where? Wh—“

“Woah, woah, woah, slow your roll there, Dougie.” Ashton glanced down at his watch, “Look, I’ve a meeting to get to.” With that, Ashton clapped his hands onto the table, stepping out of the cafeteria bench, and slung his messenger bag over his shoulder. As he did, Ashton saw the disappointment rush over Doug’s face. Giving in slightly, he placed his hands on his hips as he nodded in his friend’s direction.

“You get one question, now. Go.”

Thinking for a moment, Doug settled on, “Okay, I _need_ to know, what exactly can make ‘The Great Ashton Irwin’ get into a fight?”

Tapping his middle and ring fingers on the plastic table, Ashton answered, saying so much yet so little.

“Assholes.”

Ashton smirked, walking away from a chuckling Doug.

“Hey,” Ashton turned around to hear what his friend had to say.

“We’ll talk more about this at lunch?”

Smiling, Ashton replied, “You wish, Doug. You wish.”

As Ashton left the cafeteria to head to his meeting, he saw Doug shake his head, laughing to himself, and he turned back to whatever papers he had on the table.

“Oh Doug,” Ashton whispered to himself, exiting the cafeteria.


	18. Chapter 18

Walking down yet another busy New York street, Calum took in a breath of the fresh autumn ( _winter? It kinda feels like winter now. Ugh, changing hemispheres is hard)_ air, sighing to himself before rubbing his warm hands on the tip of his frozen nose. Shaking off the cold, he took his phone out of his pocket and clicked on his first favorite contact name. After ringing once, Michael picked up.

“Hey, Cal.” Calum could hear in his voice that Michael was out and about doing something, his words sounding breathy, rushed. Intrigued, Calum replied.

“Hey, hun, what are you up to?”

“Oh, um… I— I… _well_ , I’m just out. Uh, running some errands. You know, grocery shopping and… stuff.”

_Sounds like some stressful errands._

“Wow, sounds _so_ fun,” Calum said, lightly laughing. “Oh, actually, while you’re out, can you get some almond milk? I’m pretty sure we’re all out.”

“Yeah, sure,” Michael rushed out.

Pausing, slightly confused at Michael’s strange behavior, Calum pressed on.

“So I’m going to the music store on 9th, do you need anything?”

Calum heard silence on the other line, save for a few labored breaths and a random car horn, before Michael stammered out, “Um, um, yeah. Uh, can you get me a longer cable for th—the amp please?”

“Of course, anything else?”

“Nope, that’s it.” Calum nodded to himself, taking note of Michael’s request before he heard his boyfriend’s voice pop back up on the call.

“Hey, Cal, look. I’ve gotta go right now… you know the city cradles my needs.”

_What the hell does that mean?_

“Um… sure. You sure everything is okay?” Calum pushed.

“Yep, yep, I’ll see you later. Love you.”

Before Calum could respond, Michael hung up the phone.

_God, he is so weird._

_…but he’s my kind of weird. Eh, probably just Michael being Michael._

Arriving at the big double doors to the music shop, Calum grabbed handles, pulling open the entrance. Walking in, he headed straight for the electric guitar section, clicking his tongue absentmindedly as he looks for the cable Michael had asked for. Finding what he was looking for, he pulled the box off the shelf before turning on his heel, heading in the direction of the bass aisles. Looking up and down at his options, his eyes trailed over to the packs of A-strings, finding the exact set that he likes. _These ones just_ vibe _differently. I swear they aren’t all the same._

Grabbing a pack, as well as another set of picks, Calum clutched his loot in his arms as he strolled over to the checkout line.

Standing in the line for a few moments, Calum looked around the store, a burst of color catching his eye. Turning back to the vibrant hue, he saw there was a man with bright red hair, piquing Calum’s interest. Intrigued, Calum looked a bit closer. The man was wearing a polka dot shirt, and, clutched in the man’s hand was— … _is that?_

Squinting to get a better view, Calum saw for sure.

_That’s Luke’s wallet, isn’t it?_

_Yep, it’s got that yogurt stain on the spine._ Humming to himself, Calum turned back in line, before his eyes widened and he snapped his head back to the man and the wallet.

_Wait._

_Why the_ hell _does this dude have his wallet?_

His face twisted in what Calum was sure was an unattractive confused expression, he thought for a moment before an unwelcome thought pushed its way to the front of his mind.

_Does it really matter? It’s not your problem anymore._

Shoving the thought out of his mind, Calum decided to figure out who _the hell_ had Luke’s wallet, for whatever reason.

_Red hair, polka dot shirt…_

“Ashton?”

The man turned around to reveal that it was, indeed, Ashton Irwin, the drummer from Luke’s studio sessions at Red Desert. Calum internally flinched at the purple marks running up the other man’s face, small cuts littering his cheeks. An angry red split crossed prominently through the right side of his bottom lip, a green bruise running across the top of his cheekbone.

_Jesus, what happened to his face?_

“Hey man, long time no see,” Calum laughed slightly, trying not to seem taking aback by Ashton’s appearance. Nevertheless, Ashton just appeared to be frozen in his place, like he was seeing a ghost. Calum stood there awkwardly, a perplexing look crossing Ashton’s face for a few seconds before he was able to spit out something.

“Oh hey… Cool-Guy-Cal.”

 _Did he just call me Cool-Guy-Cal? Like, why is_ that _the nickname that sticks?_

Letting out a bit more nervous laughter, Calum proceeded with some friendly banter.

“So, how have you been, man?” _Because by the looks of your face, not too well…_

“Oh, I’ve been pretty well.” There was a moment of silence before Ashton continued, “…and you?”

“Oh, yeah, I’ve been pretty good.” Calum rushed out, nodding his head while looking at the floor.

“That’s… good,” Ashton replied.

“Yeah,” Calum ushered back, tucking his hands, still full of equipment, behind his back.

The two looked at each other as a thick wall of silence rushed over them. Attempting to save the conversation, Calum went on.

“So,” Ashton looked back at Calum, “What have you been up to recently?” Calum asked, still trying to figure out why and _how_ Ashton had acquired that wallet.

“Ah, you know.” Ashton paused and bobbed his head. _No, I really don’t._ Ashton continued, “School.”

Letting out a heavy breath, Calum responded, “Oh, yeah, right,” Silence. “That thing.”

Glancing down at the wallet clutched in Ashton’s hand, Calum picked this head back up at the sound of Ashton’s voice. “What have you been up to?“

“Oh, you know, nothing that exciting. More or less the same.”

Ashton nodded and continued, “Yeah, I do. So, what are you buying today?” Gesturing towards the hands Calum still had tucked behind his back.

Moving them out in front, Calum displayed the strings, picks, and coiled-up cable. “Had to, uh, grab a new A-string. I broke the last one—“

“From shredding too hard?”

“Um, yeah,” Calum went on, huffing out a half-hearted laugh. “And this cable, for Michael.”

Calum noticed a confused expression wash over the drummer. Glancing off to the side, then back at him, Ashton questioned, “Like, Michael Clifford? The manager at Red Desert?”

“Yep, that’s the one.” _SOS._

“Huh,” Ashton paused, thinking for a moment. “I, uh, didn’t realize you were still hanging around with him. Are you like working on some sort of album, or something?”

“Oh, no, we actually live together.”

Ashton cocked his head, “You’re… roommates with him?”

_Oh god, can’t this line move any faster?_

Stammering, Calum replied, “Um, no. We _live_ together,” He paused, hoping Ashton would pick up what he’s putting down. It was clear that Ashton still didn’t get what he was saying. “We live, _together_. Like, as a…” Calum waved his hands in a small circle, “…couple.”

Seeing a look of confusion, then epiphany, then shock cross over Ashton’s face, Calum waited patiently for the news to sink in. Looking away a bit awkwardly, Calum heard Ashton exclaim, perhaps a _bit_ too loud and abrupt—

“You’re _gay?_ ”

“Next customer.” _Oh, thank god._

With that, Ashton, wide-eyed, walked up to the counter to pay, leaving Calum behind.

_Well, that went great. Not at all mortifying._

As Ashton stepped to the side, Calum inched forward in line, placing his items on the counter. Seeing as Ashton had not left the store, Calum realized this interaction wasn’t quite over just yet. _Great._

“Hey, look, sorry about that. I was just kind of shocked to hear that you and Michael are, uh, together. Don’t take this the wrong way, but I just didn’t get those vibes from you.”

Laughing for a moment, Calum continued, “Yeah, I didn’t either until Michael.”

Smiling at the thought of his boyfriend, Calum was given his total and reached into his pocket for his wallet. Handing the cashier his debit card, he began speaking and turned back towards Ashton.

“You kn—“

Calum saw Ashton already halfway out the door, clearly trying to escape the painfully awkward situation at hand. On his way out, Calum watched as Ashton _gracefully_ tripped over the doorframe, and laughed slightly as the redhead looked back inside to make sure no one saw.

Unfortunately for him, Calum was. Sending a timid wave in Ashton’s direction, Calum saw Ashton throw his hand up in response, cheeks brighter than his hair, and then bolt down the street.

Still utterly confused by what had just happened, Calum gathered up his merchandise and card and proceeded out the door.

_Guess you still don’t give off “gay vibes”, whatever the hell that means._

Laughing slightly as he walked down the street, Calum tried to decipher what the term “gay vibes” actually meant.

 _Like… there’s no one way to be gay, right? Am I being gay in the right way?_ Calum paused, genuinely concerned for a moment, before laughing again at the absurdity of the thought.

Resolving to think about something else, Calum began running through everyone in his life, trying to figure out if they gave off the so-called “gay vibes”.

After about three blocks, he landed on the man he just saw in the music store.

 _Okay, so Ashton. He could really go either way. Like, what sane person_ wouldn’t _want to be with him? But who does he want to be with? That’s the real question. I guess he—_ just then, it hit Calum.

His mind went rushing back to the music store where Ashton was holding Luke’s— _wallet. Of course. Just_ another _person falling under Luke’s spell._ Now all the pieces were adding up. _The bruises on his face… definitely something to do with Luke. Unless Ashton’s middle school students beat him up, Luke_ has _to be getting him in to trouble. God, do I remember those days._

Pausing for a moment, Calum’s thoughts began to wander.

 _I hope Ashton is okay. I mean, look at his face. He’s obviously in some kind of trouble. Maybe I should— no._ Calum stopped himself. _You just got out of that relationship, you can’t go back in. It’s a good thing, right?_

Sighing to himself, Calum could only think, _Best of luck to Ashton. Poor guy’s gonna need it._


	19. Chapter 19

_Mitchell?_

Michael just stood, frozen in his spot. Afraid to move at all, he felt as if Luke was some sort of wild animal he didn’t want to scare off.

 _Um, uh… um. Shit, Michael! You_ really _should have thought of a plan. What are you going to do now? Stand here until—_

Unfortunately, Michael didn’t have to wait to find out. Next thing he knew, Luke turned in a complete 180 and began to practically run in the other direction. _Wait, no!_

“Luke!” Michael yelled out as he started to chase after the other man, bolting after him in a near-sprint.

_God, why are his legs so damn long? He’s like… 90% leg!_

“Luke, stop! Please! I need to talk to you.”

Seeming to have gotten through to Luke, at least to some small degree, Michael saw the blond stop short a few feet ahead of him, before slowly turn around to face him.

_Oh, thank god, I can stop running. Who invented running? Because I have some strong words for them._

Michael gingerly walked up to Luke, not wanting to scare him off again. Catching his breath, Michael began, “It’s, uh, Michael.” He paused, before continuing, “The, um, studio manager at—“

Luke cut him off.

“I know who you are.”

_But you don’t know my name? How does that make any sense?_

An uncomfortable moment passed between the two before Michael attempted to break the ice. Letting out an awkward laugh, he turned all his attention towards Luke. Scratching the back of his head, he continued.

“Ha, I really should have thought about what I was going to say beforehand, right?” All he received in response was a blank stare.

Feeling like he was talking to a brick wall, Michael sighed, disheartened already. _This was stupid. What did you_ think _was going to happen here, Michael?_ Glancing at his feet, he conceded to his thoughts.

 _You’re already here, might as well just add fuel to the fire._ Michael looked back up and, before he knew it, words were spilling out of his mouth faster than he could think them up.

“ _CalumreallymissesyouandreallywantstoseeyouanddidIsayhereallymissesyouandIthinkhewantsyouback._ ”

Standing there like a deer in the headlights, Luke didn’t say anything, his blue eyes appearing to just gloss over.

Taking a deep breath, Michael closed his eyes and squeezed the bridge of his nose. Glancing back up, he repeated his declaration to a _very_ confused Luke but made it comprehensible this time. Finally relaxing a bit out of his anxious stance, Michael took a moment to look the other man over.

 _Geez, he looks like crap._ Michael looked a bit closer while Luke attempted to decipher Michael’s message.

 _Huh, every time he came into the studio, he looked like he was dressed for goddamn Paris Fashion Week. Now he’s here, standing in front of me, in a Doors t-shirt, pants that are_ way _too short for him, and… is that blood on his boots? What the hell?_

Moving his gaze to Luke’s face, Michael took notice of the—

 _Oh my god, what are those sunglasses? Who is he hiding from, the mob?_ Michael then saw a blue-ish tint of a bruise that had formed over the side of Luke’s face. _Oh shit, maybe he is._

Realizing it had gone silent for far too long, Michael ended his analysis of Luke’s appearance. Snapping himself back to the present, he blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

“Calum.”

With just the sound of his name, Luke went deathly pale, exposing just how bruised up his face actually was. _No turning back now, I guess._

“He— _really_ , _really_ , _really_ ,” Michael could see the confused and nervous look grow deeper over Luke’s face as he ventured on, “misses you… and… he wants you… back?”

 _Really, Michael? Honestly, 10/10.Just fucking_ stellar _. Oscar-worthy._

Speaking for the first time in a while, Luke could only let out a cracked, “Excuse me?”

_Does he still not get it? Man, what is he on— oh._

Growing slightly frustrated, Michael started over, once again, “Calu—“

Cutting him off, Luke questioned, “ _How_ have you talked to Calum?”

Startled by the fair question, Michael stuttered back his reply.

“Well, uh…”

_Of course Luke doesn’t know about us, you idiot! No wonder why he’s so confused._

“…we got really… uh, _close_ , after y—” Michael cut himself off, thinking of his next words carefully. Coughing, in a vain attempt to hid his slip up, he corrected himself. “…after some… _events_.”

Seeing Luke was still not quite with the program, Michael decided to continue on, “And after said… umm… _events_ , Calum and I got really close. And, uh, actually… um, we’re kinda living…” _Everyone is_ living _, Michael! What does that even mean?_ Shaking his head at the thought, Michael quickly added on, “ _together_.”

Silence came over the two before Luke was able to process what Michael just said. Once he did, Luke hesitantly asked, “So, like…you’re roommates?”

 _Oh God,_ “Um, no?” Michael replied, rubbing the back of his neck.

“No?”

“Yeah. I mean, no. I mean—” Michael sighed, cutting himself off, “Calum and I are…together?”

“Together?” Luke furrowed his brow.

“Yeah, together.”

Once more, silence overcame the two as Michael watched the gears turn in Luke’s mind, his words finally making sense to the blond.

“Wait,” Luke let out, “Calum’s _gay_?”

Letting out a hushed laugh, Michael breathed out, “Yes?”

“Huh…” Luke looked down at the space between his and Michael’s feet. Looking up towards the sky— _what the fuck is he doing—_ Luke continued.

“…I thought he was straight.”

“Yeah, he _was,” Now, why would you say it like that?_

Barely able to hear what Luke followed with, Michael was just able to make out a mumbled, “A lot makes sense now.”

Unable to think of what to say next, both of the men just stood in their places, quiet. Eyes wide at the awkwardness, Michael decided that this encounter can’t continue in the direction it’s going. _You’ve got to move the conversation along._

Rocking on his toes, Micheal cautiously asked, “So, I’m actually wondering…” Luke’s blue eyes met his, “If you could come… and talk… to, uh, Cal.”

Obviously piquing Luke’s interest, the man stood up a little straighter, before his expression turned to something strange.

“Are you going to kidnap me?”

 _What?_ “What? No—No!” _What? Does this 6’4 man really think I can_ kidnap _him? Did he_ not _just see me attempt to chase after him?_

“Luke, all of this is _completely_ your choice, okay? You don’t have to come with me if you don’t want to. It’s just—”

Without warning, Luke cut Michael off. “Is Calum going to be there?”

 _Uh, yeah, that’s, like, the whole point. Gosh, he’s lucky he’s pretty._ “Uh…yeah,” Michael saw Luke sink a little bit before adding, “But he wants you there!” _Now, why would you say that? Jesus, Michael, could you dig a bigger hole for yourself?_

Attempting to not lie, Michael added on a sheepish, “I think.” _Great save, Cal has_ no _clue about this and you just told Luke that Calum is practically_ begging _for him to come back. Great going, Mike._

Luke interrupted Michael’s thoughts, “You think so?”

Sighing, Michael looked away from Luke’s gaze and sighed. _Time to be honest._

“It’s just… ever since Calum and I have been together, I’ve… _noticed_ a few things. There’s a lot of good in Calum. God, so much good.” Just speaking of Calum, Michael could feel a blush forming on his cheeks. _How did I get so lucky with a man like this?_ “He’s, uh, actually started this program, at Red Desert. It helps kids gain opportunity and grow within the music community, offering them chances at the professional level. The kids are so talented, and they absolutely adore him. He’s pretty amazing,” Michael could have sworn he saw a faint smile rise on Luke’s face after the mentioned that.

“It’s just,” Michael led on, “He’s not the same. It just feels like he lost his…” Michael paused, searching for the words.

“…his spark.”

Letting his words sink in, Michael thought for a moment before continuing, “It’s taken me a while to figure out what is different, but recently, it hit me.”

Taking a breath, Michael found the courage to say what he needed to.

“It’s you, Luke. You’re what’s missing from him.”

Luke, running a hand through his hair, asked, “Does Calum _really_ know that you’re here?”

Stammering out, Micheal replied with a disjointed, “Y—yeah…”

_Fuck! You had an out! Why wouldn’t you take it?_

“So he _actually_ wants to see me?”

 _No, but he_ needs _to._ “Yes, he does.”

Allowing Luke’s thoughts to ruminate for a moment, Michael nervously awaited Luke’s response. _C’mon man, please._

Luke began to say something, but then stopped himself. _You’re killing me_.

After another moment, Luke hesitantly let out, “Well, I guess there’s no time like the present, right?”

Slightly shocked, Michael answered, “Uh, yeah. Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

The two stood there for another moment before Michael added on, “So… um… are you ready to go now?”

Michael watched Luke curiously as the taller man looked around nervously, bouncing up and down on his heels. He let out a breath, before shoving his hands in the pockets of the too-small skinny jeans. “Uh, yeah. I guess.”

“Okay, cool. It’s this way,” Michael said, gesturing a thumb behind him at the path leading towards the iron gate. Luke nodded, exhaling a visible puff of breath into the cold air, before awkwardly stepping towards him.

_Okay. Let’s go._


	20. Chapter 20

The two men bustled down the street, a thick blanket of silence engulfing them. The longer they walked down the street, the regrets began to weigh on Michael’s mind, dread, and agitation setting in. As he lead the singer to his apartment, he couldn’t help but let his thoughts race.

_Are you sure this was a good idea?_

_No, it_ totally _is. You’re just doing what you think is best for Cal._

 _…this_ is _what’s best for him, right?_

 _No, it totally is._ Unless _you royally misjudged this, and are about to screw everything up. But you know Calum enough, you should be able to—_

Just then, his bumbling thoughts were cut off by a voice to his right.

“So…” Luke began, “Life with Calum, am I right?”

_What? What does that even mean?_

A cold moment of silence passed before Michael answered with a hesitant, “Um… yeah.” The two turned a corner, “It’s cool, I guess.” _Cool? Really, Michael?_

Attempting to keep the conversation going, Luke continued. “So… like, how did you two, um… ya know?”

 _What is_ wrong _with this man? We’re about three minutes into this conversation and he_ still _hasn’t formed a proper sentence yet._

“No, I don’t.”

“Oh,” Luke deflated slightly, “Like, how did you and Cal… get together, I guess.”

“Oh, you know, after—” _he collapsed in the hallway to my apartment, torn apart by your—_ “some things…” Michael paused, purposely making his explanation vague, “I guess you could say he just needed a friend and—” _unlike some people—_ “I was just there for him.”

In that moment, some feelings that Michael had pushed down, below the surface for the sake of convincing Luke to see Cal, began to bubble to the surface.

 _Maybe you should take notes, Luke, on how being a_ friend _works. God, why does he mean so much to Calum?_

_No, Michael, stop. You can’t do this. Give him a chance. Just one. You can do that._

Glancing over at the other blond, Michael could see his expression change as he presumed Luke was able to put together what he was talking about. The other man just responded with a soft, “Oh, yeah… cool…” and the two went back to walking in horrible, stifling silence.

They proceeded down the street, making it a few more blocks before Michael heard Luke take a deep inhale. _Geez, can’t this guy handle silence?_

“I’m sorry—“

Michael cut Luke off abruptly. “I’m not the one you should be apologizing to.”

In a rush, his mind supplied him with images of that day— Calum on the dirty floor of his apartment building, the tear tracks down his face. The discarded overcoat on the counter, the jagged cut on Calum’s hand. Trying to push the thoughts out of his mind, Michael refused to look in Luke’s direction as he turned away with the intention to continue home. As they kept walking, Michael heard Luke swallow his breath and keep his mouth shut, running a hand through his hair.

Trudging ahead, Michael almost didn’t notice Luke stop in the middle of the sidewalk. After a strange lack of clicking from heeled boots on cement, Michael turned around to see Luke standing still, staring at a random building before him. _What now?_

Turning around, Michael approached Luke and turned toward the building to attempt to see whatever the hell Luke was seeing. All he could deduce was that— _it_ _looks like a little coffee shop. What, is he thirsty, or something?_

Before Michael could begin speaking, Luke turned to him, a panicked look in his eyes.

“You know, maybe this isn’t such a good id—“

“No!” _Luke, don’t do this. Don’t flake, not now._

Luke, slightly shocked by Michael’s outburst, froze on the spot. Letting out a sigh, Michael ventured on.

“Calum needs this. _You_ need this. I know that—“

Luke now cut Michael off. “What if this doesn’t end well? What if it makes things worse than they are now?”

“If I’m being completely honest with you, I’m not sure how much worse things can get.” Michael saw the light dim from Luke’s eye with his words. Attempting to save the situation, Michael went on.

“Look, Luke, if I’m being real with you, I don’t like you. I also don’t really know you. But what I _do_ know, is that you hurt Calum. _Bad._ And I don’t like people who hurt the people I love.” Taking a breath, Michael continued.

“But… I think it hurts Cal more, every day that you’re not in his life.”

Luke glanced at the coffee shop, and then back at Michael.

“I have to do this, don’t I?” Luke asked.

Michael just nodded somberly. “Look, I’m going, to be frank. This could end with you guys never speaking again. But then there’s at least _closure_ , and you can both move on with your lives. There just has to be a definite ending to this story.”

Luke paused for a minute before responding, “Or a new chapter.”

 _Jesus Christ, this guy has_ one _hit song and now he thinks everything he says is goddamn poetry._

“Are you coming, or not?” Michael asked, slightly exasperated. “Because, if not, I’ll just—”

“No, no. I’m coming.” Luke said, beginning to walk away from Michael.

“Luke!” Luke turned around, clearly confused. “It’s this way, man.” _We_ literally _just came from that way,_ Michael thought, laughing to himself and shaking his head.

Looking dumbfounded, Luke just turned on his heel and proceeded in the correct direction, Michael walking by his side.

As expected, Luke was only able to withstand the silence for approximately four seconds. Clearly attempting to make an effort towards changing Michael’s perspective of him, Michael glanced up as Luke brought back the two’s common link. “So, Calum. Really, how _is_ life with him?”

“No, really, it’s good,” Michael responded, raising his eyebrows and nodding.

“Look man, I roomed with him for, like, five years. I know he can be a real pain in the ass sometimes.”

Michael let out a soft laugh, “Yeah, I guess,” He paused, thinking, before adding on, “He _does_ get up at the most ridiculous times.”

Luke smiled towards him, lighting up at Michael’s response. “Ugh, I know! Like, _who_ the _fuck_ needs to get up before the sun does? There’s a reason for it!”

Michael genuinely laughed as Luke continued on his rant, “There was this one time, we were at sleep-away camp. I would be up all night, never making it to bed before 4 in the morning. Without fail, every single _goddamned_ day, Calum would be waking me up _right_ as the sun was rising. At six in the _fucking_ _morning_!” The two men shared a laugh at that. _Sounds like Cal._

“And, keep in mind,” Luke went on, “Wake up wasn’t until eight! He always said something cheeky like, ‘Luke, we gotta get out there! Don’t want to miss a thing!’ Personally, I just think he has major FOMO, but that’s just me.”

Michael couldn’t help but grin at the story. He liked hearing about Calum’s life before him, America, and all that. “Yeah, Calum just has his things with mornings.”

As the topic died down, Michael felt that, if Luke was making an effort, _I should too._ He smirked at the ground before attempted to add to the conversation, “And he likes kale chips. _Who_ likes kale chips?”

With that, Luke’s eye went wide in agreement, throwing his arms out dramatically, “I know! That crap’s _disgusting_.”

Michael turned to Luke to add on, but out of the corner of his eye, something caught his gaze. “Hey, Luke, pause for a minute.”

Luke stopped and proceeded to ask, “Everything alright?”

“Oh, yeah, just… is that,” he gestured across the street, “Ashton?"  
Luke seemed to freeze as he breathed out, “What?”

“Yeah, no, I think it is.” Michael caught Luke glance down at his pants, placing his hands on the pockets. _What the— you know what, whatever._

“Hey, Ashton!” Michael called from across the street.

The man looked over, leaning forward a bit to recognize the person calling out to him. The man then stood up straighter and waved at Michael. As he did, Luke dropped to the street, attempting to become one with the sidewalk. _What the fuck is he doing?_

Looking back towards Ashton, Michael saw him crossing the street and heading in his direction. Switching his gaze to the floor, he heard Luke hiss out, “Is he coming over here?”

“Yeah, what is _wrong_ with y—“

“Shh, just pretend like I’m not here, okay?”

“Um, sure?” Michael agreed, deciding to save his _many_ questions for later.  
Staring back to the now approaching Ashton, Michael could see Luke out of his peripheral vision, slowly shuffling behind a car, making sure to never cross paths with Ashton. Avoiding him _very skillfully, if I do say so myself. And I do. But, what does he think he’s in? Mission: Impossible?_

Shaking it off, Michael turned his attention back towards Ashton, who was now right in front of him. Standing at his side was a small child. _Who the fuck is that?_

 _“_ Hey Michael!” Ashton began, extending his hand towards the studio manager.

Accepting it, Michael replied, “Hey Ashton, how have you been?”, attempting to not stare at the kid who was gazing up at him.

Placing his hands on his hips, Ashton started, “I’ve actually been doing pretty well.”

Michael glanced at the other man’s face, noting the vibrant bruises.

_Looks like you’re doing stellar. What, did he get in a fight or something? Ha, he looks as beat up as Luke…_

_Oh, shit._

Ashton went on, “It’s pretty funny, I just ran into Calum at the music store. Congrats, by the way. On moving in with him, and everything. That’s great.”

“Oh, thanks. It is… uh, pretty great. Who knew?”

Laughing, Ashton went on, _Are we just not acknowledging the child, or— “_ Hey, I know this sounds really random, but…” The redhead glanced to his right, towards the stoop of a nearby apartment building, rubbing the back of his neck. “…I’m only asking because I seem to be running into everyone today. Is there a chance you’ve seen Luke recently? Like, Hemmings?”

Coughing to disguise a small laugh, Michael glanced towards Luke’s “great” hiding spot, before looking back to the man in front of him.

“Um, no… I haven’t. You never know though. He _may_ be closer than you think.”

Obviously not in on the joke, Ashton just hastily let out, “Oh, okay.”

Feeling an intense rush of awkwardness rush over the whole group, Michael quickly switched the topic off of Luke.

“You know, it’s really great seeing you. We should definitely hang out sometime.”

“Oh yeah, totally,” Ashton replied, looking like he was deep in thought about something _other_ than Michael.

Just then, the small boy standing right beside the drummer’s left leg looked up at him, with his huge hazel eyes, and tugged on Ashton’s sleeve, as if he was edging him to move on.

_Who are you?_

Looking down, Ashton nodded, and then looked back to Michael.

“Hey, I’ve got to get this little guy home, but we really should see each other soon.”

_One of his students? You can’t ask, that’s rude, mate._

“Yeah, definitely, that would be great.”

Ashton gave Michael a small wave and turned around to head out, but not before looking back and saying, “Really, best of wishes to you and Calum. He _really_ lit up when he was talking about you,” _He did?“_ See you around!”

With that, Ashton left, Michael ushering back a small, “You too.”

Still looking in the direction of Ashton’s departure, Michael let out a sigh. “Luke, you can come out now.”

Muffled slightly, Michael heard shuffling behind him and was soon greeted with Luke standing by his side.

Turning, Michael faced Luke, whose head seemed to be turned down in shame.

“Now, what the _hell_ was that?”


	21. Chapter 21

Running a hand through his hair, Luke walked through the door that Michael was holding open for him. Entering the quiet apartment building, Luke took in his surroundings. The apartment building was _nothing special. But hey, that’s what you get for deciding to pay rent in New York City._

“It’s right this way,” Luke heard Michael say as he gestured up the stairs.

Treading lightly behind Michael, Luke could feel his heartbeat begin to quicken. _Maybe this isn’t such a good idea._

 _No, Luke,_ don’t _say that. Remember what Michael said. Closure._

The two quickly were approaching the door to the apartment.

 _Fuck, I don’t want_ closure _. I want_ Calum _back. Shit, if this ends with me never seeing him again, I’m going to… well, I don’t actually know what I’m gonna do._

Luke glanced over as Michael began to fiddle with his keys. Actively avoiding looking at the door, Luke began picking at his cuticles. _Jesus Christ, this was a bad idea._ Hearing a door click open, Luke looked up to see Michael holding it open for him, using a sweeping arm to welcome him inside. Following his gesture, Luke walked into the flat, ducking slightly below the door frame to get in.

 _Shit, I guess this is really happening. Like, this is where Calum lives now. This is probably the closest you’ve been to him in_ months _. Oh god, please, Luke. Don’t fuck it up now._

Michael walked in shortly after him, closing the door as he did. _Really_ _no going back now, I guess._

With shaking hands, Luke pulled the ridiculous pink sunglasses off his face, a rush of bright light attacking his eyes. Flinching slightly, he shoved the glasses into his pocket, turning to face a staring Michael.

“What?” Luke asked.

“Oh, _nothing_ … it’s just,” Michael stammered out, clearly nervous to offend Luke. “Your face is pretty… uh, _well_ …”

Trailing off, Luke decided to finish Michael’s sentence. “Fucked up? Yeah, I know. You should see the other guy,” Luke ended, with a short-lived laugh.

Michael smiled awkwardly, clearly not enjoying the joke, before walking further into the apartment. Left to his own devices, Luke took a look around. Wandering around the living room, Luke could clearly see that Calum had some impact on the decor of the apartment. Granted, there wasn’t much there, but what was scattered around said enough.

In the corner, by the front door, sat a beat-up football— _definitely Calum._ On the kitchen counter, there were some cards neatly stacked in a pile. Upon further inspection, Luke saw that they were— _Magic cards? For sure, that’s Michael. Barely know the guy, but I_ know _Calum doesn’t play something that has a card named—_ Luke picked up the top card— _Nicol… Bolas? Now, what the_ fuck _does that even mean? Eh, to each their own_ , _I guess._

Looking over to where Michael now was, Luke saw a heather grey couch facing a TV, with a glass coffee table set in between. On the polished glass sat two X-Box controllers, again set perfectly in the place, right where they belonged. _Classic Calum. Everything has a spot. Used to drive me fucking crazy when he—_

Luke’s thoughts were cut off when his gaze wandered over to the kitchen counter, drawn right to a towel laid next to the sink. Placed there, Luke saw— _Calum’s coffee mug. I can’t believe he actually still_ has _that._

Going over to the mug, Luke reached towards the mug, unsure if he should pick it up. Nevertheless, a memory washed over him.

————-

 _“Are you_ seriously _going to get that stupid mug?” Luke harked at Calum._

 _“Um, absolutely,” Calum said, grinning as he held it up, “How can you_ not _want this? You know, if you’re just jealous of my new,_ amazing _mug, there’s one here for you too, if you wan—“_

_Luke cut Calum off, “I’m really okay. I don’t need a mug from goddamn ‘Kangaroo Village’. We only live, like, thirty minutes away from here.”_

_“Well,” Calum looked down at the mug, “Not for much longer. We_ do _move in…” Calum glanced at the ceiling, “… four months. That’s going to come a lot faster than we think.”_

_Sending a faint smile in Calum’s direction, Luke sighed, “Yeah, I know.” Silence fell between the two boys, as they thought about how quickly everything was going to change soon._

_“I still don’t get your obsession with that mug. Like, dude, we aren’t even from here.” Luke pointed out, breaking the quiet between them._

_Laughing, Calum rebutted, “I know, but we_ are _Australian, and, I don’t know… I’ll just use it to remind me of home. Like, look,” Calum gestured to a different location on the mug, “There’s a kangaroo, and a koala bear, and the Sydney Opera House, and—“_

 _“So you need a_ mug _to remind you that you’re Australian?” Luke snarkily questioned._

_“Precisely,” Calum ushered back, with no hesitation._

_Laughing, Luke continued expressing his thoughts on the mug. “All you need is some Vegemite and you’ll be all set—“_

_“Oh, wait, good idea!” Calum replied, pulling out his phone and adding it to the list of things to get before they left._

_Laughing at his friend, Luke continued, “Look, whatever brings you joy, but it just looks like some—“_

_————-_

“—stupid larrikin mug,” Luke whispered under his breath as he placed the mug back on the counter. A faint smile formed on his face as he did.

Realizing that he and Michael had been standing in silence for _much_ longer than he would have liked, Luke attempted to strike up a conversation. “It’s a nice place you’ve got here.”

Luke saw Michael stand up a bit straighter, clearing his throat before he responded.

“Oh, yeah, thanks.”

Once again, a wave of silence came over the two, this time bringing a much less comfortable haze with it. After another minute of Luke fiddling with his fingers, Michael spoke up again.

“Um, you can sit, if you want… You don’t have to, but if you want to,” Michael paused and then pointed in front of him. “…chairs.”

_Chairs? Chairs._

Luke smiled and nodded in Michael’s direction before pulling out the chair closest to him, taking a seat at the kitchen table. He watched as Michael awkwardly stepped over to the table, pulling out the chair across from him and sinking down in it.

Both men, unable to think of what to do or say, just sat in each other’s presence. _You should say something, Luke. Anything. Geez, just break this god awful silence. You were making fine conversation before— what’s the problem now? C’mon, something to talk about… the weather? No, you can’t do that. What are you, eighty?_

 _Well, it_ is _actually lovely out today, not too—_

“Water?”

Violently pulled out of his thoughts by Michael’s question, Luke looked at him like a deer in headlights, only able to squeak out a confused squeak.

“What was that?” Luke asked, attempting to recover.

Michael then proceeded to stammer out, “Do you want some? Water. Would you like some water?”

“Oh, um. Sure. Thanks.”

Michael then proceeded to practically jump out of his chair and walk over to the fridge. Already uncomfortable sitting down, Luke stood up and began to wander the apartment around him once more. Making his way over to the living area, he looked at the photos that lined the room. _Wow, they sure were able to take a lot of photos in such a short time…_

Slightly saddened, Luke saw that there was no evidence that he was ever even in Calum’s life. _Can you blame him? Luke, what are you doing here? You’re in his fucking_ home _, invading his personal space. He doesn’t_ want _you here. Why would he_ want _you here?_

Luke’s gaze then traveled around to more of the photos before him. In a large, metal frame, there was a picture of a gleaming Calum, navy beanie perched on his head, arm slung around a black-clad Michael, who was looking at Calum like he hung the stars. The lanyards around their necks pointed towards where they were; the Statue of Liberty.

_We never did get to go to that stupid Statue of Liberty like he wanted to. At least after a year Cal finally got to do what he wanted._

Further inspecting the photos, Luke sighed. _What is Michael talking about? Calum looks perfectly happy in all of these photos— he seems fine without me._

Wandering around some more, Luke was now glancing at the trinkets on the table directly beside the couch, perfectly in the view from the door. _How long is it taking Michael to get that water?_

Just then, the front door swung open and Luke heard a bellowing, “HONEY, I’M HOME!”

_Shit._

Looking up, Luke was now staring directly at—

_Calum._

_Oh god, it’s really him._

Calum’s deep brown eyes locked on Luke’s blue ones, his face going a deathly white. Unable and unsure of what to say, Luke’s mouth just hung slightly open.

Then, out of the corner of his eye, Luke saw Michael swiftly emerge from the kitchen holding the glass of water. “Oh hey hun—“ Michael began before Calum could cut him off.

“Michael… what have you done?” Seeing the pure _fire_ in Calum’s eyes, it hit Luke. _Fuck. He doesn’t know. Shit, you’ve gotta get out of here._

Turning to leave, Luke took one step before Michael appeared between him and his escape route.

“No, Luke please stay, I— um, uh— I…”

Attempting to justify _why_ Luke should stay, Michael still wouldn’t let him budge. Looking down, Luke had to know for sure. Speaking in a tone only Michael could hear, Luke lowly asked;

“Does he know?”

Michael, unable to meet Luke’s piercing stare was only able to stammer out a few “um”s and “well”s.

Now speaking louder, Luke went on, “Great, so you lied. You lied to me, you lied to Calum.” Luke looked up in Calum’s direction, flinching away as he saw his friend in his peripheral vision— nonetheless, he was still able to feel his cold stare looming over him.

Luke noted Michael’s expression changing every moment, in an attempt to save himself from the situation he was in. Unable to form a sentence, a beat of tension passed over the room.

Clenching his jaw, Luke was unsure what to do. Luckily, he didn’t have to figure it out, as Calum just sternly spoke up, “Michael. Can we speak in the bedroom for a moment?”

Looking like a punished schoolboy, Michael simply nodded, heading in the direction of the bedroom without hesitation, followed by a drill sergeant-esque Calum.

Not looking back at Luke, Calum just let out a soft “stay” towards Luke, before disappearing into the bedroom himself, door slamming behind him.

Now left alone in the living room, Luke had millions of thoughts about whether he should go or not.

_I can’t flake on him again. That’s how we got here, right?_

Next thing he knew, Luke could hear yells coming from the bedroom, mainly in Calum’s low voice. _Oh,_ fuck _no, Luke. Oh my God, You’ve been in Calum’s life again for what, two minutes? And you’ve already fucked it up. Did you just break up Calum and Michael? Like, clearly the best thing that has happened to Calum since avocado toast?_

Just then, Luke heard a drop in volume from the bedroom, but the message was ever clearer.

“Did you _even_ get the _fucking_ almond milk?”

There was then silence, which Luke presumed to be Michael’s answer. It was then followed by an even louder, “ _GODDAMMIT,_ MICHAEL!”

_Great, as if this day couldn’t get any worse. First, you fuck up things with Ashton, then Calum. Jesus, he doesn’t even have his fucking almond milk to calm him down._

After quite some time, the screaming began to die down, and slowly but surely, it was replaced by muffled voices that Luke could barely make out.

_At least you got pretty sick sunglasses out of it, right? No. Well…_

Next, think Luke knew, the door to the bedroom opened, and out walked an extremely red-faced Calum, and no sign of Michael. _Banished to the bedroom?_

The two just stood for a moment, studying one another in an attempt to see if this was truly happening. Calum was the first to break the silence.

“We need to talk.”

Luke just swallowed deeply and ran a hand through his hair as he nodded in agreeance.

_Here we go._


	22. Chapter 22

Sitting on the couch, Calum attempted to figure out what— _the hell am I going to do? This was_ not _how I thought my day was going to go. God, what was Michael thinking!_

Drumming his fingers on his thigh, Calum desperately tried to think of _anything_ to fill the void of silence that was eating him up, but nothing came. Not quite ready to look at the man in front of him yet, Calum continued to stare down at his lap, thoughts racing faster and faster with each passing second. Before he could get too lost in his own mind, Luke attempted to break the silence.

“So…” was all Luke was able to get our before something _flipped_ inside of Calum.

“Where the _hell_ have you been for the past three months?”

Taken slightly aback by Calum’s abruptness, Luke stammered before beginning.

“Um, I’ve— I’ve—” _Just spit it out already,_ “I’ve just been—“

Not letting Luke finish the sentence that appeared to have _no_ end in sight, Calum’s mind inferred where he was, not liking the answer. “Why didn’t you come back?”

Looking like a deer in the headlights, Luke could only slip out a soft, “What?”

Calum repeated himself, “Why didn’t you come back?” … _to me?_

There was a moment of silence between the two, Luke appearing to be afraid of whatever he might say. _Hello? Earth to Luke? You in there?_ Calum glanced black up at the blond, their gazes not meeting one another. _God, look at his face. What the hell happened?_

After another brief beat of silence, Luke hung his head as he responded, “You obviously didn’t want me there.”

 _Is he serious right now?_ Sitting backing to the couch, Calum let out a frustrated sigh, bringing his fingers to press into the bridge of his nose.

The two were, once again, caught in silence. _God, Cal, just get this conversation moving. Don’t waste any more of your time on him. In and out, the sooner you start speaking, the sooner he’ll leave your home._

_But do you want that?_

Leaning forward, placing his elbows on his legs, clasping his hands in one another, Calum took a breath in before starting his next thought.

“I waited for you. And I—” Calum cut himself off, feeling a bitter taste rise in the back of his throat. Blinking his eyes rapidly to hide anything that may have formed there, Calum tilted his head down, taking a moment to catch himself.

“I thought you just needed space.” Calum heard Luke say, barely above a whisper, directly next to him.

Not caring about his awful job concealing his emotions anymore, Calum shot up, looking back at Luke. “The _last thing_ I needed was space. What I needed was you—” Calum paused, correcting himself. “What I _needed,_ was somebody! Anybody! I just _needed_ someone to tell me everything was going to be alright when you weren’t there.” _God, why are you snapping? Calum, just try to take it back a step. Dial it down a little._

Still staring at Luke, who was the first to break the eye contact, running a hand through his hair. Guilt immediately hit Calum like a punch to the stomach.

“I’m sorry, that was uncalled fo—”

“That’s when Michael came in, right?”

Taken slightly aback by hearing Luke’s voice, all Calum was able to let out was a soft “What?”. After taking a moment to process what Luke had said, Calum shrunk back a bit. “Yeah,” he shakily let out, “It was.”

Looking down at the floor, Calum heard Luke continue, “You and Michael. You look happy together.”

Taking a moment to calm himself down, Calum just quietly responded, “Yeah, we are.” _We really are._

Catching Luke glance in the direction of the bedroom, Calum was able to piece together what Luke was thinking. “You didn’t… uh, cause a rift, or anything, between me and Michael,” Calum uneasily sat down next to the other man. “He just…” Calum continued, “He wanted to do what he thinks is best for me, I know that.”

Calum tried to send a faint smile in Luke’s direction, attempting to make some peace so the rest of the conversation wouldn’t be so _goddamn high-strung._

The two just sat in each other’s presence, taking in the situation at hand. The dread, the memories of what he had said that day began to reemerge in Calum’s mind. The guilt, the shame of what he had done… but also what Luke had done to him, and what their separation had done to _both of them_.

“It was hard, Luke.” Luke glanced over to Calum at the sound of his voice, “It was hard when everything was… changing. With me and you.”

“I know the feeling.” Luke ushered back.

 _Alcohol. Dear God, please say he hasn’t…_ Calum’s thoughts trailed.

“Luke—” Cutting himself off before he could struggle through a new sentence, Calum cleared his throat in attempts to hide his mistake. _No, now is_ not _the time to ask him about that. He’s here. That’s all that matters. Let’s just focus on this moment right here, right now._

Now facing Luke again, Calum could see something going on in Luke’s mind.

“What is it?” Calum questioned, attempting to prompt him.

Luke glanced up at Calum and then turned his head back down to his lap. Shakily, Luke was able to squeak out, making it seem as if he almost didn’t want to know the answer.

“Did you… really mean all those things you said? At the park that day?”

Letting out a rush of held breath, Calum rushed out, “No.”  
Calum, making eye contact with Luke, could see in his eyes that the blond was not fully convinced by what he just said, more particularly the suspicious ‘un-Calum’ way he said it. Letting out another sigh, Calum backtracked on his thoughts, ‘No, Luke, of course, I didn’t. My mind was moving faster than I could think and I—” Calum could feel tears starting to form once again in his eyes. Not caring he just continued, “I said some awful things that day. Things that I can never take back.”

Luke turned his head down with that, but Calum refused to look away from the man sitting next to him. “It was just… a _lot_ for me to process in just a short time. My emotions took over, and I… I just _acted_ on them. I’m sorr—”

“You’re not the one who should be apologizing. I am.” Luke spoke up, sounding almost defeated.

The was another moment of silence between the two men. Breaking it, Calum went quietly on,

“I think we both have a few things we wish we could take back.”

“I’ve got more than a few,” Luke mumbled under his breath, not intended for Calum to hear. But he did.

Pretending he didn’t, Calum continued, “It was just, the thought that you had _lied_ to me. That you hid all your pain from me for so _long_. I hated it. And I couldn’t help but blame myself because maybe if I had just—”

“Stop,” Luke cut him off. “You did _everything_ you could have. I’m just too much for anyone to handle,” there was a pause in the air, “…no one wants me.”

Calum could swear he saw a tear fall down Luke’s face, highlighting the bruises that formed there. _Can’t I just hug him? I’ll tell him we can forget about this whole thing, and we can move on, and—_

_Stop, Calum. You know that can’t happen._

Feeling a tear now fall from his own face, Calum whipped it away before Luke could see. Hearing soft sniffles coming from Luke, Calum spoke up. “Luke, you can’t keep going on like this.”

There was no response from the man next to him. _He already knows._

Taking a deep breath, Calum decided to just go out and say it. “I’ve really missed you, man.”

Luke, finally turning to face Calum once more, had a small smile forming on his face with the words. In a hoarse voice, Luke responded, “God, I’ve missed you so much. You have no idea.” _Actually,_ “Well, I guess you kind of do,” Luke ended with a soft laugh.

Smiling lightly to himself, Calum soon realized, _he really has changed. In some way, for better or worse, he’s just… different._

He looked at Luke, who was now picking at his cuticles to fill his mind. _Do you really want to throw away_ twenty years _of friendship because of one fight? He’s your best friend, and if you just throw everything you had away, does that make anything better?_

Sighing, Calum complied his thoughts. _You’re going to give him another chance. But just one. One chance, and one chance only. After that… well, that’s for him to decide…_

Breaking the silence, Calum started, “Hey, look. I’ve sort of… got this _thing_ next week, on Friday. It’s kind of stupid, but it’s this little party thing at Red Desert. I’m giving a speech, and if you want to—“

“I’ll be there,” Luke confidently replied, some hope flickering in his eyes. _Really? Are you sure?_

“If you don’t want to, you don’t have to come. It doesn’t really seem like your thing but—“

“No, no,” Luke cut Calum off again. “I’ll be there. What time?” _Luke, I’m giving you an out here, just take it, please. I don’t want to do this all over again._

“Um…” Calum let out a cough, “It’s starting at eight.”

Luke nodded, grabbing the pen from the off table in front of them, and began writing on his arm what Calum presumed was a note about it. _We have paper, you know?_

Looking back over at Luke, the sunlight from the windows began pouring into the room, causing Calum to stick his hand up over his eyes. Luke, looking up from his lap, seemed to be slightly pained from the light. _W_ _hat, is he a fucking vampire? Well, he does have the shoulders for one._

Reaching into his pocket, Luke pulled out a pair of giant pink sunglasses. _What the hell are those?_ Putting them on his face, Luke stood up, now towering over Calum.

Standing up as well, Calum further inspected the sunglasses, just growing more and more confused the longer he stared.

“Um… it looks like it’s getting late,” Luke said, gesturing to the setting sun behind him, “I should probably start heading home.”

“Oh, yeah, of course, no problem.”

The two walked over to the front door and awkwardly stood in front of it, not really wanting the moment to end, but knowing it had to.

“So,” Luke began, “I’ll see you Friday, then?”

“Yep,” Calum responded. _Please be there. Please._ “Good to see you, mate.” Calum smiled softly at the ground, opening the door for Luke.

“Yeah, you too,” Luke said, ducking under the door frame. _He is_ so _fucking tall. Good to know some things never change._

“Night,” Calum called out as Luke was leaving.

Luke turned around and flashed a smile back, giving a small wave as he did. And with that, Calum shut the door behind him.

Letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in, Calum quietly let out, “What _the hell_ just happened?”

Leaning against the door frame, Calum tried to think straight, recount what had just happened.

Walking over to the couch, Calum glanced down toward the closed bedroom door.

 _Oh, shit. You’ve got to fix this._ Please _say I didn’t do too much damage. Please._

Slowly approaching the door, Calum lightly walked towards it, stopping right in front of the painted wood. Placing his hand on the handle, he paused, lingering on it for just a moment before he turned it, opening the door.

Taking a step into the room, he was greeted by Michael, who was sitting on their bed looking like _a kicked puppy. Way to go, Cal._ You _did that._

Unable to think of what to say, Calum just stood there, hand still on the door handle.

Michael began speaking, “Cal, look I’m sorry for not talking to you bef—”

Calum cut him off, running over to Michael, taking him into a hug, and nearly collapsing in his arms.

Holding on to Michael like his life depended on it, Calum could feel some tears start to fall from his face. Shoving his head into the crook between Michael’s neck and his shoulder, Calum began mumbling out wordless apologies, attempting to make up for whatever he said to his boyfriend.

As soon as he began, he was quickly hushed by Michael, who had one hand wrapped around Calum’s back, and the other running soothing strokes through Calum’s hair.

Face still buried in Michael, all Calum was able to choke out was, “I love you,” He squeezed Michael a little tighter, “God, I love you so much.”

Turning his head, Michael lightly placed a delicate kiss on Calum’s temple before responding softly, “I love you too, Cal. Don’t you _ever_ forget that.”

Forcing his head deeper into the crook of Michael’s neck, Calum heard Michael continue, “And, I _promise_ , I’ll get you almond milk tomorrow.”

Letting out a soft laugh, Calum could feel Michael laughing along as well. Pulling his head out of his boyfriend’s shoulder, Calum looked into Michael’s eyes, _how did I get so damn lucky?,_ before pulling Michael into a soft and endearing kiss.

“I love you. Don’t _you_ ever forget that.”


	23. Chapter 23

Opening the door to the outside world, Luke was hit with a wave of air rushing towards him, snapping him out of his thoughts and back into reality. Still not completely sure what just happened, Luke took his hand, pushing his hair from the top of his temple back. Now, feeling much more energized and full of life, Luke exited the apartment building, stepping onto the street.

_You… just saw Cal. As in, Calum._

All of a sudden, Luke was pushed out of his thoughts as a heavy weight collided with his left shoulder. With a shout coming from behind, Luke realized he had just been standing in the middle of the sidewalk, passersby _attempting_ to move around him, but giving him annoyed looks nonetheless. All he could do was glance back to the building behind him, a faint smile forming as he did.

_He looked… happy. Happy, with Michael._

_Happy… without you._

_No, Luke! Stop. You won’t get_ anywhere _with thoughts like that. Just think positively. You didn’t fuck it up._

_Hey, you didn’t fuck it up, Luke! Can’t say that every day, now can we? Live in the moment. Way to go you!_

With some more pep in his step, Luke began to walk down the sidewalk, no destination in mind. _Calum’s enjoying life, and you’re_ not _going to screw that up for him._

Continuing to mindlessly wander the endless streets of New York, Luke thought back to just _what_ Calum had said, right before Luke left.

 _Okay, Luke, he’s giving you another shot. You_ can’t _fuck it up this time. You just can’t, there are no exceptions._

Passing the millionth Starbucks, Luke’s thoughts continued to race.

_So, you’ve got to go to his speech thing on Thursday. No— Friday. Thursday? Friday? Shit, shit, shit, no! Luke, you couldn’t have forgotten already! He just told y—_

Cutting himself off, Luke glanced down at his arm. _Oh my god, Luke. You are_ actually _a genius, you know that, right?_

In smudged black marker, a note read: “Friday, Red Des. 8.”

 _I should put it in my calendar. Luke, you_ cannot _forget._

Reaching into his pockets, Luke froze for a moment.

_Shit, did you leave your phone at Calum’s? Dude, are you serious? You can’t go back there now—_

_Wait._

He paused, feeling the tight pull of his jeans around his thighs, wind hitting the few inches of ankle exposed due to the short length of the black skinny jeans. Reaching into the pocket, he felt the money clip that was there earlier today.

_Ashton._

Letting out a sigh, Luke frantically began to think of what to do next.

_Oh, fuck, Ashton. Great, you start to fix one relationship, and you mess up another. Way to fucking go, Luke._

Sighing defeatedly, Luke nervously bit on the inside of his cheek, resuming the brainstorming of solutions to the whole “Ashton” problem he was now facing.

 _Can't you just… sneak into his house and grab your phone? No Luke, that’s_ very _creepy. And, like,_ very _illegal._

Looking up, Luke noticed he stopped moving— right in front of a payphone.

Letting out another defeated huff, Luke knew what he had to do. Tentatively stepping closer to the payphone, Luke slowly closed in on it, reaching for a few spare coins in his pocket as he did.

 _Sorry, Ash, but I gotta spend a bit more of your money. But, hey, it’s to get you your money back, so really, you’ll be_ making _money by_ getting _money back that was… already yours to begin with._

Stopping for a moment, confusing himself a bit, Luke continued to stand idly by the phone, hand outstretched to grab the receiver off the cradle.

 _Well,_ actually _, I guess you can say it was the government’s to start off with— Oh, shut up Luke. Now you’re just stalling._

Hands slightly shaking, not sure if it was from the adrenaline of seeing Calum or the nerves of calling Ashton, Luke inserted a handful of coins into the machine, not completely sure how the booths worked. Taking the phone off of its stand, Luke pressed it to his ear, and then dialed Ashton’s number.

 _God, Luke. You’re such a goddamn simp, having his number memorized._ The line rang on the other side a few times. _Let’s be real though, who_ wouldn’t _do anything for Ashton fucking Irwin? I mean, have you_ seen _what that man looks like, not to_ mention _what he can do with—_

“‘ello? Ashton Irwin.”

_Oh shit, shit, shit._

“Hello?” Ashton repeated.

_Luke, say something, you goose!_

Clearing his throat, Luke finally spoke up, “Um, hey, Ash?”

Hearing the other line go silent for a moment, Luke worried Ashton was about to hang up on him. However, soon after, he heard the voice peep up on the other line.

“Luke? Is that you?”

“Uh, yeah, it is.”

There was a moment of silence between the two, neither one exactly sure on what to say.

Running a hand through his golden curls, Luke took the initiative. “I— uh, sort of left my phone at your place… and my wallet… and, um, well…” Luke took a breath in, “…my pants. too. And I sort of, kind of, have yours… and your wallet.”

Hearing a soft chuckle from the other end of the line, Luke felt a brief moment of relief wash over him. “Yeah, I noticed,” Ashton replied, a lightness seeping into his tone.

Once again, the two men went quiet, not sure whether to continue the playful conversation or not.

“I’m—” Luke began, “I’m really… sorry,” _Sure are saying that a lot today_.

“I’m sorry that I walked out on you this morning. I… I didn’t mean to.” _You didn’t mean to? Luke, you can be so_ stupid _sometimes!_

“What do you mean, ‘you didn’t mean to’? You just _left_. That seems _pretty_ intentional if you ask me.”

_Fuck._

“I— I— I— well, uh, you see, um… well… today… no, no… I… actually… Calum—um…” Unable to form a cohesive sentence, Luke was _thankfully_ interrupted by Ashton.

“Wait, Calum?”

Luke left out a soft, “Yeah,” Ashton continuing.

“Luke, is everything okay?”

Taking a moment to gather his thoughts, Luke questioned how to exactly answer that. _I guess you can say yes, relative to the past couple of months. But the past couple of months_ have _been shit so, there’s that. But, actually, it was a pretty good day today. The weather was actually quite lovely…_

“Luke?” Luke heard from the other man, now assuming a worried tone.

 _Oh, fuck, yeah,_ “Yeah, um, everything is alright. Last night was just… crazy.”

Hearing a huff from the other side, Ashton added, “You can say _that_ again.”

“Last night was crazy,” Luke repeated cockily. He heard a laugh come from the other end of the line. _God, I love his laugh._

“You are certainly one of a kind, Luke Hemmings.” _I’m just a girl, standing before a boy, asking him to lov— No, Luke, not the time for your Julia Roberts soliloquy._

Another beat of silence passed, before Luke butted in, “I don’t regret any of it. I just… thought you should know.” Holding his breath, awaiting Ashton’s response, Luke fiddled with the phone wire to occupy his hands.

After what felt like an eternity, Luke heard the other man start, “I— I don’t, either.”

Luke let his eyes slip closed, held breath escaping his lips.

This time, Ashton was the first to break the quiet. “Do you, maybe want to get… uh, meetup for… lunch, or something, sometime?”

“Yes,” Luke replied maybe a _little_ too fast. “But— wait, aren’t you a teacher?”

Hearing a small laugh from the other end, Luke heard Ashton start, “Well, it would have to be over the weekend, obviously.”

The two shared a brief laugh before Luke felt a small smile grace his lips.

“I would love to.”

“It’s a date,” Ashton added. _A date. With Ashton. Wow._

“Um, but I wouldn’t mind, ya know… getting my pants back, even if they _are_ covered in blood. And my phone. And money. And give you back _your_ pants. And money. Oh, which, by the way, I had to use some of today. But I’ll _totally_ pay you back. Like, it was just the heat of the moment and I had no other cash and I just had—”

“Luke, it’s all good. I had to use some of yours, too. Let’s just… call it even, okay?”

“Oh, okay,” _What. A. Guy._

Ashton continued, “We can figure something out, though. Actually, now that I’m thinking about it, John wants to see you too. He’s been asking about you. _A lot_. I think he made a new friend,” Ashton ended with a small chuckle.

“And I, he,” Luke concluded. _Who the_ fuck _talks like that, Luke?_

The line went silent for a moment before Ashton spoke up again, “You could… uh, come over now, if you want.”

Taken slightly aback, Luke shook his head, bring him back to the present. “Now? Um, yeah. I can do that. I’ll see you in a few, I guess.”

“Yeah, see you soon.”

They both lingered for a moment on the line.  
“Bye, Ash.”

“Goodbye, Luke.”

And with that, Luke placed the payphone back in its cradle, smiling to himself for a second, before taking off in the direction of Ashton’s place.


	24. Chapter 24

“Okay…. okay. It’s _all_ going to be okay, right?”

Pacing around his kitchen, Ashton was eagerly trying to think of something, _anything_ he could do to pass the time until Luke arrived.

Picking up the singular spoon that was lying in the sink, Ashton began frantically scrubbing at it to fill the void. “It’s all going to be fine. Luke is _just_ coming over here. No big deal.”

Pausing his frantic scrubs, Ashton looked at his warped reflection in the concave piece of metal. Repeating, Ashton began, “Luke… is coming over. Here. Now. _Shit_.”

Ashton, thinking out loud, became engrossed in his thoughts. “Luke _said_ he was fine. He told me, he _is_ fine. He was with Calum, that’s a good thing right? Except, last time he was with Calum…” Ashton let his voice trail.

Letting out a sigh, he went on, playing devil’s advocate with himself. “No, no, he wouldn’t lie to you.” He continued scrubbing, before pausing again. “Not that he hasn’t before. He just sounded… different. Wait, but what if he’s really _not_ fine, though? _Shit!_ Then you would be bringing him into your house! With Johnny! You can’t do that to the kid. Making him witness another emotionally unstable adult in the house? Dad of the Year everybody, right here!” Ashton heckled, pointing at himself to his imaginary audience.

Throwing his head down on the counter, Ashton went on, “No, you brought yourself into this mess, you’ll have to get yourself out.” Ashton groaned, lifting his head up and continuing with his monologue, “God, please don’t let this be a mess. Okay, think positively,Ash. This could be good… yeah. This could be good.”

Looking back at his reflection in the spoon that was still clutched in his left hand, Ashton started to try and think on the bright side. “Again, think _positively_. You can do this. This could be a nice thing for you. You deserve this! Yeah, you do. Just breathe. Relax. Luke _didn’t_ lie to you. Everything will be _fine_.”

Just then, Johnny came bursting down the stairs, causing Ashton to look up from his reflection.

_She always lied._

_Ash, stop. Don’t compare them. They are_ nothing _alike. Except—_

“Dad, have you seen my red blanket? The one that matches your hair?” Johnny asked, letting out a small giggle as he did.

Reciprocating the action, Ashton leaned against the counter and pressed, “Why are you looking for it, bud?”

Walking in, closer to Ashton, Johnny stood on his toes, edging his dad to come closer to him, as if he had to tell him a secret.

Giving in, Ashton leaned down, abandoning the spoon on the counter.

“Okay, you can’t tell anybody, but…” Johnny paused for a moment, glancing around as if to make sure no one was eavesdropping on them. Holding back a laugh, Ashton heard Johnny go on, “The Navy has contacted me. They want me to build them a submarine for their next war.”

Playing along, Ashton raised his eyebrows in an impressed manner, “Really? Wow. Who knew I had such a gifted kid?”

“I did!” Johnny beamed back.

Standing back up to his full height, Ashton responded, “It’s on the chair by the couch. You left it there during movie night.”

Glancing over at the couch, Johnny’s face lit up, running towards the blanket. “Thanks, Dad!” He yelled back, running up the stairs.

“Make me proud son. Make the nation proud.” Ashton replied, mocking a poor American accent, saluting up the stairs. Johnny sent a salute back, giggling his way up the staircase. Ash smiled as the boy disappeared, and shaking his head slightly as he did.

“Where does he come up with his stuff?” Ashton whispered to himself, a grin glued to his face.

Momentarily forgetting about the ‘guest’ he had coming over, Ashton glanced over at the clock, “Oh shit, Luke will be here soon. Shit, shit, shit. You didn’t figure out what to do! What _do_ you do?”

Resuming full panic mode, Ashton took a pen from the counter, flipping and twirling it in his hand, attempting to focus on something that wasn’t Luke’s arrival.

With no luck, Ashton, still firmly in crisis mode, began giving himself a pep talk. “Look, it is _all_ going to be fine. This is _good_. You are emotionally prepared for this. You are a strong, badass, hot—- wait, do I look like shit right now?”

Running over to the bathroom, Ashton practically fell into the sink. Attempting to stabilize himself, Ashton glanced at his reflection. “Okay, dude, _not_ your best work. But you had school today! Getting up at six in the goddamn morning will do that to you!”

Turning on the faucet, Ashton dipped his hands into the running water, then ran them through his hair, in attempts to tame his mane. After he was satisfied, he walked out of the bathroom and heading back into the kitchen.

“Just act _cool,_ man. You’re cool, right?”

Sighing, Ashton went on, “Eh, we’ll leave that one open for interpretation. But you’re a social butterfly. You’re _great_ at this whole ‘socializing’ thing. Why are you even nervous? Just don’t sweat it. Crap, am I sweating? No, no, it’s fine, just relax.”

Standing in the middle of the room for a moment, doing nothing, Ashton couldn’t help but awkwardly lean down to take a whiff of himself.

“Eh, it’s fine.”

Ashton, now unsure of what to do just stood in his place contemplating his entire existence. Just as his thoughts seemed to have no end, it then hit him. “Oh, I should have something on the table when he arrives, right?”

Looking around his kitchen Ashton thought of what to put out, “What do you put out when people come a little before dinner?” He glanced around the kitchen, rather unhelpfully, looking for any inspiration. “Wine! Wait, no. Ash, you can’t do that. He’s an alcoholic for Christ’s sake!”

Walking back to his pantry, Ashton settled on grabbing three loose Capri Suns and placing them on his kitchen counter. “Sure, why not.”

Pacing around his house, Ashton desperately tried to use clear his mind. Finding himself in the bathroom one again, he glanced in the mirror at his hair. Satisfied, he left, only to return moments later to get another view, making sure he didn’t miss something the second time around.

Sitting down on his couch, then quickly standing up, Ashton took a breath in, in hopes of calming his nerves. _How does one even flirt? Shit, do I flirt with him? Are we past that? How does flirting work?_

With no luck at blaming himself, Ashton sighed, then remembering, “You have a _kid_ for God’s sake! We couldn’t have gotten here without a little flirting, right? We obviously are good at it _somewhat_.”

Loitering by his couch, Ashton went on, “And you’ve already had sex with him!” Ashton exclaimed a little too loud.

Glancing up the stairs, making sure the kid upstairs didn’t hear him, Ashton’s thoughts picked back up. “You’re not eighteen anymore, there’s nothing to worry about.”

Letting out a weighted breath, Ashton went on, “It’s all going to be fine.”

“Just fine,” he reassured himself.

At that moment, the doorbell rang, causing Ashton’s head to spring towards the direction of the door, only able to shakily breathe out:

“Oh shit.”


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I just wanted to say thank you all for 1,000 hits and for supporting Look at Us Now! All the support the story has gathered is crazy and I hope you all enjoy what's to come!

Pacing back and forth in his kitchen, Calum ran his fingers along the edge of the stack of index cards he held in his hand, slightly bending the edges as he did. He mouthed the words written on them, attempting to embed them into his brain.

Whispering the words to himself, Calum descended into frantic thought.

“I would like to thank everybody here—everyone? Everybody? No, no, everyone. Wait,” Calum murmured, flipping through his stack of notecards, “You say everybody here! You can’t repeat that! Got to have word variety, man.”

Reaching for the pen that was lying on the counter next to him, Calum quickly scratched out “everybody” and frantically scribbling in an “everyone”.

“Okay… okay, yeah. Let’s try that again.”

Clearing his throat, Calum started his sentence over again. “I would like to thank everybod— _shit!_ Every _one,_ I would like to thank _everyone_!”

Throwing his head down on the table, Calum let out a weighted sigh. “You’re _never_ gonna get it, Cal. You’re going to go on that stage, say ‘everybody’, and screw the whole thing up! _Damnit!_ ”

Faced pressed down, Calum couldn’t see the very confused and slightly concerned Michael who had just sat down at the counter in front of him.

“Um… hey Cal?”

Peeling his head up from his arms, and now resting his chin on them, Calum looked at Michael, frustration brewing in his eyes.

“What?” Calum somberly asked.

At the sight of his boyfriend in front of him, Michael stood up and walked over to where Calum was. Burrowing his face back in his arms, Calum could feel the headache forming.

Calum felt a warm hand land on his back, rubbing a soothing pattern in between his shoulder blades. He let out a rough exhale, relaxing in the presence of his boyfriend.

“Cal, can you look at me?” Michael asked carefully, not wanting to provide any more stressors for Calum. _You’re never going to get this speech down. Never!_

After a moment, Calum lifted his head up, still keeping it in his arms, cheek pressed against his bicep, and tilted his gaze towards Michael.

“It’s all going to be okay, Cal, just—" Calum huffed at the sentence. Michael continued, ignoring the action, “Everything is going to be _fine_. Just breathe, take it slow. You have nothing to worry about.”

With that, Calum’s head shot up.

“Nothing to worry about? I’ve got nothing to worry about? I have a speech to give in two days. _Two days_ , Michael! And I don’t know a single thing that I’ve written. I’m going to go up there, and read directly from my notes like a… like a _child!_ ”

“There’s no shame in reading from notecards, Cal.”

“There is when you want to be taken seriously! These notecards can define my _whole career!_ Do I really want to be known as the dude who didn’t even know his own speech?”

Blood rushing through his ears, panic building in his stomach, Calum turned hard to face Michael. Brown eyes met green, and the world slowed for a moment. Calum felt like he was being pulled back to Earth, the anxiety in his gut melting away at the sight of his love. Michael moved forward, taking Calum’s hands in his own, before guiding him to the chair he had occupied before. “I‘m sorry, Michael. I’m just…”

“Frustrated?” Michael finished for Calum.

“Yeah,” Calum replied.

Kneeling down in front of Calum’s seat, Michael began, “You know what I think?”

Calum’s eyes glanced up, hoping for some resolution from Michael. “ _I_ think you need a break.”

“Really? A break is the _last_ thing I need right now!” Calum ushered back, feeling that bit of anxiety rush back. “I need to _practice_. I need to learn whatever the hell I’m saying. I need—”

“What you _need_ ,” Michael intervened, “Is to let your brain take some time off. You’re overloading it. It’s gonna burn out pretty soon.”

Not breaking his gaze from Michael’s, Calum knew that he was right. But that didn’t make Calum want to stop practicing anymore. Being able to pick up on this, Michael added, “How about this? You give me your speech one time. _Just_ one time. And then… I’ll take you out on a date night, okay?”

Calum’s ears perked up at the sound of that. _Wow, this is rare. A spontaneous date night? With Michael taking control of it? And he_ chooses _to leave the house? This can’t be real._

Letting out a small laugh, Calum agreed, “Okay, fine. But I’m only saying that because I’m intrigued by this ‘date night’.”

Replying with a soft chuckle back, Michael added on, “Alright, whatever you say.”

Switching spots, Calum now stood up to deliver his speech, and Michael took the seat in front of him to watch.

Taking a moment to himself, Calum glanced down at the cards in front of him, attempting to memorize the first line before he began. _Okay._

“Hello everybody—” Calum shifted his gaze down to the cards, attempting to be discreet.

_C’mon, really?_

_—————_

Setting the stack of notecards down on the table in front of him, Calum whined, “Can’t I just run through it _one_ more time?”

Stubbornly, Michael replied, “No, now it’s _my_ time. No more speech talk. Just you, me, and dinner.”

Seeing that Michael was not going to let him even _mention_ the word ‘speech’, Calum sighed.

“Okay, fine. Where are we going to dinner?”

A grin spread across Michael’s face. “Well… that’s for _me_ to know and for _you_ to find out.”

Raising an eyebrow, Calum pushed on, “No, really. Where are we going?”

Still smiling, Michael added, “It’s a surprise… now, I’ll go call us a car and you do whatever you need to do. We’ll leave in 15.”

And with that, Michael walked over to the couch, sitting down, and pulling out his phone. A grin formed on Calum’s face, sarcastically thinking, _Wow, so secretive. I’m just dying to know where we’re going_.

Walking into their bedroom, Calum headed to his closet to change out of his t-shirt. After looking at his clothes for a minute, he pulled out a dark brown button-down. Slipping it on, he began to think— _Really, where are we going?_

Unbuttoning his sleeves and rolling them to his mid-forearm, he attempted to deduce the potential dinner options at hand.

_Okay, so Michael is weird and doesn’t repeat certain foods within a specific time. Let’s think back. You can do this, Cal. You’re a smart dude._

Now buttoning the front of his shirt, he started: _We had Thai…_ two _nights ago, and Michael likes at least four days between that to “recover” from the spice_. Calum laughed to himself as he walked into the bathroom. _Next… Mexican? No, we had that for lunch yesterday. That’s_ definitely _way too close. How about Vietnamese…_ Calum looked in the mirror, catching a glimpse of himself.

 _God, is four buttons too many to be unbuttoned? We want to leave_ some _things to the imagination, right? Except, I think that ship has sailed… what about three buttons, three?_ Calum buttoned one more, closing the opening to his shirt slightly. _Yeah, three. Gotta make Mike work for it, right?_

Taking another look at himself, Calum took some water in his hand, running it through his hair a few times, forgetting about his task to decipher where he was about to go.

Taking one last look at himself— _you clean up nice, Mr. Hood—_ Calum turned the lights off in the bathroom and headed out to the couch where Michael still was.

Now sprawled out on the couch, Michael looked back at the sound of Calum’s arrival. Looking at him upside down, Michael, doe-eyed, spoke up.

“Wow. You look… _amazing_.” Calum looked down, blushing. Michael continued on. “Just _amaze_ -balls.”

A beaming grin formed across Calum’s face as he heard Michael speak. “You must be looking in a mirror,” Calum replied, grinning even brighter at his cheesy line. Calum noticed a smile come across Michael’s face as he bent down to lightly kiss the other man.

“So…” Calum began, now looking directly into Michael’s eyes. “Where are we going for dinner?” Calum blurted out.

“C’mon! We were having a moment here!” Michael ushered back, now sitting up from his position on the couch.

Laughing, Calum went on. “Well, maybe if you would just tell me where we are _going,_ I wouldn’t have ruined the moment. Because I’m honestly lost. I’ve _tried_ thinking about it, and it’s not Thai, or Mexican, or—”

“It’s the element of surprise. Just… you’ll see. I think you’ll really like it.”

Attempting to break Michael, Calum sends him his best pleading gaze, in attempts to learn where he was going. Michael turned away, pushing a palm in Calum’s face. “Nope, not going to work.”

Calum let out a soft laugh, playfully pushing Michael’s hand away. A buzz sounded between the two men, Michael’s phone lighting up. Looking down at it, Michael exclaimed, “Ah, Uber’s here.”

Grabbing Calum’s hand, Michael practically dragged him out of the apartment. “You know, I think this could be considered kidnapping?”

Flashing Calum a small grin, Michael continued his trudge down the stairs. “It’ll be fine. I swear. Just… trust me.”

Giving in completely now, Calum opened the door to the apartment building for Michael and followed behind him, towards the car.

———-

The Uber pulled up to a curb that Calum didn’t recognize. Looking over at his boyfriend, Calum noticed a cheeky smile plastered on his face. _What are you up to now, Michael?_

Thanking the driver, Michael stepped out of the car first, Calum following his lead, unsure of what, exactly, awaited him on the other side.

Emerging out onto the curb, Calum shut the car door behind him and then glanced around at his surroundings. The whole block seemed _eerily_ familiar.

Feeling Michael’s hand slip into his, Calum looked over at him as Michael began walking him down the street. Then, looking ahead, Calum saw it. A familiar blue trim lining big floor to ceiling windows, a red, inset door, gold letters emblazoned across the front.

 _Did Michael really just bring us to—_ “Seth’s?” Calum questioned, stopping in his tracks.

His tone of voice seemed to worry Michael, but that soon washed away as a full, bright smile arose on Calum’s face, making his eyes crinkle with joy. Hearing Michael let out a relieved sigh, Calum added, “I’ll give you this one, Mikey. You’ve done good.”

Smiling, Calum now led Michael towards the restaurant. Michael piped up— “I’ve got a _few_ tricks up my sleeve.”

Glancing back at Michael with a dashing smile, Calum gave the waitress the reservation name, and the two were led to a booth along the side of the wall. After being seated, Michael spoke up, letting out a small laugh and gesturing to a table only a few away from theirs. “You remember last time we were here? Well…”

“I was the idiot who _didn’t_ know that we were on a date? I don’t think I could ever forget it,” Calum finished with a small laugh.

“Yes, the infamous ‘date-business’ dinner debacle.”

Pausing for a moment, Calum added, “Yeah, and look at us now.”

The two looked at one another for a moment before Calum couldn’t help but ask, “So… just wondering. Why _here_?”

Thinking for a moment, Michael answered. “There’s just… been so much going on recently.And, I don’t know, just thought it would be nice to come back to where it all began. Finish the date that I _thought_ we were going to have that night.” Michael finishing his sentence with a soft laugh.

Just then, an idea struck Calum. Standing up from his seat, Calum began to head for the door. “I didn’t say _recreate_ the first date, Cal, I said _redo!”_ Michael called out.

Turning back at him, Calum flashed a mischievous smile in his direction as he walked out the door to the restaurant.

Smiling to himself and shaking his head a bit, Calum took a deep breath before reopening the door. He walked back into Seth’s, ignoring some confused or intrigued glances from other patrons, and towards the table where Michael was seated. The blond leaned forward, speaking in a hushed stage whisper.

“Cal, _what_ are you doing? You’re so we—“

“Hi, you must be Michael, right? I’m Calum.”

Confused for a moment, Michael asked, “What, do you have amnesia or som—-”

From the look on Michael’s face, Calum saw that what he was doing dawned on the guitarist. Michael stopped himself short, now grinning.

“Oh, um, I’m Michael. Yeah, yeah… Michael. It’s nice to meet you.”

The two let out a giggle as Calum took his seat across from his boyfriend. “So, Michael,” Calum began, “What is your favorite color?”

After a moment of silence, a smile fighting its way onto his face, Michael burst into an uncontrollable fit of laughter.

“God, this is awful.” He let out. “Can’t we just be grateful that we skipped all the first-date awkwardness?” Michael asked, still laughing.

Calum, laughing himself at the sight of Michael, responded, “Yes, please.”

Taking a moment to let Michael catch his breath, Calum went on.

“But really, look how far we’ve made it from that horrible first ‘date/not-date’,” Michael responded, looking deeply into Calum’s eyes. “I mean, we couldn’t even make it thorough drinks, and now we’re living together.”

“We’re just good at moving fast, what can I say?” Michael replied, swiftly adding, “But it’s good. For us. It works. We… _work_. Like, really well. Like… _perfectly_.”

Smiling at the table, Calum’s thoughts began to travel beyond the conversation— back to _that day._ “Hey, Cal. You okay?”

Snapping out of his own thoughts, Calum replied, “What? Oh yeah, I’m all good. Just thinking.”

“About what?” Michael furthered.

“It’s just… you know, _that_ day… when I came to your apartment, after everything with Luke?”

Michael nodded. “Well, from that first moment after I kissed you, I just _felt_ , for the first time _ever_ , that I was where I belonged. With the _person_ that I belong. Throughout all of this, all of _us_ , I’ve felt like I’ve actually been a _part_ of this relationship. That I’m no longer just sitting in the passenger seat, watching someone else run my life. I feel… _in-control_ and _happy_. I feel…good with you, better than I’ve ever felt, with anyone.”

Calum looked up to look at Michael, who had the _most beautiful expression on his face. God, I love him._ Absorbing every one of Calum’s words, he looked at Cal.

“That’s what you deserve. Believe me, you deserve _so_ much more than me.”

“Oh, hush,” Calum snapped back, “Seriously Michael, you’ve changed my life. I think I can safely say that you are the _best_ thing that has ever happened to me.”

Looking down at his lap and that back up at Calum, Michael had a giddy smile on his face. “Yeah, well, opening someone’s eyes up to the wonderful world of _Magic: The Gathering_ will do that to a person.”

The two broke out in yet another segment of laughter. “I _still_ don’t really get the game,” Calum admitted.

Sighing, but also somewhat excited, Michael pulled out a deck of cards. _Where did those come from? Does he just…_ carry _those around with him all the time? He’s just a magic man. Haha, literally. Good one, Cal. Good one._

“Okay, so. It’s a strategy-based game…”

Smiling, if not _really_ understanding Michael’s explanation, Calum couldn’t help but be entertained by the way Michael’s face lit up going card to card. _What a nerd. I love him so much._ At some point through Michael’s lesson, the waiter came over to the pair and they each ordered their drinks.

“Sorry to interrupt your teachings, but I _think_ we should probably look at the menu,” Calum nudged.

Sighing, Michael added, “Ugh, I guess you’re right.”

Opening his menu, Calum looked down at it, scanning the pages. _I don’t even know why I look. Let’s be real, I get the same thing every time._

Setting his closed menu back on the table, Calum waited for Michael to finishing looking at his menu, before asking, “So… what are you getting?”

Grinning, Michael responded, “That’s a surprise.”

Laughing, Calum ushered back, “Full of secrets tonight, aren’t we?”

“What can I say, I like to keep you on the edge of your seat.”

Grinning at his boyfriend, Calum reached across the table taking Michael’s hand in his own as he picked up his _Magic_ explanation like nothing had interrupted it.

Shortly after, the two men’s drinks arrived.

“So, are you guys ready to order?” The waiter asked.

“I think we are,” Calum answered. “Please, Michael, start us off. I’m _eager_ to hear your ‘secret’ order,” Calum added, smirking, gesturing to the man across from him.

“Gladly,” Michael picked up, “I’ll have the chicken parm, please.”

Calum let out a gasp, “You did _not_.”

“I did.”

“You stole my dish!” Turning to face the waiter, Calum proceeded to announce, “I will _also_ have the chicken parm, but I just want you to know that he is copying _me_ , I’m _not_ copying _him_.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Calum could see Michael turning his head away from the waiter, facing the wall, shoulders shaking in muffled laughter.

“Um… _okay_ , I’ll go put that in for you two. Let me know if there is anything else I can get for you guys,” the waiter replied, clearly slightly confused.

As the waiter walked away, Michael stopped stifling his laughter, turning to Calum with bright eyes.

“Do you realize how _crazy_ you sounded?”

“I feel like it was valid,” Calum said, pouting like a child. “You could’ve at least _warned_ me you were getting the same thing. Because then I would’ve ordered first.”

“So then it would look like I’m copying you?” Michael queried, cocking his head.

“Yes, precisely.”

“So I can copy _you_ , but you can’t copy _me?_ ”

“You already know this Michael, what aren’t you getting? You know I’m crazy!”

Letting out a laugh Michael shook his head. “Yeah, but you’re _my_ kind of crazy.”

Feeling a small blush creep up on him, Calum tried to switch the conversation topic up. He then had a realization. “Hey, want to know something pretty cool?”

“Oh, I would love to,” Michael replied, placing both of his hands on the table and leaning into the conversation.

“Oh, shut up,” Calum laughed out. “No, it actually _is_ pretty cool. We made it past the ordering! Can’t say we made it that far the last time we were here, now can we?”

Smiling, Michael stuck his hand out for a high five. “Yeah, go us!” Laughing, Calum hit the other man’s hand in an enthusiastic manner.

Shaking his head into a short laugh, Michael agreed.

“I guess we _can’t_ say we made it that far, but from the looks of it, our ‘Seth’s’ date take-two is going a lot better than date one. _Astronomically_ better. _Much_ more on track to how I originally thought it would go.”

Smiling, Calum added, “We’re just much better at this whole dating thing now.”

“And,” Michael continued, “This time, we both actually know it’s a date.”

“How many times do I have to say I’m sorry?” Calum jokingly questioned.

Sighing, Michael replied, “My wounds may never heal,” fake-stabbing himself with an imaginary knife to the heart.

“Hey, there are no signs of me walking out of this dinner, just saying.”

“Oh, that’s good. I was quite worried about that,” Michael nodded, smirking a bit

“I’m here now, aren’t I?”

“Yeah,” Michael couldn’t contain his constant smile.

“You are.”


	26. Chapter 26

“No, no… oh, _God_ , no!”

Silk shirts and sport coats fell to the floor one by one, landing in an ever-growing pile spurred on by Luke’s complete inability to settle on an outfit for the big night— the night that could determine _my entire relationship with my best friend of twenty years._

_No pressure, right?_

“Nope, _absolutely_ not!” Shirt after shirt, pant after pant, Luke continued to sort through his wardrobe, failing to find anything that remotely “spoke” to him.

“Since _when_ did I hate literally _all_ of my wardrobe? Like, it all fucking _sucks!_ ” Luke huffed, throwing the button-down that was in clutched in his grasp, the limp piece of fabric soaring to the floor in his frustration. Running a hand through his curls, Luke paced around the room momentarily before slumping down onto his bed, attempting to calm himself just the _slightest_ bit.

“Okay Luke, just relax, you can do this. You _can_ do this, right?” Taking a deep breath, letting his eyes slip closed, Luke took a moment to cool off his overactive brain. Feeling some semblance of peace, Luke slowly stood up, approaching the closet before him.

“Why don’t you just start with something easier, hm? Like… like… pants! Yeah, let’s start with pants. Simple enough, right?”

_Wrong._

Holding up his first option, Luke couldn’t help but laugh to himself slightly. “I am _not_ wearing leather pants to this.” Pausing for a moment, contemplating, he went on, “Well, actually, should I?” Strolling over to the mirror slanted in the corner of the closet, Luke held up the pants against his body. “My ass does look _hella_ fine in them, though… just saying.”

Staring at his reflection for another moment, Luke concluded, “No, no, you can’t wear goddamned _leather pants_ to Calum’s speech. It’s _way_ too much.” He stepped forward to put the pants back on the rod.

“… _would_ be on-brand though…” Trailing his sentence off, Luke sighed. “No, no, they’re too much. This is _Calum’s_ night. You are _not_ wearing leather pants. Repeat. You are _not_ wearing leather pants.”

Settling, he put the pair of tight trousers back in the closet and pulled out a pair of basic, black slacks in their place. “Nothing wrong with going classic, right?”

Setting the pants on his bed, Luke went back to his closet.

“Okay, trousers, check. Now,” Luke sighed, “What kind of shirt?”

Resting his hand on his chin, he began to ponder through his closet. After another twenty minutes, Luke still couldn’t decide what he was going to wear on top. Getting fed up and impatient, he decided, “Anything goes with black, right? I’ll just reach in, and try to pick something out. Anything will do.”

Reaching blindly into his closet, Luke randomly selected a shirt. When he looked down, his eyes widened at the button-down in his hands.

“Okay, anything but _that_.” Resting in his grasp was a checkered shirt, with each box featuring the logo of a different fast-food chain.

“Why the _fuck_ do I even own this? Who am I?”

Letting out a soft laugh at his discovery, Luke tossed the ‘interesting’ find onto his bed to rid of later. “Alright, let’s try this again.”

Closing his eyes once more, Luke fiddled through his closet for a moment, and then pulled out a shirt that felt almost silky against his fingertips. Opening his eyes, Luke saw the sleeve of a pale yellow, silk dress shirt in his palm. Looking at the shirt in hand, and then at the pants laid across the bed, then back at the shirt once more, Luke nodded in approval. “This, now… _this_ can work.”

Slipping the black trousers on, then the pale yellow shirt over his shoulders, Luke lightly tucked the silky fabric into his pants. Fastening it up, he left the buttons located on the cuff of his sleeves undone, and a few below the collar open. Wandering over to his bathroom, Luke looked at the counter, attempting to figure out what to do next.

“Should I shower?” Luke blurted out, looking at himself in the mirror. “Is my hair greasy? No, it’s fine.” He turned to leave the bathroom, before stopping short.

“It’s fine, right?” he repeated, turning back into the bathroom and leaning closer to the mirror. “Shit, it should be fine!” Running a hand through the top of his scalp, attempting to figure out its level of greasiness, he finally stepped away from the mirror, closing his eyes in defeat.

“Yeah, it’s all good. Just… chill out, bro.”

Luke locked eyes with his reflection, feeling himself descend into an anxious rant.

“You can’t just ‘chill out’ bro!” Luke exclaimed, turning away from the mirror and scrunching his eyes in frustration.

“This is your _last_ chance to prove yourself. God, Luke, I don’t even know _how_ you managed to get Calum to give you another fucking chance, but I _swear_ if you mess it up this time I—” Cutting himself off, Luke let his face relax, taking a deep breath in, and out.

“It’s only Cal, Luke. Relax. It’s just Calum.”

 _But it’s_ Calum _._

“This time, things are going to be different. This time, you could lose him… _forever_.” Pausing for a moment, Luke whispered to himself, even though he was the only one in the room.

“Not again.”

Luke let a hand fall limply to the sink, the cold feeling of loneliness wash over him.

_Cold, like the park that day._

_Alone._

Forcefully pushing a breath past his lips, Luke stepped outside the bathroom, aching to get away from the harsh artificial lights. Wandering around, trying to occupy his mind, Luke found himself in front of his vanity.

Sitting down on the low stool in front of the mirror, Luke’s hands wandered down to dig through the messy drawers, fingers fumbling for the first thing within his grasp. He brushed over a small dollar-store makeup pallet, covered in blush and bronzer from longtime use. Popping open the lid, Luke dug his fingers into a gold, glittery shade, and proceeded to practically slap it onto his eyelids with little to no technique, classic Luke-style.

“Is this too much?” Luke leaned in closer to the mirror, inspecting the shiny pigment splashed across his eye.

“No, no. _Confidence,_ man. You gotta feel good tonight.” Humming quietly to himself, he dug his fingers back into the shade, opting for a second coat.

Gazing back at the mirror, he deemed the look satisfactory, moving on to whatever gravitated towards him next. Picking up a random tube of mascara stashed away in the drawer, Luke began applying it to his eyelashes. However, just as he was finishing his left eye, out of nowhere… he sneezed.

“Shit!”

Staring back up at the mirror, Luke jumped at the sight of the mascara now lining every inch around his eye.

“Shit, shit, shit! Really, Luke? You were doing _so_ well, and now you’ve fucked it all up!”

Sighing, Luke threw his head down onto the vanity, his nails finding their way to his scalp. Breathing in deeply, Luke wearily peeled his head up to view the damage he’d done.

Looking at his reflection— “I look like a fucking raccoon!” Luke attempted to use his fingers to wipe the mascara off but only seemed to smudge it into his skin more.

“Great, just fucking great!” Reaching into a drawer, he pulled out a container of makeup wipes. “All we wanted were gold eyelids, is that too much to ask for?”

Wiping off all of his progress, Luke began the process all over again, repeating what he had just done, step by step.

“Okay, yeah. This looks good!” Luke spoke in relief. “See, _this_ is why you start getting ready three hours before.” Looking at his reflection once more, Luke exclaimed, “Planning, yeah!” as he held out his hand to high-five himself.

Standing in the middle of his room, Luke grew worried that he might have missed something in his reflection. “Gotta look good for Cal,” he muttered, walking back over to the mirror, getting uncomfortably close to it. Focusing so intensely on his reflection, he continued to check each and every detail until—

“Hi, Luke!” Jumping at the sudden noise, Luke spun around quickly, become aware of a pressure on his leg. Looking down, he saw a little brown-haired boy with his arms wrapped tightly around Luke’s left thigh.

“Johnny? What are yo—“

Luke stopped himself when he saw movement in his door frame, glancing over to see—

“Ash?”

The man in question shot a beaming smile in Luke’s direction. Luke, feeling his heart flutter at the action, attempted to send one back. But between his nerves and the sudden appearance of his guest, _it probably didn’t look nearly as good._ Trying to mask his awkwardness, Luke shifted his attention towards Johnny who, when their eyes met, sent a wave in Luke’s direction and stepped back towards his dad.

Waving back, Luke heard Ashton begin, “So,” Luke looked up. “You ready to go?”

Confused, Luke cocked his head. “Go where?”

“To see _Finding Dory_!” Johnny cheered.

“God, I love that damn fish,” Luke heard Ashton whisper under his breath, shaking his head.

Letting out a soundless laugh, it took Luke a moment to process what Johnny had just said. Once his thoughts caught up to the present, he hesitantly asked, “Wait… that’s today? Like _today_ , today?”

“Ummm, yeah, like today. It’s Friday,” Ashton answered as if it were obvious, his expression growing increasingly more lost.

Attempting to form a coherent sentence, Luke glanced down at Johnny, who was peering up at him with wide eyes.

“Um, I— um,” Unable to break his gaze from Johnny, Ashton took note of Luke’s strife.

Intervening, Ashton broke Johnny’s stare, “Hey little man, why don’t you go wait on the couch for a minute. We’ll be right out, okay?”

“Why, how come I—”

“John,” Ashton sternly cut his son off.

Hearing the tone in Ashton’s voice, Johnny let out a small, “okay,” and walked out of the bedroom, head hung a bit.

Luke heard Ashton sigh to himself before letting out, “Kids, am I right?” As he did, he gestured to the door from which Johnny just left. Sending Ashton an agreeing smile, Luke sunk down on the edge of his bed. Sitting alone for a moment, he was soon joined by Ashton, who took a seat directly next to Luke.

“So, what’s up?”

Unable to keep still, Luke’s leg bounced uncontrollably. “So… do you remember that day, when I came to your house a couple of weeks ago? The day after we—” Luke glanced nervously towards the door, then back at the ground, “Uh, the day I came to get my… pants back.” Luke asked.

“Yeah,” Ashton replied, looking at the man next to him.

“Well, then do you remember when I said that Calum invited me to his speech thing at Red Desert?”

After a moment of contemplation, Ashton nodded and motioned for Luke to go on.

“That’s _today_.”

“Oh,” Ashton breathed out.

“Yeah,” Luke reapplied looking at his lap, not wanting to meet the disappointed gaze that he was sure was waiting for him on Ashton’s end.

“Well, you have to go,” Ashton replied, eyebrows raised as he leaned towards him.

“I know,” Luke ushered back, finally looking towards Ashton. Instead of the disappointed look, he was expecting, he was met with a pair of understanding eyes pouring back into his own.

They stayed like that for a moment before Ashton broke their gaze, glancing around at the various clothes scattered on the floor and the looming pile of used makeup wipes on the vanity.

Laughing to himself for a moment, Ashton slung his arm around Luke’s shoulder, pulling him in closer. Luke released a breath he didn’t even realize he was holding in, melting into Ashton’s touch. _God, he’s so… warm._

“A little nervous, are we?” Ashton asked in a light tone, looking down towards Luke.

Letting out a small laugh, Luke nodded into Ashton’s shoulder.

“Well,” Ashton began, pausing for a moment, hesitant of his next words. Luke turned his head to look up at the drummer. “How would you like a plus one and a half?”

Confused, it took Luke a moment to comprehend what Ashton was offering. “You would really do that?”

Smiling, Ashton replied, “Absolutely. I _want_ to. _We_ want to.”

Not breaking their gaze, Luke, beaming, responded, “You know what, why not?”

The two shared a brief laugh, Ashton falling in closer to Luke as they did. They both stared at one another for a short moment, before Ashton nudged him, pulling Luke in for a soft kiss. Pulling away, Luke breathed out, “Thank you.”

“Don’t sweat it.”

————

The trio found themselves back at Ashton and Johnny’s house, as the father and son were dressed for a movie night, not a party.

Luke was sitting downstairs at the kitchen island, waiting for the two to emerge from their rooms, newly clothed in what Luke assumed would be their finest. He gripped the Capri-Sun in his hands, bringing it to his mouth and taking a sip.

“Man, these just hit different,” Luke whispered quietly, laughing at himself.

Feeling slightly calmer than before, Luke still couldn’t help but tap his red gel nails on the counter in anticipation.

Hearing footsteps coming down the stairs, Luke stood from his spot on a stool, moving around the kitchen island to lean against the counter, facing the wooden banister. Emerging from the staircase, Ashton was busy fumbling with his dress shirt. The white with black polka dots _looked good on him. But hey,_ everything _looks good on him._ Ashton cuffed the sleeves just below his elbows and tucked them into his pants, leaving the top two buttons on his shirt open.

_Fuck me. Yes, just yes._

After surveying the man before him, Luke took a sip of Capri-Sun, before cockily letting out a, “well, you clean up nice.”

Grinning, Ashton responded, “You don’t look too shabby yourself.”

Smiling at the ground, Luke shifted over to one side of the counter, making room for Ashton to find his place by Luke’s side, him too, leaning against the counter.

“So, where’s the kid?” Luke questioned.

Shaking his head, Ashton replied, “I have no clue. Said he wanted to dress himself,” Ashton chuckled a bit as he spoke. “He should be down any minute.”

Luke leaned across Ashton slightly, attempting to view up the stairs to find any sign of the boy. Seeing nothing, Luke leaned back towards the counter. Glancing over at Ashton, who had his arms crossed across his chest, _God, those arms…_ , Luke noticed the very ‘parental’ stare the other man was sporting. The sight caused Luke to laugh to himself for a moment. _Sometimes I forget he’s like…_ actually _a dad._

Ashton and Luke stood against the counter in silence for a moment before Ashton spoke up. “I think Johnny thinks this is the Grammys or something.”

The two shared a laugh as silence encapsulated the room once more. Glancing down at his boots, Luke swallowed deeply, taking a breath in.

“Still nervous?” Ashton asked, picking up on the mood shift from Luke.

“Oh, yeah… but—-” Luke stopped himself, unsure exactly how he was going to say what he wanted to. _Gotta do it right, just think for a minute_. Ashton, growing more confused with every second the silence passed, turned now to face Luke more directly.

“It’s just that… these past few weeks, with you, Ash, they’ve been really… great.”

The worried crease in Ashton’s brow was replaced with a smile as he turned back to his position against the counter. Glancing down at the floor, Ashton replied, agreeing, “Yeah, they really have been.”

Washed over by a newly-comfortable beat of silence, Luke glanced over at Ashton, who was still focusing on the floor, feeling his smile grow as he did.

Luke reached back to grab his Capri-Sun and take another sip of it as he heard the man to his side clear his throat as he started, “Uh, after Al—“ he cut himself off, clearing his throat in attempts to hide whatever he was about to say. “After… John’s _mom_ left…” he paused for a moment, unsure of how to continue. Laughing to himself, Ashton went on, “This might sound foolish but… I never thought that I would…” Trailing his sentence off, Ashton still refused to look up and meet Luke’s eyes.

Pressing, Luke furthered, “What?”

Seeing Ashton take a deep breath in, Luke was soon met with the other man’s gaze. “I never thought that I would… fall in love again.”

 _Excuse me? Did I just hear that right? Did Ash just—?_ Opening his mouth to say something, _anything_ , in response, Luke was cut off by the pattering sound of Johnny coming down the stairs. Breaking their gaze and turning it to the stairs, Ashton snapped out of the moment, switching back into ‘parent mode’.

Still not exactly sure what Ashton had just meant, Luke stood in shock for a moment, as Ashton seemed to continue on without any indication of the colossal statement he just made.

Turning his attention towards Johnny and his dad, Luke saw Ashton kneeling down in front of his son, laughing at something the kid said. Upon further inspection, Luke concluded it was moreover what Johnny was _wearing_.

Standing in his blue Power Rangers costume, Luke couldn’t help but let out a laugh as he approached the two from his spot on the counter.

“John, you cannot go like that,” Luke overheard Ashton explain.

Intervening, Luke laughed, “I don’t see why not. It’s the _height_ of fashion.”

Luke caught a momentary glare from Ashton that screamed ‘ _not helping’_ , as Johnny perked up, exclaiming, “See, Luke gets it!”

Shaking his head, Ashton stood his ground, “Nope, absolutely not.” Laughing, he picked Johnny up and headed toward the stairs, leaving Luke smiling like an idiot at the adorable display. “Let’s go get you changed.”

“Wait!” John called out. “No. I want Luke to pick out my clothes.” Stunned, Ashton placed Johnny back on the floor as the little boy continued.

“He has better style.”

Letting out a loud laugh in shock, Luke watched as Johnny strolled over to him. “You hear that, Ash? I’ve got better taste than you,” Luke boasted, pointing a finger at Ashton.

Looking back at a _very_ shocked and _slightly_ wounded Ashton, Luke laughed.

“Excuse me?” was all Ashton was able to let out before Johnny took Luke’s hand, and began leading him towards the stairs. “C’mon, Lukey!”

Laughing to himself, Luke added on, “You’ve got good taste, kid.”

Once again, Ashton spoke out with a smile poorly hidden, slightly louder than before.

“ _Excuse me?_ ”

Johnny halted at the bottom of the stairs, turned to face his dad with a slightly guilty look. “Um, it’s just… I like… Luke’s… well. I don’t know. Gold… eyes.” Breaking the stare between Ashton and Johnny, Luke laughed, picking up the small boy as he did.

Chuckling as he looked at Johnny, Luke couldn’t help but smile. “Let’s go make you look like the best-dressed kid out there.” Beaming as Luke began to walk upstairs, Johnny let out an excited, “Yes!” before wrapping his arms around Luke’s neck.

Trekking up the stairs, Luke flashed a smirk in Ashton’s direction.

Watching Luke disappear to the second level, holding his son, Ashton remained at the bottom still stunned that “John would pick Luke over me. Me! His own father. His own blood!” Shaking it off, Ashton glanced back up the now empty staircase. “I guess John really likes Luke.”

Pausing for a moment, the thought brought light to Ashton’s eyes. Ashton stood at the bottom of the stairs, contemplating if he should venture upstairs to see how the ‘Johnny Dressing Chronicle’ was going. Grinning ear to ear, all Ashton could breathe out was a simple, “Good. That’s really good,” as he followed the boys up the stairs.


	27. Chapter 27

“…for creating such a welcoming environment—” Calum cut himself off, practically piercing holes into his notecards with his intense stare. He _knew_ his speech, he really did, but he just couldn’t seem to actually _say_ it.

Taking his hand and raking it through his brown curls, Calum mumbled the sentence over, and over himself. Closing his eyes, he attempted to think back to the line, without looking at his notes.

_C’mon Cal, you know this! You’ve been practicing non-stop for weeks. You really can’t get the third line now? Hours before?_

Tapping his fingers on the counter, Calum sighed, opening his eyes. Head hung in defeat, Calum asked, “What’s the line again?”

Without even looking up from his phone, Michael, who was sitting on the couch, robotically repeated back to Calum, “I would like to thank each and everyone of you for creating such a welcoming environment and for making me feel at home in the Red Desert community.”

Mumbling an annoyed, “Thanks,” Calum moved to get himself some water, not noticing Michael moving from his seat on the couch to one on the breakfast bar.

It was only when Michael began speaking that Calum did notice, spinning around to face Michael at the sound of his voice. “Cal, you _know_ this speech. You know it. Hell, _I_ practically know it,” Michael softly laughed with that. Looking deeply at Calum, Michael went on, “You’ve been over your speech a million times. You’ll do _amazing_ , I know you will.”

“How do you know that?” Calum asked, worrisome in his voice, seriously doubting his abilities.

“Because,” Michael began, “I _know_ you, and I _know_ that you’ll do great. And if you mess up on a line, you can always just improvise. It will _all_ be _fine_ ,” Michael promised, attempting to ease Calum’s mind.

Failing, Calum, busy fiddling with the ring on his finger, ushered back, “No, it’s _not_ going to be fine,” voice cracking slightly as he did.

Sighing, Michael took his fingers and rubbed at his eyes, nudging his glasses up as he did. “Calum Hood, everybody,” He let out, gesturing to the clusterfuck of anxiety before him.

_What’s that supposed to mean, exactly?_

Before Calum could retort, Michael started first. “You know what I think this is about?”

Calum tilted his head, as if to ask _‘what?’_ , tossing the stack of notecards on the counter as he did.

Now beginning to pace around the kitchen, Calum heard Michael continue.

“You’re freaking out about this _way_ too much. And I’ve seen you public speak before. You’re not half bad at it.” This caused Calum to stop moving and fully focus on what Michael was saying. “You have _never,_ and I mean _never_ , been this nervous.”

Michael stopped speaking, Calum eagerly wanting to hear him say more. _Am I supposed to read his mind? I can barely remember a sentence right now, let alone interpret something!_

Still confused, Calum pushed on, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Sending a soft smile in his way, Michael replied, “You’re nervous about Luke.” Michael paused for a moment, thinking of his next words carefully. “You don’t think he’s gonna show.”

Getting defensive, Calum sent back, “ _No_ , absolutely not, that is ridiculous! Luke has nothing to do with the speech. At _all_ , zip, zero, nada, nein—”

Calum was cut off by Michael whispering, “Over-compensation…” under his breath.

Sending a glare Michael’s way, Calum began his pacing once again. “Look, it’s understandable that you’re nervous about Luke. You gave him a second chance, and you’re—Cal, hun, can you please stop pacing? You’re making yourself more worked up.” With that, Calum slowed his steps, instead falling into a steady, standing sway on his feet. Sighing, Michael continued, “You’re just…” he paused for a moment. “You’re worried that he’s not going to take it.”

Taking a moment, Calum sighed, slumping down into the seat behind him. Putting his head in his hands, Calum let out, “God Mike, you’re right. Why do you always have to be right?”

Laughing, Michael stood up and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend from behind, laying his head on Calum’s shoulder.

“What am I going to do if he doesn’t show?” Calum looked toward Michael, whispering quietly, fear creeping into his voice. “I can’t go through all that ag—“

Michael cut Calum off before he could let him get lost in his own thoughts, standing up and leaning against the counter, facing Cal. “Then we’ll cross that road when we get there, okay? Together.”

Calum, still looking at Michael, responded with a sheepish nod.

Rubbing his sweaty palms off on his pants, Calum stood up, unsure of what to do next. However, he didn’t have to think, because before he knew it, Michael was pulling him into a tight embrace. Holding the other man hard, Calum felt some relief wash over him. _Thank God for Michael._

Pulling away from the hug, Michael placed his hand on the back of Calum’s neck, holding him close and looking into Calum’s eyes, “And no matter _what_ , you’ve always got me.” Calum felt a small smile creep onto his face. Smirking, Michael added on, “…sorry about that.”

Letting out a small giggle, Calum pulled away from his boyfriend, reaching towards the counter to where he abandoned his glass of water ages ago. Taking a sip from it, Calum saw Michael glance at the time. “So…” Michael cut through the silence that had formed, “Ya ready to go?”

Nearly spitting out his water, Calum felt all his nerves that had partially subsided come flooding back to him. “No,” He shakily replied back, laughing a little as he did.

Smiling, Michael stuck out his hand for the other man. “C’mon, smartass,” Michael chuckled, with an extremely optimistic smile on his face, “We’re gonna be late.”

Grabbing his satchel off of the kitchen table next to him and throwing it around his neck, Calum took Michael’s hand in his own and allowed the other man to lead him out the door. Trying to smile as they left, Calum couldn’t help but let that small bit of anxiety get the best of him.

_God, Luke. Please show._


	28. Chapter 28

Walking down the sidewalk, with Ashton by his side and Johnny totting in front of them, Luke couldn’t help but take his thumb and begin to dig it under the gel polish on his pointer finger absentmindedly. Just as he was about to rip off yet another layer of polish and inevitably damage his nails more, Luke felt a hand slide toward his, lacing his fingers with their own.

Feeling his breath hitch with the action, Luke looked down as he continued walking. Only stopping at a crosswalk, the trio waited for the light to turn.

Looking to his left, his eyes were met with Ashton’s, who was using his other arm to hold Johnny to his chest and away from the busy street. Looking down at the other man, Luke could feel his jaw clench and unclench, unsure of what to do.

“You know it’s going to be okay, right?” Ashton offered, obviously sensing the other man’s nerves.

Shaking his head, Luke looked down. “Yeah, I know,” he replied, not sounding very convinced.

Looking back up, Luke could feel Ashton’s gaze lingering as he noted the light change and began leading the group across the street.

 _It’s going to be okay, it’s going to be okay,_ Luke repeated over and over, thinking that if he says it enough times, maybe he’ll eventually begin to believe it.

_It is all going to—_

Luke’s thoughts were cut off by the sound of Ashton laughing. Smiling at the noise, Luke looked over at the other man, only to see that he was laughing at something in front of him. Turning his gaze to follow Ashton’s, Luke saw what was so amusing to Ashton.

Once again on the ground, jumping as he walked in front of them, Johnny was going on about how, “Dory? Forget Dory. This is the coolest thing ever! My teacher isn’t going to _believe_ that I’m going to a…”

Johnny’s voice trailed off as Ashton broke his grasp on Luke’s hand to lunge forward and pick Johnny up, hearing a mumbled “Hey buddy, we don’t want to get too far ahead, right?”. Feeling slightly lost without Ashton’s hand, Luke continued walking with slightly less direction.

Feeling a hand on his shoulder, ushering him to turn around, Luke turned on his heel. Now facing Ashton holding Johnny, Luke scrunched his eyebrows. “What?”

Letting out a small laugh, Ashton gestured to the building behind him. “You’re walking right past it.”

“Oh,” was all Luke could let out, thoughts not being able to completely form yet.

Looking slightly to the left, Luke was met with a smiling Johnny beaming towards him. “Look, Luke! I’m almost as tall as you!” Pushing up on Ashton’s shoulder, he attempted to gain more height.

Laughing, Luke began walking towards the door, patting Johnny’s head as he did. “Yeah, bud. One day, I’m sure you’ll be taller than me.”

Standing before the door for a minute, Luke was unsure of what to do. _Are you really sure this is the move? Yes! Yes, it is, Cal_ wants _you here. He_ asked _you to be here. Unless if he was just being polite and he really doesn’t w—_

“You ready?” Ashton asked, snapping Luke out of his thoughts, making him realize just how long he’s been standing in front of the door.

“Oh… yeah, let’s… uh, let’s go,” Luke replied, still not walking into the building.

Looking at his reflection in the glass, Luke looked over at Ashton, who was slowly opening the door with his empty hand, holding it open for him and nodding for him to go inside, sending him a soft smile as he did.

Walking in, Luke took a deep breath, not ready for whatever awaited him inside. _You can do this. You gotta do this. Just, don’t think about it. Just think of Cal._

Once again, standing frozen in his spot, Luke felt an all-too-familiar hand slide its way back into his. Just at the small action, Luke felt a rush of comfort and warmth radiate through his whole body. Ashton lightly tugged on his hand, attempting to lead him into the auditorium.

“It’s like Hollywood!” Johnny remarked, wide eyes taking everything in around him.

 _Oh, if only_ I _could find an office party this exciting._ Looking around, Luke took in what Johnny was seeing. _I mean, it does look pretty nice, but Hollywood? Really?_

Filling up the large room were cocktail tables with barstools scattered around. The ambient noise of the room grew astronomically as they stepped into it, voices filling up every inch of the space.

Taking in more and more of his surroundings, Luke could feel his heartbeat quicken with every glance. After a moment of absorbing his surroundings, it hit Luke what he was actually doing. _You can’t fucking do this, Luke, c’mon! What the fuck were you thinking! This is all wrong, wrong! This was a horrible idea. It will absolutely_ not _solve anything! You’re stupid to think that it would! This is all you’re fault, and you’re just bound to fuck something else up. You— You—_

Panicking, Luke turned around, ready to bolt out of the building. Just as he was about to take his first lunge towards the door, he felt the grip Ashton had on his hand tighten. Taking his hand, Ashton practically whipped Luke around, forcing them to face each other. Johnny, who was now on the floor and holding onto Ashton’s other hand, was preoccupied looking at everything around him to notice anything that was happening between Luke and Ashton.

Moving his head feverishly, in attempts to look at anything that wasn’t Ashton, Luke’s thoughts continued spiraling. _Cal’s finally happy, you’re going to ruin it all. I kno—_

Luke felt the hand slip out of his and find its way to his cheek, tilting his head to look down at Ashton in front of him.

“Luke, just try to relax, okay?” Luke, just staring dumbfounded at Ashton, couldn’t say a word in response. “Look, this is the best idea you’ve had in a long time,” Ashton continued with a slight laugh, causing a small smile to form on Luke’s face. “Just take it one step at a time, okay?”

Nodding, Luke was finally able to make sense of his thoughts. “Yeah… yeah, you’re right…”

Still not entirely convinced Luke wasn’t going to run the next time he turned around, Ashton went on, “And just remember, you’ve got me and John here to back you up.”

Grinning at Ashton stupidly, Luke took Ashton’s hand that was still resting on his cheek, and placed it back into his own, interlocking their fingers as he did. Mouthing, “Thanks,” sheepishly at Ashton, Luke moved their hands back between their sides.

“It’s gonna be a pain… waiting for Cal’s speech this whole time. More time to drive myself crazy,” Luke blurted out, trying to add some comedy to his nervous wreck.

“Well, in the meantime,” Ashton led on, “Why don’t we go and enjoy the party?”

“Yes please,” Luke responded, feeling much lighter than before.

—————

An hour into the party, there was still about another half an hour to go before the speeches began. Standing at a table, Luke tapped his nails against the top of it. Ashton was telling some story, talking animatedly, arms flailing in gestures, eyebrows raised, but Luke wasn’t really listening. He couldn’t really focus on anything, really. It was only when he felt Ashton tap on his shoulder that Luke snapped out of his somber trance.

“Luke, you alright?”

“What, oh… yeah, um, I’m all good,” Luke replied, flashing what he thought to be a reassuring smile.

“Okay…” Ashton leaned in, a worried look growing more apparent on his face. “It’s just when I was talking to you, you didn’t respond,” Ashton added, concern becoming clear in his voice.

“No, really, I’m fine. I just, uh, zoned out… for a second.”

Not completely buying it, Ashton pushed on. “You know that—”

“Daaaaad,” Johnny cut Ashton off, tugging on his dad’s sleeve. “I gotta go,” Johnny whined out, unable to keep still as he did.

Luke, glancing down, huffed a quiet laugh at the sight. Looking back up, he saw that Ashton, too, was a bit amused by his son.

“Alright kid,” Ashton shifted his attention back toward Luke. “Uh, I’m going to take this one,” He pointed down towards the little boy at his feet, “…to the bathroom. You’re welcome to join us, but I don’t think it will be all that exciting.” Ashton finished, laughing at his own joke.

Smiling, Luke nodded in agreement, “No, I think I’m all good.”

Ashton didn’t look _entirely_ convinced that he should leave Luke alone, but as he opened his mouth—

“Good!” Johnny blurted out, dragging Ashton in a random direction as he did.

Flashing a smile back at Luke, Ashton soon disappeared into the crowd. Luke, who was just laughing at the sight of Ashton being dragged away by a five-year-old, was now left all to himself.

Going back to tapping his finger on the table, the room began to feel a lot smaller, and a _lot_ louder. Luke felt as if everybody was staring at him, even though he knew most definitely that nobody was. Without Ashton there to fill the space, Luke was now completely and entirely—

_Alone._

Trying to let himself get lost in his head, Luke thought it better to focus on something else. Very intently, he continued tapping, and tapping, and tapping. Just as that activity was starting to run its course, a man, who Luke presumed to be a waiter, approached him.

Holding a tray of drinks in Luke’s direction, the man asked, “Anything for you, sir?”

… _Luke?_

Time stopping, Luke was frozen. The clear liquid filling the glasses sloshed around as blood began rushing through his ears.

_Luke. Luke._

_No, Luke. You shouldn’t. Right? Unless—_ Luke glanced at the tray before him. _One won’t hurt you, right? Just one?_ _No, no, no! Fuck! No, Luke, you_ can’t _. You can’t…_ Luke’s mind halted for a minute. _What would Ash… no._

 _What would_ Cal _say?_

Pausing for a moment more, contemplating everything, Luke had to decide.

_No._

Feeling his voice shake, Luke brought himself back to reality. Pushing his hair out of his face, Luke began, “No thanks?”

The waiter, sending a slightly perplexed look in Luke’s direction questioned again, “Are you sure, sir?”

“Yes!” Luke yelped, seeming to slightly scare the waiter off, as he turned away from Luke and walked away as quickly as possible.

Letting out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding in, Luke turned back to the table and threw his head into his hands, feeling as if it was weighing him down.

Luke wasn’t sure how long he was standing like that, but the next thing he knew was the sound of Ashton’s voice in the distance.

Not wanting to worry him anymore than he already had, Luke picked his head up and attempted to make himself look as presentable as possible. _It’s fine. You did_ fine _. Actually, you did great! You should reward yourself. With what? I mean, a nice glass of— no! What the fuck, Luke? Uh, chocolate! Yeah, let’s just get some nice chocolate. Yeah… Coping…_

Looking at Ashton, Luke saw that Johnny was explaining something to his dad, the man in question listening very intently to whatever grand story his son was telling _._ Luke smiled at the big hand gestures the little boy was making, just like his father had been earlier in the night.

_Like father, like son, eh?_

“Hey,” Ashton intervened in John’s sentence as they got closer to Luke.

“Hi,” Luke ushered back, voice failing him as he did, cracking at the simple word.

Cocking his head, Ashton continued, “You good? I know I’ve asked you that like, a hundred times tonight, but you just seem kinda… off?”

Not sure exactly how to explain what just happened, or if he should at all, Luke didn’t say anything, prompting Ashton to continue. “Did something happen while we were gone?” He pressed, his worried tone growing with every word.

“No,” Luke blurted out, following it with silence.Glancing back at the bar to his right, Luke added on, more calmly, “No, nothing happened.”

Attempting to not look back at Ashton, Luke knew he would have been met with eyes looking right through him, so he diverted his eyes to his watch.

“We should probably find somewhere to stand for the speech,” Luke said, attempting to change the subject.

Seeing Ashton file the conversation in his back pocket, he nodded. “John and I found some open space over there when we were looking for the bathroom.”

“Lead the way,” Luke replied, playing up his smile.

Moving to their new location, Luke could feel Ashton’s stare continuing to pour into him. Trying to ignore it, Luke saw the spot Ashton was talking about, and made a hurried escape towards it. It was on one side of the auditorium, against a wall, but nevertheless, it was still decently close to the stage.

Standing against the wall, Luke was soon rejoined with Ashton and Johnny. Ashton took his stance right next to Luke and scooped Johnny up in his arms, so the boy would be able to see over the crowds of people.

Johnny was in the middle of telling the two men about something his teacher did at school when a random lady next to the trio turned to face them. Putting a hand on Luke’s arm— _who the fuck are you?—_ she started speaking.

“Sorry to butt in, but can I just say, oh my God!”

_No, you may not, can please take your hand off my arm, random lady._

Looking in Luke’s direction, she continued, “You and your husband are just _so_ adorable. Not to mention your son! Ugh, so well behaved! And cute!”

Eyes wide, Luke opened his mouth to correct her, but no words really came out. “Uh, umm, well, no, umm—”

“Thank you so much!” Ashton took control over the conversation, moving in closer to Luke, now pressing against his side.

Luke turned over to send wide and confused eyes towards Ashton but was met with both Johnny and Ashton flashing almost identical, cheeky smiles towards the lady. _So… are we just not acknowledging this random-ass lady who just showed up out of nowhere? And is still touching my fucking arm! Consent, woman, consent._

Giggling, the lady finally removed her hand from Luke’s arm, turning back to a man he presumed to be her partner. Thinking they got rid of her, Luke was disproven when she returned, this time with her partner.

This interaction feeling all-too-familiar, Luke had a hunch he knew where this was going. _She’s gonna do it. She’s gonna ask. My money’s on…_

“We should all go out to brunch sometime!”

 _Whoop, there it is! Brunch! Yes, because every man who is with another man loves brunch. I mean, you_ do _love brunch, Luke… but with her? Who is this woman? Does ANYBODY know? Ash? John? No? No one?_

Luke opened his mouth to express his _true_ thoughts on brunch with the stranger, but he felt Ashton nudge his side, causing him to look in his direction.

Ashton’s eyes told him to drop the conversation and just ignore the lady.

 _Stupid millennials. They all want a gay best friend. Sorry lady, I’m a little busy trying to get_ my _gay best friend back! But not like, my ‘gay best friend’. Well, actually my best friend, who used to be my straight best friend, who is gay now. But I didn’t know that when we were friends. So, is he really my gay best friend?_

 _Oh my God…_ I’m _a stupid millennial._

Before Luke could pose his question to Ashton, the lights began to dim, directing everyone’s attention to the stage.

Feeling his breath get caught in his throat, Luke prepared himself, feeling his hand, once again, slide into Ashton’s for comfort, and directing all of his attention to whatever was about to happen on the stage.

_No turning back now._


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone!  
> This is our last update before Christmas, so I wanted to take a minute to say--  
> Happy Holidays!  
> I can't say enough how grateful I am that there are people out there who are enjoying this story as much as I am, and that we have a lot coming up for the rest of the year, and into the next!  
> I hope everyone has a lovely holidays and I can't wait to see you guys at the next update!

The crowd fell silent as a man with short, grey hair walked onto the stage. With a burst of confidence, he began.

“Hello everybody. My name is John Feldmann. I’m the head executive here at Red Desert.”

As the man continued, Luke proceeded to zone in and out of his speech, thoughts clouding his ability to focus _._

 _Luke, you_ need _to calm down. Like,_ right _fucking now. This is—_

His thoughts halted abruptly, as something that this John Feldmann said had caught his attention.

“Tonight, we are here to honor a lot of great people with a lot of great ideas. One of which I’d like to highlight is an initiative that was started this year at our very own Greenwich branch.”

_That’s gotta be Cal._

“It was started by an… _unlikely_ pair, to say the least,” John laughed, continuing on. “Our speaker tonight came to our studio as an artist manager,”

A sharp pang struck through Luke’s chest as he bit the inside of his cheek. Feldmann continued on.

“…and he ended up sticking around to start a pretty amazing program in partnership with the folks here at Red Desert. In just its first few months of being active, it has already changed the lives of so many young people. I would like to welcome to the stage Mr. Calum Hood, in recognition of ‘The Young Artists Initiative’. Thank you.”

Luke stood frozen in his spot, the sound of clapping filling the room around him. Standing like a deer in headlights, Luke felt Ashton’s hand squeeze his, sending a small wave of comfort over him.

As Calum walked out on the stage, Luke felt a rush of emotion.

_This is real. I’m here. With Calum. In the same room. Again. Yep. Yep._

Approaching the microphone, _he looks… comfortable, up there._ Calum raised the microphone stand slightly, shifting on his feet a bit. _It’s only Cal._

“Good evening everybody. For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Calum Hood… Calum _Thomas_ Hood,” Cal scratched the back of his neck, chuckling quietly. Scattered laughs could be heard through the auditorium. “I moved here a little over a year ago, all the way from Sydney, Australia. I started my career as a talent manager, with that job leading me to Red Desert. Here, I met the likes of Michael Clifford, the studio manager of the Greenwich branch, and so many other amazing talents just like him.”

As Calum continued speaking, Luke felt himself begin to calm down, fully absorbing every word that Calum was saying. “Before I continue,” Calum’s words became less robotic, more fluid— _more Cal_ — “I would like to thank everyone here for creating such a welcoming environment, and for truly making me feel at home here in the community.”

Picking the microphone off the stand, Calum began walking the stage, starting to wander off to the side further to where Luke and Ashton were standing.

“The past couple of months have had a bit of…” Calum cleared his throat before continuing, “…a transition for me. As I began branching out my prospects here in the States, I wanted to explore as many new opportunities as I could.”

Calum stood now, completely on the far side of the stage, still looking around. He spoke so personally, making sure to address everyone in the audience. Luke’s eyes followed his every move like a hawk.

“I started my own endeavors in music at a very young age. For me, it all started when I first saw the talent in a young person, someone my age. Everything about it was just so,” Calum paused as if looking for the best-fitting word,“…magnetic.”

“I felt honored that I got to be able to foster and care for that talent. I watched it grow and change into something truly remarkable.”

Luke felt a wave of guilt hit him, getting caught up in his head momentarily, only to be brought back by the sound of Calum’s voice continuing to echo through the auditorium.

“During this time of transition for me, I racked my brain to try and see which avenues I wanted to continue down, to explore. Using this time, I reflected back on my own life. I began to ask myself: How did you get here, man?” A quick moment of laughter filled the room. Calum began to walk back to the center of the stage. Standing there, he went on.

“But honestly, how _did_ I end up here? And at such a young age? Retracing my steps, I soon realized it was due to all the great opportunities I had growing up. There were things I did that I could have never possibly imagined. I realized that, now that I’m older, I wanted to have a hand in giving those same extraordinary opportunities to other kids. I wanted to be able to see them grow and flourish like I was able to, once given the proper space to.”

Calum paused for a moment, starting to advance towards the edge of the stage closest to Luke. Feeling his breath hitch at the sheer closeness to his friend, Luke stared at Calum, waiting for him to speak again.

Looking around the room for a moment, Calum kept on. “The first person I ever worked with became quite important to me. We had so many amazing moments together when we were young. I want to pass that on.” Calum now stood on Luke’s side of the stage, still speaking as he stood his new location.

“Over the past few months, I’ve been taking a step back from managing a solo act. I just needed to shift gears and go back to what I was passionate about. After some soul-searching, I realized what that passion was— bringing opportunity to the next generation of artists. My goal is to inspire and influence the… the, uh…”

Calum began to stammer with his words. Luke felt his heart rate accelerate as he stared at the ground, having been looking away from the stage for a while. _Cal, you’ve got this. I’m sure you rehearsed this like, a thousand times. Why are you—_

As he looked up, it clicked— why Calum was struggling. His eyes met the man standing on the stage, who was looking directly at him. Watching Calum, unsure of what to do, Luke didn’t break the eye contact.

Calum, lightly tugging at the collar on his shirt, took another moment, gaze not leaving Luke. Eventually, after what felt like an uncomfortable about of time between the two of them, Calum seemed to be able to get out of the trace he was in and pick up where he left off.

“…the future artists and creators of…”

Calum’s voice began to trail off, Luke no longer fully paying attention to what he was saying. As soon as he felt Calum’s eyes leave him, Luke felt his chest expand in a large breath.

_He… he was… the speech. It was about me— us. We… Cal. He saw—_

Feeling almost frozen in time, Luke just stared at the spot on the stage where Calum once stood; Calum having moved back to center stage. Unaware that Ashton was speaking to him, Luke felt the other man rub his shoulder lightly in an attempt to bring him back to Earth.

“Luke?” He finally heard Ashton whisper.

Not saying anything, Luke just looked at Ashton.

Taking that as enough of a cue, Ashton continued on, “John spilled his drink on himself. Kids, am I right?” Ashton quietly laughed, attempting to ease the situation.

“Look, I’ve got to go and get him changed. I can run back to my place and be back here in twenty but—”

Luke cut Ashton off, speaking in a hushed, but distracted voice, “No, no, we can just go. It’ll be easier.” Luke paused for a moment, thoughts momentarily going blank.

“You sure?” Ashton pressed.

Luke nodded. “We can go once Cal is done, okay?”

“Okay, if you’re fine with that,” Luke looked over a Johnny in his dad’s arms, whining quietly about how sticky is shirt is. Ashton sighed, continuing, “John is being a little bit of a cranky-pants, so I’m going to take him outside. We’ll be there whenever you’re ready. You can really stay if you want.”

“No, no, I saw what I needed to. I’m ready to go.”

Sending a reassuring smile in Luke’s direction, Ashton and John disappeared in the direction of the exit.

Luke just stood alone, staring back at Calum, who was beginning to wrap up his speech.

Luke felt a hopeful smile form on his face as he heard Calum end with, “Thank you, all, goodnight.” Claps once again consuming the auditorium.

With that, Luke began to walk towards the exit.

_I heard what I needed to._


	30. Chapter 30

Taking a deep breath in, Calum shoved his hands into his pockets, anxiously pacing at the base of the short set of stairs leading up to the stage.

“You just _had_ to forget the index cards! You had _one_ _job!_ Now you’re going to fail miserably and forget your entire speech. How can—”

Calum’s disquieted thoughts were cut off when he heard the sound of his name coming from up on stage.

“…Calum Hood, in recognition of ‘The Young Artists Initiative’. Thank you.”

“Oh shit,” Calum hushed out quietly, seeing John begin to walk offstage and in his direction. Approaching him for a moment, John gave him a pat on the shoulder.

“You’ll do great, kid.” Flashing Calum a smile, Feldmann disappeared behind him, leaving Calum all by himself.

Taking a short breath in, Calum began to walk up the stairs in front of him.

“You’ve got this, Cal,” he reassured himself as he walked towards the stage and the crowd below came into view. _You got this._

——————-

“Over past few months, I’ve been taking a step back from managing a solo act,” Calum felt himself pause quick enough that nobody could tell. At least, he hoped no one could. “I just needed to shift gears and go back to what I was passionate about. After some soul-searching, I realized what that passion was— bringing opportunity to the next generation of artists.” As Calum went through his speech that was practically engraved in his mind, he scanned the crowd. Frantically, while attempting to be subtle, he looked for…

“My goal is to inspire and influence the… the, uh…”

_Luke._

Finally finding a tall blond man in the crowd, Calum froze, entirely forgetting where he was. _Is that really Luke? It_ has _to be. There’s not many 6’ 4”, curly-haired Australian men in New York._

Gaze not leaving Luke’s, Calum suddenly felt like his shirt collar was rubbing at his neck.

_Wind in his face, jersey rubbing uncomfortably on his skin…_

Tugging lightly on his collar in attempts to relieve the gnawing itch growing on his neck, Calum somehow found his way back into the moment.

_Oh shit. Speak, Calum, keep it going! You’ve gotta focus on the speech. Luke isn’t the most important thing right now…_

His thoughts paused for a moment, head going entirely blank.

_Well… maybe he is._

“…the future artists and creators of…”

As he picked up where he left off, Calum felt his mouth continue to move, but he wasn’t following his own words.

_His feet were moving, left, right, left._

He walked towards the right side of the stage—

_He jogged backward, back to his position,_

_—_ unsure why he had the sudden need to move about. Looking back to where Luke was standing—

_allowing his eyes to scan over the crowd. A blond head with an awful fringe appeared. A whistle sounded,_

Snapping back to the words that were coming out of his mouth,“I really appreciate everybody coming out here tonight. Thank you all, good night.” Hearing the room around him fill with the sound of applause, Calum couldn’t help but let a faint smile form on his face. He began to hear people call out to him from the crowd, congratulating him and bombarding him with questions—

_but Calum wasn’t listening, he was looking for—_

Stepping off of the stage, Calum stood in the vacant make-shift hallway to the side of the stage.Slumping against the wall behind him, Calum felt his chest grow heavy as he began sinking against the wall, using it as his only support. Head falling between his legs, Calum just sat. Alone.

_That was… he— he showed… L—_

“He came,” Calum murmured to himself, in disbelief that it was actually true, but desperately hoping it was.

In the complete silent room, Calum’s head perked up when he thought he heard— _a whistle? Where? Who? What?_

Standing up slowly to inspect the noise, Calum felt his collar begin to tighten around his neck, feeling as if it were choking him.

Moving his shaking hands to frantically unclasp the top button, Calum tried to snap out of it. _You_ have _to calm down. Everything is fine. Everything will be fine. You just need to relax._

Looking out into the crowd before him, Calum took a deep breath in, attempting to soothe his mind. His eyes froze when he saw a mop of blond curls moving throughout the crowd in the distance. _Luke._

As he was about to walk closer to who he presumed to be Luke, he heard it again. _That damn whistle. Seriously, who brings a whistle to this? A football tailgate, sure. But here, really?_

Still frozen between his isolated hallway and the bustling party in front of him, Calum forgot where he was for a moment, mind unable to process everything that was going on.

_Speech, you have to give your speech._

Shaking his head slightly, Calum rubbed his temple with his long fingers.

_No, Cal, you already gave the speech. It’s done. The speech is done._

Falling back into the peaceful hallway, Calum concluded that he was most definitely _not_ ready to face people yet.

_Just… another minute._

Leaning back against the wall, Calum focused on his breathing, feeling his chest rise and fall with each passing second. So concentrated on bringing himself to a state of zen, Calum didn’t even notice the sound of footsteps getting louder, someone approaching him.

Calum only opened his eyes when he felt the warmth of another body next to him.

“Hey!” Michael said, a smile beaming across his face.

“Hi,” Calum ushered back, sounding slightly less joyful than Michael.

“You were amazing, Calum! Absolutely fantastic! You did great. See, I _told_ you that you knew the speech by heart.” Michael finished off his series of compliments with a soft laugh, playfully punching Calum in the shoulder.

Calum, looking down at his feet, flashed a short-lived smile before letting out a detached “thanks.”

Still looking down at his feet, Calum felt Michael’s hand slip into his. “Cal, you good?”

Unsure of how to exactly respond to that, Calum just said nothing, only causing Michael to squeeze his hand tighter and continue.

“Was L— was he out there?” Michael tentatively asked.

Zoning out momentarily, Calum didn’t quite grasp what Michael was asking.

“What?” Calum asked, sounding dazed.

Forcing Calum to look at him, to make sure he was present, Michael continued.

“Was he there? Luke. Is he here?”

_“LUKE!”_

_“I was screaming your name, Luke. And You. Weren’t. There.”_

_“_ Luke?” Calum shakily breathe out.

A worried expression grew over Michael’s face as he repeated his question for the fourth time. “Yeah, did you see him?”

Everything that just happened all rushed back to Calum instantaneously, mind unable to comprehend everything that was going on at once.

“I— uh… um… I— uh, well… um.” was all Calum could get out before he tore his hand away from Michael and turned to run into the crowd of people.

As soon as he did, anybody he came close to began congratulating him on his speech.

“You were great up there!”

“Really extraordinary, so much accomplished so young.”

“Fantastic speech, man.”

Calum drowned all of the voices out, mind only being able to focus on one thing. One man.

_Luke._

Urgently running to where he thought he saw Luke standing before, Calum was dodging people left and right, not normally something he would do, but Luke was consuming his every thought.

Trudging ahead, Calum landed where he thought he saw Luke standing just minutes prior. But no one was there.

_I swear I saw him. He— he was right… here… he—_

_“I needed you there.”_

“Cal, not now.” He pleaded to himself, feeling the urge to fight back the tears that were forming in the back of his eyes.

_“When I was on the ground… when it felt like my entire leg was on fire when they were pulling me off the field, all I wanted was you,”_

“All I want is you, Luke,” Calum whispered to himself, hanging his head, hiding his face from the people around him.

“Calum!” Calum heard a familiar voice yell from behind him. “Cal, is he here— Cal?”

As Michael ran up towards him, Calum felt the tears grow closer to spilling. Barely being able to meet Michael’s gaze, Calum pulled his head up to look at the other man.

_There, on the staircase landing, he saw a red-faced Calum, tear tracks and all, collapsed in the middle of the hallway. He looked awful._

_A moment passed before Calum slowly began to pick his head up, turning towards the blond. Michael could practically see the pain Calum was in, it was written across his face. When Calum looked into Michael’s eyes, Michael could swear he stopped breathing for a moment._

_All the pain Calum was feeling, Michael, felt it all in that very stare. He could feel the tears, the heartache._

_Luke must’ve really done a number on him._

“Can we go home now?”

_Calum refused to look at Michael. Hiding his face in his lap, Michael could only hear Calum’s soft cries. Oh, God._

Michael, looking at Calum’s tearful eyes, smiled sadly towards him. “Yeah, of course, we can go now.”

Turning back one last time to where he thought Luke would be, Calum was only met with more disappointment, his bruised heartbreaking just a _bit_ more. Feeling a pair of arms wrap around his back, Calum glanced over, seeing Michael.

_At least you still have him._

“C’mon,” Michael muttered, leading Calum away from where he stood.

_Thank God you still have him._

As the two began to walk out of the auditorium, Michael wrapped his arm around Calum’s shoulder. Cal only sank more into the other man’s touch with every step they took together, unsure if it was out of comfort or sheer necessity.

“I really am proud of you,” Michael added on. Calum knew he meant it, but he just didn’t want to hear it right now. All he wanted to do was go home and alone. Well, alone with Michael.

Not saying anything to Michael’s compliment, Calum just kept walking, nodding slightly in acknowledgment. Zoning out, Calum distantly heard Michael continuing to speak, but he wasn’t really absorbing the words. He was just focusing on walking out of the building.

_Without Luke._


	31. Chapter 31

As Luke sat in Ashton’s car, he gazed out the window, city lights rushing by as the car moved along. Good Charlotte’s “The Truth” flooded the small space, but was easily drowned out by the sound of Johnny going on and on about how he could—

“…be so clumsy? _Juice_. I got juice on me! Juice of all things! On my shirt. I’m such a klutz.”

_Being a bit of a drama queen back there, aren’t we?_

Sighing, he continued, “How will I _ever_ get this stain out of my shirt!”

Butting in, the sound of Ashton’s voice caused Luke to look back from the window and to the man next to him. “You don’t even do the laundry, kid.”

Not pleased, Johnny went on. “How does this happen to me? On my first big night out of all times.”

_Ha, like father, like son. Neither of them can ever seem to stop talking. Like, ever._

Laughing slightly, eyes still focused on the road, Ashton added, “Don’t worry, I’ll get it out for you.”

Luke let out a small laugh himself as he heard Johnny begin to quiet down in the back seat, seeming to trust that his dad would be capable of handling the task. Glancing quickly at the little boy in the backseat, Luke turned his attention towards the window on his right. _It’s cute though. It’s like sitting in the car with two copies of the same person. Just one with a much… squeakier voice._

Luke resumed tracing the passing buildings as the car quieted down, now just the sound of Joel Madden’s voice filling the car. Looking out the window, Luke was forcing his thoughts to go blank, not wanting to overanalyze recent events like he knew he would. He just focused on whatever was on the other side of the glass.

As Good Charlotte faded out, the next song on Ashton’s playlist started. The sound of a distant synthesizer filled the silence, slowly getting louder as the introduction to the song went on.

Shifting in his seat, Luke picked up Ashton’s phone, leaning down slightly to look at the name of the song that was playing.

“Robbers”

The 1975

Setting the phone back down, Luke caught Ashton staring at him momentarily, but he quickly shifted his gaze as Luke fully picked his head up. Out of the corner of his eye, Luke saw the other man glance into his mirror and back at his son.

Softly, Ashton spoke. “You dozing off, bud?”

Now looking back at Johnny as well, Luke could see his eyes begin to slowly open and close, staying shut a little longer each time he blinked. The boy just answered with a small nod as his eyes closed entirely and his head fell towards his shoulder.

_She had a face straight out a magazine,_

Ashton took another glance back at Johnny before leaning in slightly towards Luke.

_God only knows but you'll never leave her,_

_“_ Hey, um, do you mind if we drive around for a little? Johnny’s been having trouble sleeping recently, and the car always seems to help him doze off.”

Luke met Ashton’s eyes, nodding. Not feeling as if he said enough, Ashton went on.

“It’s just, he’s been having these nightmares recently of…” Ashton coughed for a moment, trying to hide the fact that he wasn’t sure whether or not he should tell the truth. “Of, uh, sandworms.”

Slightly confused, Luke scrunched his eyebrows.

 _Sandworms?_ Luke didn’t want to push Ashton, though. Respecting his boundaries, Luke added, “‘Course,” reassuring Ashton that he was fine.

Switching lanes,

_I'll give you one more time,_

Ashton proceeded in the direction of the Manhattan Bridge.

_We'll give you one more fight,_

Glancing back once more,

_Said, one more lie,_

Ashton checked to make sure Johnny was truly out before turning and speaking to Luke. “We can finally have an adult conversation, eh?” He finished his sentence with a short-lived laugh.

Livening the mood, Luke fed off of Ashton’s light humor. “What do you mean? Little Johnny’s practically an adult already.”

“Yeah, he’s a little _too_ smart for my liking.”

Chuckling for a moment, Luke soon went quiet again. Unsure of what to do with himself, he, once more, turned towards the window and watched as the busy city life began to change into to the suburbs of New York City.

The two sat in the newfound silence, the quiet music being the only thing filling the space.

_Now if you never shoot, you'll never know,_

Luke stared intensely out the window, studying each home as they passed.

_And if you never eat, you'll never grow,_

“It’s the end of November… some people might have their Christmas lights up already,” Ashton spoke in a hushed tone.

_You've got a pretty kinda dirty face,_

Even though it wasn’t a question, Luke nodded in agreeance, and Ashton began driving to what looked like the most lit-up neighborhood.

_When she's leaving your home,_

Both Luke and Ashton weren’t sure what to say, but neither of them really felt the need to say anything at all.

_She's begging you to stay, stay, stay, stay, stay,_

As the car moved further up the street, the dark night grew slightly brighter as the row of houses lit up the street, illuminating Luke’s gaze. As he marveled at the lights before him, Luke really thought for the first time in a while. _I know this song, don’t I?_

Taking a moment, he listened to the lyrics, trying to absorb every word that was coming out of the car’s speakers.

_I'll give you one more time,_

Luke was unsure when it began, but he soon felt tears beginning to well in his eyes. A sudden rush of emotion washed over him, sending a chill down his spine. The synths reverberated through his skull, the lyrics hitting him in waves.

_We'll give you one more fight,_

As his eyes filled more and more with tears, the bursts of color coming from the Christmas lights soon mixed and swirled in Luke’s vision.

_Said, one more line,_

In desperate attempts to subdue his emotions, Luke squeezed his eyes shut, trying to calm himself down.

_There'll be a riot, 'cause I know you,_

Unable to stop the steady flow of tears that were now streaming down his face, Luke turned his head towards the window, hoping that Ashton wouldn’t notice. Eyes still clamped shut, Luke quietly felt the tears spill down his cheeks. He barely noticed when the car came to a stop, only realizing when he lurched slightly forward in his seat.

_Well, now that you've got your gun,_

Face tucked in his hands, Luke felt a gentle hand find its way to his back, slowly rubbing soft circles, a wave of comfort brushing over Luke with each stroke. Taken slightly aback by the action, Luke slowly pulled his face away from his hands and turned to the man next to him.

_It's much harder now the police have come,_

Glancing towards Ashton, he expected to be met with a pair of hazel eyes staring back at his own. However, Luke just saw Ashton staring down at his lap, not daring to look over at him.

_Now shoot him if it's what you ask,_

Turning his head down, tears still pounding down his face, the car was nearly dead silent apart from the occasional labored breath and the melody coursing through the stereo. Allowing himself to sink into Ashton’s touch, he felt the warmth of the other man’s comfort envelope him.

_But if you'd just take off your mask,_

Taking a shaky breath in, Luke tilted his head back towards Ashton. Taking a moment, he just stared at him through watery eyes, vision slightly blurred.Pausing for a moment, Luke swallowed deeply, still trying to stem the flow of tears streaking down his face.

_You'd find out that everything's gone wrong,_

His voice felt so unfamiliar as he spoke up.

“I lost Calum because of the… because of _my_ drinking. The non-stop…” Luke trailed off momentarily, voice catching in his throat.

“As soon as he was gone, the first thing I did was go and drown myself out of it. Why?”

_And he's got his gun, and he's got his suit on,_

For the first time in what felt like forever, Ashton turned to look at Luke. Luke could see a deep-rooted sadness in his eyes, something deeper than just mere sympathy. Luke’s shoulders shook, the tears began to burn on his cheeks.

“Why did I do that?” he asked, begging for an answer. “ _Why_ is Calum giving me a second chance, when I’ve done nothing to deserve it? _Why_ does he think that I am a better man now than I was when he left me in the park that day?”

Ashton looked back towards his lap, evidently without an answer to Luke’s question. The melancholy in his eyes became even more clear, Luke feeling himself becoming lost in it.

_You look so cool, you look so cool,_

Ashton exhaled sharply,

_You look so cool._

Shifting his gaze to the light-lined street momentarily, Ashton scrunched his eyebrows in concentration before looking back towards Luke.

“I… don’t know.”

Sinking into his seat a little bit, Luke turned his head down towards his lap, not wanting Ashton to see the disappointment flashing across his face at Ashton’s answer, cutting through the sadness.

“I…” Luke jumped slightly at Ashton’s voice, not expecting him to continue on.

“I can’t tell you what Calum is thinking, or how he feels,” Luke’s head turned back to face Ashton’s. “…but all I can do for you is be me. And I’m gonna say that all of this, Luke, all the stuff you’re going through, it’s tough shit. I know that you’re hurting, and honestly, that’s not fair. But you have to figure it out— whenever you’re ready to, that is.” Luke felt his breath hitch, the tears beginning to slow.

“So, until you are, you’ll have me to fall back on.”

Ashton paused briefly for a moment before adding on, “I’m here with you, Luke. I’ll always be here. God, if the world was falling down around us, I’d still try my best to stick with you. But you’ve got to take me. We can work it out together, I just need you to _tell_ me.”

Silence passed over them, Ashton’s words sinking in. Luke broke the gaze between him and Ashton. Looking out the window he shook his head slightly, taking a breath in. “I don’t deserve you, Ash. I—”

“Stop.” Ashton cut Luke off. “You deserve _anything_ your heart wants. Everything you could ever want. You _deserve_ _it_.”

Luke turned back to Ashton, leaning in a little closer to the other man as he did.

 _My heart wants_ you _, Ash._

“And I don’t care if I have to remind you of that every single goddamn day. I swear to God, Luke Hemmings, I’ll make sure tha—”

Surging forward, Luke rushed into Ashton, catching him in a kiss. Pouring every emotion he was keeping bottled up into that very moment, he grasped at Ashton’s cheeks to pull him closer. After a second, Ashton lightly pulled away, smiling and tilting his head back towards the sleeping five-year-old in the seat behind them. Letting out a soft laugh, he asked, “Are we _seriously_ making out in a car with my kid right there?”

Sitting back in his seat, laughing slightly, Luke replied, “I guess we are.”

Looking back in Ashton’s direction, Luke saw Ashton mirror his actions, catching each other’s gaze. Neither of them said a word. Instead, they just sat, looking at each other.

Luke, very ungracefully, leaned over the center console slightly and placed his head on Ashton’s shoulder. Not having to stretch much due to his height, Luke felt Ashton’s arm lightly drape over his shoulder.

Ashton leaned closer to Luke, speaking just above a whisper.

“Maybe we should take this… somewhere else?”

Sitting up, Luke furrowed his brow and let out a soft laugh. “That sounds _so_ weird.”

Shaking his head, Ashton laughed for a moment. “I don’t know how else to say it,” he replied, shooting his hands up apologetically.

Taking one last look at Luke, Ashton took his thumbs and gently rubbed Luke’s tear-stained cheeks, attempting to brush off the tracks under his eyes.

Luke fell back into his seat, feeling a bit lighter than he had when they had started their drive. Turning back towards the road in front of him, Ashton took the car out of park and turned it around, heading back towards the city.

————-

As the car pulled up to Ashton’s house, Luke rubbed his eyes, only reddening them more as he did. Opening the car door, Luke climbed out, Ashton’s warm jacket draped across his shoulders.

Clenching the jacket like his life depended on it, Luke watched Ashton open the door to where Johnny was sat and carefully unbuckled his son, trying his best not to wake him up.Locking the car, Ashton shoved his keys in his back pocket before scooping Johnny up in his arms, using his foot to shut the door. Trailing closely behind, Luke couldn’t help but smile at the sight of Johnny, sound asleep, resting his head on Ashton’s shoulder, feet hanging off of his dad’s arm. Johnny curled up into Ashton, sleepily attempting to hide from the cold November air.

Ashton halted abruptly, sighing as he did. He turned back to face Luke, who cocked his head in confusion. Clearing his throat, Ashton asked, still speaking in a very hushed tone, “Can you grab my keys for me? They’re in my pocket.”

Freezing, all Luke could manage was, “uh,” in response.

Ashton, with raised eyebrows, continued. “Dude, we’ve already…” he trailed off briefly. “Just, we’ve got to get into the house somehow, right? You have my permission to reach into my pants.”

Letting out an amused huff, he felt the tension ease, Luke hesitantly reaching to Ashton’s back pocket, retrieving the keys. Walking in front of the redhead, he unlocked and pushed open the door.

Once the three were safely inside, Luke relocked the door and set the keys down in a little bowl in the entryway.

Walking into the empty, quiet house, Luke felt the warm air wrap around him. Turning around, he found himself face to face with Ashton. Whispering at a nearly inaudible volume, he leaned towards Luke.

“I’ve gotta get this little man to bed. If you want, you can go upstairs, and, uh, get comfortable.”

They shared a silent laugh over how odd it sounded, but Luke nodded, trying hard to not make a sound, afraid of waking up Johnny.

Luke followed behind Ashton, who was beginning his trudge upstairs. At the top of the landing, Ashton disappeared into Johnny’s room, and Luke let himself into Ashton’s.

Once inside, Luke began taking off his boots, ever so gently setting them down on the floor. He then walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge of it, awaiting Ashton’s return.

Abruptly, Ashton came through the door and immediately began pulling off his shoes, tossing them to the side. Heading for the buttons on his shirt, Luke stood up off of the bed exclaiming, “Whoa! Dude!”

Turning around so he was no longer looking at Ashton, Luke heard from behind him, “What? I’m just getting ready for bed.” With no response from Luke, Ashton continued.

“Luke, you’ve already seen me naked.”

Turning back around sheepishly, Luke ushered back, “Yeah… but some warning would be nice.”

Ashton shot Luke his very best, ‘ya crazy’ look and went over to his dresser, grabbing an old t-shirt from his drawer and putting it on.

“Do you want anything to sleep in?”

“Oh, no. I don’t really _do_ pajamas.” Luke quickly added, “If that’s fine with you, of course. I wouldn’t want to make you uncomfortable. It’s normally just me and my underwear, don’t have to worry about others, ya know?”

Laughing for a moment, Ashton replied, “Yeah, um, sure. No, it’s totally fine. Do whatever you want.”

As Ashton disappeared for a moment into the bathroom, Luke stood in the middle of the room, unsure what to do. Feeling like a stranger, he paced back and forth for a few minutes before Ashton came back. Suddenly feeling _very_ aware of the makeup still on his eyelids, the button-up shirt he had painstakingly picked out still on, he realized who this whole night was for.

_Calum. I left pretty quickly— I didn’t congratulate him. I didn’t… say anything._

Pulling out his phone, he opened up his messages app and hesitantly typed in Calum’s name. His thumb hovered over the keys for a moment, not exactly sure what he wanted to say. After thinking for a moment, he typed out a brief message and hit send, shoving the phone back into his pocket, trying to quiet the anxiety building in his chest.

As Ashton reentered his sight, Luke’s mind wandered back to the tail end of their conversation in the car.

_“Should we take this somewhere else?” That’s what he wants, Luke._

_That’s okay, it’ll probably make you feel better, anyway._

He suddenly lurched forward to Ashton, engulfing him intensely in a kiss, hands wandering down to Ashton’s waist.

Taken slightly aback by the action, Ashton let out a yelp in surprise, causing Luke to pull away quickly.

“What? What? Is something wrong? Did I do something wrong?” Luke questioned in his panic. _Fuck, has he already regretted this?_

Ashton looked at him, a bit of a sad smile on his face as he sighed. Pushing some stray hair away from Luke’s face and gently tucking it behind his ear, he began, “You were just crying like, twenty minutes ago. I think we should just… I dunno. Cuddle?”

“Cuddle?” Luke asked.

Taking a minute for him to process what Ashton had just suggested, Luke added on. “Um, yeah, I would… like that. A lot. I’ve never really… done it, so I might be bad at it but, I think I would like it.”

“You’ve never _cuddled?_ ” Ashton looked at the other man in disbelief as he walked over to his bed, pulling back the sheets and climbing in. “You can’t be bad at cuddling, Luke.”

Smiling, Luke walked over to the bed, taking off his shirt and pants as he did. Hesitantly, he peeled back the covers and joined Ashton. Looking over towards the other man, Luke realized he was still wearing all of his rings. Fearing he would lose some in his sleep, he slipped them off and leaned over to the table beside the bed, placing each one down carefully. Before he could even entirely set them down, he felt Ashton’s strong arm wrap around his torso.

Now it was Luke’s turn to yelp, tensing up slightly as he was surprised by the sudden affection.

Pulling back slightly, Ashton asked Luke, concern evident in his voice, “Is this okay?”

Not wanting to mislead Ashton, Luke quickly responded. “Oh, yeah, yeah. This is… nice. I just wasn’t expecting it, is all.” Luke settled back down, sinking into the mattress, still facing the nightstand as he did.

“Oh, okay,” Ashton said, tightening his grip on Luke once more.

_Never thought I would be the little spoon. That’s new. Well… all of this is new._

_I also would have never thought, in a million years, that Ashton Irwin would be the fucking big spoon, cuddling me at three a.m. on a Friday night after I just had a breakdown in his car. If only Luke from a few months ago could see me now._

Luke began to hear light snores coming from behind him as Ashton descended into a deep sleep.

_God, what would he say? He would definitely not believe all this._

Settling down, Luke fully let himself grow into Ashton’s touch, fully assuming the role of ‘little spoon’.

Placing his hand over Ashton’s, which was drooped over his waist, Luke couldn’t help but smile. _This… this is nice._

He closed his eyes, sleep beginning to creep over him. Reaching down a bit, he felt the soft hand dangling off his waist. Lacing his fingers with Ashton’s, the man behind him unconsciously cuddling a bit closer, Luke finally felt at peace.


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year everybody! Wishing you a great 2021!

Opening the door to the venue from last night, Calum strolled in, thanking the janitor who unlocked the door for him. Wearing just a grey hoodie, followed by leggings with a pair of shorts over them, Calum forced his feet to keep moving, body drained from last night. Taking a hand, he rubbed at his slightly puffy eyes and headed towards the same room where he was last night.

Calum wanted to be quick, to just go in, get his forgotten phone, and get out. He didn’t want to dwell any longer, memories of last night flooding back as soon as he stepped into the auditorium. The distant recollection of him in Michael’s arms, the pain in his chest as he cried hysterically for hours pushed its way to the front of his mind. He heard the sweet nothings Michael whispered in his ear, attempting to comfort him, and the slight burn left by the tear tracks down his cheeks. Keeping his head down, he rushed towards the last place he remembered leaving his phone.

 _I should have expected this from Luke. God, how could you be so_ stupid _and actually believed that he changed?_

 _Michael,_ Calum remembered, snapping himself out of his trance. _He’s waiting in the car. Pretty sure he’s parked illegally. Can’t keep him waiting for too long._

That morning, Michael had actually gotten up before Calum, waking his boyfriend up with a soft kiss on his forehead and a hand on his cheek. Knowing that Calum could, and would stay tucked under the covers after the shitshow that was the previous night, he suggested that the two go out for breakfast together.

_“Cal, you can’t stay in bed all day. How about breakfast, hm? We’ll go to that little brunch joint down on 12th, the one we’ve always been meaning to try. Come on, love.”_

Calum knew he was only trying to make Calum feel better, but who was he to deny breakfast with Michael Clifford?

Walking towards the back of the room, Calum headed to the side of the stage. Right where he left it, sat his phone, abandoned on the small prop table. Grabbing the device, he shoved it in his pocket, not sparing a second glance at it; shuffling out of the auditorium, he let the door slam shut behind him.

Opening the door to the outside world, Calum saw Michael right where he left him. _Yep, definitely illegally parked._ Feeling a faint smile briefly wash over his face, Calum headed in the direction of the car.

Reaching to open the car door—

_You knew nothing good could have come from inviting him._

_—_ Calum got in the car without saying a word, just sparing a short glance at Michael. Pulling his seatbelt across his chest, Calum felt the car begin to move as he did. Turning his head to look out the window, Calum tried his hardest to not think back to last night, but couldn’t stop himself entirely.

 _I could have_ sworn _he was there. I saw someone who— no, Cal, stop making excuses for him. No matter how you spin it, he_ wasn’t _there. Luke was_ not _there. He—_

Calum’s thoughts were cut off by the sound of Michael’s voice.

“Oh, by the way, Cal, I forgot to ask you. Did you get that new demo track for… for… crap, what’s her name? D? De? It definitely starts with a D,” Michael paused for a moment, thinking. “ _Deaton!_ Did you get the demo for Deaton?”

Calum shook his head softly before timidly letting out, “Um, I don’t know. I’ll check.”

Michael nodded in Calum’s direction as he made a left. Deciding to check on that demo track, Calum sighed and grabbed his phone. The home screen lit up, notifications from all of his colleagues congratulating him on the speech last night. Scrolling mindlessly through the messages, none of them were able to bring a smile to Calum’s face. Just as he was about to stop and check if he actually got that demo, Calum’s finger froze on his screen. At the very bottom of his new messages, a little bubble read: “Maybe: Luke Hemmings”.

All the sounds around him seemed to drop out, blooding rushing from Calum’s face as he felt himself go pale. _This can’t be real, right? He wasn’t there, we’ve established this._ Hand slightly shaking now, Calum’s eyes widened, still not moving to open the message.

Picking up on the sudden change of body language, and the few shades of color Calum dropped, Michael glanced over at his boyfriend, trying to see what caused him to act so strongly so fast. Unable to see through his side glances, Michael felt forced to ask.

“Love, is everything alright?”

Not responding for a minute, Michael pressed on. “Cal?”

“What?” He snapped out of his trance, looking at Michael with wide, confused eyes. “Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Everything is… fine?”

“Are you sure? Because you sound kind of, I don’t know…”

Michael kept talking but Calum wasn’t really paying attention. His voice slowly drowned out as Calum built up the strength to click on the message. Once he did, he felt the wind kick out of his lungs, eyes feverishly scanning the screen before him.

“Sorry. Had to run out last night, you did a great job though. Really punching for Australia, man.”

The text was followed by copious amount of stupid emojis including an Australian flag, a clapping hand, and a face smiling with two thumbs up. Laughing slightly at the surplus of emojis, Calum caught Michael’s attention, the other man not having heard the sound in quite some time.

Looking over at Michael, Calum was met with a very confused expression on his boyfriend’s face. Cocking his head, Calum held up his phone and showed Michael the text. “He came. Luke. He— he came.” Calum said, slight disbelief creeping into his voice.

Michael grabbed the phone from Calum, definitely not following road safety, a muttered a small, “that’s what she said,” under his breath as he read the text twice over. Earning a small scoff from Calum, Michael handed his phone back to him, sparing a glance at the road before asking hesitantly, “So.” Michael cleared his throat, attempting to stall the inevitable. Calum looked at him curiously as Michael continued.

“What now?”

Calum glanced down at his phone, just checking that the text message didn’t disappear, that this was all really happening and not some sort of sad, hopeful dream.

_Second chances. We can do this._

His fingers brushed to the top of the message and hit the ‘info’ button. Scrolling down, he pressed down on ‘Create New Contact’.

Looking down at his phone again, still unsure sure what he should exactly do now, Calum dropped his phone to his lap, leaning back on the headrest behind him.

 _He was there. Luke was there. He showed, he_ really _showed this time._

Closing his eyes, Calum’s mouth was still plastered in a soft smile.

_Luke was really there last night… he was there. For me._


	33. Chapter 33

As the morning light came peering through the small slits in the blinds, a bright glow cast over Luke’s face. After a few moments, the light was enough to force him awake. Eyes flicking open, Luke looked out at the room he was in.

_Wait, where am—_

Hearing the sound of soft snores coming from behind him, Luke felt the body heat radiating from the body pressed up behind him.

_Oh shit, who did I sleep with last night?_

Still not fully with it, Luke gently turned his head back, attempting to not wake whoever was keeping him company at the moment. As he did, Luke saw that it was—

_Ashton. Oh, thank God. Ashton._

Turning his head forward once more, Luke let out a small sigh of relief, the events of last night coming back to him as he did.

 _Dude, you seriously got some_ serious _memory problems. We should probably look into that…_

Finally waking fully, Luke felt the dead weight of the arm that was draped over his torso for the first time that morning. _Like, seriously, how could you forget Ashton? I mean just…_ Luke turned back to steal another glance at a still sound-asleep Ashton. _Just wow._

As gently as he could, Luke picked Ashton’s arm up, slowly slipping out of the bed as he did. Laying his arm back down, Luke saw Ashton toss a few times before settling back into his sleep.

_This seems… familiar. In a good way, though._

Satisfied, Luke lightly padded his way out of the bedroom, grabbing his phone before he did and closing the door behind him.

Walking downstairs, Luke rubbed his eyes, attempting to get the morning haze out of them as he walked towards Ashton’s kitchen.

“Hi!”

Startled, Luke jumped back slightly at the noise. Looking up, he saw Johnny sitting on the kitchen counter, a Capri-Sun looking enormous in his little hands.

“Uh…” Luke began, quickly realizing he was still just in his underwear. Frantically turning to find something to cover himself with, Luke grabbed the blanked that was hanging over the side of the couch. Wrapping it around himself, he turned back to face John. “Um, hi?”

Smiling, Johnny got off his chair and walked into the pantry, disappearing momentarily. Luke walked towards the counter, attempting to see what Johnny was up to. _Off to a great start, Luke. Just fucking great._

A minute or so passed before Johnny came back, carrying another Capri-Sun in his hand. “You want one?” He asked, holding one out towards Luke.

“Uh, sure.” Luke hesitantly grabbed the drink. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” Johnny replied, flashing a bright smile while climbing back up onto the chair he was sitting at before.

 _Woah, that smile is_ all _Ashton._

Stabbing the Capri-Sun open with the straw, Luke stood next to the seat where Johnny was perched, leaning his elbows on the counter as he took a sip out of the drink.

_What do you do? Do you talk to the kid? Of course, you should. What do you say to… to a child? What the fuck does someone talk to a kid about? I’m a grown-ass adult. I can’t—_

“Did you sleep in the same bed as my dad last night?”

Choking on his Capri-Sun, Luke coughed for a minute, attempting to recover from Johnny’s _very_ blunt question. _What?_

“What?” was all Luke could manage at the moment.

“Did you sleep in the same bed as my dad last night?” Johnny repeated the same innocence in his voice as the first time.

Pausing to think for a minute, Luke just stared blankly at Johnny’s naive eyes, trying to figure out just exactly how to handle this one.

“…yes?”

Nodding, John took another sip of his drink. “Cool,” _oh thank God,_ “He snores.”

Laughing in both relief and amusement, Luke ushered back, “Yeah, he does.” Stopping for a minute, Luke stared blankly at the counter. _Wait._ “How do you know that?” Luke asked, directing his attention back in John’s direction.

Looking at Luke, Johny started, “We… _sleeped_ in the same bed until I was…” Johnny took his fingers, using them to count. A small smile formed on Luke’s face as he watched Johnny hard at work crunching the number. “…um, until I was four… I think.”

“Oh,” Still confused as to why exactly Johnny and Ashton shared a bed, Luke was about to say something else. Almost right on cue, there was a noise— someone coming down from upstairs.

“Hey guys,” Ashton’s voice boomed through the nearly silent room. Stopping in his tracks as he saw Luke, bundled in a random blanket, Ashton laughed to himself, before walking closer to where John and Luke stood.

“Johnny, are you disturbing our guest?”

“Of course I am!” John replied cheekily.

Lightly laughing to himself as he watched the exchange, Luke looked towards Ashton, who flashed him a smile on his way towards the coffee machine. Luke heard Ashton and Johnny continue their little conversation, so Luke took it as an opportunity to check his phone. Going to his messages, Luke sighed. _Still no word from Cal. Great._

Still staring at the blank screen, hoping for a message to appear, Luke looked up when he heard Ashton being speaking to him. “Hey Luke, everything alright?”

Watching as Ashton made his coffee, Luke hung his head for a moment before e picking it back up and responding, “Yeah, just… no word from Cal.”

Sending a reassuring look Luke’s way, Ashton attempted to impart some of his optimism towards Luke. “I’m sure he’s just sleeping in. He had a big night last night, you know?”

“Yeah, maybe,” Luke murmured, appeasing Ashton. _Calum doesn’t sleep in._

Sensing the insincerity in Luke’s voice, Ashton went on. “Just give him some time, okay?”

Luke nodded, looking back to where Johnny was sitting as he did. He noticed for the first time that the boy wasn’t there anymore. Looking around for a minute, he located John sitting on the couch a few feet away doing some kid-thing that Luke couldn’t really make out.

Ashton stepped next to Luke, sliding a cup of coffee into his hands. “Thanks,” Luke mumbled, taking a sip of the steaming hot coffee as he did.

Staring at the drink in front of him, Luke’s thoughts were scattered in a million places.

Easily getting lost in them, he was only brought back by the feeling of a slight nudge on his shoulder. Looking over, Ashton was looking directly at him now. “What’s up, Lu?”

Swallowing, Luke began. “It’s just… I’m really proud of Calum. He was always the shy one growing up. I was the one doing all the talking.” Luke paused for a minute, laughing slightly as he continued, “Funny, innit? He became my manager and then began doing all the talking for me.”

Luke looked down, but could still feel Ashton’s gaze pouring over him. Luke took another sip of his drink. “He _always_ hated public speaking. Cal always asked me to do his part for him in school projects, and boy, would I deliver.”

Luke heard Ashton laugh at his joke as he turned to face the other man. As he directed himself towards Ashton, his laughter subsided, but Luke still saw the remnants of his through a smile on Ashton’s face. “I just wish…” Luke sighed, “I wish I could tell him how proud of him I am, you know?”

Taking his hand and rubbing Luke’s shoulder gently, Ashton reassured him, “You will.”

Neither man was completely sure how to move past the heavy conversation. Ashton took the first leap, asking Luke, “You want some breakfast?”

Luke nodded eagerly, not realizing how hungry he had gotten in the short time he had been awake. “How do eggs sound?”

“Sounds good to me,” Luke ushered back, Ashton beginning to move to start cooking. “Just sauce some in the microwave and we’ll be all good.”

Stopping immediately with Luke’s words, Ashton slowly turned to face him. “What did you just say now?”

“What?” Luke asked in genuine confusion. “How do _you_ cook your eggs?”

“I cook them in a skillet. Like the rest of society.”

Feeling his cheeks grow slightly red, Luke muttered out, “Oh yeah, I knew that,” before hiding his face in his mug.

Scoffing, Ashton went back to preparing breakfast, laughing lightly to himself. “Sure you knew.” He paused, holding a pan up for emphasis. “What would your mother think about this, now?”

“Hey, don’t bring Liz into this,” Luke responded, pointing at Ashton and joining in his light laughter as he did.

As Ashton began cooking, the two fell into a comfortable silence, the only noise coming from Johnny in the other room. Feeling a vibration against the counter, Luke picked up his phone.

Staring down at him was the very text he was waiting, but not completely ready for.

_New Message: Calum Hood_

Fingers shakily hovering over the message, Luke tapped on it, using his other hand to push back his hair as he did. His eyes scanned the message over and over again, a smile forming on his face as he did.

“Coffee?”


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody! I'm really sorry for missing my last chapter update. There were some technological issues on my end, but it's all good now. Everything should be smooth from here on out. Thank you all so much for your patience! I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Luke’s knee bounced up and down in anticipation, his eyes refusing to look up from his lap. Fiddling with the paper rim on his drink, hands resting on the table in front of him, Luke lifted his head up slightly.

 _You can do this. It’s just Cal, it doesn’t have to be this weird. God,_ why _is this so fucking weird?_

Getting lost in his thoughts for a minute, Luke snapped back to reality, looking at the man sitting across from him.

“So…” Luke began, catching Calum’s attention. Desperately trying to think of something to say, Luke feverishly glanced around the small coffee shop the two were seated in. Still not wanting to look directly at his best friend, Luke's gaze landed on Calum’s— _coffee?_

“No Miel latte then, huh?”

Picking up his drink and taking a sip from it, Calum looked toward Luke.

“Yeah, just a plain, boring coffee with almond milk,” Calum added with a soft laugh on the end, trying to ease the obvious tension. “Been, uh, trying to cut back on my sugar.”

Luke let out a small laugh, “Good, good… that’s… _good_.”

Another moment of silence passed between the two, neither feeling compelled to say anything. Calm, yet still on edge, Luke looked at Calum, who was busy glaring at something on the floor.

Clearing his throat, Luke scrambled to put his thoughts together. Eventually, he looked towards Calum and took a breath.

“Cal, it…” He trailed off, clearing his throat and gaining the other man’s attention.

“It was a really great speech. I— I had no idea you did all that with those kids. It’s… pretty amazing.”

A soft smile formed on Calum’s face. “Yeah, well, I think it’s safe to say that all those opportunities we got growing up…. they were one in a _million_.”

Luke breathed out a small, “yeah,” in agreement.

“It’s just…” Calum continued, “I wanted to be able to give those chances to as many kids as I could. Some of them are just…” He trailed off, looking unable to think of the proper words. “They seem to amaze me every day. Some of them are absolutely _incredible_ , Luke. Way better than we ever were.”

Calum chuckled at his joke and was shortly joined by Luke.

_It’s good to hear that laugh again._

A brief moment of silence formed as the laughter died out. Luke took a sip of his drink, hesitantly making eye contact with the man sitting across from him. After another beat of quiet passed, Calum spoke up.

“So, in other words, what have you been up to? I feel like we didn’t get to talk much when you stopped by.”

“Oh, yeah,” Luke started to remember the awkward encounter in Calum’s apartment. “I’ve been… good.”

He caught a questioning glance from Calum. “No, no, really, I’ve been good. I think. It’s just…” Luke trailed off, unsure if he should go on.

“It’s just what?” Calum pressed.

Sighing, Luke looked down at the table before continuing. “It’s our— _my_ album,” he corrected himself. “I’ve been trying to continue it, and it’s just not going well. _At all._ ”

Luke continued to pick at the scratched wood, an ashamed blush burning on his cheeks. His head snapped up at the sound of Calum’s voice.

“Well, Luke, you’re an amazing songwriter. I’m sure that you’re going to get it. It’s just a matter of time.”

Still barely meeting Calum’s gaze, Luke’s words began to move faster than his thoughts as he rushed out—

“Yeah, but it’s not the same without you.”

Luke regretted those words he said as soon as they came out of his mouth. _What the fuck, Luke! Too soon._ Way _too fucking soon._

Both men reverted back to looking anywhere but at the person sitting across from them. Unable to sit in the tense silence for much longer, Luke tried to start up a new conversation in an attempt to wash away the awkwardness of the last one.

“So, how’s everything with…” Luke trailed off, unsure as to _where,_ exactly, that sentence was supposed to go. He heard a soft laugh from across the table, causing a small smile to form on his face.

Luke suddenly remembered— there was only _one_ thing that he had yet to ask Calum about.

“Wait, so you’re gay?” _Wow, really easing into that one, I guess?_

Calum, seemingly taken slightly aback by the question, stared at Luke with wide eyes. “I— I guess so.”

“You guess so?” Luke scrunched his eyebrows.  
“Yeah,” Calum responded, with much more assurance in his tone.

Throwing his hands up in the air in defeat, Luke sighed to himself, “You know, you were my token straight friend.”

“Dude, I know!” Calum added on, a smile spreading on his face, seemingly equally as surprised as Luke. “I don’t know what happened. I guess after twenty-three years, something just finally… clicked?”

Nodding, as he wasn’t quite sure what to say next, Luke paused momentarily. “Well, I’m glad you understand yourself now.” _Luke, what the_ fuck _was that? ‘Understand yourself now’? What?_

Trying to save himself from the absurd statement he just made, Luke continued, leaning slightly closer to where Calum was sitting, closing the gaping space between the two.

“You know, I will always love you no matter what, and will always accept you.” _Dudeeeeeee! What the fuck? Stop being such a fucking Karen! What the hell is possessing you right now?_

Laughing as he nodded, Calum placed his head in his hands before looking back toward Luke.

“Mate, of course, I know that. Hell, I’ve known you were bi since we were, like, _nine,_ and you would be thirsting over Kate Winslet _and_ Leonardo DiCaprio when we watched _The Titanic_. You also wanted to watch _The Titanic_ weekly, so…”

“Look, it’s not _my_ fault that that movie has an _extremely_ attractive cast!”

“Yeah, but watching it to drool over the leads is something _else_.”

The pair laughed in synchrony again before Luke pushed on with the conversation.

“So, on that note. Michael.”

Calum raised his eyebrow, slightly confused. “What about Michael?”

“I need you to tell me _everything_ about this man. I mean, if he can make you realize you’re gay, he _has_ to be something else.”

Calum looked down at his coffee, blushing slightly as he did. “Well,” he started, “Do you remember that day when we were on the train? To that meeting, with the record label?”

Shaking his head, Luke replied, “We were on a _lot_ of trains to a _lot_ of meetings. I don’t drive and you don’t have a car, remember?”

“Oh, trust me,” Calum laughed out, “I remember.”

Toying with the rim of his drink, Calum continued, “And I _definitely_ I remember this. It was the day after you ditched me at the studio.” _Still doesn’t help me narrow it down… “_ We were at Red Desert, and I was spending all this time with Michael. We started talking, and I mentioned something about needing a drummer. So I did what any _good_ manager would do and I gave him my number—”

“Uh-huh…” A grin began to form on Luke’s face as Calum continued, shooting a soft glare in Luke’s direction.

“I _swear_ , I was just looking for a drummer for you. You should be thanking me!”

“From the outcome of this story, I think you should be thanking _me._ ” Luke ushered back, laughing as he took a drink from his tea.

“Shut up,” Calum playfully replied, a grin forming as he did. “Anyway, while we were on that train, Michael asked me to dinner. I thought it was just a _business_ dinner.”

Raising his eyebrows, Luke encouraged Calum to go on.

"Well…” Calum hesitantly started. “You see, _I_ thought it was a business dinner. And well… he may have thought it was a _date_.”

“No!” Luke gasped out. “Calum, no, you didn’t. He— you—” Processing what Calum had just said, Luke couldn’t help but laugh at the thought of the situation.

“Cal, why didn’t you _tell_ me this?”

“Well, I _would of_ , but I was highly mortified at the time. Plus, you were so preoccupied with trying to get in Ashton’s pants that I felt it wouldn’t have been the right time.”

Freezing, Luke thought back for a moment. “Wait, so you’re telling me that after this whole date debacle…” he trailed off, thinking for a moment before his face lit up.

“This wouldn’t have happened to be the same time that I left you and Michael alone in the studio to get coffee with Ashton, right?”

Sighing, Calum shook his head, looking down. “I wish I could say no, but… it was a very _awkward_ time for both parties involved.”

Luke, who was absolutely _losing it_ , finally calmed down enough to exclaim just how much he was enjoying this story.

“But hey,” Calum continued, “I guess you can say it all worked out in the end.”

“Hell yeah, you can!” Luke said, holding his drink up, urging Cal to clink theirs together. Laughing as he did, Calum tapped his cup to the side of Luke’s, and both men took a sip from their respective drinks.

“So, how did you and Michael get from awkward dinner dates to practically being married?”

“We’re not—” Calum said, blushing a bright red. Luke smiled as his friend flustered at the mention of his boyfriend.

Looking down and coughing to clear his throat, Calum shifted into a much more serious tone.

“We, um, got over all the awkwardness quite quickly, actually. Um…” Sighing, Calum went on. “After everything at the, uh, the _park_ …” Luke saw Calum’s face get progressively redder as he looked up and to the left.

“I just— I needed somewhere to go. This is just… everything felt so _big_ and I felt so…” Calum trailed off, unable to finish his sentence.

“Alone?” Luke offered.

“Yeah,” Calum sighed out, looking back towards Luke. “The only person I could think to call was Michael. I really have no clue why, even to this day, but… all I _do_ know, is that his name was the first one to pop into my head. And it was all— I just—-” Calum cut himself off, shaking his head and looking back down at his drink.

Looking at the man in front of him, Luke nodded in understanding.

Still looking down, Calum continued. “Every day with Michael… it’s _perfect_. He’s everything that I could ever want, and not a day goes by where I’m not amazed about how lucky I feel to have found him.”

Seeing the beaming smile that formed on Calum’s face as he talked about Michael, Luke couldn’t help but absorb some of the joy that was radiating off of the other man. Calum was practically _glowing_.

“You know,” Luke spoke up, causing Calum to look back at him, “I _just_ learned his name was Michael.”

Dissolving into a fit of laughter, Calum shook his head. “Still can’t have a serious conversation for more than two minutes, can we?”

Chuckling lightly, Luke nodded. “Nope, I just panic and… have to crack a joke.”

“It’s good to know some things never change.”

In just that brief moment, it almost felt like they were back to the way things used to be. The two of them, just enjoying the other’s company, not having a heavyweight draped across their shoulders.

As the laughter died down, the two of them sat for a moment before Calum began to shift in his seat. Luke looked curiously at Calum, who looked like he was gathering his thoughts before beginning to speak.

“Luke, uh…” Calum began to look visibly uncomfortable now like he was getting ready to say something that they both didn’t want to address.

“At the park… that fight really tore me up. The things I said, I can’t even _begin_ to say how—”

“It’s nothing I didn’t deserve,” Luke said, cutting Calum off before he could say something he might not truly mean.

Shaking his head, Calum leaned in closer to Luke, who now sat slouched back in his chair, opening the space between the two of them again.

“No, _don’t_ say that. I said some of the most awful things that day. I didn’t mean them. Not then, not now, not ever. I was… I was just _hurt_. Hurt that I couldn’t see— no. Hurt that I _wouldn’t_ see, that you—”

“I know.”

Calum looked up, a slightly shocked expression on his face. Leaning in, Luke grabbed Calum’s hand, hoping he didn’t push things too far. But Calum didn’t pull away.

“Cal, I treated you horribly. And I can’t blame it all on…” Luke paused, words stuck in his throat. “…on the drinking.” Swallowing, Luke looked down at the table.

“It was other things, too. You were right. God, why do you always have to be right,” Luke let out a small huff of laughter, attempting to ease the tension. Looking back up at Calum, he earned a sad smile from the other man.

“The number of times I flaked on you, or ditched you. It was all so _wrong_. You were the best thing to happen to me and I let you downtime and time again.”

Leaning back in his chair, Luke looked down at his lap, unaware that Calum was doing the same thing.

“I let you down too,” Calum released into the cold silence.

Looking back towards Calum, whose head was still tilted down, Luke felt his heart drop at the pain in Calum’s voice. He looked off to the side and moved his hand towards his hair, intending to push it back. Before he could, he felt something grip his wrist, causing him to swivel his head quickly across from him.

Sighing, Calum pulled his hand away. “You gotta stop doing that, mate. You’ll be bald by thirty. Good luck selling your albums then.” Calum finished with a small smirk.

“Yeah, I know. It’s a bad habit. I’ve been doing it for, like, _ever_. Since I was what? Uh, probably…”

“Eleven,” Calum finished for him. Luke looked at him in shock.

“Since you were eleven— Mrs. Howard's English class. _That’s_ when it all started.”

Laughing, Luke realized Calum was right. “Well, she was scary!” Luke pointed out.

“Not gonna argue with you there,” Calum agreed, laughing lightly as he did.

A beat passed, and neither spoke; the pair just sat in a comfortable quiet as the conversation fizzled out. Taking a sip from his drink, Luke heard Calum start.

“So, anyway. What about you? You’re doing good, though?”

Sighing, Luke shoved his hands in his lap. “I’m trying, Cal. I really am.”

“Okay,” Calum responded, taking a moment before lightly reaching out and touching Luke’s arm. “That’s all I could ask for.”

Looking at the wall next to him, Luke continued, trying to hide the shame burning deep in his chest. The tone of his voice betrayed him, however. “I’m not going to lie to you, Calum, it’s… been pretty rough. Between everything with us, the deadlines, the album, I… I couldn’t _stop_ myself, I…” Luke kept his gaze locked firmly on the floor, tears beginning to creep up in the corner of his eyes. Time seemed to slow down, as the chatter of the coffee shop dulled to a low hum, the silence deafening between the two men.

“That’s okay, Luke.”

Luke’s eyes shot up, expecting to see the disappointment on his best friend’s face. Instead, he was met with Calum, who was looking down at his drink, fingers fiddling with the flimsy paper rim. Suddenly, the other man’s hands stilled, and he took a deep breath. Looking up at him, Luke’s heart stopped.

“We’ll… we’ll do it, _together,_ this time. You don’t have to do it alone again.”

“Calum, you never—”

“Luke, we were _kids._ I’m sure we didn’t go about it the right way last time. We’re gonna… we’re gonna do it right.”

Forcing his gaze back to Calum, Luke couldn’t hide how shocked he was at Calum’s response. “What? You’re seriously thinking about giving me another chance?”

“Not thinking about it, I believe I just did.” Disbelief still written all over Luke’s face, Calum kept on. “What kind of person would I be to leave my best friend when he needs me the most?”

_Best friend. God, it’s good to hear that again. Never thought I would._

Feeling a soft smile come onto his face, Luke saw Calum mirror his actions. Suddenly, Calum’s hand went to his mouth, eyes crinkling as his shoulders shook. _Is he… laughing?_

“What?” Luke asked, _what was so funny?_

“Okay,” Calum leaned in towards him, obviously about to share some he had been holding something back the entire conversation. “When I saw you the other night, at my speech, were you with… Ashton? Like, Ashton Irwin?” Calum asked, a slightly suggestive tone leaking into his voice, an eyebrow quirked.

Clearing his throat, shrugged nonchalantly, “Um… I— I have no clue what you’re talking about.”

Now beginning to smirk cheekily, Calum went on, pointing a finger at Luke. “I think you know _exactly_ what I’m talking about.”

Luke looked down at his lap in an attempt to hide the intense blush that was forming on his cheeks. Glancing back up at Calum, he was met with a pair of wide eyes and a jaw practically on the floor.

“You _didn’t!_ ” Calum exclaimed.

Luke sunk back in his seat a little bit, unsure why the conversation was having this effect on him. Through all their years of friendship, Luke had always been _very_ open with Calum about his… _nightly_ _activities_ , so he didn’t really know why this time was so different.

“Oh my God!” Calum exclaimed in excitement. He leaned across the table, dropping into a low whisper.

“Was it good?”

“Calum!” Luke yelped out, pushing his elbows onto the table and resting his head in his hands. Hearing Calum cackling in front of him, Luke looked up at him before mumbling out—“Yes, of _course,_ it was good! Have you _seen_ that man?”

Getting an absolute kick out of the conversation, Calum kept laughing. Sighing in defeat, Luke to keep going. “You want to know the best part?” Luke asked. Calum eagerly shook his head, still laughing too hard to form sentences. “He has a kid…” Luke added on.

“What?”

“Yep,” Luke confirmed.

“Oh my God… Oh my _GOD!_ Luke, you’re practically fathering a child now!”

“No, I am not—”

“Oh, this is serious. Oh my God, are you in love? Are you going to get married? Does the kid like you? Is it a boy or a girl? _Luke!_ ” Calum whined out.

Unable to answer any of those questions, Luke just laughed to himself as Calum continued to bombard him with questions. “Ah, wait!” Calum abruptly ended his line of questioning. Whatever he thought of caused him to delve into an intense fit of laughter. All he could breathe out in between wheezes was, “ _Daddy Luke._ ”

“Calum!” Luke shrieked out, throwing Splenda packets at him in an attempt to get him to stop.

Laughing as he caught them, Calum kept going, “Luke, you can be this kid’s _daddy!_ ”

“Can you _please_ stop saying daddy! That’s just— _no_. And, if anything,” Luke looked around and leaned towards Calum, “ _Ashton_ is the daddy.” Luke paused, fighting back a smile, before Calum burst out laughing so hard that other patrons were looking at them with strange glances, only to see Cal sinking down into his chair, clutching his chest. Trying to clear up what he said, Luke shook his head before essaying, “No, no, _not_ like that. Ashton is _not_ a daddy.” Calum looked at him with raised eyebrows. “Well…” Luke trailed off, Calum scooting closer to him.

“What was that?” He questioned.

“What was what?” Luke ushered back, grinning to himself as he hid his face with his paper cup. Looking back he saw Calum staring at the floor, processing what Luke had just said, many emotions going over his face as he did.

Clearly not ready to further that topic anymore, Calum shook his head, clearing his mind of the past few minutes. Luke let out a small chuckle as he did.

There was a pause between the two as they sat in each other’s presence, not knowing what to say next, Calum seeming to have been a _bit_ scared away from asking about Ashton any further.

Looking up, Luke could see that Calum was back to his serious mentality. Taking a deep breath, Calum refused to break the eye contact the pair had, eyebrows scrunching as he looked at Luke and then away.

_I think I know where this is going…_

Luke took a breath in, preparing himself for the conversation that was to come.

_…but that’s okay._

_“_ Luke—” Calum began.

_I’m ready._


	35. Chapter 35

The faint glow of the candles scattered across the room started to grow brighter as the sun began to set on the New York City skyline. Walking over to the couch, Ashton carefully sat down, leaning back into it as he grabbed his wine glass from the counter and took a long, well-deserved sip.

A faint smile formed on his face as Ashton watched as Calum toyed with a few things around the room, putting them in their “proper” spot before he headed over to take a seat beside him.

Holding up his glass, Ashton motioned for Calum to do the same, clinking their glasses together as they did. The two shared a brief laugh as they each turned to their drink.

Getting comfortable, Ashton let out a relieved sigh. “Man, this is so great.”

Ashton caught Calum’s attention, the other man turning at the sound of Ashton’s voice.

“Ugh, I know,” Calum began. “It’s been way too long since we’ve had a ‘wine mom’ night.”

Ashton nodded at Calum before adding, “Yeah, except only one of us _actually_ has a kid.”

Beginning to laugh, Calum pointed his glass behind him, towards the doorway. “Well, I have to live with Michael, so it’s practically the same thing, right?”

Smirking at Calum’s comment, Ashton took another sip of his red wine, shaking his head. Both of them sighing and settling in on the couch, Ashton took the time to look around the room. Since he was last at Calum and Michael’s apartment, nothing much had really changed. There were, however, a few new pictures on display. Ashton felt a smile creep onto his face as he looked at the little gold picture frame sitting right next to him on the side table. It featured Calum, with Johnny perched on his shoulder, both beaming as they smashed a cake into Michael’s face. Ashton laughed as he thought back to Mike’s birthday party a few weeks ago. It was a good day, a really good day.

_If only Luke were there._

Calum cleared his throat, being the first to break the silence and snapping Ashton out of his trance.“So how have you been lately? How’s John?”

Ashton noticed the faint smile that had formed on Calum’s face with the mention of his son.

“It’s been pretty good. Really busy, though. Everything is just… kind of crazy right now, you know what I mean? I have _way_ too many midterms to grade, not to mention the fact that I’ve been procrastinating doing it for maybe a week now,” Calum scoffed at Ashton, turning his body to face the other man. “And Johnny, well, he’s Johnny.” The two men laughed, “He’s been pretty busy with some Little League stuff recently.”

Calum visibly lit up with Ashton’s words. “Oh my God, Ash! How’s all that going? Tell. Me. _Everything._ ”

Ashton laughed at Calum’s puppy-like excitement and _very_ enthusiastic mannerisms. “He’s really enjoying it. I’m not saying he’s any _good_ at it,” Ashton laughed, thinking back to the past couple of weeks. “Like, last week, he had the ball, right? And he was running and running. He was doing pretty well. Then, he’s _literally_ two feet in front of the goal. I’m cheering him on, telling him to score. I mean, they don’t really keep track of points at this level, but I do,” Calum laughed at Ashton, the smile that came on his face with the mention of Johnny having not faded one bit.

“So, anyway, he’s _right_ in front of the goal, and then he’s just standing there. Everyone is cheering him on, telling him to kick it in, absolutely ecstatic. Then, do you know what he does?”

“What?” Calum pressed, leaning in, enticed by the story.

“I’ll tell you what he does. He picks up the ball,” Calum let out a gasp. “Yeah, no, that’s not even the worst part. He has the ball in his hand, and he looks at the ref standing next to him. He takes the football. _Bam!_ Throws it _right_ at the ref.”

Ashton laughed when Calum’s mouth dropped completely open. “He did not.”

“He sure did. My son _assaulted_ the referee at his little league football game.”

Dissolving into a fit of laughter, Calum could barely breathe when imagining the look of horror on Ashton’s face. “Man, he really is your son.”

“What’s that supposed to mean? Do I just go around attacking people with footballs?”

Shaking his head, Calum laughed, “I mean, no. At least not that I know of,” Calum smirked, “But you _certainly_ don’t like people all up in ya grill.”

Ashton cocked his head, eyebrows furrowed. “Well, obviously, Johnny didn’t like the ref breathing down his neck,” Calum said like it was obvious.

“Oh,” Ashton let out, some relief in his tone.

“And I don’t blame him,” Calum continued, “When I played, way back when, the _number_ of times I almost got kicked off the field for arguing with the refs. I’m honestly surprised it only happened twice.”

“You?” Ashton asked, astonished. Calum nodded a faint essence of pride in his actions peeking through his smirk. “But you’re so…” Ashton trailed off, unsure exactly what word to use, not wanting to accidentally offend Calum. “Not… vocal?” He settled on.

“What can I say,” Calum began, settling back into the couch, “Football brings out a different side of me.”

Huffing a bit in agreement, the two sunk into the couch, glasses clutched in their hands. The two sat in quiet, neither feeling the need to really say anything, but instead, just enjoying the company. After a moment or two, Calum took a deep breath, eyebrows scrunching a bit.

“Why _do_ they call it soccer here? Like, what the hell? Literally _everywhere else_ calls it football. Why do you have to be so _extra_ , America?”  
“Dude! I know!” Ashton replied, “I always feel so bad. I call it football, but all the coaches, refs— ugh, virtually everybody else says ‘soccer’,” Ashton said, imitating his best American accent, which caused Calum to laugh quietly. “I’m pretty sure I’ve confused the poor kid more times than I could count.”

Calum scoffed, shaking his head as he enthusiastically ushered back, “Americans. Am I right?”

Ashton raised his glass, “Now I can drink to that.”

Calum laughed, following the older man’s lead. “To football!” Ashton exclaimed.

“To football!” Calum added, raising his glass to his mouth as he did.

Calum shifted his position slightly, placing his glass down on the coffee table.

“So, um…” He began. Ashton turned to Calum, noticing the sudden change in his tone. “I, uh, spoke to Luke last night.” Ashton’s ears perked up at the sound of the other man’s name. “He sounds good.”

Ashton nodded, acknowledging Calum. “I’m glad to hear that. I… I think this was the right move for him.”

Calum nodded in agreement. Suddenly, Ashton felt a wave of guilt wash over him. “I’ve been meaning to see him, I really have. It’s just, with everything that’s been going on over the past couple of weeks, it’s all just been so hectic and crazy and I don’t want him thinking that—”

Calum cut Ashton off, sensing he was spiraling.

“Luke understands, Ash. He really does.”

Ashton knew Calum was right. _Of course, he’s right. Luke wouldn’t blame you for being busy. He gets it. He has to get it. But still,_ “It doesn’t stop me from feeling bad about it, though.”

Calum placed a reassuring hand on Ashton’s shoulder, rubbing it slightly before reaching forward for his glass. Sighing, Calum turned back to Ashton, “What’s stopping you?”

Ashton cocked his head, leading Calum to continue. “What’s holding you back from going up there for a weekend?”  
Ashton sighed, letting his hand come up to rub his temples, having the same conversation with himself practically every night. “Well, for starters, I’ve got Johnny. And I don’t want to keep dumping him on my brother every other day. Harry’s got a life, a family of his own. He doesn’t need me bugging him every ten seconds.” Ashton’s face dropped a little bit, “And remember all of those midterms I’ve been putting off grading? I’ll have to do that soon.”

Ashton sighed, looking down at his lap somberly. “There’s just _so_ much going on.”

“Yeah,” was all Calum could respond.

Ashton went on, switching his gaze to his back to Calum. “Like, take this weekend for example, right? Johnny’s got a football match, and I can’t miss that. Somebody has to be there to support him, right? And who is going to willingly go to a five-year-old’s football game if not his father?”

“I’ll go.”

“What?” Ashton asked, unsure if he heard Calum right.

“I said, I’ll go. I _love_ football. C’mon, it can be a little thing. I can make a day out of it. Take him to his game, take him out to ice cream. The whole nine yards.”

Ashton sighed, shaking his head. “No, Cal, I couldn’t ask you to do that.”

“I _literally_ just offered my services. I want to do it, Ash, I really do. I mean, who _wouldn’t_ want to spend a weekend with _the_ Johnny Irwin?”

Ashton laughed, “Yeah, but don’t tell him that. It’ll all go straight to his head. God knows he doesn’t need _more_ of an ego boost.”

Calum laughed as Ashton drank his wine.

“Really, Ashton,” Calum began, a faint giggle in his tone, “Mike and I would love to watch Johnny for you. I can’t promise Michael will be at his game, though. He definitely won’t be waking up for a kid’s soccer game if he doesn’t have to.” Calum joked, easing the slight awkwardness of the whole situation.

“You do realize this is peewee football, not Premier League, right?”

Calum nodded, grinning, “Of course I realize that, dude. And who knows? Maybe I’ll get to witness another ‘football assault’,” Calum grinned, earning a playful smack across the chest from Ashton.

Moving back to his seat on the couch, Ashton laughed, putting his head in his hands and contemplating all his actions. _Well, you could either_ not _see Luke and spend the weekend wallowing over the fact that you know you had a chance to, or,_ he glanced over at Calum, who was still grinning at his own joke.

Sighing, Ashton met Calum’s gaze. “Are you sure?”

“How many times do I have to say it? Yes! I’ll get to see Johnny play the game of his _life,_ and you’ll get to go and see your…” Calum paused for a moment, thinking. “Well, what are you two calling it now?”

Ashton bit the inside of his cheek, looking down towards the coffee table as he did. “I—umm… we aren’t really putting labels on it.”

Placing his drink on the stable he was staring down, Ashton heard Calum tap the sides of his glass before switching his attention back to Ashton. “Maybe you should.”

“Cal?” was all Ashton was able to manage out, looking back towards the man sitting next to him.

Sighing, Calum looked over at Ashton. “I’ve known Luke for basically my whole life. Believe me, I haven’t seen Luke make such an effort for _anything_ in _years_. I do truly believe that he wants to do better for me, but I can’t help but admit that I think you and Johnny are really a driving factor for him, too.”

Ashton nodded, a bit too dumbfounded for words. Ashton thought about Calum’s sentiment, neither one of them speaking for some time. Ashton abruptly butted in the quiet that had formed.

“You really don’t have to—”

“Ashton Fletcher Irwin! I am watching your fucking kid this weekend, whether you like it or not!”

Unable to hide the grin the formed on his face, Ashton, defeated, slumped back into the couch, allowing the cushions to form around him. “Fine,” he muttered out, leaning forward to reach for his glass on the table in front of him.

“You go see you’re boo-thang, and I’ll go see Johnny’s game.”

“Please never say ‘boo-thang’ again.”

“I can make no promises, lover boy.”

Ashton scoffed at Calum’s statement, looking down at his phone to check the time. “Oh, Cal, it’s time!”

Calum wriggled in his seat for excitement, reaching for the remote on the coffee table and turning the TV on, flipping to the proper channel.

The two furrowed into the couch and the intro to _Love Island_ began to fill the room.

All of a sudden, the door to the apartment swung open, with Michael running in and slamming it behind him, panting as he did. “You two really started without me?”

Calum and Ashton looked at each other, giggling before turning their attention back to the TV, and letting Michael get settled around them.

“Previously, on _Love Island…_ ”


	36. Chapter 36

“…And this morning I had some _bomb_ oatmeal for breakfast. So, I guess you can say I’m doing pretty good.” Luke leaned back into his chair, a satisfied smile on his face.

He glanced around the room he was in, the only thing standing out against the soft white walls was a single painting hanging in the center of the wall across from him, and the dark blue furniture that was strategically laid out in the room. He turned forwards when he heard a sigh come from the woman sitting across from him on a dark wooden chair, a navy pillow tucked behind her back.

“Luke, I’m glad you want to tell me what you ate this morning. I really am— it shows that we’re building a relationship here. The fact that you’re excited to share what’s going on in your life is really showing great progress with us. It’s important for me to get to know you, agreed?”

Luke nodded in response as the woman continued.

“But, on the other hand, when I asked you ‘how are you doing today?’, I expected something a bit more… emotionally driven.”

“Well, if it helps, the oatmeal made me happy,” Luke cheekily replied, earning both an amused and an exasperated head shake from the woman.

“Luke, you know you can’t spend the remaining,” she glanced down at her watch, “fifty-four minutes talking about your breakfast.”

Luke timidly looked down at his lap before sighing out, “Yeah… sorry, Clarice.”

He looked back up and at the woman across from him, finding a reassuring smile being sent his way; feeling a small wave of relaxation wash over him. “Luke,” Clarice began, “It’s not unusual for people to find it hard to open up, especially in therapy with someone you’ve only known for a few weeks. But, if you really want to get better, you can’t keep deflecting my questions and pinning it back on the oatmeal.”

Chuckling a little bit— _damn, she’s good—_ as he picked at his nail, Luke leaned forward slightly in his seat before asking.

“Okay, so what would you like to talk about then?” His voice betrayed him as it cracked, revealing the nerves he was trying to keep buried inside.

He watched as Clarice flipped through her notes from previous weeks. _Oh, the oatmeal stories those must hold._ Finally, after another moment, she turned her attention back up towards Luke. “Well, we’ve been at this for two weeks now. There are just a couple of things I wanted to go over and get more information on.”

Luke nodded anxiously, awaiting further questioning. “Alright. Last week, you mentioned one of your past relationships…” Clarice paused as she flipped back through her notes, “…Hailey?”

Tensing up, Luke felt his face begin to burn as Clarice continued. “You dated her back in Australia, right? In high school?”

Luke nodded, swallowing deeply as he did, refusing to look up.

“Look, I know it’s hard to talk about this, but it’s crucial to the healing pro—”

“No, no, I know,” Luke cut Clarice off. “It’s just…” His voice trailed off, not completely sure what he wanted to say.

“Luke?” He looked up with the sound of Clarice’s voice. “It’s okay. We just need to talk about her, and the longer we wait, the harder it’s going to be.”

Luke didn’t say anything, Clarice taking that as an invitation to press on. “Can you tell me a little bit about her?”

Luke took a deep breath in. “Hailey… she was…”

_A girl in dark sweatpants and a loose pink sweatshirt waltzed into the class, everyone’s heads immediately turning to the figure leaned against the doorway. The classroom was dead silent until the teacher up front intervened._

_“Thank you for finally joining us, Ms. Anderson. Ten minutes late. You know, one more time and that’s a detention, right?”_

_A sickly sweet smile formed over Hailey’s face as she took her seat. Sitting down in her chair, crossing her legs in a grand gesture, and sticking a piece of bubblegum in her mouth, she chewed loud enough for the entire class to hear._

_“Of course I do.”_

_Smirking under the teacher’s incessant gaze, Hailey just laid her head back, her eyes lazily meeting Luke’s. Sending a wink his way, she looked at him once over before she turned to her friend to whisper something. Luke sat there, frozen and dumbfounded as he stared into space with a distant smile on his face._

_Looking to Calum on his left, Luke goofily grinned at his friend. So caught up in the feeling that her slight attention was bringing him, Luke seemed to miss the concerned look that Calum sent back, hidden behind a smile._

“…something else.”

Writing down on her notebook before turning back to Luke, Clarice met his gaze once more. “You said she was the gateway to your drinking problem—”

“I never said that.” Luke abruptly interjected Clarice, causing her to furrow her brow slightly in shock. She used her hands to motion for Luke to explain more. “That’s— that’s,” Luke stammered out. “That _not_ what she was.”

Sitting back on the couch, Luke earned yet another sigh coming from the woman across from him. “Luke, from what you’ve told me, that’s _exactly_ what she was. Whether you allow yourself to see it now or not. Hailey was the beginning of it all.”

 _“C’monnnn Lukeeeyy, it’s a_ party _,” Hailey whined out, letting her body fall into Luke, clutching at his shoulders. “Everybody does it. C’monnnnnn.”_

_Shoving a plastic cup in Luke’s hand, he glanced down at the sloshing liquid, unable to tell exactly what it is. Bringing it to his nose, he was met with an overwhelming mix of smells._

_“Hails, I don’t really know about this.”_

_“Luke—”_

_“Where did this even come from?” He asked, attempting to get some straight answer._

_Looking down, Luke saw Hailey shrug. “I don’t know, Luke, Jesus Christ. Just, stop being such a fucking square, it’s a house party. Drink it, literally, what’s the worst that could happen?” Luke’s mind thought of about a thousand things that could go wrong, but Hailey looked up towards Luke, meeting his blue eyes with her pleading, doe-eyed ones, lips pouting slightly._

_Luke sighed, not wanting to start another fight, but also not so sure if he actually wanted to give into her pleads. “But—“_

_“Luke! Stop. Being. So lame.” As she wrapped her arms around Luke’s neck, leaning in closer to him, Luke could smell the alcohol coming off her breath. Using her hand to force Luke to look at her, Hailey went on._

_“Don’t you trust me?”_

_Luke felt himself melt with the words, his heart sinking as he felt the weight of the girl pressed against him. His chest tightened as he opened his mouth._

_“I—I mean… okay.”_

_Glancing down at the drink again, and then back at Hailey, who was now visibly satisfied, Luke closed his eyes and brought the cup to his lips, drinking the entire thing before he could think twice about it. He barely let the liquid touch his tongue as he downed the contents of the cup, no remnants left behind._

_The next thing he knew, Hailey’s lips were on his and the red solo cup was long forgotten on the floor._

“So,” Clarice started, “Was that the start?”

Looking down at his hands, Luke shook his head. Biting the inside of his cheek slightly, he took a breath, sighing.

“To be honest, I don’t really know when it all started. There were just so many times where Hailey would ask me to do things that she and her friends were doing.”

Luke paused for a moment, looking back up, “I… I didn’t want to disappoint them. I don’t know why I cared so much about what they thought of me. Hell, I didn’t even _like_ her friends. For some stupid reason, though, I really wanted them to like me. No— I _needed_ them to like me.”

“I just wanted to…” Luke’s thought trailed off as his eyes fell back towards his lap.

“Fit in?” Clarice suggested.

“Um… I don’t know. I guess you can say that.”

“Okay,” Clarice replied, glancing down at the notepad resting on her legs. Not wanting to start the next conversation, Luke focused his attention on fiddling with his fingers, tapping them against his legs in random, rhythmic beats.

The pair sat in silence for a moment before Clarice spoke up. “So, I’m curious, Luke,” Luke shifted his attention back towards Clarice, “Why did you feel the need to fit in? Didn’t you have Calum? From what you’ve told me about him, he seemed to be pretty, and I quote, ‘popular’ in school— being the captain of the football team, and all. And since he’s your best friends, weren’t you, too, popular by association?”

“I, um, I— I,” Luke stuttered out, sightly caught off guard by the question.

“It’s okay, Luke. You can take a minute.”

Nodding, Luke desperately tried to keep his hands busy, wanting to have them anywhere but near his hair. The two sat in silence as Luke attempted to straighten his thoughts out and answer Clarice’s question.

_You’d think that would be a simple answer, wouldn’t ya? But no, Luke, let’s go and overcomplicate it all. That’s always fun._

“I don’t know _why_ I did it. I guess I didn’t want to be ‘popular by association’, you know? I wanted people to like me for _me_ , not because of Cal.” Luke fell silent for a minute, thinking of his next words. Swallowing slowly, he tried to piece together exactly what he was trying to convey.

“All I _do_ know is that the whole time I was doing all that— the partying, and stuff— Calum wanted me to stop. The _entire_ time it was going on, all he wanted me to do was stay home, go to a movie with him, hang out and play Fifa, I don’t know, something. I would _never_ listen. He came to me, time and _time_ again, asking me, _crying_ to me, to try and get me to stop.”

Luke paused before starting up again, “The guts that must have taken him.”

He shifted his gaze toward the floor as he continued on. “I don’t know how he watched me slowly ruin my own life.”

Luke quickly corrected himself, not wanting to give Clarice the wrong idea about Calum. “Not that he didn’t try, you know? God knows he did try. _Constantly_. I was just so stubborn…” He paused for a moment, thoughts consuming him.

“What is it, Luke?” Clarice pressed on.

Hesitantly, he tried to explain what was going through his mind. “I— I don’t deserve Cal. If I were him, I would have abandoned me years ago.” Luke stopped, solemnly looking down. “Everyone else has seemed to.”

The room fell silent once more, Luke unsure if he should continue speaking or not. “Look, Luke, I’ve only known you for a few weeks, but I would like to believe that I’m a pretty good judge of character. Just seeing from the way you talk about him, I think if it truly came down to it, you would be there for Calum when he needs you.”

Luke nodded, taking in Clarice’s words as if his life depended on it, embedding each one into his mind. _I can’t remember the last time someone who isn’t my mom or Cal genuinely saw good in me._

_…well, maybe Asht—_

“Anyway,” Clarice intervened, “Back to wanting to fit in with everybody else.”

Luke snapped out of his thoughts and continued on, “Oh, right, uh,” he stammered for a minute before remembering where he was.

“Calum’s not like everyone else. Not then, not now. Back in school, he never felt the need to fit in. He was fine just being Cal. And everyone seemed to _love_ that.” He huffed a quiet laugh, looking to his left.

“You know, I always looked up to him growing up, I wanted that security in himself that he just _had._ I really have no idea why I wanted to be like Hailey and her friends. They were the total opposite of Calum.”

_Tripping over his own feet, Luke’s only support was a lone boy, who was, for all intents and purposes, dragging him out of the house. Without him, he was bound to have crumbled before making it two feet out the door. As the pair slowly made their way out of the house, the crowds of drunk teens and loud techno music slowly began to fade._

_“Where— where’s Hailey? Where is she?” Luke slurred out, sluggishly nudging his helper._

_“Luke, I honestly don’t give a fuck where your girlfriend is,” the boy was obviously fed up, voice sounding worn out and drained._

_“Where is sheeeeee?”_

_“Luke, c’mon, we’ve gotta get you home.”_

_Turning his head, Luke finally noticed who was dragging him out of the party._

_“Cal? When d-did you get here?”_

_Calum let out a weighted sigh. “I’ve been holding onto you for the past ten minutes. Lynn called me to pick you up.”_

_“Lynn? Like… from school?”_

_“Yes, Luke. You know—” Calum's tone changed suddenly. As the two slowly moved down the sidewalk, Calum tiredly recounted to Luke that some random kid from their math class had to call him on a Saturday night to pick up his wasted best friend. About halfway to the car, Luke started dangerously swaying away from Calum’s grasp, hands loosely pawing at the other boy’s jacket, but never successfully gripping it. Calum, seeing what was happening, lunged forward, rushing to wrap both his arms around Luke in an attempt to stabilize him._

_“Easy there, Luke.”_

_“Woah,” Luke turned back to Calum, wide-eyed. “Cal, how the fuck did you get here? Di-did you like, like, figure out how to teleport?”_

_Calum sighed, focusing on moving Luke’s feet one in front of the other. “No, Luke—”_

_“Oh, well you_ definitely _could. You’re sm-smart. You could do that. Not me. No, no,” Luke said, wagging his finger side to side. “But you! Yeahhhhh,” Luke struck his finger in Calum’s chest, “You-you could.”_

_Calum shook his head as Luke tucked his head into Calum’s shoulder, putting almost all of his body weight onto the other boy. “Well, until the day that I invent teleportation comes, I’ll just have to stick to driving.”_

_“Oh, that’s nice, Callll-yy,” Luke mumbled, almost falling asleep against Calum as the other man guided him back to his car._

_“Just a little bit farther, Lu,” Calum nudged, yawning as he did, Luke’s weight pressing against his side seeming much more prevalent now. Luke only hummed in response._

_Once they got to Calum’s car, he practically dumped Luke into the passenger’s seat, making sure the boy was buckled in before he walked around to the other side of the car and got behind the wheel, hands shaking slightly as he did. Calum couldn’t help but tear up at the sight next to him._

_His best friend completely knocked out, body entirely limp, the only sign that he was actually alive was his rattling breath._

“Ahem,” Clarice gently cleared her throat, causing Luke to jump slightly at the sudden noise. “Did you do anything else? With Hailey, I mean. Any drugs, or more intense substances?”

“Um, no, no,” Luke shook his head, sighing. “But she, uh, she wanted me to. There was a point, though. Where I just _couldn’t_ allow myself to go any further. There was a point where I _knew_ I had to stop. Where _Hailey and I_ had to stop.”

“And what was that point?” Clarice asked.

Luke hesitantly stayed silent unclear if he wanted to go on, fearing what Clarice might say.

_…or what she might think of me._

“Luke, I’m not here to judge you. I’m here to help.” Seeing Luke was still not completely ready to share, she quietly added on, “I promise.”

He nodded and cleared his throat. “It—it was— Hailey and her friends, they got into some, uh, _other_ things. I heard rumors of the stuff they did through school, after my time with them was over. But when I was there, their ‘new thing’ was pills. To this day I still don’t know exactly what they were. Hailey and her friends would get them from these uni students trying to make a simple buck-fifty.”

Anxiously, Luke began fiddling with the bottom of his shirt, rubbing it between his index and thumb. “All I know is… I saw what they did to them and I—I didn’t want any part of that. That’s when I decided to officially cut things off with Hailey. For some reason, I saw right through all the other red flags, and, believe me, there were a _lot_. But I think the more time I actually spent with her, the more I realized just how toxic she was. How toxic _we_ were.”

Sending an appreciative smile Luke’s way, Clarice let him breathe for a minute before moving on to her next question. The brief silence was only filled by the soft sounds of Luke rubbing the fabric of his shirt together.

“Did anything else happen? Based on what you’ve said so far, Hailey had quite an impact on your life. Was there anything beyond the alcohol abuse that became an issue?”

Luke let out a heavy breath as he thought back to his school years. “Well, in high school… I guess you can say I gained a, well sort of… a—a _reputation_. And I guess you could say it all started back with her.”

Already knowing his therapist would already want him to expand, Luke continued on before she could ask. “I started hanging out with Hailey at the end of year eight. During that summer we got… pretty close. By the time the school year started… god, she was _already_ infecting my life.”

He glanced down at his feet before continuing. “There was this one time, in, uh, year nine, it was a Halloween party.”

Luke furrowed his brow, trying to piece together the exact events of that night. “I really only remember bits and pieces from the party,” Luke shook his head as he admitted defeat.

“I remember getting there, drinking a lot, as per usual, and the next thing I knew, I was back in my own bed, ringing Calum and begging for him to tell me what I did the night before. I was praying that it was nothing too bad, but judging by the thirteen missed calls, I had a feeling I was going to be severely let down. And _boy_ was I.”

“Based on what I could remember and what Calum could piece together by whatever he had heard, we were able to create a… general sense of what happened that night.”

Luke paused, waiting for Clarice to intervene in the silence. When she didn’t, Luke took another deep breath while he squeezed his eyes shut. _“_ I had… _conflicting_ feelings about that night. I could barely remember what happened. I only have a handful of memories, really. Everyone else says it was hard for them to forget. But apparently, Hailey was seen all over some other dude, and she was _clearly_ trying to get in his pants. I was _furious_ , and I threw down my drink, marched over there. I made a whole scene, shouting at her, practically pulling her off of him. She was _pissed_ , marching out of the party. Not ten minutes later, I was found out in the backyard, making out with the same guy Hailey was trying to get with.”

Luke shamefully laughed at himself as he ducked his head, handing it in his lap. “So, apparently, I found out my girlfriend was cheating on me, made a big scene about breaking up with her, and outed myself in the process.” Feeling his breath being to quicken with the memories and emotions rushing back to him, Luke looks a minute to compile himself, he bit his lip as he turned his attention back up, and towards Clarice.

Licking his lips, Luke continued on, feeling some weight be lifted off his chest as he did. “Despite everything, it didn’t stop me from going out the next weekend and doing it all over again. And the weekend after that. And so on. It just became a different party, a different girl, a different guy. Didn’t matter. The only thing that was the same, though, is that every time, without a _doubt,_ everything would end with Calum coming to pick me up.”

“That’s when he started carrying around aspirin in his car,” Luke let out a sad chuckle. “God, classic Cal, always looking out for me,” Luke whispered, the sound barely finding ways to fill the room. … _and classic me for never noticing._

“It became a weekly routine. He’d pick me up and drag me out of some stupid house party. Then, he would let me sleep in his car on the way back. He would somehow find a way to lug my limp ass into my house, up the stairs, and into bed. Calum would even take my shoes off for me.”

“He did _all_ that, and to thank him, you know what I would do? I would call him up the next morning, crying to him to help me figure out just how much I screwed up the night before.”

Her stare not leaving Luke, looked down to write something. “Is that where you believe the strain on your friendship began?”

Luke shifted, attempting to ignore the burning sensation that was forming in his throat. “I mean, every friendship has its ups and downs, right? We had a stupid fight in year four about who got the red football and who got the blue. He didn’t speak to me for a week after that one, mostly because his dad gave me the blue one because I was their ‘guest’, even though I was already over there every single day.”

Luke laughed in hopes to ease the mood. It was only when Clarice didn’t follow that he remember that, _you’re not here for lighthearted conversation. That not the point of all this._ He shifted his gaze back towards Clarice. _You’re here to get better. You_ want _to get better. And you really_ need _to._

“But,” he started, picking up back to where he was, “Looking back, in the moment I thought nothing was wrong. But now, I can see that as the days, months, and _years_ of this went on, Calum was getting more and more tired as history repeated itself time and time again. There was this one time, at um… J— uh, _Jamberoo_ … that really changed everything.” Luke coughed, shocked at what he just said.

 _Luke, that’s the one thing you_ weren’t _going to mention._ His cheeks burning as the thought crossed his mind, he saw a suspicious glance from the woman sitting across from him as she took something down in her notes. _God, I just can’t deal with that right now. Too many emotions for one day. Baby steps. Baby steps are fine._

“But—but um, anyway, I guess you could say that’s where it all began. Year nine. Hailey. You were right, you know?”

Clarice cocked her head, “What do you mean, Luke?”

“At the start of this session, you told me Hailey was the start of my drinking problem. And for some stupid reason, I defended her. God, years later and she still has me whipped.”

Luke shook his head as Clarice spoke up, “It’s… sometimes hard to see how bad someone really is for you. Especially when you just decide to block out any memories with them in it and just move on. If you don’t go back, re-examine, and make peace with your past, it’s only going to trouble you more in the future. Believe me.”

Luke looked up at Clarice, feeling a pair of understanding eyes meet his own. “It’s crazy to think, Hailey’s and my relationship only lasted for less than, what, six months? And yet here I am, years later, still talking about how fucked up it was.”

Luke paused for a minute,“Sorry for cursing.”

For the first time since Luke began his session with her, Luke heard Clarice let out a muffled laugh. Still smiling slightly she shook her head, explaining, “Whatever helps you express yourself best, Luke. If that means you need to curse, then so be it.”

Luke felt a faint smile come over him. Anytime he tried to go to therapy before, it seemed that he couldn’t connect with any of the doctors, at least not like he did with Clarice. They never seem to get what he was saying, or he felt as if they were judging him. _Not Clarice. She’s just… the best. And_ _I know why_ Luke smiled to himself. _She lets me curse._

Thinking back to what he was saying moments before, Luke quickly remembered what he was going on about. “Right, right, about how much my relationship with Hailey messed me up. It just— just… she started me down a path that I couldn’t escape from, no matter how hard I tried. Calum couldn’t _save_ me, no matter how hard _he_ tried. I was stuck on it, no matter how many times I tried to get off. I was always led back to the same place over and over again. It’s the path that’s led me here, sitting across from you, a _decade_ after I had my first drink.”

The room fell silent, Clarice taking the time to glance back down at her watch once more.“Well, I would say that this has been a very productive session, but unfortunately, that’s time for us.”

Luke nodded, slowly standing up. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then?” Clarice asked.

Nodding, Luke stuck his hand out, shaking Clarice’s. “Thank you,” was all he said as he left her office, shutting the door behind him.

As soon as he made it out of the room, he let out a weighted sigh, taking his hand and pushing his curls back with it. All he was left with as he walked down the empty hallway were his echoing footsteps, and for once, a slightly clearer head.


	37. Chapter 37

“Whatcha doing?”

Ashton spun around quickly, being met with a wide-eyed Johnny staring back at him.

“Oh, hey bud,” Ashton glanced down at the duffle bag that was lying at his feet. “Uh, I’m just… uh, packing.”

Cocking his head, Johnny just continued to stare up at his dad. “Why?”

Kneeling down, Ashton leveled himself with Johnny’s eye line. “I… I’m going away this weekend.”

“Oh,” John replied, nodding slowly. “Okay.”

Johnny turned around to leave the room as Ashton let out a near-silent sigh of relief. _That could have gone_ so _much worse. I mean, I don’t think John and I have ever been apart for more than a night—_

Ashton was cut off by the sound of Johnny’s voice, appearing in the doorway. “Dad, what should I pack?” The little boy thrust the _empty_ _Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles_ backpack in his dad’s direction.

“Shit. Spoke too soon,” Ashton muttered under his breath. Walking over to where Johnny was standing and kneeling down on the floor next to him, Ashton grabbed Johnny’s little hands in his own. “Well, you see, kid, remember when I told you about Luke? How he was going to be away for a few months?”

Johnny nodded his head. “Yeah, on a business thingy.”

“Um, _right_ ,” Ashton began, feeling a slight wave of guilt wash over him. “Well, I’m going to visit him for the weekend. Like… just me.”

“Oh,” Johnny sighed, looking down at the floor, Ashton being able to see the abrupt change in his behavior.

“Johnny, what’s wrong?” Ashton asked, even though he already knew the answer.

He just gripped on to his backpack that he was holding a bit tighter, mumbling something as he spoke. Ashton was able to decipher a few words, catching on to something about how Johnny going to miss him.

“John? Can you look at me, kiddo?” Johnny looked up at Ashton, the evidence of tears forming in his eyes. _Oh, buddy,_ Ashton felt his heart shatter, _this is gonna be rough._ Ashton reached his arm out towards his son, placing a hand on his shoulder. “I know you don’t want me to leave. I get it, you’re worried. And, believe me, I don’t want to leave you eith—”

“Why can’t I go with you?” Johnny squeaked out, voice cracking as he asked.

Ashton sighed, looking around the room for a minute, before focusing back on the boy in front of him. “Um… because, I have to go alone.” _Wow, really great reasoning. Way to go._

“But _I_ want to see Luke, too. It’s not fair that just you get to see him,” Johnny said, pouting and looking at the floor.

“Bud, I don’t think you want to come. Luke and I, we’re just going to be doing boring adult stuff.”  
“Like what?” Johnny pressed.

“Um…” Ashton’s mind raced, trying to think of an answer that would satisfy a five-year-old’s mind. “…taxes?”

Johnny’s face scrunched with the answer. “Oh, ew.”

Ashton felt a grin form on his face as he successfully avoided the crisis. “Yeah, I know, right? Plus, you’re the _real_ winner here. You get to spend the weekend with Mikey and Cal!”

Johnny’s face lit up with the mention of Calum’s name. “Really?” He asked in disbelief.

“Yeah, you get _two whole days_ alone with Calum and Michael.” Ashton stood up, walking back over to where he was previously packing up his bag, Johnny trailing behind him.

“Two days alone with Calum?” Johnny asked, his tone now obviously excited.

Ashton continued packing clothes in the duffle bag. “Well, yeah, Michael too.” Johnny stared at Ashton for a moment, face confused. Sighing, Ashton added, “But yes, two days with Calum.” With that, John’s face lit back up, mouth forming into a smile.

“And,” Ashton continued, “I already packed your bag for you, so you don’t have to do anything.”

“Thank you,” Johnny replied sweetly, taking a minute and climbing up on to Ashton’s bed as he did. Ashton turned, watching him as he walked over to his son.

“No problem, bud,” Ashton said, leaning down and kissing the top of Johnny’s forehead, the boy giggling in delight. Ashton ruffled John’s hair, before returning to the dresser. “I’m pretty sure I got everything you’d need. Toothbrush and company, pajamas, change of clothes…” Ashton continued thinking out loud, as Johnny sat on his bed watching him run through his mental list.

“Wait, dad?”

Ashton cut himself off, turning back around to face the bed.

“Well, what about…” Johnny beckoned for Ashton to move closer towards him. Waiting until Ashton was close enough that he could whisper to him, Johnny sat up, cupping his hand around his mouth. “About the… _sandworms?_ ”

Ashton bit his lip, desperately trying to suppress a laugh. “What about ‘em?” Ashton choked out, trying to remain serious for the sake of his son. _Damn, those nightmares are really getting to him._

“Well, what if… they get you?” Johnny asked, looking up at Ashton with worried eyes as he did.

Ashton let out a soft chuckle, shaking his head as he did. “Trust me, John, you’ve got nothing to worry about.” Looking back at Johnny sitting on the bed, the boy was obviously not satisfied with his dad’s answer. Ashton quickly added on, “Luke will protect me, I promise.” _As if! I’m the one always saving_ his _ass._

A faint smile formed on John’s face. “Yeah. Yeah, he will.” Ashton laughed at Johnny’s sudden perkiness. “Yeah, Luke will protect you. Because he’s _tall_.”

Ashton let out a laugh, sitting down on the bed next to his son as he did. “He _is_ really tall.” Ashton put his arm around Johnny, pulling him in for a side hug.

“I’ll tell you what, bud, how about I finish packing my things, and then we can go downstairs and have a little ‘hot cocoa party’ before I go?”

Johnny’s face lit up, as he jumped off the bed, running toward to door, “Yes! Yes! Yes! I’ll get the marshmallows!” And with that, the little boy ran out of the room, leaving Ashton alone, laughing to himself.

“Great, I’m going to pump him full of sugar and then ship him off.” Ashton grabbed his bag from the floor and placed it on his bed. He then proceeded to zip it up, taking a moment to look around the room, double-checking that he wasn’t forgetting anything.

He turned back to his bag, staring down at it as he did. “Everything is going to be _fine,_ Ash. You’re overreacting. You can leave John for a few nights. And you _trust_ Cal and Mike. They can do this.” Ashton continued staring at his bag for another minute. “You can do this, man, just… _breathe_.”

Ashton picked his bag up and grabbed the small backpack he had packed for Johnny from the floor, and headed out to the stairs. On the top landing, he felt something brewing in the back of his eyes. “Goddammit, Ash, no crying before a ‘hot cocoa party’!”

Ashton laughed at himself as he shook off the feeling, heading down the stairs. Bags slung over his shoulder, he took a few steps, preparing to find a hyper Johnny, two fistfuls of marshmallows in.

——————-

Putting the car in park, Ashton took the moment to look at Johnny in the back seat, who was basically vibrating in anticipation. He felt a smile wash over him as he finally came to terms that Johnny was actually excited for the weekend. “Alright bud, you ready to see Calum and Michael?”

Johnny grabbed his backpack that was sitting on the seat next to him, legs swinging and head nodding as he did. “Yeah, yeah, yeah!”

Ashton laughed, getting out of the car and making his way over to Johnny’s door. “Those damn marshmallows…”

Getting him out of the car and shutting the door behind them, Ashton and Johnny made their way towards the apartment building, finding their way inside to Michael and Calum’s front door.

Before knocking, Ashton leaned down to Johnny. “Okay, kiddo, you gotta be on your best behavior. I want a good report from Calum and Michael, alright? Listen to them, remember your manners, and try to hold back the sass.”

Johnny didn’t answer, just smiled at Ashton, enthusiastically nodding his head. Sending a smile back, Ashton stood up, ruffling Johnny’s hair as he did.

Resting his hand on Johnny’s head, Ashton used the other to gently knock on the door. After a minute, the door swung open, the pair being greeted with Michael standing on the other side. If not for his hand on his head, Ashton wouldn’t have noticed Johnny shift slightly behind his leg. _What the hell? Just when I think my kid couldn’t get any odder…_

Shifting his attention back towards Michael, Ashton shook off Johnny’s strange behavior. “Hey, Mike, how’re you doing?” Ashton asked going in to hug Michael.

“Hey Ash,” He replied, reciprocating the action. “Come in, you two,” he added, opening the door opening slightly wider and beckoning them inside.

Turning down, Ashton reached down, grabbing one of Johnny’s hands and walking him into the apartment. Once in, the three just stood, Michael not exactly sure what to say. After a painfully long moment of silence, Ashton cleared his throat. “Um, hey, Mike… you have _no_ idea how grateful I am. I know taking a kid into your house is a _lot_ , but—”

Michael cut Ashton off, reassuring him. “Really, Ashton, it’s not a problem. Calum told me you wanted to go see Luke, and there was really no question that we were going to step up. Gotta help the mates out, ya know?”

Ashton laughed, “Yeah, but really, thank you. Where is my favorite curly-haired Kiwi, anyway?”

“Oh, Cal?” Michael asked.

“Do you know another noodle-haired, Maori man?” Ashton asked, chuckling slightly.

“Oh, well, um, I don’t know. I just…” Michael trailed off, trying to save himself from any more embarrassment. “Calum’s stuck in some traffic, he’s on his way back now. New York, am I right?” Michael said, attempting to crack a joke.

“Totally, oh my God, the traffic is always _crazy!_ There was never this much traffic in Australia. Not even in Sydney. I think New York City should get some kind of award for ‘worst traffic ever’.”

The two heard a soft giggle coming from the floor with Ashton’s comment. The pair turned their attention back down, almost forgetting that Johnny was standing there. Micheal just stood, staring at Johnny, neither breaking eye contact.

“Um,” Michael let out, crouching down towards the kid on the floor. “Uh, that’s a… cool… _backpack_ … you got there,” Michael said, awkwardly gesturing to the _Avengers_ backpack resting on Johnny’s back. _Cool backpack? Is Michael inept at talking to children?_

Johnny just stared back at him, eyes wide, not saying anything. “So, um—” Michael stammered out, “…do you play _Magic: The Gathering_?”

 _Yep, Michael_ definitely _can’t talk to children. This is like watching a car crash._

Ashton cleared his throat, leaning down towards Michael and whispering in his ear.

“Mike, he’s five.”

Michael looked back up at Ashton, eyes glazed over. “Is that too young to play _Magic_?”

Just as Ashton opened his mouth to reply, the door to the apartment busted open, Calum on the other side, filling the doorway.

“ _Johnny!_ ” He yelled out, throwing his messenger bag on the floor and disposing of his jacket as he did.

‘Cally! Cally!” Johnny yelled back, steering away from Michael and rushing towards Calum, practically throwing himself in his arms.

Not missing a beat, Calum picked him up, resting Johnny on his hip as he stood up. “You excited to spend the weekend, kiddo?” Calum asked, the excitement eager in his voice.

“Oh my God! Yes!” Johnny replied, much more relaxed now that Calum was in the room too.

“You don’t even _know_ , I’ve got all these plans. I’m talking movies, _way_ too much sugar, all the good stuff. Isn’t that right, Michael?” Calum added, with the eagerness of a golden retriever.

“Uh-huh,” Michael replied, smiling fondly at Calum and Johnny as he did.

As Calum continued going on and on about all the things the three of them were going to do that weekend, Ashton felt his heart relax a bit. _This was the right choice. Yeah._

Taking the brief moment of Calum catching his breath, Ashton butted in, clearing his throat. “Well, I hate to say it, but I think I have to get going.”

“Oh, hey Ash! I didn’t even notice you were here,” Calum laughed, moving in towards Ashton to pull him into a side hug, still holding on to Johnny. “Yeah, totally, we got everything under control here. We’ll walk you out.”

Ashton nodded as the four of them headed out the door and down the serval flights of stairs, Ashton constantly looking back at Johnny as they did.

As the four opened the door to the apartment building, cool air rushed over them, sending a shiver down Ashton’s spine. Turning around as the rest of the group gathered on the stoop, Ashton looked towards Johnny.

“Now, you’ll be on your best behavior, right?”

Hiding his face in Calum’s neck, all Ashton got in response was a soft “uh-huh”, followed by a soft sniffle.

“Oh, c’mon John, it doesn’t have to be like that. It’s only for the weekend. And you’ve got Cal and Mike here with you.” Johnny still didn’t look in Ashton’s direction. “John, I promise I’ll be back, okay?”

Johnny glanced up at Ashton, still sniffling.

“Pinky?”

Ashton smiled, sticking his pinky finger out in front of Johnny. “I promise, bud,” Ashton replied as Johnny grabbed Ashton’s much larger finger in his own, grabbing on to it tightly for a moment before pulling his hand away.

Noticing a few tears falling down Johnny’s face, Ashton moved his hand, lightly brushing his tears away. “I love you, bud. I’ll see you when I get back.”

All Johnny did was nod before burying his head back into Calum’s neck. Ashton apologetically looked up at Calum, who pulled him in a soft hug while sending him a look, urging him to get on his way.

Moving on to Michael, Ashton dragged him to a quick hug before pulling away. “Thank you again, you two.”

“Ashton, don’t take this personally, but if I hear the words ‘thank you’ come out of your mouth one more time, I will shove you down these stairs.” Michael joked, earning a laugh from the two other men.

“Noted,” Ashton replied, turning towards Johnny once more, seeing the horrified look on his face from Michael’s comment. Laughing it off, Ashton turned down the steps, waving back at the rest of the group as he did.

Getting to his car, Ashton got settled, plugging his phone in and hitting shuffle on his playlist. As Robert Plant’s “Burning Down One Side” filled the nearly empty car, Ashton turned back towards the apartment building, waving one last time, noticing Calum nudge Johnny to wave back. Seeing the small wave, followed by the tears still streaming down Johnny’s face, Ashton turned away, pulling out of the parking spot he was in.

As he pulled away, Ashton felt the tears begin to prick in the corners of his eyes. As he began heading out of the city, Ashton couldn’t help but let his mind begin to flood with thoughts of Johnny.

“Ashton, pull yourself together, man. It’s _just_ the weekend. You can’t leave your son for one weekend? That’s pathetic.”

Ashton paused, letting the music flood the absent space.

“No, _no_. It’s _not_. You’re a dad, and you _love_ your son. It’s _not_ pathetic. But dude, seriously, you gotta get a grip on your emotions,” Ashton sighed, attempting to calm himself.

“You gotta be emotionally available _and_ stable for Lu—”

As he was talking to himself, Ashton didn’t notice the song change until a man with a hard British accent began singing.

_She had a face straight out a magazine_

“Oh, fuck _me_ ,” Ashton breathed out as he felt the tears now steadily pouring out of his eyes.

“Okay, _fine_ , you get the ride up to cry your eyes out. But then, no more. You got that, Matt Healy? No more making me bawl.” Ashton reached out, turning the music up on the stereo, the soft, attentive sound filling the void in the car as he did.

Stopping at a light, Ashton looked towards the passenger’s seat, feeling a burning sensation in the back of his throat as he did.

_Said, one more lie,_

_Will I know you?_


	38. Chapter 38

_Oh my God. This is it. This is how it ends_. Calum laid frozen on the bed, petrified to move since he woke up. His arms were wrapped around a pillow, practically strangling it. Minutes prior, he was woken up by the sound of footsteps coming from the hall outside.

 _Someone broke in! God, I_ knew _we should have moved into my apartment. Why did we have to move into Michael’s? I had a feeling this neighborhood was bad news. I told—_

Calum’s breath hitched as the door to their bedroom slowly opened. _Oh my God, should I wake up Michael? No, no, the amount of sheer_ force _I would have to use— the man sleeps like a rock… definitely wouldn’t be able to wake him without alerting…whoever._

Lightly, the footsteps began coming closer and closer to where Calum was currently squeezing his eyes closed, wanting to avoid confronting the person currently standing right next to the bedside. _We’re all going to die, yep. What a way to go. Death by intruder, in my own goddamned apartment._

Calum was able to feel the person staring at him through his closed eyes, the figure looming next to him.

_Okay Cal, man up, you just… have to face the music… right? Yeah, yeah, okay…um. Okay. One…Two…Three…_

Taking a breath in, Calum hesitantly opened his eyes, forcing himself to look at his potential murderer.

“ _JESUS!_ ” He yelled out, surging backward as he did, throwing his hand over his heart in an attempt to stabilize himself.

“Jesus?” A small voice asked.

“Johnny, dude. You scared me, lil’ man,” Calum breathed out, eyes adjusting to the darkroom, enough so he could take in his surroundings. _Great, now you’re just an idiot. You really forgot you had a full-ass child sleeping in your home._

Directing his attention back at Johnny, he took in the small boy’s appearance. He was wearing a matching pajama set with random stars and planets scattered about the fabric, and a raggedy-old blanket wrapped around his head, draping down the sides of his body as his small hands clenched it as his life depended on it. His face was slightly contorted in confusion. Calum was still trying to process everything that had just gone on in the past two minutes, not realizing that he was leaving a very confused five-year-old in silence.

“Calum?” Johnny asked, breaking the quiet and bringing Calum back to what was going on.

Sighing, Calum gently pulled the covers back, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed, now sitting up. “Yeah, John, what’s up? You alright?”

Johnny turned his head down, Calum only seeing a blob of blanket shaking back and forth as if to say “no”.

“What’s the matter, bud?” Calum asked, crouching down in an attempt to get eye level with the boy.

Not saying anything, Johnny looked back up at Calum, lip starting to quiver. “Oh, hey, hey, no, don’t do that,” Calum pleaded, sinking down on the floor in front of John, not noticing the sounds of Michael waking up behind him. “What’s the problem, Johnny?”

Now being able to see Johnny’s full face, Calum could see the tears falling down his cheeks.

“What’s going on?” Calum heard Michael mutter behind him. Not acknowledging him, Calum moved his hands to Johnny’s face, gently wiping the tears from his cheeks.

“Johnny?” Calum questioned, wanting him to explain what caused him to come to their bedroom at two o’clock in the morning.

Through the sniffles, Calum was able to make something out about Johnny missing his dad, the voice barely audible. _Poor kid._

Shuffling a bit on the floor so Johnny was next to him, his arms wrapping around the boy’s shoulder, Calum pulled him into a comforting hug. “Bud, that’s okay. Everybody misses their dad. _Especially_ during their first sleepover. Actually, at my first sleepover, I was at Luke’s house. And I missed my dad _so_ much. I woke Luke up _way_ too many times that night.” As his story went on, Johnny began to calm down in Calum’s arms. “But, I ended up staying the night, and here we are.”

“What did you do to stay?” Johnny asked, pleading in his tone.

“Um, well,” Calum scrambled for ideas, knowing that the fact that Luke stayed up all night distracting him with stupid jokes and stories would _not_ help the situation of needing both him and Johnny to get some sleep. “Uh, well, Luke let me sleep in his bed with him, and, uh, he gave me a big hug and told me it was all going to be alright.” _Sure, let’s go with that._

Pulling Johnny tighter into a hug, Calum felt the boy melt slightly with his touch, allowing Calum to comfort him. “So, do you want to stay in here?”

“Wha’?” Calum heard Michael speak from behind him, causing him and Johnny to look back. Calum turned back to Johnny, who was still staring at Michael, eyes wide. Eventually, he turned back to Calum, shaking his head as he did.

Confused, Calum looked back to Michael, trying to figure out what caused Johnny’s odd behavior. Suddenly, it hit him, Calum having to suppress a laugh as it did.

_Oh my God._

_Johnny’s scared of Michael._

Grinning, Calum leaned in closer to Johnny, whispering in his ear in hopes for Michael to not hear what he was about to say.

“Is it Michael?”

Not doing such a great job at being quiet, Calum heard Michael shifting in bed behind him.

“What?” He asked, sitting up a little bit, still in the bed. Turning back, Calum saw the shocked looked on his face.

“Uh, _noooo_ ,” Johnny let out, convincing neither of the men.

“Okay,” Calum muttered out, standing back up and making his way over to Michael, who was still sat in bed. “Johnny, Michael is _nothing_ to worry about.” Calum then leaned over, planting a quick kiss on his boyfriend’s cheek and wrapping his arms around the other man's shoulders, pressing Michael’s back against his chest. “He’s harmless, really.”

Rubbing Michael’s shoulders briefly, Calum walked back over to Johnny, sitting on the edge of the bed. Behind him, he heard Michael fall back into bed, bound to descend back to his slumber any moment. Chuckling slightly, Calum turned back towards Johnny, who seemed to pull his blanket tighter around him. “Trust me, Johnny, I’ll be here all night. Everything will be okay, I promise.”

All Johnny responded with was a quick nod, inching closer to Calum. Leaning down, Calum took his arms and picked Johnny up, placing him in between himself and Michael.

Taking a moment, Calum got Johnny situated, grabbing one of his pillows and sliding it under Johnny’s head and then pulling the blanket up over both of them.

Sighing, Calum leaned back, getting himself comfortable. Laying on his back, Calum closed his eyes but shortly opened them again as he heard some soft sniffling coming from his left.

Turning over to face Johnny, Calum desperately tried to think of what he could do to help soothe him. “You know,” he began, “I miss my did right now too.”

Johnny cocked his head, intrigued. “Why?”

“Well, my dad is 10,000 miles away. The last time I saw him was probably…” Calum thought back for a moment, “…last Christmas.”

After a second, Johnny moved slightly, taking his arms and wrapping them around Calum’s neck. Confused, he asked, “What’re you doing, bud?”

Johnny looked up at Calum. “I’m giving _you_ a hug because you miss your dad.”

Laughing, Calum smiled, responding, “Yeah, that’s right.” He was just about to say something else, but Calum was interrupted by a small yawn coming from Johnny. “Why don’t you get some sleep? I’ll be right here if you need anything.”

Nodding, Johnny sunk back into his spot on the bed, shuffling to get comfortable as he did. “Night night, Cally.”

Smiling, Calum looked down at Johnny before slumping into a comfortable position.

“Night, John.”


	39. Chapter 39

Walking into the kitchen, Michael heard the faint sound of someone humming, and the smell of homemade pancakes flooded his senses. As he slowly made his way towards the commotion, Michael couldn’t help but smile at the sight he was greeted with. Sitting on one of the bar stools was Johnny, who was frantically eating his pancakes, syrup finding its way onto his face and hands as he did. Across from him, Calum stood, mixing more batter for the next batch, swaying back and forth as he lightly hummed the tune of a song that seemed eerily familiar.

“Hope you’ve made enough for me,” Michael said, walking towards Calum as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.

“What do you think I’m doing right now, love,” Calum replied, a small smile forming on his face as Michael came up from behind him and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend’s torso.

Looking over Calum’s shoulder, Michael laughed as he watched Johnny desperately try to capture any remaining syrup off of his plate, scraping it with his fork. Noticing this, Calum turned sharply and returned with the plate stacked high with silver dollars, sliding another pancake onto the little boy’s plate, getting a quick, “Thank you,” in return before Johnny began wolfing it down.

“That better not have been mine,” Michael joked, feeling Calum laugh against him as he leaned his chin on Calum’s shoulder.

Still focusing on cooking, Calum let out a nonchalant, “Don’t worry, I’ll make more,” before pulling away from Michael’s hold to grab something from the fridge, resuming his humming.

_I swear I recognize this song from somewhere…_

Swallowing his pride, Michael finally asked, “Hey, Cal, whatcha hummin’ over there?”

He didn’t exactly receive a straightforward answer. Instead, Calum poured the mix into the skillet and came back over to him, wrapping his arms around his neck and pulled Michael in towards him. A goofy grin formed on Calum’s face as he started swaying, ultimately dragging Michael along with him. A smile full of pure, unadulterated joy, and maybe _some_ embarrassment came over Michael.

_Only you, Cal. Only you could get me to dance in our kitchen like a goddamn Hallmark movie._

Humming louder now, Calum’s murmured sounds soon turned into words, the sound of him singing filling the small room.

“Darling you… _send me_. I know you, _send me_. Honest, you do, honest, you—”

Suddenly feeling trapped in Calum’s embrace, Michael felt his breath escape him as he pulled away from Calum abruptly. He felt his stomach drop and a cooling feeling run through him. His world swiftly became a haze; Michael felt like he was underwater, barely hearing Calum’s muffled, “Not big Sam Cooke fan, eh?”. That’s when Calum _really_ turned to face Michael, who suddenly looked extremely pale— more than normal that is— with a sickly expression crossing his face.

“Mikey, you alright?” The concern in Calum’s voice growing more evident with every word he spoke.

_What?_

“What? Oh— _oh_ , um, yeah, yeah. I’m fine. Just—” Michael swallowed, feeling a lump forming in his throat _. Just— forget it, Michael. You_ can’t _do this now. Especially not with John here._

“Just, um, um— Johnny!” Michael said, turning his attention to the boy at the counter and, thankfully, away from Calum’s addled expression. Seeing the boy perk up, Michael continued. _Fake it ’til you make it, Mike._

“Y-you, um, you ready for your big game?” Michael cringed as his voice slightly cracked at the end of his sentence.

Johnny looked curiously at Michael, only nodding in response. _Okay, then._

“Well, I bet you're gonna get a good…” Michael tried _desperately_ to think of any soccer term he had ever heard Calum ramble about. “…touchdown?” As soon as he said it, Michael _knew_ it couldn’t have been right. He normally would have been able to say something that made somewhat-partial sense, but Michael’s mind was in a hundred different places.

Looking at the lost expression on Johnny’s face, and the confused “what?” coming from Calum, Michael was just about ready to disappear. Mumbling under his breath, “Good chat, good chat,” Michael turned on his heel, still not making eye contact with Calum, as he walked back towards their bedroom.

Before he shut the door, Michael overheard Calum enthusiastically ask Johnny, “You all fueled up for the game?”

Not waiting to hear Johnny’s answer, Michael swiftly shut the bedroom door, sinking against it as soon as it was closed. His breath quickened and his body ran cold as he clenched his eyes shut, leaning his head against the cool, painted wood. Feeling a burning sensation forming in his eyes, Michael cradled his head in his hands. He pressed himself closer towards the door, curling himself deeper and deeper into a ball as he desperately tried to drown out the song that was flooding through his mind.

_At first, I thought it was infatuation,_

_But woah, it's lasted so long,_

_Now I find myself wanting_

_To marry you and take you home._


	40. Chapter 40

“Are you fucking _kidding me?_ ”

Calum sprung out of his chair as he yelled out at the field of five-year-old soccer players. Placing his hands on his hips, he shook his head, turning it down and then to his left, where he heard a group of women muttering and pointing in his direction.

_What are you looking at, Karen? Yeah, you, with your bleached blonde bob cut and sugar-free juice boxes._

Taking a seat, still red in his face, Calum huffed and turned his attention back towards the game. Focusing intensely on the match in front of him, Calum didn’t notice the mom walking up next to him.

“So which kid is yours?”

“ _SHHHHHHH!_ ” He aggressively hushed her, using his hand to beckon her to go, eyes still glued to the field. “I’m paying attention to the game,” he stated, motioning to the field as if it was obvious.

Hearing the whistle blow, Calum shot back up out of his seat, causing the random mom to jump back at his sporadic movements.

“THAT’S A _BULLSHIT_ CALL! Are you serious right now?!” He paced back and forth, nearly digging up a trench in the grass as he did. Breathing heavy, Calum continued on his rant.

“It’s rigged! This game is _rigged!_ That call had _nothing_ to back it up! I swear—”

“Sir?”

“What?” Calum bit out, still very riled up. _That call, that kid should have a penalty. Now!_

Turning around, he was met with a man holding a clipboard. _Oh, good, the referee. Maybe I can tell him how he is doing his JOB wrong!_

“Sir, you need to calm down—”

“Calm down? CALM DOWN!? Oh _trust_ me, this is me being _calm_.”

Sighing, the ref went on. “Sir, this is a little league soccer game—”

Calum cut the referee off again, face getting redder by the minute. “I don’t CARE! It’s the INTEGRITY of the _GAME_. Something that I don’t think _you, sir_ ,” he jabbed his pointer finger out at the ref again,“quite understand!”

“And you do?” The referee asked, clearly already done with the conversation.

“Well, _actually_ , as a matter of _fact_ ,” Calum had been waiting for this day for years— “I played _football_ on the JUNIOR OLYMPIC TEAM for Australia. So to answer your question, _yes,_ I DO understand the integrity of this game. Enough to tell you, sir, that that was a _BULLSHIT CALL!_ ”

Calum heard the referee mutter under his breath, “oh my God,” as he shook his head and brought two fingers up to pinch the bridge of his nose. Taking a deep breath, the man continued.

“Can you please watch your language? There are children around. And, speaking of that, this game is comprised of a bunch of five-year-olds who barely can kick the ball without falling over. Just… can you please dial it back? Just a bit.”

Calum, still fuming, took a deep breath with the intention to start verbally sparring with the ref one more, but before he could, he glanced out at the field. Catching his eye, was Johnny, decked out in his grass-stained soccer jersey. Calum watched him for a minute before Johnny looked up and made eye contact with him. As soon as they did, the boy’s face lit up in a huge smile and he waved to Calum like his hand was a dead fish, flopping quickly back and forth. Calum sent back a small smile and a soft wave, taking a breath in as he did. Satisfied, Johnny went back to doing whatever it was he was doing before.

Somewhat grounding himself through the short interaction, Calum turned back to the ref, nodding a small, “yes”, a sliver of shame washing over him. Huffing, Calum sunk back down onto the bleacher, shaking his head.

The rest of the game went somewhat smoothly, Calum only having to stop himself a _few_ times from jumping out of his chair… okay, maybe a couple more than a few.

Sprinting towards the field at the final whistle, within a minute, Calum was tackled by a beaming Johnny, who rushed towards him and threw himself into Calum’s arms. Picking him up and spinning him around, Calum laughed as Johnny squealed and wrapped his arms around Calum’s neck.

“Johnny! Buddy! You did amazing! Absolutely killed the game! You _definitely_ carried your team.”

“Really?” Johnny asked in disbelief, a smile plastered on his face.

“Oh yeah,” Calum replied, “100% dude, not a doubt in my mind! You’re our little football champion! Everyone, Johnny Irwin! The next winner of the GOLDEN BALL! Messi’s got _nothing_ on you, kid.”

As Johnny giggled, Calum went on, a toothy grin on his face as he did. “Ay, I’ve got the next Awer Mabil in my arms! Right here, guys, right here!”

“Did, did you see when I took the ball from the guy with the red shoes?” Johnny eagerly asked, face lighting up even more with Calum’s response.

“Of course I did bud! My eyes didn’t leave you the whole time. I got all the awesome Johnny moments.” As Johnny continued to laugh, an idea struck Calum.

“Hey John, do you know what the next Awer Mabil deserves?”

Cocking his head, Johnny curiously asked, “What?”

Pausing for dramatic effect, Calum let the silence sink in for a minute before blurting out, “ICE CREAM!”

“YAY! You’re the best, Cal!” Johnny cheered out, Calum laughing as he ruffled the boy’s hair.

The pair continued celebrating and cheering as Calum carried a triumphant Johnny down the street.

———————

Outside of the ice cream parlor, Calum and Johnny sat, licking at their slowly melting cones. Every few minutes, Calum would take the wad of napkins in his hand and wipe the mess that was bound to appear on Johnny’s face, laughing each time as he did. _It’s literally been a minute, kid. How is it even possible to get this messy this fast?_

“John, we’ve gotta get rid of all the evidence of the ice cream. We can’t let your dad know I gave you sugar,” Calum laughed at his own joke as John looked up at him and smiled. “Plus you don’t want to be all dirty and sticky… ew.”

Putting the napkins on the bench next to them, sitting there for their next use, Calum sat back on the bench. “You know, John,” Calum began, earning Johnny’s attention, “I played football for _years._ I was pretty good at it, too. Could have gone pro if I didn’t quit.”

Calum licked his cone as he saw Johnny shift his position on the bench so he was now facing Calum, intrigued.

“Really?” Calum nodded in response. “Why did you stop?” Johnny bluntly asked.

“Oh, um…” Calum tried to think of the best way of explaining everything that would both make sense _and_ be appropriate for a five-year-old. “Well, um, I— I wanted to, um, help Luke, and be there for him.”

“But what about you?” Johnny pressed innocently with no hesitation.

Furrowing his brows, Calum ushered back, “What about me?”

“Well,” Johnny began, “Didn’t you want to play soc—football?”

Pausing for a minute, Calum looked out in front of them, thinking.

“Well, yeah, but when someone needs you, you need to be there for them. Family _always_ takes priority.” _God, I really need to visit Luke…_

“Oh, okay, that’s cool,” Johnny added, causing Calum to laugh quietly and ruffle his hair. Taking the napkins from next to him, he turned to wipe down the messy boy next to him.

“Alright bud, you ready to head back now? Michael’s got to be lonely. Plus, it’s getting a bit chilly.” Standing up, Calum threw out the napkin ball and the remnants of his and Johnny’s cones. Sticking his hand out, Johnny threaded his small hand through Calum’s. Wrapping his large, strong hand around Johnny’s and trapping it in his own, Calum began leading the little boy out of the ice cream parlor.

“Thanks, Uncle Cal,” Johnny added as the two-headed down the street.

_Uncle? Um, okay._

“No problem, bud. Anytime.”


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I'd like to take a moment to thank you for all the love and support this story has received. 2k hits and 60 kudos?? That's crazy!!! All of the feedback and comments keep the story going, and I'm so excited to share with you what's in store for the future!

“It’s good to finally see you, Ash.”

After minutes of the two walking in silence, Luke knew that he had to break it somehow. He thought he had prepared himself for the _slightly_ awkward meeting they were bound to have, but what Luke wasn’t prepared for, was Ashton’s rapid-fire response.

_“I’msososorrythatIdidn’tcomeearlier.I’vereallybeenmeaningtoIjust,withschoolandJohnand, well—-”_

“Ash, Ashton, _relax_ , it’s fine,” Luke glanced over at the other man, seeing highly-apologetic eyes pour back at him. “Really, I know why you didn’t come. I mean, you have a whole other human you have to take care of. It’s completely understandable that you can’t just drop it all like that to see me.”

Ashton nodded, Luke noticing that he seemed to relax slightly as he did. “Thanks, Lu. I still feel bad that I haven’t been able to make it up here sooner, though…” As Ashton continued to speak, the hint of guilt in the shadow of his voice became increasingly evident.

“Don’t get me wrong,” Luke began, “I love that you’re here, I really do. But I don’t want you to feel obligated to come and see me.”

Without hesitation, Ashton was quick to respond.

“I’m here ‘cuz I _want_ to be,” Ashton reassured the other man, “I care a lot about you, Luke. So, of course, I’d come to see you. I just had to figure everything out with work and Johnny first.”

The two continued walking around the facility, surrounded almost entirely by dense, piney forests, light conversation progressing as they did. “So, who’d you end up leaving Johnny with anyway?”

With Luke’s question, Ashton couldn’t help but chuckle lightly. _God, I missed that._ “You’re never gonna guess.” Ashton posed.

Intrigued, Luke didn’t answer, but instead, sent Ashton a questioning glance. “I,” Ashton sighed, “I left him with Michael and Calum.”

At the mention of Calum’s name, Luke couldn’t help but perk up. “Oh, Cal is going to _love_ that. He’s always been the _best_ with kids,” the two headed down another winding path, “…but _Michael_ …” Luke left out a soft laugh, “Well, I’m not too sure about Mikey. But, as long as Cal’s there, I’m sure everything will be just fine.”

Ashton smiled as the conversation continued, “Yeah, I hope so. I feel bad, though. Johnny has a football game this weekend and I didn’t want to force them to have to take him.”

“Are you _kidding_ me?” Luke asked, leading Ashton towards a small bench, stood a bit offto the side of the path they were walking on. Sitting down and beckoning for Ashton to follow, Luke continued. “I’m sure Calum is losing his _mind_ at that game. He’s definitely loving it _way_ more than a twenty-two year old man should be invested in peewee football.”

Ashton laughed quietly as the conversation began to fade out. Soon, the two were surrounded by only the soft sounds of the wind bustling through the trees. Glancing over at Ashton, Luke saw him looking around, taking in the scenery around them.

_God, he looks beautiful._

After another moment, Luke softly spoke up, not wanting to completely ruin the serenity that had formed around the two. “It’s… pretty gorgeous up here.”

Ashton didn’t say anything back, instead of responding with a soft hum. Taking his time, Ashton slowly reached his hand out towards Luke, taking the other man’s hand in his own. Intertwining their fingers, Luke sat back, shifting his gaze back out to the scene in front of him. He could practically hear Ashton’s thoughts beating out of his head, but not wanting to ruin the moment, Luke remained quiet.

“So,” Ashton began, causing Luke to look to his left, towards him.“How are you _really_ doing?”

Sighing, Luke had already prepared himself for the long-awaited question.

“Ah, you know. Lots of talking about your feelings. About your past. Really just a lot of talking all around. But I guess that’s good because… I like talking.” Luke chuckled softly, relieved when he heard Ashton do the same.

“I bet you do,” Ashton resounded, the aftermath of his laugh still fresh in his voice.

Luke waited for Ashton to say more, but was only met with silence as Ashton turned his head down towards his feet, a loose smile still on his lips.

Deciding to prove his own point, Luke proceeded to talk more about what he’s been undergoing these past few weeks. He felt Ashton grab onto every word he said, devoting all of his attention to Luke. About halfway through Luke’s soliloquy, he noticed the air around Ashton change.

“…yeah, so Clarice and I have been talking, recently, about the types of people you should and shouldn’t surround yourself with. You know, the, uh, enablers and the preventers.” Ashton’s hand fell limp in Luke’s hand, but he made no move to pull it away.

_Ash?_

Looking over at Ashton, Luke noticed a sudden change in his behavior. His shoulders were now slumped, almost as if he was being pulled towards the ground, and his gaze didn’t seem to shift from where it was glued to, on a random piece of pavement ahead of them.

All Luke could do was look over at Ashton and wonder if he should say something or not.Luckily for him, Ashton soon snapped out of whatever trance he was in, bringing his headspace back to Luke. Once again tightening his grip on Luke’s hand— _It’s like he forgot I’m even here—_ and clearing his throat, Ashton turned back towards Luke, a sorrowful glance hidden behind his eyes that wasn’t there moments before. “Uh, um, but, you’re—you’re good though?”

Luke shook his head, laughing to himself as he did. Pulling his hand out of Ashton’s grasp and draping that arm across the back to the bench, he looked back over at Ashton. “You know, I think I may have answered that question about four times since you’ve got here.”

“Oh, sorry,” was all Ashton could manage, voice cracking slightly.

“No, no, you have nothing to be sorry about. It’s just… I don’t know,” Luke sighed, cutting himself off.

“What?” Ashton pressed, moving slightly closer into Luke.

“The conversation, _our_ conversation. I don’t know. I guess it just seems a little…” _Just spit it out, man. It’s not like you’ve got forever. You_ just _got the weekend with him. Who knows when you’ll be able to see him next?_ “…shallow? I guess.” Now turning his gaze to the path in front of them, afraid of what he might find in Ashton’s stare, all Luke heard was the other man softly ask, “Shallow?”

Still looking down, Luke continued, “Yeah, you know. Just very surface-level stuff. Nothing like… what we used to have.” Just as the last words left his mouth, Luke instantly regretted them, not wanting them to be interpreted in the wrong way. _No, no, Ashton not used to. We still have it. We have us and—_

Just as Luke was about to correct himself, Ashton began speaking. “I’m sorry, Luke.”

“Ashton, you have _nothing_ to be sorry for. You drove all the way up here just to see me for the weekend.” Luke paused, nearly whispering his next words. “ _I_ should be sorry for dragging you up here.”

“No, Luke you have nothing to—” Luke looked back at Ashton, who stopped speaking altogether when their eyes met. After a minute Ashton sighed, forcing out, “I’m just… I’m _trying_ not to get close.” Ashton’s words sounded numb, like he’d been repeated them to himself over and over again, in hopes that the more he would say them, the more likely he would be able to believe them.

“Wh—what do you mean? Why aren’t you trying to get close? Is it me?” Luke’s eyebrows scrunched as he bombarded Ashton with questions, hoping to get to the bottom of his odd mannerisms.

“No, _no_ , Luke. It’s not you. Trust me, you’re one of the _greatest_ things that’s happened to me since sliced bread.” Luke left out an empty laugh as he shifted closer to Ashton, the two’s legs now pressed up against one another’s. Not wanting to push him, Luke waited for Ashton to keep on speaking when he was ready to.

“I—I’ve” Ashton stammered out, looking back down towards him and Luke’s hands, eyes not leaving the pavement as he continued. Speaking slowly and thinking of each word carefully before he said them, Ashton took a breath. “I’ve known people who… who’ve been down this road before. And um, uh…” Ashton trailed off, finding it difficult to find the proper words. Luke just squeezed his hand in reassurance, which seemed to be enough, because shortly after, Ashton proceeded with a slight crack in his voice.

“You were talking about surrounding yourself with _good people_. And I hate to say it, but that’s not me.”

“Ash—” Luke attempted to stop Ashton but was shortly cut off, hazel eyes meeting blue.

“No, Luke, this,”Ashton paused, seemingly afraid of the words that he was about to say. “This isn’t the first time I’ve done this.” _Done what?_ “When I found out what was going on with you, I felt as if I was partially to blame.” Luke wanted to butt in, deflect Ashton’s statement, but he knew at this point Ashton just needed to keep going.

“It _tore_ me up inside. The thought that I had fucked up _again,_ that badly. I always tried to make myself feel better by going out and looking for you. But now, I—I just feel like I’m making things worse. Like I’m making _you_ worse.”

“W— _what?_ ” Luke stammered out. “What do you mean, ‘this isn’t the first time’?”

Still looking down, Ashton swallowed, contemplating before spitting it out.

“Her name was Alexa. I don’t really talk about her much.” _Alexa?_

Luke didn’t say anything in response, but the quiet that came between the two was enough to express his confusion. “She’s, um… she’s Johnny’s mom. Alexa.”

Taken aback by Ashton’s openness, Luke had to take a minute to compile his thoughts, stare not leaving Ashton once he did. “Is… is she… okay?” Luke asked, thoughts racing a million miles an hour.

Ashton didn’t say anything or even _move_ for what felt like hours. It was only when he softly shook his head back and forth that he forced himself to speak up.

“…she’s dead.”

Unsure how to respond, all Luke could manage was letting out a breathy, “ _oh_.”

For the first time in what seemed like ages, Ashton peeled his head up to look at Luke, unease haunting his glassy gaze. “I want you to know what happened with her. I don’t normally talk about her, I don’t like to. But I want you to know. You _should_ know.”

Luke just nodded and tried to comfort Ashton by sending him a small, and hopefully, understanding look. Taking a deep breath in, Ashton kept speaking.

“She—she,” Ashton turned his gaze away from Luke, biting his lip as he did. Now looking ahead, Ashton let out a weighted sigh and continued.

“She was in a study abroad program, overseas at the same uni that I was going to for music education. She was studying Art History.” Ashton smiled distantly at the unnecessary detail, but kept going anyway. “We met at some random party. As soon as I saw her, I could have _sworn_ she was the most gorgeous woman that I’d ever seen,” Ashton laughed softly once more, looking at the ground with a sad, but fond stare, causing a momentary smile to form on Luke’s face.

“After the party, we ended up hooking up. I don’t really remember the night, I… we were _both_ really out of it. It was just supposed to be just a one-night thing, but nevertheless, a few weeks later I got a call from a random unknown number. She said that her name was Alexa, and that apparently we’d hooked up at a party. And that we needed to talk.”

“That can never be good,” Luke said attempting to ease the unwelcome tension that had formed between the two.

Ashton huffed in agreeance. “Yeah. Long story, she was pregnant,” Luke exhaled sharply and Ashton raised his eyebrows a bit in acknowledgment. “I was… shocked? Terrified? Maybe a bit horrified? Like, how could I fuck up _that badly,_ right? But we were sitting there, and this girl was sitting in front of me, just as shocked, terrified, and horrified as I was and… in _that_ moment, I decided. I was going to make it work with this girl that I had only known for a total of six hours. I didn’t care if it was going to be a romantic relationship, or a co-parenting one. I was going to make it work, and I was going to be in that kid’s— well, _Johnny’s_ , life.”

Gradually, Ashton turned back towards Luke, leaning into the bench and brushing against Luke’s arm as he did.

“And then, if things weren’t complicated enough, she told me that her abroad program ended in a few weeks, and that she was heading back to New York. I made the brash decision to pack up my entire life, switch universities, and move back with her. Everybody thought I was absolutely _crazy_ , but I was _so_ determined to be in my kid’s life, that I didn’t care.”

Luke felt himself release a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. He looked at Ashton, seeing the distant look in the other man’s eyes.

“So, we moved to New York, got an apartment, all the domestic crap. And, as the months progressed, we slowly began to fall in love. There was a moment where I _actually_ thought that everything was going to work out just fine. I genuinely thought that maybe, just _maybe_ , Alexa and I were meant to be. That we were going to get married, grow old together. Watch our kid grow up, and maybe even have a few more down the road.” Ashton shook his head and pinching the bridge of his nose, laughing at his own naiveness. “But there was a side to Alexa that I didn’t know walking into it all.”

Ashton stopped talking for a minute and looked back at Luke. He could see the weariness written all over Ashton’s face, how much pain reliving these memories brought him. “Ash, you don’t have to keep going if you don’t want to. If you’re not _ready_ to. I get it.” Luke punctuated his statement by bringing his arm that was resting on the bench and draping it across Ashton’s shoulder, bringing him closer to himself.

Ashton melted into the touch, looking up at Luke as he allowed the other man to comfort him. “I don’t think I’ll _ever_ be ready to talk about this, but I have to.” Luke just nodded, waiting for Ashton to continue.

Looking straight ahead once more, Ashton waited a minute before picking back up. “When Alexa was with Johnny, she was fine. I couldn’t really see her… _problem_. She never told me about it. Sure, she was out of it at the party I met her at, but so was I. We were college students who had just finished midterms.”

“She kept clean though the whole pregnancy. But, after Johnny was born, things seemed to take a turn for the worse.” Ashton’s voice went flat as he continued, “Things got _really_ bad, _really_ fast. The first year was rough. She would just go out and leave. Leave me at home with Johnny and I would have to take care of him. A twenty-two year old, in a city that he didn’t know, with a newborn. Sounds like a recipe for success.”

“So Alexa would leave, for hours, days, even weeks. Not saying where she was going or when she’d be back. She’d just be there one minute, gone the next. In the beginning, I would go out looking for her. Walking up and down the streets at ungodly hours, sometimes with Johnny strapped to my chest. I just had to _hope_ that I wouldn’t find her… you know,” Ashton paused, not planning on elaborating. “And one day… she left. For the first couple of days, I honestly didn’t go looking for her. I just _assumed_ that it was one of her wanderings again, or whatever. But days turned to weeks and… she never came back. I waited for her, cried for her, actually _wanted_ her to come back.” Ashton turned his body away from Luke, his voice becoming noticeably watery. Luke felt his heart squeeze in his chest as Ashton slowly sunk into himself.

“After _everything_ she put me and Johnny through, I still thought that she was what Johnny and I needed. Eventually, I snapped out of it, you know, realized how bad she would be for John if she _did_ come back. That’s when I decided to move house. I couldn’t afford anything big, or particularly nice. Just a small, studio apartment. Johnny and I had to share one bed, plan all our meals in advance. I just… I _tried_ to make it enough that he wouldn’t realize anything was wrong. He was only a toddler, but I just… I felt like I failed.” Luke moved his arm across Ashton’s shoulder, the other man leaning forward, with his forearms resting on his thighs.

“I was a substitute teacher, with loans, living in New York City as a single dad. I couldn’t even _tell_ you how many times I considered packing up, going back home to Australia. But life could be better here for Johnny, so I stuck it out. And… all things considered, I think I did alright by Johnny.”

“Ashton,” Luke began, “You did _everything_ right by him. You’ve given him a home full of love and warmth. You’ve given him everything.”

Luke glanced down at Ashton, who was now turned towards him, tears glazing over the other man’s gaze. “Luke, I saw this happening all over again with you. With Alexa, I never asked her to stop. I never tried to get her help, or even talk to her about it. I just let her ruin _everything_. Better yet, I enabled her through it all. I just kept _waiting_ for the day she would stop and realize what she was doing. But she never did. Not for me. Not for Johnny. God, she’s so fucking selfish.”

As Luke moved a bit closer, Ashton pushed his head down, staring hard at the scraped wooden bench. Letting out a shaky breath, Ashton continued, voice cracking slightly as he did. “When… when you walked into my life, I took a look. At me, at you, and us,” he weakly gestured between them, “And I realized what was going on with you and how, once again, I forced myself to look the other way and ignore it. God, I opened a fucking _tab_ for you! I just felt all the _guilt_ and the urge to just… _ignore_ the problem, all over again.” Luke’s eyebrows furrowed again, as his own tears began to push their way to the front of his eyes. Ashton looked at him, with red eyes, tear-stained cheeks, and utter despair painted across his face.

“Luke, I don’t want to ruin _you,_ like I ruined Alexa.”

The sentence hung in the air for a moment, looming over both of them.

“Ash, you’re not going to.”

“How do you know that?” Ashton cried, looking at Luke, completely wrecked.

Luke just shook his head.

“Because you came up all the way up here and told me all of this. You’re _allowing_ yourself to be vulnerable with me. You… you _trust_ me. With all of you.” Luke paused for a moment. “You know… the first thing I talked about when I got here was you.”

Luke saw Ashton’s shoulders visibly relax, as the other man pulled his head up to look at Luke. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure Clarice was going to _kill me_ for not stopping talking about you. I… told her _everything_ about us. The good, the bad. And after dissecting every moment of our relationship, I think I can say that _you_ , Ashton Irwin, are _crucial_ to my life. I need you here with me. Don’t leave me now. Please, Ash, I _need_ you.”

Ashton sat still for a moment, Luke’s words sinking in. After what felt like an eternity, he nodded, slowly. Before Luke could process it, Ashton reached out, wrapping his hand around Luke’s neck and pulling the taller man’s head down, and quickly pressing his lips to Luke’s. The kiss only lasted a second before Ashton pulled back. Through teary eyes, Luke could see the soft smile Ashton was sending him. As the two sat back on the bench, Ashton’s arm somehow winded around and pulled Luke into his side, silence washing over them, just the comforting sound of rustling leaves filling the space.

After a few minutes, Luke couldn’t help himself.

“That was… a _lot_.”

Earning a chuckle from the other man, Luke looked over, only to be met with a pair of hazel eyes staring back at him. “Only you would say that, Luke Hemmings. Only you.”

Luke smiled distantly, laughing silently. Still looking at Ashton, Luke fiddled with his fingers for a moment before taking a deep breath.

“Um, the day of Calum’s speech. D—did you mean what you said?”

Confused, Ashton squinted at him. Hesitantly, Luke ventured forward.

“On the day of Calum’s speech, you… you said that… after Alexa, you’d never thought that you would fall in love again.”

Ashton’s face relaxed and brightened in recognition, before turning and looking determinedly in Luke’s eyes.

“I meant every _word_ of it,” Ashton answered undoubtedly, the two men not leaving each other’s gaze.

A smile formed on Luke’s face, and slightly giddy, he surged forward, and once again the two’s lips were locked together. This time, however, it was followed by smaller, lingering kisses as Luke found his way back into Ashton’s side.

Sighing, Ashton spoke up, rubbing his hand on Luke’s arm as he did.

“I only have so many more hours before I have to go.”

A grin still plastered across his face, Luke looked towards Ashton, standing up and slipping Ashton’s hand into his own.

“Then let’s make the most of it then, shall we?”

With an equally goofy grin on his face, Ashton sprung to his feet, pulling Luke in closer to him as the pair started down the path, arm in arm.


	42. Chapter 42

“Dad!”

The moment that Ashton opened his car door, he was met with an armful of 5-year-old. “You’re _back!_ ”

Laughing as he steadied himself, Ashton couldn’t resist picking his son up and pulling him into a tight hug.

“Hey, kiddo! I missed you!”

“I missed you too.”

Turning around and shutting the car door, Johnny perched on his hip, Ashton turned back towards the sidewalk. Standing there was Calum, who was walking closer to the pair.

“Hey, Ash!”

“Hey Cal,” Ashton replied, pulling Calum into a side hug. “So, how was the weekend?”

“It—” Calum started, only to be cut off by a much higher voice.

“We had _so_ much fun. I had such a great time with Uncle Cal and…” Johnny’s voice kept going, but Ashton was hung up on one thing he said. _Uncle Cal?_ Shooting Calum a questioning glance, he was only met with the other man lightly shrugging it off. “…and we won our game, too!”

Turning back to the boy in his arms, Ashton couldn’t help the smile that was coming over him. “That’s amazing, John. I’m so proud of you!” Ashton emphasized his point by ruffling the boy’s tousled hair and planting a quick kiss on his cheek.

“Thanks, dad! And after the game,” Ashton laughed at Johnny’s ability to seemingly speak forever, “…we got ice cream, and then Michael and I watched _Transformers,_ and… and…” Finding the brief moment when Johnny wasn’t speaking, Ashton decided to seize the opportunity to get words in.

“Alright, alright bud. You can tell me _all_ about it tonight. We should probably get going.”

Hearing the door to the apartment building open, Ashton and Calum both turned towards the brick building, seeing Michael step out of the doorway and over to them.

“Hey, glad I didn’t miss you guys. Hoped to say goodbye on my way to work.”

“Nope, didn’t miss us. We were just about to head out, though,” Ashton replied, walking over to Michael, and pulling him into a quick hug. As he did, Ashton felt Johnny push back into him slightly as the two got closer to Michael.

“I’ll see you two later.” Walking over to Calum, Michael quickly kissed him, saying, “I’ll see you tonight,” before turning back to Ashton and Johnny. “Bye, guys.”

Waving as he walked away, Ashton nudged Johnny, prompting him to wave.

“That’s an improvement,” Ashton heard Calum mutter under his breath.

Letting out a breathy laugh, Ashton called out, “Bye, Mike!” Turning back to Calum, he sighed out, “Alright then, you ready bud?”

Johnny nodded, glancing back towards Calum.

“Bye Cal-Cal!”

Ashton couldn’t help but fail to stifle a laugh. _Uncle Cal-Cal. Definitely_ never _going to let this one go._

Grinning ear to ear, Calum walked closer to Ashton and Johnny. “Were you _really_ going to go without giving me a hug?”

Stretching his arms out to Calum, Ashton carefully passed Johnny over into Calum’s arms as the boy wrapped himself in Calum’s grasp. Ashton felt some warmth rush through him at the sight. He was too busy taking it in, in fact, that he didn’t hear the brief exchange the two had.

He was brought back to the moment when he felt Johnny, who was now standing next to him, grab his hand, signaling that he was ready to go. Smiling down at him, Ashton nodded, opening the back to his car and tossing Johnny’s bags in the backseat. The little boy climbed into the backseat, as Ashton leaned over to check his seatbelt. Shutting the door, Ashton let out a tired sigh while turning back to face Calum.

“So,” Calum started, “How was the drive?”

Crossing his arms over his chest and leaning against the car behind him, Ashton nodded.

“Not too bad. Traffic wasn’t too heavy. It all ended up working out pretty alright.”

Seeing the brief hesitation in Calum’s expression, Ashton was about to ask him what he was thinking about. Before he could, Calum sighed, asking the question he’d seemingly been waiting to ever since he saw Ashton arrive.

“So… how _is_ Luke?”

A comforting smile washed over Ashton’s face. “Honestly, Cal, he looks good. Really good. I think he’s doing well.”

Seeing Calum relax slightly, Ashton looked to his side and took a breath before turning back towards the other man.

“That’s…” Calum sighed, “Honestly, I’m really glad to hear that. I feel bad… I’ve been meaning to take a trip up there to see him. It’s been a couple of weeks, you know?”

“Well, you should get your visits in while you still can. They said he should be out by the end of January.”

“Really?” Calum asked, in slight disbelief. “That’s… amazing.”

Ashton squinted a bit in Calum’s direction, tilting his head at the slight fear lacing the other man’s tone. _Is Cal… okay? You’d think he’d be happy. He just sounds… worried, instead._

“Calum, is everything okay? Luke’s doing good, you really don’t have to wor—”

“It’s just…” Calum cut him off, “Once Luke’s out, and, you know, back in the outside world… I—” The Australian paused, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. “I know it’s going to sound horrible…”

“What, Cal?” Ashton pressed.

“I just… I hope he doesn’t… fall back into old habits.”

The cold wash of melancholy washed over the two of them. _Ashton could practically_ feel the anxiety coming off Calum in waves. _Poor kid._ “Calum, I don’t think he will. He seems _really_ determined. I think he means business this time.” Ashton laughed dejectedly, trying to ease the situation.

Calum didn’t respond, just looking passively at the chipped concrete below them. Sighing a bit, Ashton piped up.

“So, how was the weekend? Was Johnny okay?” Calum looked up, a bright look in his eyes. _Bingo._  
“Oh my God, Ashton. I love your son. So. Damn. Much. Literally, _any time_ you need a babysitter, please don’t hesitate to ask. Me and John really had the greatest time.”

Ashton laughed at Calum’s enthusiasm. “What about Michael?”

Calum bit his bottom lip, thinking back to the weekend, “Uh, well… I think Johnny may be a little… scared? Of Michael,” he clarified.

While Calum laughed a bit awkwardly, Ashton let out a surprised laugh, shaking his head back and forth. “I guess we’ll work on that then, haha.” Ashton lifted a hand rubbing the back of his neck for a second, before gesturing out towards Calum. “So, tell me, how was the game? Were you bored out of your mind?”

Calum let out another bit of nervous laughter. “Oh, well, about that. I, uh, don’t know if I’m allowed back to any more of his games…”

“ _What?_ ” Ashton questioned, “How did you manage to get _banned_ from little league soccer games? Did you like… drop kick a kid or something?”

Ashton lightly chuckled, that was nothing compared to Calum’s sudden laughing outburst. “No, no! I— why would you say that, Ash?” Taking another moment to contain his laughter, Ashton felt a smile plaster on his face. “I… I may have gotten a _little_ too competitive… Some of the calls—To be fair some of the calls those refs made? They were completely _WACK_!”

“Calum, it’s _little league football._ ”

“Ashton, it’s the _integrity of the game._ ”

Shaking his head while trying to suppress a smile, Ashton turned back to his car, preparing to walk around to the driver’s side and get in. Before he could, he heard Calum begin to say something, nerves obvious in his tone, causing Ashton to turn back around. “Oh, uh— about the whole ‘Uncle’ thing… I don’t really know how that all started. He kinda just… started calling me it after the game. And if it makes you uncomfortable, I can—”

“Cal,” Ashton intervened, causing the other man to stop in his tracks. “Don’t worry about it. It suits you.”

Smiling back at Calum, Ashton walked around to the driver’s side of the car. “Oh,” Calum yelled over the car, “Next time we hang out, I _have_ to tell you about all the… _interesting_ Michael and Johnny interactions. They made… quite the pair. I swear, that man has never even seen a kid in his life.”

Laughing, Ashton opens the door, yelling back, “Oh, I’m looking forward to it!” Waving over the car, Ashton climbed in, closing it behind him. As he was about to pull out, he heard a faint knock on the passenger’s window. Looking over, he laughed softly, seeing Calum.

“Can’t get enough of us, can you?” Ashton laughed as he rolled down the window.

“Ashton, it really was a pleasure. I meant it when I said Mike and I would be love to have him anytime.”

“Bye Uncle Cal!” Johnny chirped from the backseat.

Leaning into the car slightly more, Calum peered back. “Bye, kiddo. I’ll see you soon!”

Johnny nodded, a beaming smile on his face.

Tapping the side of the car as he began to pull himself out of the window, Calum looked back at Ashton. “Bye Ash.”

“See ya, Cal.”

Ashton watched as Calum moved backward and began walking back into the apartment building. Using the overhead mirror, Ashton glanced back at Johnny. “Alright John, I’m all yours for the rest of the day.”

“Really? Yay!”

Ashton felt a huge smile come over him at his son’s excitement. “So, what do you want to do?”

“Well…” Johnny began to talk all about a thousand different thoughts rushing through his head.

Smiling, Ashton put the car in drive and pulled out of the parking spot, and the two-headed down the road.


	43. Chapter 43

My Dearest Diary,

As the light creeps in through the window in which is ajar, my thoughts can’t help but descend towards you, my love. The war creeps on and my heart yearns to feel your warmth once more— okay, no. I can’t keep that up. I don’t even know what ajar means tbh. Anywayyyyyyy, I never thought I would be writing a sentence like ‘dear diary’. But, I mean… here we are. I guess.

Heres the sitchuation. Clarisse asked me to write a journal entry about my weekend and such. I don’t really know what she’s going to get out of it, but hey, I’ll do what the woman asks. I guess she saw that I had a… visitor. And wants me to reflect on it. Dope I guess. I can do that, right? Yeah, yeah, tots.

So this weekend my boyfriend. Well, is he my boyfriend? Huh, I guess we’re still a little unclear in the ‘boyfriend’ department. I mean, I think that’s what we are. He said something about loving me soooooooo… I think that would validate me saying he’s my boyfriend, right? Ummmm… okay, moving on. So my, maybe, probably is, I think, boyfriend, Ashton came and visited me this weekend. 

I guess I’ll start from the beginning then. So Ashton got here. And LET ME JUST SAY. When that MAN got out of the car…. HOLY HELL. I forgot how just… just wow this man is. I mean he got out of the car and I swear the trees moved in to get a closer look. I mean… Like, he did NOT have to wear pants that tight, but thank fucking whoever because Oh My God. He looked so DAMN fine. Am I giving too much detail? I don’t care, I’m just gonna say it. His ass, in those pants, would make world peace. Like, hello Ass-hton! You like what I did there? Been saving that one for some time. And don’t even get me started on his arms. His arms! I don’t know what he does, or if they are just naturally that amazing, knowing him, I would stick with the latter, but… FUCK. The things I want that man to do to me. It’s not even funny. He’s just…

_E X Q U I S I T E_

Ummmm… anyway, sorry about that…informative paragraph. Oh wait, one more thing about Ashton looking like a Greek god. When he saw me, he smiled, and I think my heart may have literally just melted. Like that smile of his. God I love that smile. In that moment I can safely say I felt the happiest I’ve been in days just by seeing him. Wow, the power that man holds over me. Can he please just take me and—NOPE, we are NOT going to write that in a letter your therapist is going to be reading. Get back on track Luke, C’mon.

Anyway, now that I’m done simping over _The_ Ashton Irwin, I’ll just walk through the day. After he got out of the car and smiled at me (which I already expressed my emotions on), he came over and hugged me. It felt really good. Like Ashton just gives the best hugs. Everyone should be lucky enough to experience one Ashton hug at some point in their life.

So then, we decided to just walk around, it was a little chilly, but once I got my jacket it wasn’t too bad. Plus Ashton was radiating heat (Cuz he’s so hot hehe), so all in all, the temperature wasn’t that big of an issue. So we started walking, and talking.

Then, I guess you can say the conversation took a pretty heavy turn. We were talking and he started telling me about his son’s mom. He’s a single dad, by the way. His son, John is five and the absolute greatest person to ever exist. He's like a mini, Americanized Ashton. The sweetest.

But, he told me all about her. I didn’t really know much about her until this weekend. Ashton never really talks about her. Honestly, it’s understandable from what he did tell me. She seemed like a pretty crappy person, and an even worse mom. I just really appreciate that Ashton felt comfortable enough with me to tell me all of this. It shows he really trusts me, and I can’t help but like the sound of that.

But Ashton and Lil’ Johnny, they have just been through so much. It’s good that they always have had each other though. I can’t help but feel like I might be shoving my way into their life a little too much. I mean, I’m a lot to handle and a lot to deal with. I’m a recovering alcoholic for crying out loud! I just feel like it’s something that they don’t really need. Like everything for them is finally working out and here I come in like a fucking tornado.

I mentioned that to Ash, but from what he said to me, he seems to want me. For now. I think that’s enough reason for me to stay.

Also, this week I’ve been writing a lot. Songs, not journals. Me no-likey this whole journal thing. My hand hurts. Anyway, the song I wrote for Cal is almost done. I’m a little nervous to show it to him, but nerves aren’t always a bad thing, I guess. I wonder when he’s going to be up here next. It’s been a few weeks. I know he’s probably really busy with the holidays and such. I miss him.

And just for consistency’s sake, this morning I had some really great oatmeal. Like I threw some brown sugar in there and some blueberries. Made a whole cute little dish out of it. I’m no chef… but call me Gordon Ramsey. It was pretty fire oaty-meal. It was just hitting DIFFERENT.

I am a slut for oatmeal.

XOXO,

Gossip Luke <3


	44. Chapter 44

Calum rested his elbows on the kitchen counter, gazing over at the man across from him. Slowly, he took a long-awaited sip from his coffee before turning back towards Michael, mug still in hand.

“What time is it, love?”

Michael glanced down at his phone.

“7:50,” he replied, sleep still heavy in his voice.

Calum hummed in response. “I should probably get ready for work soon.” Michael didn’t say anything, still groggy from the early hour Calum had him up at. Instead, he just smiled absently in Calum’s direction and nodded softly.

Walking over to the sink, Calum placed his nearly-empty mug in it. “Oh, by the way,” Calum turned so he was facing Michael once more, “Just letting you know, I’m thinking of driving up and seeing Luke next weekend.”

Calum didn’t expect Michael to say much in his half-asleep state, but what he didn’t expect was the eerie silence he was met with. A moment passed, and Michael seemed to be frozen, just staring down at his mug. It was only when Michael looked up towards him, that Calum began to grow concerned.

“Everything alright?”

Once again, nothing. Michael looked… lost, almost. His green eyes turned a sickly grey, pouring into Calum’s own; expressionless, almost like he was forcing himself to feel nothing.

Michael broke eye contact, like Calum’s gaze scorched him. After a brief moment, he just shook his head, asking, “Next weekend?”, voice cracking ever so slightly as he did.

“Uh,” Calum made his way back to where he was previously standing, across the counter from Michael. “Yeah, I feel like I’ve been pushing off seeing him for little. I want to get up there before we get too busy with the holidays and all. And then we have a bunch of meetings and other stuff scheduled for after the New Year. And then Luke’s going to be back home. I just don’t want him thinking that I shipped him up there, and then am not going to acknowledge that he’s there. I think next weekend is the only time that I can really carve out for him.”

“Oh,” Michael quietly let out. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, looking down as he mumbled, “S...So you won’t be home at all next weekend?”

_Yeah, that’s what I just said. Mikey, you okay?_

“Uh, yeah. But I guess I don’t have to. I mean, if you need me here for something, I can always be here—”

Right as Calum finished his sentence, Michael was right there, responding instantaneously.

“No, no. You don’t have to be here. I—I’ll be all good.”

 _Now, it sounds like you’re trying to convince_ yourself _, love. Really, is everything okay?_

Furrowing his brow, Calum walked around the counter, going over to Michael. Sitting down next to him, Calum turned his whole body to be facing his boyfriend. “Michael, honey, if you need me, I’ll be here for you. You know that, right? That’s what we’re here for. For each other.”

Michael nodded his head, slowly facing Calum. “No, you should be there for Luke. He needs you right now.”Silence brushed over the two momentarily, while Calum walked around the counter at sat down on the next stool over. He reached out, using both hands to smooth out Michael’s hair, running his fingertips through the messy blonde fringe. Leaning into the touch, Michael whispered out, “I think I can last a couple of days without you.” He forced a laugh out at the end, attempting to relieve some of Calum’s stress.

Smiling reassuringly at Michael, Calum leaned towards him, “You could always come with—-”

“No, no,” Michael cut him off, standing up and walking around to the other side of the counter. “Trust me, it’s for the best that only you go. Luke wants to see _you_. I—I don’t think me and him are… _there,_ yet.”

Calum sighed as he grabbed Michael’s hand, lying limp on the granite counter. Bringing it up to his lips, Calum softly placed a kiss on it before whispering, “Okay.”

They stayed like that for a moment, just lost in their silent connection. Calum looked back into Michael’s eyes, noticing the bright green slowly making its way back, a rose-colored blush forming on his pale cheeks. He felt his heart melt as he gazed at his boyfriend, his loose black teeshirt, stupid _Mario_ socks, and those thick-rimmed glasses that he only wore before going to bed and just after waking up.

_God, I’m so in love._

He’d lost track of time, only snapping out of his trance when Michael gently took his hand out of Calum’s grasp, and, not saying a word, rushed off to the bedroom. Back to reality, Calum let his head fall, his mind racing. _What is up with next week? Any anniversaries? No, no, birthday? No, that’s in November. Shit, did I forget something?_ _Nothing comes to mind. I guess it’s just Michael being Michael._

_Sure. Let's go with that._

Standing up, Calum followed Michael’s trail towards the bedroom. Trying to brush off his racing thoughts, Calum pushed open the door that was already slightly ajar, poking his head around the corner to peer into the bedroom. Michael was seated on the bed, staring hard at something down in his lap. Little droplets were falling from his face, staining dark spots on his jeans. The sight certainly did not help ease Calum’s mind.

“Michael?” Looking up, Michael abruptly stood, shoving whatever was in his hand safely into his pocket. His face was slightly flushed as he blinked back any evidence of his tears. “What’s going on?” Calum attempted to walk over to the other man but was swiftly brushed off as Michael stammered back in response, “It’s nothin’. I’m going to be late for work.”

And with that, Michael rushed out of the bedroom without another word, the only sound following him was the loud bang of the front door closing.

Still stunned, and even more lost, Calum just stood there, trying to figure out what was happening with Michael. Looking around the room in an attempt to figure out what could have possibly sparked Micheal's outburst, Calum’s thoughts landed on one thing.

_Whatever was in his hand is the key to all this. Once I figure that out, I… I think I’ll find out what’s wrong with Michael._

———————

_Friday Morning_

Softly placing a kiss on Michael’s forehead, Calum rubbed the back of his boyfriend’s head, smoothing out the knotted blonde hair and gently causing the other man to stir from his sleep.

“Michael,” Calum whispered, gaining the other man’s attention.

His sleepy eyes opened as Michael hummed in response.

“I’m leaving now, love. I’ll see you in a few days.” Calum bent down, carefully grabbing Michael’s cheek and pulling him up towards him, connecting their lips for a faint kiss.

Michael fell back into bed, briefly holding onto Calum’s hand for another minute. “I’ll miss you,” He mumbled into his pillow.

Laughing, Calum bent down, picking up the bag that was on the floor next to him. “Miss you too. I’ll call you when I get there.”

Michael nodded, cuddling back into his pillow. “M’kay, love you,” he murmured, before drifting back off into sleep.

Looking down at Michael, Calum felt a smile wash over him. After all the odd behavior that Calum has _still_ yet to find the cause of, it was refreshing to see the brief moment of normality.

“I love you too, Michael,” was the last thing Calum murmured before he walked out of the bedroom, quietly shutting the door behind him.

Taking a deep breath, _I’m sure Michael will be fine, Calum. Everybody has their off-weeks. He’s probably just in a little funk. He’ll be fine for a few days. This weekend is about_ Luke _. When you come back, we can sort out Michael._

With that, Calum walked out of the front door locking it behind him. Heading down the stairs, Calum shook his head, trying to clear his mind. Even though he was on his way to see Luke, he couldn’t help but let his mind travel back to—

_Michael._


	45. Chapter 45

_Okay, Cal, it’s just Luke. Your Luke. This shouldn’t be weird. Just… it’ll all be fine._ Stepping out of the car that Ashton was so kind as to lend him for the weekend, the bitter December air rushed towards Calum, catching him by surprise. As he moved his overcoat a bit, in an attempt to shake off the cold, Calum shut the car door and began heading towards the somewhat familiar building in front of him.

Making his way inside, Calum took his hands out of his pockets and signed himself in, getting a blue and white sticker marking him as a ‘visitor’, in return. After a brief exchange with a very sweet woman at the front desk, Calum made his way past two double doors, trying to remember the directions he was given moments ago.

Eventually, after some trial and error, and maybe one or two wrong turns, Calum found his way to what he assumed was described as a ‘common room’. Scanning the hall, his eyes began to wander around, searching for—

“Calum!” Calum quickly turned to the voice, a smile forming as he saw a particular 6’4 Aussie heading his way.

“Luke! Hey man!” He called back, wrapping his arms tightly around the other man and pulling him into a crushing bear hug. After a minute, Calum pulled back from Luke’s deathly-tight grip. “How’s it going?”

“Good, good,” Luke began, as beckoned for Calum to follow him past the double doors Cal had just entered through. He began to lead Calum out of the room they were in, passing by other patients who were giving Calum various curious, noncommittal, and occasionally bitter glances. Feeling Luke’s gaze shift to the bag he was holding, Calum answered the question that was bound to come. “I—uh, brought some real food. I figured I’d treat you to some delectable outside dining. And, don’t worry, it already got the thumbs up from the lady up front.”

“Nancy? Aw, yeah, she’s the best.” The two walked in a comfortable silence as they ventured down the seemingly endless halls of the rehab center before Luke cocked his head towards Calum, golden blonde curls bouncing off his shoulders. _He probably needs a haircut._ “It was nice of you to think of me, Cal, you didn’t have to go out of your way like that.”

Shaking his head, Calum kept trailing slightly behind Luke, unsure of where exactly they were heading. “Luke, really, it’s no problem. I got to eat. You got to eat. And who doesn’t like sandwiches?”

Chuckling, Luke looked back at Calum before stopping in front of a closed door. “Yeah, on that note, I was actually thinking we could go and eat now if that’s good with you. I’m just kinda starved.”

“‘Course,” Calum ushered back, glancing at the door they were stopped at intriguingly.

“Oh,” Luke picked up Calum’s gaze and pushed open the door. “Right, I just had to grab something before we go. Give me a sec.”

Calum nodded as Luke made his way into the room that he had been calling ‘home’ for the past few weeks. Looking around, Calum took note of the little personality the room held. The only evidence that anyone was actually living in it were the few small photos taped to the beige walls.

“Alright,” Luke hollered out, a dark blue folder now in his hand. “I’m all good. Shall we?” He asked, beckoning to the door.

“We shall,” Calum chuckled in response, following Luke’s arm out the door and back into the hallway.

———————

The two men found an empty table, slightly distanced from others, offering them some limited privacy. They ate their food and chatted, almost feeling like old times. _Almost_.

Once they both finished their sandwiches, the conversation didn’t stop as they sat at the table for a while after, sandwich wrappers abandoned in little tinfoil balls on the center of the plastic table. As the current debate of ‘whether cereal is a soup or not’ began to fade out, Calum glanced down at his phone, seeing several texts from Michael. “Oh sorry, I completely spaced. I was supposed to text Mikey when I got here. Hold on, just give me a sec.”

Luke nodded, understandingly.

Calum scrolled through the messages that Michael had sent him consistently for the past few hours. They started off fairly normal, but as they went on, the texts seemed to get littered with worry, and slowly become less coherent. _Michael was acting weird before I left, and now this? I mean, I know he cares, but this is excessive, even from him._ Scrunching his brow, Calum shot back a text, letting him know that he arrived safely. _It’s all just… weird._

Shaking his head, Calum shoved his phone back into his pocket, throwing his thoughts in there as well with an _eh, I’ll call him later._

Sighing as he turned back to face Luke, Calum let out a muffled, “Sorry about that.”

“You’re all good,” Luke responded, and the two suddenly became quiet.

Not wanting to fall into the uneasy silence that had characterized their friendship for the past few months, Calum tried to think of what they could talk about next. Curiosity taking over, Calum gestured to the folder that had been sitting on the edge of the table since they’d sat down.

“What’s in the folder?”

Luke's eyes immediately darted to the folder resting on the table, shifting slightly in his seat as he reached out and grabbed it. “Uh…well…” he attempted to start. Switching his gaze from Calum to the folder in his hands, Luke bit his lip, looking as if he was searching for the right words. “So, throughout this whole program and such, they have been talking about wanting you to embrace your ‘free mind’ and all that. For some people, that’s meditating, and, well, as I’m sure you know, sitting still isn’t exactly in my vocabulary.” Calum let out a small laugh in agreement, noting that, even now, Luke was tapping his fingers against his leg.

“Uh, so anyway… me being me, I started to write. Uh, songs.”

Calum sat up, immediately interested, and slightly shocked by what Luke was saying. After Luke didn’t move to continue, Calum’s tried to push him on, lightly heartedly saying “So, let’s see what you’ve got then!”

Luke sighed, looking back up at Calum. “So— uh, I really only have one song completely written and— uh…”

“Luke?” Calum cut him off, causing the other man to sheepishly look down. “Luke, you don’t have to show me anything if you don’t think it’s ready.”

“No, no,” Luke assured him, “I want to show you this song. It’s just— there’s something I want you to know before, okay?”

“Okay,” Calum nodded, sinking into the table slightly.

“So… um. Hm,” Luke looked away, hand twitching upwards out of his lap for a second, before resting on the table. “I actually started this song a couple of months ago. Back when… um, you and I weren’t talking,” Luke choked out. Now Calum looked down, emotions unclear as Luke went on.

“During that time, I was _really_ struggling with writing. Everything just seemed to be slipping through the cracks too fast for me to grasp. So, uh, anyway,” Luke cleared his throat, as Calum rested his head on his hands, waiting for Luke to keep speaking.

“One night,” Luke finally continued after a brief moment of silence, “Actually, the night I saw Ashton for the first time since our fight, um…” His hands shook slightly, clearly nervous. “I was sitting at my piano, right? Desperately attempting to write _anything_. After hours and hours of just _sitting_ there, I ended up with one melody line before I called it quits and went to a bar to get absolutely wasted.”

“Luke…” Calum breathed out, unsure of what he was going to say. Luke gestured to him that he wasn’t quite done yet, before taking a breath in a continuing.

“As horrible as that all was, that night ended up bringing you back into my life. So I guess an eye for an eye, am I right?” Luke laughed trying to ease the tense tone that had taken over the two. Calum softy smiled in response.

“But, moving on, I guess. For some reason, I _couldn’t_ get that melody out of my head. Later, I realized it was because it really encapsulates a huge turning point in my life, but I’m not here not get all philosophical on your ass,” This time Calum _did_ laugh, causing Luke to look up, feeling slightly more reassured.

“But, basically, I ended up finishing the song. Well, for the most part, I guess, while I’ve been in here. It probably sucks, but here it is if you want to read it.” Luke said, pushing the folder into Calum’s hands. “Like I said, it’s probably trash. I’m really out of practice, so—”

“Luke,” Calum cut him off, “I’d love to take a look.”

Luke exhaled sharply, slumping back into his seat as Calum opened the folder. “Oh my God, you’re going to read it in front of me. _Noooooooo_ ,” Luke thinned out, only causing Calum to put on more of a show for him.

But before he could, he looked down at the music, and Calum couldn’t help but stifle a laugh. “Oh god, is it really that bad?” Luke asked, fear crossing over his face as he lurched out to grab the folder.

“No, Luke,” Calum said as he moved it out of Luke’s reach, still giggling as Luke fell into the table. “It’s just… your _handwriting_. It’s _horrible._ ” Luke sigh, throwing his head back onto the table as he let out a soft laugh. Calum felt his eyes crinkle as he smiled at his best friend.“Good to see some things never change.”

Resting his head in his elbows, Luke waited for Calum to read the pages before him. “Yeah, but hey, you can still read it,” Luke offered as Calum took a few tries to decipher a word, “…right?”

Calum smiled and nodded, “Of course, but you’re not the only one out of practice.”

Hearing Luke chuckle to himself, Calum turned his attention back to the sheets in front of him, lightly humming along to the scrawled-out notes. After reading through the song a few times, Calum started to softly sing along to the chorus, having a sudden realization a few lines in.

“No matter how long you’re gone, I’m always gonna…” Calum’s voice trailed off as he looked back at Luke. “…want you back?”

Luke didn’t say anything. Instead, he froze, gaze not leaving Calum’s. “Luke… is this…” Calum’s question died down as Luke looked down at the table. “Yeah…” He mumbled in response.

As Calum began to feel the all-too-familiar stinging sensation welling in his eyes, Luke went on, still looking down. “I—I just missed you so much, Cal. I started writing, and it read like a relationship— a romantic one. But as I kept going, I realized that it _wasn’t_ about that, not really. It was… it was about you. At the time, I guess I didn’t really know how to put it into words. So I just poured it into a melody.”

Calum bent his head down, forcing Luke to look at him. “It’s good, Luke. It’s _really_ good.”

Calum saw the smile come across Luke’s face as he picked his head up, and reaching across the table to close the folder. “Um, anyway,” Luke coughed out, “Now that _that’s_ all done…” Calum sat up, wiping the corner of his eyes gently. “…I know we talked on the phone about it, but are you sure?”  
Calum shook his head, “Sure about what?”

“You said you would go to, um, therapy? With me? You know, Clarice, my therapist, said she wanted to meet you and talk to you, seeing that you play such a constant role in my life.”

The conversation the two had all came back to Calum. Instantaneously he answered, not a shred of doubt in mind. “Yeah, of course I will. I’ll do _anything_ if it helps you get better. If that means talking to Carissa, then so be it.”

“Clarice,” Luke corrected, a smile forming on his face, knowing where Calum’s mind went.

“Right, sorry, _Clarice_.”

Nodding, Luke added on, “So tomorrow, then?”

“Tomorrow it is.”

They sat in a comfortable beat of silence, just smiling before Luke broke it. “Oh, so I _totally_ forgot to tell you. I _did_ promise you all the hot ‘goss’ that’s going on inside these very walls…” Calum’s smile immediately brightened, leaning in and ready for the deets on everyone.

“So, basically…”


	46. Chapter 46

Allowing his eyes to crack open, Michael was greeted by the sight of the decades-old popcorn ceiling above his head, as he had done sporadically throughout the night. Staring at each shadow cast by the textured ceiling, he wondered how long he stayed like that, but as he looked over at the clock beside him, he read: _6:09 am_. Groaning, his head fell to the side as he outstretched his arm to his right.

His breath hitched as he was met with the cold sheets next to him, momentarily forgetting he was alone.

_He’s gone._

Squeezing his eye tight, Michael took one last breath in before forcing himself to sit up. He was greeted with a pounding pain looming in the back of his head. Rubbing at his bloodshot eyes, he couldn’t help but feel the wetness forming in them once again. He bit the inside of his cheek in hopes to divert his emotions, distract him from these horrible feelings. Partially successful, he only let a few rouge tears escape, swatting them quickly away before lifting the blanket off of him, planting his feet on the ground, and dragging his body out of bed with it.

As he stood up, Michael felt himself hunch over as he reached for the sweatshirt on the edge of the bed. He just held it in his hands for a moment after, seemingly to have gotten lost in his own mind. Shaking his head, Michael threw the sweatshirt on as his legs started to subconsciously move for him.

Next thing he knew, Michael was once again standing blankly, but now he had seemed to have made his way to the kitchen, not quite remembering getting there. Leaning against the counter, Michael pulled out his phone, fingers already clicking to his voicemails before he thinks to do so. Like routine, he scrolled down to the message he had listened to countless times throughout the night.

The voice from the phone broke the defining silence that had become all too familiar.

“Hey, Mikey! Just wanted to let you know I’ll be home late tonight. Stupid Drew has me working overtime. I swear this isn’t a way for me to get out of helping you unpack all those boxes, ha. Anyway, I’ll see you later. Okay, love you. Bye.”

A chill ghosted over him as the voicemail came to an end, the only sound filling the space left behind being Michael’s labored breaths. Dropping his phone on the counter as his head sunk, Michael pressed his eyes shut, hoping to block out everything around him. Coughing as he let out a heavy pant, Michael scrunched his greasy hair in his hands, following it by picking his head up, which now seemed to weigh three times as much. Scanning the counter through his blurry vision, Michael let out a sigh as he saw a stained mug a few feet away from him.

Reaching for the half-finished coffee he had abandoned on the counter sometime last night, Michael took a sip, completely disregarding the cold and worn taste he was met with. Ignoring the pain that was surging through his stomach, most likely from the few nutrients he had supplied himself with in the past few days, Michael slowly made his way back into the bedroom, mug in hand.

Apprehensively, he pushed the door open, standing in the doorway for a moment, absentmindedly staring at the dresser to his side. He walked over, placing the mug down on top of the polished wood. With shaking hands, Michael reached out and opened one of the drawers, cringing hard at the creak breaking through the silence. Peering down into the drawer, he was met with just an ordinary pile of socks. Michael timidly reached his hand into the dark space, fingertips ghosting across the plywood on the bottom. In the darkness, his ring finger came into contact with something slightly soft, velvety. Flinching slightly, Michael grasped the object and pulled it out of the drawer.

As soon it was in his hands, Michael slipped backward, his lower legs coming into contact with the soft mattress of the bed. Michael’s legs gave out, and he allowed himself to fall to the floor, cradling the small box in his hands.

Running his hands over the soft, dark velvet, Michael’s whole body seemed to suddenly run cold. Feeling as if he no longer truly had any control over his actions, his hands seemed to open the small box for him. As he looked inside, he clenched his eyes shut, turning his head away sharply. Feeling hot tears begin to streak against his deathly cold skin, all Michael could do was fall deeper and deeper into himself, holding the box tighter as his knees found their way to his chest. Letting his tears flow uncontrollably, breathing becoming less and less even, Michael curled himself tightly into a ball, feeling smaller than he ever had.

_I miss you._


	47. Chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody, I’ve decided to put a content warning on this chapter.  
> It delves a bit into the past of our characters, including some descriptions of the aftermath of sexual assault. If this topic makes you uncomfortable, I’d advise you to skip this chapter, I'll be back on Friday with the next update.  
> Stay safe everyone!

“It’s really nice to see you here with us today, Calum. I’ve heard quite a bit about you.”

Luke kept his gaze down, looking at the carpeted floor of Clarice’s office. He stared hard at his black Converse, Calum’s navy Chelsea boots moving in and out of his peripheral vision. Glancing over at Calum, Luke noted a slightly forced smile come across his face.

“All good things, I hope,” Calum replied, a short-lived laugh punctuating his strange tone. Clarice awkwardly reciprocated as Luke felt the tension tighten in the room, opting to look back down at his shuffling feet.

“So, Calum,” Luke’s head snapped up at the sound of Clarice’s voice, watching as Calum shifted in his seat, directing his undivided attention to the woman across from him. “A couple of weeks ago, I was in here with Luke, and we were talking about the earlier days of his drinking problem.” Luke could feel Calum stiffen next to him with the swiftness in which Clarice was moving the conversation along. “Going back to where it all seemed to start, around high school.”

Luke looked over at Calum, whose forced smile was now long gone, replaced with an intense expression that Luke couldn’t quite describe. As Clarice finished catching Calum up, Luke saw him a nod and breathe out a small, “Yeah,” more in acknowledgment than actual response.

“So,” Clarice edged on, “I want to get to know your side of it all, Calum. It seems that, whenever Luke thinks back to everything that was going on, you always seemed to be there _just_ when it gets to the point where he can’t really recall what was going on. Whenever his perspective seems to grow warped, the last thing that he tends to bring up is you in one way or another.”

Luke's heart dropped in his chest, guilt washing over him at Clarice’s statement. He sheepishly looked towards his best friend, expecting to see Calum doing the same thing. Instead, the other man’s eye line seemed to look directly at the painting behind the desk, except looked as though he wasn’t really _seeing_ it. “Uh, yeah, I guess,” Calum sighed, breaking his empty stare and quickly glancing down at the floor.

“Basically, uh— it was only on the weekends. At least, at the start.” Luke sunk back into his seat as he intently listened to Calum. “I guess you could say I was a sort of… uh, designated driver? I’ve never been one to party, so I would pretty much always be home or out with my sister, Mali. Those sort of things.” Clarice wrote something down in her notebook, causing Calum to pause momentarily. “Uh, right. I— I would have games on Saturdays— football. I played football.” The growing nerves were evident in each word as Calum spoke, his thoughts beginning to catch up to his words.

Shaking his head, Calum looked down for a minute, fiddling with his fingers. Letting out a sigh, he looked back towards Clarice, then over at Luke. Luke softly nodded at him, as Calum pressed his lips together. “I would have games on Saturday, and then practice on Sunday,” Somewhat more composed, Calum turned back, looking at the woman across from him. “So between football and school, I didn’t have much time for other things. But, um…” Calum paused, his words becoming quieter, almost as if he was a bit unsure he should be saying them. “Every Saturday night, I would always get a call from Luke, or some random kid that was at the same party he was. The conversation was pretty much always the same. ‘Luke’s out of it, you need to come to pick him up'. I guess I was the only person they could think to call, but undoubtedly, every time, I would go. No hesitation. No matter the time, even if it was after curfew, I would get in the car, drive, and go pick him up. He would typically pass out in the passenger seat on the way back. Then, I would just drop him home. His house was basically my second, so I knew where they kept the spare key. I would help Luke out of the car, sit him down next to the front door, fumbled for the key. I would try to open the door as quietly as humanly possible, hoping not to wake anybody. I don’t think we ever actually did— at least, not enough that anyone would come out of their rooms to check. Then came the _really_ fun part,” Calum let out a pitiful laugh.

“I would _somehow_ drag this giant of a man up the stairs and into his bed. I would try to leave him in a somewhat normal way, but sometimes he would just end up on the floor of his closet or something like that. Honestly, once Luke’s out, it’s kind of harder to move him.” Calum took a second to catch his breathing, causing the room to fall silent, the only noise being the faint tapping of a foot. “Then I would go home and wait for him to call me the next day, asking me what happened the night before.” Calum’s head turned down and he fell painfully quiet.

_God, I never remembered it being that bad. Then again, guess I don’t… really remember it. But Cal does._

Clarice, wanting to make the most of the limited time the three had together, gave Calum a brief recovery period, before looking back towards him. “Did you ever feel left out? Luke was doing all of this stuff, like going to parties, having all these typical ‘high school’ experiences, when you, evidently, didn’t. Did it bother you at all?”

Looking over at Calum, Luke saw him look down, eyes frantically scanning the floor. After a minute, he sheepishly looked up, eyes blank. “I— I don’t know?”

Clarice cocked her head, clicking her pen twice before asking, “What do you mean by that?”

“W—well…” Calum stammered out, “I—I guess… a part of me feels like I missed out on being a teenager. But I don’t _want_ to say that, you know? I had _plenty_ of good times, for sure. Luke and I made some amazing memories together in high school. But, you know, making stupid mistakes and messes, and having to clean them up. I… I never got that. But, on the other side of it, I saw what it all did to Luke. I watched the messes h—” Calum cut himself off, looking nervously at Luke as if asking for permission. Feeling Calum’s gaze burning into the side of his head, Luke just nodded at the floor.

“I saw all the messes _Luke_ made, and I… I ended up cleaning a lot of them up. Not that I wasn’t happy to help Luke— I would do anything for him. _Anything_ to make sure he was okay. But still. It was all kind of… hard.”

Clarice nodded as she continued to take notes in her lap.

Luke’s head sunk down, eyes only being able to stare at the hands wringing in his lap. His chest tightened as he tried to distract himself from the waves of guilt crashing down on him, one after the other.

“Well, a couple of weeks ago,” Clarice picked up, “Luke mentioned a night that was…different? From the rest.” _No, no, not now. God, please not now._ Luke tried to look up, but knowing what was coming, he couldn’t seem to find the strength to. _Not with Calum here, please._ “Uh,” Clarice paused, flipping through past notes. “…Jamberoo? That’s a place in Australia, right?”

Clearly caught off guard, Calum turned to Luke, eyes wide. At that moment, he’d realized that he hadn’t spoken a word since the session began. Not wanting to change that now, Luke remained silent, head turned down. His voice crackling, Calum answered Clarice. “Yeah, yeah. It is.”

Seeming to sense that neither of the two men were quite eager to return to that night, Clarice pressed on, determined, plainly asking, “Could either of you elaborate on what happened? I understand it’s difficult, but you’ve made it clear that it’s impacted you both heavily… this could be a turning point in your recovery.”

For the first time in what felt like ages, Luke craned his neck, looking over at Calum, only to be met with equally-hesitant eyes, similar to his own. Biting his lip, Luke’s gaze didn’t leave Calum’s as he forced out, “Well, I guess we could start around—”

————————

_4 PM - Friday_

_“Cal, c’mon man. It’s gonna be_ so _fun. Callll,” Luke whined, pulling on Calum’s arm in attempts to get him off the couch._

 _“Luke, you and I_ both _know that I can’t go anywhere with my stupid broken leg. I’d just be sitting at a table the whole time and you’d leave me there. There’s really no point,” Calum argued back. “_ Trust me _, I’m fine staying home tonight and just chilling here. I swear.”_

 _“Calum, you’ve stayed home and just ‘chilled’ever since you broke your leg. No, no. Scratch that. For the past sixteen-fucking-_ years. _” Luke placed his hands on Calum’s shoulders, shaking him slightly. “It’ll be_ so _much better if you’re there tonight, Cal.” Luke put on his best pair of puppy eyes, but, unfortunately, after knowing someone for practically your entire life, Calum had seemed to grow immune._

_“No, Luke, really. I want to stay home tonight, okay?”_

_Luke huffed, falling dramatically next to Calum on the couch. “Fine, if you want to sit here and wallow in self-defeat all night, then be my guest.”_

_Calum shook his head, laughing. “You’re impossible. I am_ not _wallowing!” Calum huffed, crossing his arms in defense. Luke gave him an unconvinced glare. “_ Sure _, whatever you say. You’re_ not _wallowing, and_ I’m _not failing biology.”_

 _Calum scoffed, shifting up on the couch. “Look, all_ I _know is that my football season is over. I’ve got nothing else to do, so I’m just gonna sit here, play Fifa, and live vicariously through the little men on my screen, okay?”_

_“Fine,” Luke groaned in defeat. “But if you change your mind, you know where to find me.”_

_“Thanks,” Calum muttered. “How are you even getting there, anyway? I sure as hell can’t drive you and… well, you just can’t drive,” Calum ushered out, playful mockery in his tone._

_“Fuck off,” Luke shot back, a smile creeping onto the corner of his mouth. “And for your information,_ mom _, my_ friend _is picking me up.”_

_Calum gasped, "You have other friends than me?!”_

_“Yes, as a matter of fact, I do,” Luke replied smugly, “Contrary to popular belief, you are_ not _the only person I like to grace my presence with.”_

_Calum laughed as he lopped a pillow at Luke. “You are so full of it, Hemmings. You and your other friends.”_

_“Aw, are you jealous of my other friends Calum? How cute. But you know you’re my favorite, right?” Luke laughed as he picked on Calum, truth hidden behind the words._

_“And_ there _goes any chance you had of convincing me to come out with you tonight, asshole.”_

_Luke perked up, “There was a chance?”_

_Calum looked at Luke, deadpanning, “No,” before turning back to the TV._

_“Prick,” Luke muttered under his breath, following Calum’s lead. Calum retaliated by displaying his most favorite finger towards Luke._

_9:30 PM - Friday_

_After hours of being sat in front of the television, Calum was on his millionth game of Fifa, fingers starting to grow sore from the repetitive motion. The last few games seemed to drag on and Calum became less and less interested in the game itself, more in keeping himself busy. He’d been playing ever since Luke left for that concert in Jamberoo a few hours ago._

_Just he was about to click ‘start’ on his next game, he heard someone walk into the room behind him, making him twist around._

_“Oh, hey Mals,” Calum greeted his sister._

_“What’s up, Cal?” Mali asked as she sat on the opposite end of the couch, throwing her feet up on the coffee table as she did._

_“Ya know, just playing some Fifa,” Calum replied, the boredom evident in his voice._

_“I would offer to play with you, but I think we_ both _know that’s a horrible idea.” Calum laughed, already feeling better that he wasn’t alone anymore. “Not having Luke over tonight?”_

 _Calum just shook his head, looking straight in front of him. “Where is he?” Mali asked, “I mean if he’s not here, he_ has _to be doing_ something _. I mean, you two are practically attached at the hip”_

_Calum nodded in agreeance. “Yeah,” he used the hand that wasn’t holding onto the controller to gesture to the paper on the table. “He’s at some concert-thing tonight.”_

_Mali leaned forward, snatching the flyer that Luke left. After studying it for a minute, Mali turned back towards Calum. “Why didn’t you go?”_

_Calum shrugged in response, not wanting to repeat the conversation he had with Luke hours before._

_“You should go,” Mali added to his weak answer, fiddling with the flyer in her hand. “It could be fun.”_

_Calum sighed, “No, that’s a stupid idea. I’ll just be miserable the whole night.”_

_“And that’s different from you now because…?” Mali rhetorically asked, earning a death glare from Calum._

_“I_ know _Luke will want to be out doing things all night, and I’ll be stuck alone at a table, cursing my stupid leg… that sounds like the opposite of fun, if you ask me.”_

_Mali shifted her position so she was now sitting, legs crossed, perpendicular to Calum. “And how do you know that?”_

_“What?” Calum asked, not entirely picking up on what his sister was saying._

_“How do you know that?” Mali repeated. “Look, Cal,” she began, “I know you’re bummed that football is over. I mean, who wouldn’t be? But you have a chance to go out and not be stuck at home all night. Luke will be there, the least you could do is try to have a good time. You know, do all those typical ‘teenager things’you never do.”_

_“Hey!” Calum pretended to act offended at Mali’s somewhat-accurate accusations._

_Mali laughed before continuing. “All I’m saying is, maybe you go out and have an amazing time, maybe you don’t. But what’s the worst that could happen? You lose one night of playing Fifa? I think you can live with that.” Calum giggled at his sister as she shoved the flyer into his hands. He looked down at it for a minute, weighing his options. “I’ll even drive you,” Mali added, sweetening the deal._

_“Really?”_

_She nodded, already standing up to grab the car keys._

_“Okay, fine,” Calum huffed out as he pulled himself up on one foot, reaching next to him for his crutches. As he made his way to the door where Mali was waiting for him, he couldn’t help but feel_ slightly _thankful for having such a nosey sister._

_11:30 pm_

_After some random late-night traffic, Calum and Mali arrived at Jamberoo within an hour and a half; a long drive, but Mali was determined. Said sister pulled up as close to the curb as she could, before reaching into the backseat to retrieve Calum’s crutches for him. As he grabbed them from her, slowly making his way out of the car, Calum looked back at his sister. “Thanks,” he said, a soft smile on his face._

_Leaning over the middle of the car, Mali reached over and pulled Calum into a quick hug. “Do you need me to wait?” She asked, settling back into the driver’s seat._

_“No, it’s okay. I’ll get a ride from Luke’s friend. Worst case, I’ll just take a taxi.”_

_“Okay, but do you need help finding Luke or anything? Or how about—”_

_“Mali,” Calum cut his sister off, “Quit your worrying. This was your idea, remember? Just go home and enjoy the rest of your night. I’ll see you in the morning.”_

_Mali smiled at Calum, “Okay, but call if you need anything.”_

_Calum nodded as he shut the door behind him, waving his sister off as he did. Making his way towards the venue, he noticed people starting to slowly shuffle out of the building._

Shit, did I miss the show?

 _Seeing as people were just leaving, and he had yet to cross paths with Luke— or anyone else he would have recognized, for that matter._ They must still be inside.

_Shuffling through the exiting crowd while trying not to lose his balance, Calum slowly made his way inside the club. Nearly getting knocked over a few times, Calum let out a sigh of relief when he found a clearing against a wall. Taking a minute to gather himself, Calum leaned against the wall, scanning the room around him. How hard is it to find a giant blond teenager?_

_As Calum panned over the room a couple of times, he slouched against the wall slightly._ He must not be here. _Looking around once more, not really expecting anything, Calum suddenly caught sight of a boy he recognized from school._ Oh, thank god. Luke must be with him!

_As he made his way over to where the people from his school stood, Calum called out to the one boy he could identify. “Simon! Simon, hey!” Gaining his attention, Simon stumbled closer to Calum as soon as he realized who was shouting his name, tripping over his own feet as he did._

Okay, note to self: _definitely_ don’t get a ride home with Simon.

_Just as Calum was about to speak, Simon gestured towards the other boy, slurring out,_

_“Calll-zzahhh-bruuuhhh! Long-time no-see, man. Wow, what happened to your foot?”_

_Calum shook his head, not wanting to deal with this right now, only wanting to find out where Luke was. “Uh, I broke it during a football match,” Calum haphazardly answered, giving him the short end of the story, doubting he would process anything more._

_“Fuck Cal, that suuuuuuucks.”_

_“Yeah, yeah, I know Simon. But, uh, hey, do you know where Luke is? I’ve been looking for him and haven’t seen him anywhere,” Calum asked, eagerly wanting to find Luke._

_“Oh my God. Luuuuuke. Dude, Cal, Cal, Luke was like— he was going_ harrrrrd _. Like, he was going_ so _fucking hard, dude. I’ve never seen anyone throwback drinks at the speed he was. Like Calum, Luke was like._ Woah _. It— it was impressive.”_

 _Calum figured that, but he just wanted to know_ where _he was. Lucky for him, a drunk Simon was also a very_ chatty _Simon. “And… like, I think a little bit ago he left with some chick. I don’t know who she was. Never seen her before. Not gonna lie, Cal, she was a blooooowww.”_

_Calum felt his heart sink slightly, but he had to wrap on one problem before going on the hunt for Luke. “Okay Simon, thanks. By the way, I really think you should call a taxi. You shouldn’t be driving right now, okay?”_

_Simon nodded along with Calum’s every word. “Calum, you—you are a genius. Just like. Yeah, yeah, dude.”_

_Wide-eyed, Calum looked at Simon, “Yeah dude,” he echoed, “I’ll see you around.”_

_“Byeeee Callzahhhh!”  
Calum sighed as he made his way away from Simon and eventually found himself standing outside the club once again. Still greatly unclear as to where the hell Luke was, Calum pulled out his phone, dialing Luke’s number, only to be met with the voicemail._

Great. Thanks for making this easy for me, Hemmings.

_He began to walk down the sidewalk, looking for any sign of Luke. Circling, he continued to call Luke’s number again, and again, and again, getting the same outcome every time. With each trip around the block, Calum felt himself getting more and more tired, his shoulders growing sore and his leg was getting close to cramping._

Just… tough it out, Cal. You _can’t_ leave without Luke.

_As Calum clicked Luke’s number for the fifth time, he paused, hearing something faint coming from down an alleyway._

Luke’s ringtone. I don’t think many people have Sum 41 set whenever their best mate calls.

_Making his way further into the wide alleyway, Calum followed the sound as it grew louder and louder, phone clenched awkwardly between his hand and the handle on his crutch. Hearing the ringtone fade out, Calum saw a bit of light-emitting behind an abandoned box of trash. Peering over the cardboard, he saw Luke’s cell phone, stranded on the ground._

_“Luke? Luke?” He called out, hoping that the boy was nearby. After a beat of silence, Calum’s heart rate began to pick up._

Oh no. He doesn’t have a phone. How the hell am I gonna find him now?

_Whipping his head around, Calum still saw no other signs of Luke. Closing his eyes and taking a breath, he leaned down and grabbed the phone, before shifting his weight a bit more onto his good leg to hop out, intending to leave the alleyway. Before he could, though, a spot of dirtied white entered his vision. Moving closer, slowly, Calum realized— it was the tip of a Converse sneaker, peeking out from behind a dumpster._

They’re…Luke’s. The star doodles on the toe— that’s him.

Thank the _Lord._

_Sighing in relief, Calum slowly made his way to where Luke was sitting._

God, Luke. You’ve really outdone yourself tonight.

 _“Oh my God, Luke, thank_ God _I found you. I’ve been looking for you for actual_ ages _. Not gonna lie, I was, like,_ this _close to calling the police.” Calum laughed at himself, expecting Luke, even in his drunken state, to do the same. When only silence followed, Calum squinted, attempting to see Luke a bit clearer in the darkness._

_Taking his crutch, Calum tapped the side of Luke’s thigh._

_“Luke?”_

_No response._

_“Luke, this isn’t funny. It never is, just— answer me, goddammit.”_

_Hitting him slightly harder with the crutch now, Calum's voice grew louder, “Luke? Luke. Luke, answer me!”_

_Nothing._

_As his breath began to quicken and his eyes widen, Calum fumbled for his phone, which was still hanging awkwardly in his palm. With shaking hands, he turned the screen on and turned it back towards Luke, illuminating the boy on the ground. In the sickly, artificial light, Calum took in the scene in front of him. Only now, did he see that one of Luke’s shoes wasn’t even on his foot, but, rather, discarded haphazardly on the ground to the right of him, not to mention the navy bomber jacket he had left Calum’s house with seemed to be nowhere in sight. With wide eyes, he kept looking at his friend, his heart beginning to race in panic._

_“Luke?”_

_The boy continued to lay there, eyes closed, head leaned down towards his right shoulder. Calum froze as a streetlamp on the main road flickered to life, casting an orange glow onto Luke’s limp form in front of him. His right cheekbone and left side of his face looked slightly swollen, purples and reds blooming on his pale skin, dried blood crusted over a split lip. His blond hair was a mess, and, upon closer inspection, a few parts of his scalp seemed to be missing small clumps of blond curls. Luke’s jeans were dirty and split, the rips traveling up to Luke’s shirt, where broken buttons hung from loose threads._

_“Oh— oh God.”_

_Calum felt the blood rush from his face, his vision swimming as his breath escaped him. He blindly reached out for the brick wall beside Luke’s head, bile rushing into his throat. He leaned down, retching as the pain in his chest matched the throbbing in his broken leg. Resting his burning forehead against the rough cement, he blearily opened his eyes, only to see Luke’s belt, thrown a few feet away from where Luke himself ended up. The urge to vomit returned with vigor, as the realization pushed its way to the forefront of his mind._

The girl. The one Simon was talking about, she— she—

_Calum felt his throat begin to close up, suddenly feeling lightheaded._

Luke— Luke was— _oh,_ oh _God_ no.

_Calum’s chest heaved as he tried to catch his breath, tears streaking down his face. He felt his good knee begin to give out, becoming increasingly weaker as he remained braced against the brick siding. Desperately, he began limping his way to Luke’s other side. One crutch was already long gone, dropped in shock and too far out of reach. He used the one that remained to sink against the wall, landing right beside his best friend. Taking a shaking hand, Calum grabbed Luke’s shoulder, rocking him back and forth, hoping he would suddenly wake up and this whole nightmare would be over._

_“Luke! Luke! C’mon man, please. Please, Luke, please.” Calum buried his head into Luke’s shoulder as the other boy’s eyes remained closed. Calum’s hot tears stained Luke’s cold skin as Calum pleaded for the other boy to wake up._

_“Luke,” Calum croaked out, reaching out and placing a hand on Luke’s cheek, tilting his unconscious friend toward him. “Please, Lukey. Wake up. For me._ Please _. Luke,” Calum’s voice dissolved into a whisper, as the sickening thought washed over him._

I’m alone in this.

_“Crap, okay, okay. No, Cal, you’re not. You can do this.”_

_“Y—you just. Fuck, what do you do? You’ve got to help him. I—I—” Wiping the tears that were still pounding down his face, he tried to calm himself to some degree. “Calum— shit, okay. Just. Let’s— let’s get him up. We can do that. Okay, okay.”_

_Grabbing the one crutch under his right arm and slipping his left around Luke’s torso, Calum took a shaking breath._

_“Okay. W—we can do this. Right, Luke?” Silence. “Right, right, okay. Just— on th—three. Okay. One…two…three…”_

_Using all the dwindling strength he had left, Calum used the wall and his crutch to push up, tightening his grasp on Luke, putting his bad leg down as extra leverage. As he attempted to hoist himself and Luke up, he let out a pained scream, vision whiting out temporarily as he tried lifting his friend, who just remained limp in his arm. The crutch they were leaning on slipped on the pavement, sending him and Luke crashing back down. Calum’s head connected with the wall behind them as he attempted to wrap his arms tighter around Luke’s head, hoping to protect him from further damage. Landing hard, Calum couldn’t see anything through the tears that flooded his vision. Everything hurt so bad— his leg, his head, his_ heart.

You can’t do anything, Cal. You can’t even be here for Luke. God, Calum, you’re good for absolutely _nothing_.

_Not wanting to risk standing up again, feeling it would only get worse with each attempt, he took a moment to regain his bearings, the world spinning dangerously for a second. In a moment of clarity, he felt out for his phone. Fingertips reaching blindly around on the dimly-lit ground around them, Calum’s hand came in contact with small pieces of smashed metal and microscopic shards of glass._

_“FUCK!” Calum screamed at the wall in front of them, picking up the mangled phone and throwing it against the brick._

That was your one chance, Cal, and you’ve fucked it up.

_Calum just laid against the wall, dragging Luke into his chest, holding on tighter than he ever had before. His pounding headache and raw throat only got worse when he felt all of Luke’s weight against him._

_Dead weight._

_“No, no, Luke isn’t… no… no,” Taking shorter breaths with each passing second, Calum felt himself beginning to dissolve into a fit of hysteria and ‘what if’s._

Wh—what if Luke’s not… _no._ He’s _fine_. He’s going to be _fine_ , Calum.

_Blood pounding in his ears, Calum felt the exhaustion set deep in his bones._

Fuck, Cal, you have _one_ real goal in life, and that’s to make sure Luke is okay. How did you fuck up _this badly?_ You’re useless. Now you’re just going to lay here, powerless, hoping that your friend isn’t dying because of you.

_“No,” Calum breathed out, “No, no, no!” His voice grew louder with each word. “No! Help! Please! Somebody! Please help me! My friend! God, my friend he’s—he’s just… please, someone, anyone, HELP!” Calum’s screams became louder and more desperate, feeling Luke growing colder in his arms._

_A bright white suddenly burst into his vision, long shadows casting their way down the alleyway. Through his blurry vision, shadowy figures began to rush towards the two of them._

_They almost looked like angels._

_The footsteps grew closer, voices shouting at him becoming muffled and indistinct. The pain up and down his leg was becoming unbearable, and a wet, sticky feeling on the back of his head made itself increasingly more known. With one hand clenched his best friend’s soft, blonde hair, Calum felt his eyes slip closed._

Please, let Luke be okay.

—————————-

Handing the box of tissues across to the two men, Clarice sat back in her chair, knowing Calum and Luke both needed a minute before continuing.

After the soft sobs started to die down in the room, Clarice glanced down at her notepad. Clearing her throat to ease back in to speaking, she began, “Alright, well, as we know, that was an incredibly impactful moment for all parties involved.”

Luke and Calum nodded weakly in tandem.

Clarice took a breath, looking at her notes once again. “What happened after the events at Jamberoo? How did the two of you cope?”

Luke could hear the strain in Calum’s voice, the memories not taking a gentle toll on him either. “Um, well, Luke was in the hospital for a bit, a day or two, and I had to get checked out as well, with my leg and all. I ended up taking a week off of school before going back,” Calum began to uncomfortably wring his hands, wiping them on his trousers.

“Luke, uh, never did. He decided to take some time before maybe going back, right?” Luke just nodded, still looking at the floor, cheeks flushed. The singer had made it seemingly clear he wasn’t going to be piping up any time soon, so Calum looked back forward. “Well, that year, Luke wrote ‘1996’, so he ended up staying out, you know, pursuing music full-time. I kept going, working as a de-facto manager for the rest of my time in secondary and all through my time in uni. Then we, uh, moved here.” Clarice just nodded, the only sound filling the space being the light scribbling of graphite on paper.

Calum opened his mouth to say something, but shut it. As he turned to face Luke, two pairs of red-rimmed eyes met. “L—Luke,” Calum started, voice hoarse. “When I brought that… _night_ up during our fight, I know it wasn’t what you wanted to hear. Trust me, you and I _both_ don’t want to talk about it. But…” Calum paused, “But, Luke, it— as much as we didn’t want it to be, it was an important moment for _me,_ too. If I had to pinpoint one second when I knew, undoubtedly, that you needed to stop, that I needed to _get_ you to stop, that would be it.”

Luke swallowed, throat raw as Calum stopped speaking for a minute, but was not quite done yet. He shifted his gaze down, and when his breathing returned to something close to normal, Calum added, “When you stopped drinking for the first time, I… I truly thought everything was going to be okay. And you were doing _so_ good for those five years. And then we moved to New York and you just…” Calum’s voiced trailed off, head sinking.

“When I found out that you were right back where you started… it _hurt_ , Luke. It killed me inside.”

Speaking for the first time since introducing Calum to Clarice, Luke croaked out, “I know,” trying to make Calum understand that he genuinely meant it.

Licking his lips, Calum went on, “Luke, I—I know that your struggle and your pain is something very personal to you. But something I don’t think you’ve ever quite understood is that what hurts you, hurts me too. And that our friendship is one of the most precious things in my— in _our_ lives. We are forever linked through it. What’s your pain is _my_ pain, and seeing you like I did that night— it… it changed me _forever_. As much as your sobriety helped you, it helped me just the same. Knowing that I wouldn’t have to relive that moment, no, _all_ those moments, was enough for me. So when I found out that you had not only started drinking again, but also lied to me about it? As much as it tore you up inside, it did the same to me. I think… I think that was our breaking point. When you cracked inside, it broke right through us. It destroyed everything we had and inevitably lead to everything that happened. It was driven by pain.”

Luke was the first to break into tears again. Normally, he wouldn’t hesitate to respond to Calum, but in the moment, he had no clue how to put anything to words. How to tell Calum how _sorry_ he was for everything that he had put him through all these years, how _grateful_ he was for him always being there, no matter how hard it got. For not giving up on him like everybody else around him had.

No words could encapsulate the thousands of emotions that flooded through Luke’s mind. All he could think to do was to reach over to Calum and tightly wrap his arms around his neck, pulling him in close. Within a second, Calum followed, gripping Luke’s torso with his arms, completely enveloping him.

Despite everything they just aired, all the pain that was brought to light, as they cried into each other, Luke couldn’t help but let a faint smile spread across his lips.

_You’re safe now. Cal’s here._


	48. Chapter 48

“Johnny, _please_ , come on. Can you just put on your nice clothes so we can get going to Uncle Harry’s for Christmas Eve? Please?”

As Johnny stomped his foot, Ashton remembered that he was quite literally dealing with a child.

“No! I want to wear my pj’s! Why can’t I wear my pj’s?” Johnny cried back.

Ashton let out a sigh. “Don’t you want to impress the whole family? Show off your new clothes?” Ashton tried to wage, pulling on any string that he could grasp.

Johnny just shook his head, pouting as he did. _Dear Lord, have mercy. I swear, it’s Christmas Eve, Johnny. Why can’t we just have a nice Christmas Eve dinner, so Santa can come and… oh! Santa! Yes! Yes! Ashton, you are a_ genius _. Literally amazing._

“Johnny,” Ashton caught the young boy’s attention, “Don’t you want to be good and put on your nice clothes? Remember, if you’re not nice, then Santa may not….” Ashton shook his head, quirking an eyebrow. Johnny’s eyes went wide before practically ran towards Ashton, grabbing the clothes out of his hands.

“No, no, I’ll go get changed. And then Santa will still come tonight, right? Right, dad?” Johnny pushed, genuine concern in his voice.

Ashton nodded, shrugging his shoulders a bit, which seemed to be enough for Johnny to listen to his dad or more-so Santa. As Johnny ran towards his room to get changed, Ashton laughed to himself. “Oh, thank you, Christmas. Thank you _so_ much.”

Ashton went over to the couch to sit down, waiting for Johnny to come down. He pulled out his phone, briefly preoccupying himself. After a few minutes, Ashton heard footsteps coming from behind him. Putting his phone down on the couch, he turned around, looking behind him as Johnny came over to where he was sitting.

“Aw, John, you look _so_ cute, bud. Very festive.” Johnny fiddled with his red sweater before Ashton reached over and straightened it out. Taking his hand, Ashton ran it through Johnny’s wild curly hair, attempting to tame the mess that he made as he was changing his clothes. “Very handsome, buddy. I’d say you’ll give everyone a run for their money.”

Johny let out a giggle as he pulled himself up on the couch, sitting next to Ashton. Being the polite kid he is, he replied with a drawn-out, “Thank _youuu_.”

Ashton looked over at Johnny, smiling when he saw him playing with a random squishy ball he found on the couch. _Okay, Ashton, remember. No time like the present._

“Hey, John, can I ask you something?”

John turned his head up, looking at Ashton. “Yeah.”

“So…” _Alright, Ash, go for it._ “What do you think of Luke?” Ashton posed, reaching over and grabbing the ball from Johnny’s hand, knowing that he needs Johnny’s full attention.

Johnny shrugged. “I dunno. I like him. He has nice hair.”

Ashton laughed at the sincerity in Johnny’s tone. “Good, good. You like Luke. That’s good. Now, can I ask you something else?” Ashton slipped off the couch, getting on his knees in front of his son, taking the boy’s small hands in his own. Looking deeply into the same hazel eyes as his own, he took a leap of faith. “What would think if me and Luke were… _together?_ Like, me and him, in a relationship?”

“Like… your boy… _friend?_ ” Johnny questioned.

“Um, yeah. Yeah, like my boyfriend.”

For a brief moment, Ashton’s heart dropped as Johnny’s face scrunched up, thinking hard. Just as Ashton began trying to figure out a way to undo this whole situation, deeming it a failure, a giant smile formed on Johnny’s face.

“I like Luke. I like your _boooyyyfriiiennnd_ ,” Johnny laughed, gently mocking Ashton. The tight knot of anxiety in Ashton’s chest unraveled rapidly, a beam matching Johnny’s appearing on his lips as he moved forward, tickling Johnny lightly, making the little boy laugh even harder than he was before. After a few seconds, he picked the little boy up, fixing his sweater again and kissing his cheek.

“C’mon, we don’t want to be late for dinner.” Still holding a laughing Johnny in his arms, Ashton grabbed his keys and the boys made their way out the door.

——————-

“Michael, _pleeeassseee.”_

 _“_ No,” Michael replied sternly.

“Please, I bought it _just_ for you. Why can’t you just put it on?”

‘Why can’t _I_ be Santa!”

“ _Because,_ ” Calum snarked, gesturing to the onesie he was currently in, “ _I_ was the one who went out and bought the outfits. Maybe if you were a bit more enthusiastic about the whole thing, _you_ would be Santa.”

Michael sighed, dejectedly. “But an elf? Really? An _elf?_ ”

Calum giggled as Michael aggressively gestured at the bright green set. “Well, there was a reindeer one too, but I think that your eyes will look really good in green… and I mean, I’m not complaining about your butt, either.” Laughing as he leaned over to where Michael was sitting, Calum got right into his space, shoving his face in Michael’s.

Michael huffed out, “You know, you’re lucky I love you,” as he shook his head, reluctantly grabbed the onesie from Calum’s grasp. Calum practically jumped into Michael’s arms as he pulled him into a short kiss. “Yes, _yes!_ Thank you so much. I love you _so_ much,” Calum said, peppering Michael’s face with kisses in between each word.

“Yeah, yeah,” Michael said, gently pushing Calum off of him. “I’ll be back.”

A satisfied smile plastered on his face, Calum sat back on the couch, eagerly awaiting Michael’s return. Buzzing with excitement, he had to stop himself from prematurely running into the bedroom and ruining Michael’s get-up.

After a few painstaking minutes that felt like hours to Calum, the bedroom door opened. Calum jumped towards the end of the couch, wanting to see Michael as soon as he could.

As the blond stepped out to where Calum was sitting, shuffling his feet, Calum couldn’t help but burst into a fit of laughter. Close to the brink of tears, he couldn’t contain himself as he walked over to Michael and wrapped his arms around his neck. “Oh Michael, thank you so much.”

“Uh-huh, I know. This is when you tell me that I’m the best and that this is the greatest thing ever, so on and so forth.”

Still laughing, Calum pulled away from Michael, plopping himself on the couch and patting next to him, gesturing for Michael to join him. “Why don’t we just put on _Love, Actually_ instead?”

Michael smiled as he walked over to the couch. “Sounds good.”

Just as Calum was about to lean forward to grab the remote off the table, the phone next to him rang.

——————-

Ashton was sat around the dining table, Harry sitting to his side, watching the kids that were off doing something in the living room. “So, Ash, what are Michael and Calum up to this lovely Christmas Eve?”

“Huh?” Ashton replied, momentarily zoning out, staring at the table.

“What are your friends from the studio up to for the holidays?”

Ashton thought for a minute. “You know, I’m actually not sure. I don’t think I ever asked.”

“Really?” Harry pressed, “Do they have any family here? You mentioned they’re both from Australia too.” Ashton nodded, feeling a guilt trip coming his way. “Seriously? Why didn’t you call them? Remember _our_ first Christmas here, when we couldn't make it back to Aus? How lonely we were,” Harry paused, letting his words sink into Ashton.

“Look, why don’t you give them a call? If they’ve got nothing going on, tell them to join us, okay?”

“Really?” Ashton questions, slightly surprised by his brother’s offer.

“Yeah, totally! Go on now,” Harry replied, gesturing to Ashton.

Laughing at his brother’s pushiness, Ashton pulled out his phone, absentmindedly dialing the Hood-Clifford house phone number. After ringing a couple of times, Ashton heard Michael pick up the phone.

“Hey, Mikey! Merry Christmas!”

——————-

“Mike! Do we need to bring anything?” Calum bellowed out to Michael from the kitchen, who was getting both their snow boots from the closet.

“No, I don’t think so,” Michael ushered back, emerging from the bedroom. “I mean, they know that we were literally just invited, I think we’re fine.”

“Okay, yeah,” Calum agreed. “But what about…these,” Calum gestured to the onesies they each wore.

“Oh, so _now_ you’re not too excited about the onesies, huh?” Michael teased Calum.

“I dunno, aren’t they a little…” Calum trailed off, not exactly sure what word to use.

Michael shrugged. “Look, Ashton said it was casual. I think we should be fine. Plus, they’re festive, right? I’m sure Johnny will love them too.”

“Kiss up,” Calum muttered under his breath, earning a playful slap on the arm from Michael. “Just saying, you _really_ want that kid to love you. Jealous much?”

Laughing lightly, Michael started lacing his boots up. “Look, I’m just saying, that kid absolutely _adores_ you. Like, don’t get me wrong, I get it, but I’ve got a _lot_ of catching up to do.”

Smiling, Calum reached over, gently taking his hand and pulling Michael toward him, bring his lips down to his for a soft, chaste kiss. “You’ll win him over in no time. You wore me down eventually.”

“Oh, shush,” Michael laughed out, leaning down to finish tying his boots.

“But really,” Calum continued, “should we bring like, gifts or something? I mean, we already gave Ashton his, but like, what about something for Harry? Or Johnny?”

“Oh, trust me,” Michael started standing up, “I’ve got a couple of ideas.”

——————-

Walking up to the door of the address that Ashton sent them, Calum rang the doorbell as Michael found a spot next to him, several bags in hand. The two waited out in the cold for a few seconds before they heard a muffled rustling behind the door. After another second, the door popped open, a smiling Ashton on the other side.

“Hey, I’m glad you two could—” Ashton cut himself off, eyes going wide as soon as he saw Michael and Calum.

“What. The. _Hell_.”

Ashton buckled over in laughter, arms crossing over his chest, shuffling back a bit. Taking a minute before attempting to look at the two men again, Ashton made it about half a second before bursting back into his booming laughs.

Michael and Calum just looked at each other, not quite sure what they were supposed to do. As Ashton was on the floor in absolute _hysteria_ , tears beginning to become visible in his eyes from laughing so hard, Calum and Michael were able to peer inside the house.

“Oh no,” Michael exhaled as his face went pale. Inside the brownstone, he saw everybody dressed in nice, crisp clothes. Looking at Michael, and then down at Ashton who was beginning to calm down, Calum hissed out, “ _Ashton_. I thought you said that this was a _casual_ thing.”

Catching his breath as he stood up, Ashton couldn’t stop smiling as he looked back at the pair. “I mean, I _did_. But Cal, you usually wear, like, suits. I thought casual for you was like… I dunno, a button-down or something. Certainly not… not _this_ thing,” Ashton said as he waved his hand up and down, pointing to Calum and Michael’s outfits.

Before anyone could say anything else, Ashton was joined by Johnny at his side. His eyes lit up as he looked at Calum, and then Michael. The same happened when his two cousins came from behind Johnny. Not sure what to do, Calum and Michael smiled as they made their way inside, making sure to glare down Ashton as they did. Moving into the house, the pair couldn’t help but overhear a conversation between Harry and one of his kids coming from the kitchen.

“If the _grown-ups_ can wear pajamas, why can’t _we?_ ”

The two men walked into the kitchen, greeting the other adults at the party, thanking them for having them.

“Nice outfits, guys. _Very_ sharp,” Harry smiled, leaning over the counter with a beer in hand.

“You know, gotta be comfortable,” Calum laughed, attempting to save himself from some of the embarrassment. Harry’s head snapped down as his son tugged on his sleeve once more, staring up at him with pleading eyes. “You know, some comfortable wouldn’t be so bad,” Harry smirked. After some deliberation, and quite a bit of guffawing from the other adults attending, there was a unanimous vote for everyone to change into their pajamas. Whether it was to satisfy the children or make Calum and Michael feel less awkward, the end result was the same. Ashton’s brother began to corral his family, moving upstairs to change. Johnny, meanwhile, turned towards Ashton.

“Dad?”

Still catching his breath from his laughing fit, Ashton breathily replied, “Yeah bud?”

“Why didn’t you pack it?”

Scrunching his eyebrows, Ashton bent down to be eye-level with Johnny. “Pack what?”

“The onesie, _Ashton._ ”

Ashton’s jaw dropped to the floor as the five-year-old pushed his hands onto his hips, looking unimpressed at his father. Ashton quickly recovered, giggling as he taunted, “Oh, that’s _it_ , Santa’s taking your presents back!” He reached over to Johnny and pulling the boy into his grasp, Johnny squirming, unable to escape Ashton’s infamous ‘tickle ambushes’.

——————-

“Oh, we are _never_ going back now. We are going to wear pajamas every year, okay, Lucy?”

Lucy laughed as she took a sip from her wine. “Whatever makes you guys happy.” Smiling, Michael looked away from the couple. Glancing around the room, he couldn’t help notice that _Calum’s being awful quiet. Is he okay?_ Nudging his boyfriend’s leg with his socked foot, Michael attempted to get Calum’s attention. “You alright?” He asked in a low voice.

“Uh, yeah, yeah,” Calum looked away from him, looking around at the family scattered around the living room, sprawled out on various chairs and couches. “It’s just, uh… it’s… this is my first Christmas… well, without Luke. I just miss him, you know?”

His heart dropped at the heartbreak in Calum’s voice. Michael leaned over the couch, pulling Calum into a cuddle and kissing his temple, right at his hairline.

“I know.”

Quietly, the two laid, listening to the pleasant conversation and faint carols playing in the background. All of a sudden, Michael’s eyes locked on Ashton, who had stood up out of the blue, holding his phone to his ear and walking swiftly out of the room.

“Hello, Nathan, my name is Ashton Irwin, and I’m calling…”

——————-

After a few minutes, lots of begging, and maybe just the _slightest_ bit of flirting (for the greater good— Luke would understand), Ashton had managed to pull off something borderline-extraordinary. Waiting for his phone to ring, Ashton paced back and forth in Harry’s spare bedroom. As he felt his phone begin to vibrate, he glanced down, seeing the FaceTime request light up the screen.

As he answered the call, the huge smile that formed on his face was undeniable. After a minute or so of just staring at the screen, Ashton was the first to speak.

“Merry Christmas, Lu.”

“Merry Christmas Ash!” Luke replied, grinning just as wide as Ashton. “Wasn’t expecting this,” he added, laughing at the tail end of his sentence.

“Yeah, well, I thought it would be a nice little treat for everybody, you know?”

Luke nodded, “I just can’t believe you managed to pull this off. Not going to lie, quite impressed with you right now. Nobody can _ever_ break Nathan.”

“Yeah, well, I am now betrothed to him, so I mean, you give you get,” Ashton joked, Luke giggling on the other end.

The pair fell silent for a minute, just gazing at each other for a second longer. “…I hope we get to spend Christmas together next year.”

“Yeah,” Luke breathed out, his eyes darting across the screen. “God, Ash, you have _no_ idea how badly I want to kiss you right now.”

Ashton shook his head, laughing, but silently agreeing. “I love you, Luke,” he blurted out, but not regretting it for a second.

The light that grew in Luke’s eyes was hard to miss. “I love you too, Ashton.”

The pair just looked at each other, neither wanting to ruin the moment. “Um,” Ashton started, “Well, in other news, I ended up inviting Calum and Mike over for Christmas Eve dinner. That’s actually part of the reason I’m calling. Just part, though.” Ashton assured.

“Really? God, Ash, that’s really sweet of you. I’m… I’m feeling a bit guilty, honestly. I mean, I know he’s not really alone, but… it was just supposed to be Calum and I’s first Christmas in New York. I mean, _technically_ there was last year, but that was kind of a train wreck. We still had boxes everywhere that we had to unpack, everything was a mess. Moving wasn’t very kind to us, I guess. Christmas kinda got forgotten. So, I’m happy you’re all celebrating together,” Ashton felt a blush creep onto his face as Luke whispered out, “all my favorite people, all in one place.”

After a brief minute,Ashton heard laughing distantly behind the closed door of the guest bedroom. He suddenly felt like a teenage girl with the amount he was smiling, but he didn’t care. “Yeah, well, you’ll _never_ guess what they decided to roll up in.”

“What do you mean?” Luke questioned, eyes scrunching in confusion.

“Well, our Christmas Eve is typically semi-formal, you know, sweaters, pants, nothing too fancy. But your _lovely_ best friend and his _wonderful_ boyfriend decided to show up in…” Ashton paused, building anticipation, “…holiday onesies!”

“ _No!_ ” Luke gasped out, a wave of laughter washing over him. “Oh my God, what I would _do_ to see Calum and Michael in onesies, oh my _God!_ ”

“Well,” Ashton intervened, “I’m about to give you the best Christmas gift then,” he said as he flipped the camera around and pushed out the edge of the bed, headed for the door.

——————-

“Oh, and Cal,” Luke finished, “While I still got you here, thanks for the goodies. Between the blankets and photos from this century, my room feels much less… drab.”

He saw Calum smile through the screen, “Glad I could help, mate.”

As Luke began waving goodbye to everybody, he let out one final, “Merry Christmas!” before hanging up the phone and handing it back to Nathan, who had been looming on the other side of the phone the whole call.

“Thanks,” Luke muttered out as Nathan nodded and made his way out of Luke’s room. Luke’s saw felt sore from smiling more than he had in weeks. As the smile faded, Luke looked around his room, feeling just how cold it actually was. Taking one of the knitted blankets Cal had given him and wrapping it around his shoulders, Luke sat on his bed, looking around the small room, somehow feeling emptier than he had before.

_God, Luke._

_Alone again._

——————-

Pulling Johnny out of the car, Ashton quietly shut the door behind him, making his way inside their home. Thankful that he was already in pajamas, Ashton laughed as he carried Johnny upstairs, walking him into his room and setting him down on the bed. Pulling the covers around the boy’s small frame, Ashton lightly placed a kiss on his son’s forehead before making his way out of the room.

Walking back downstairs, careful not to make the old steps creak, Ashton finally kicked off his shoes when he got to the bottom.

“Alright,” he muttered out, “Santa time.”

Reaching to grab the Santa hat to his side, Ashton threw it on his head, looking at his reflection in the mirror for a minute.

_God, I wish Luke was here._

After staring at his reflection for another minute, Ashton shook his head, snapping himself out of his trace. “Okay, let’s do this.”

Walking over to the side closet that had been locked since November, Ashton grabbed the key that sat on top of the door frame and gently opened the door. Gradually, he took each present out, one by one, and set them under the tree. Once he had emptied the closet, Ashton looked over at his wonderful stacking skills, smiling at a job well done.

Just as he was about to head upstairs himself, Ashton glanced towards the door, remembering the gift that Michael had handed him on their way out from Harry’s, trying to be subtle as he did, but making it look more like a drug deal than anything else.

Smiling at the memory, Ashton grabbed the bag and moved it over to the tree. Feeling the weight of the present, Ashton tried to stop himself. _Eh, you’re Santa. You can look at the gifts if you want._ Laughing, he pulled out a mini toy guitar.

“ _Oh_ , no,” Ashton whispered as he put the gift back into the bag, “Johnny’s gonna be a drummer. It’s in his blood.” Shaking his head with a silent laugh, Ashton placed the bag back under the tree with Johnny’s other gifts.

Moving over to the counter, Ashton grabbed the plate of carrots, swiftly dumping them into the trash can next to him. Grabbing a cookie from the other plate, Ashton grabbed the glass of milk, alternating between the cookie and the drink. Glancing over at the clock on the wall, Ashton saw that it was already midnight.

Placing the partially drunk glass of milk on the counter, Ashton huffed, looking at the cookie in his hand.

“Merry Christmas to me.”

Finishing his cookie, Ashton began walking towards the stairs, wiping the crumbs off of his hands on the way.


	49. Chapter 49

_And she was in the grass, and she could hear the highway breathing._

_And she could see a nearby factory, She making sure she’s not dreaming._

The familiar sound of Talking Heads came over the car stereo as Ashton and Calum sat in each other’s company, chatting absently.

“No, I _genuinely_ don’t think that they would let you come to this game alone. You should be happy the coach is even letting you fifty feet near this game. So, to answer your question, _yes_ , I _am_ your chaperone.” Ashton said, a bit of truth hidden behind his joking demeanor.

“C’mon! I wasn’t that bad at Johnny’s last game!” Calum attempted to defend himself. “It’s not _my_ fault they don’t know how football works!”

“Calum. If you _really_ want to go to John’s games, I’m pretty sure this is the only way. And I swear if you get into an argument again, I _will_ make you wait in the car.”

“But—”

“No, no,” Ashton let his ‘dad voice’ take over, “Let my son have a nice, calm football game, and then you can vent it out on the way back, okay?” Ashton attempted to reason.

Slouching back into his seat, Calum huffed out, “Fine.”

After a quick pause, Ashton leaned in slightly towards Calum, lowering his voice slightly. “But, if you are going to snap, at least go out with a bang and direct it towards Nancy Fischer. She’s been on my case ever since she learned that I was Johnny’s dad and not his brother. A real peach, if you know what I mean.” A smile began to come across Calum’s face. “But you didn’t hear that from me, though,” Ashton added.

“Oh no, of course not. I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Calum played along, winking at Ashton as he did. “But noted.”

Ashton shook his head as he let out a breath laugh. Calum now seeming a bit more content, situated himself, shifting a bit in his seat.

“So,” Ashton coughed out, “Have you heard anything from Luke since you visited him?”

Perking up, Calum nodded. “Yeah, actually. Got a call from his therapist a few days ago.”

Ashton glanced quickly at Calum, sending him a bewildered look. “I’m, uh, his contact in there, so she just called me to talk over a few things, since he’s getting out soon. Basically what his home life is going to be like, you know, the best way I—” Calum cut himself off, “ _We,_ can all help Luke. It’s some pretty rigid stuff.”

_Yeah, that sounds familiar._

Calum continued, bringing his hands together in his lap and clasping them into one another. “She was explaining some stuff to me. About him needing a good support system, to surround him with good, caring people. Heh, I think that box is checked.” Ashton couldn’t help but smile, picking up on Calum’s bright undertones. “So then we were just talking. I asked her about Luke’s living situation, what that should look like. Because he lives alone, you know?”

Ashton nodded, “Yeah, yeah. I know.”

As Calum continued, his tone began to minutely change, anxiety beginning to lace each word. “And… I just don’t know, Ash. She said that for the first few weeks after people get out, they typically move back in with their parents or some other family member. Clearly, that can’t really happen, because… Australia.” Calum let out a sigh. “I’m not gonna lie, Ash, I don’t really know what I’m going to do. Because, clearly, if his therapist is telling me that he shouldn’t live alone, we should try to take her advice, right?”

Ashton hummed in response, Calum continuing shortly. “And Michael and I… our apartment’s not _huge_ , and we don’t have a guest room or anything. I guess we could throw him on the couch or something…” Calum thought out loud. “No, no. I mean, the dude’s _huge!_ That would just be days and days of restless sleep for him. And he _definitely_ doesn’t need that right now. Plus, Michael still isn’t exactly keen on the whole ‘Luke’-thing yet. I don’t think he fully trusts him. I mean, I don’t blame him. I’ve known Luke for pretty much my entire life. In the short time that Michael has known Luke, he’s happened to catch us in one of our… _rougher_ times. And after everything that happened, I can see why Michael might be a little hesitant.” Calum finally took a breath, sighing. “I—I just don’t know.”

As silence filled the car, Ashton, not quite sure how to respond to Calum’s sudden venting session. “Well… um…” he started. “I’m sure you’ll figure something out, Cal.” Calum, clearly hoping for a different answer, just looked at Ashton with distraught eyes. “Uh,” Ashton coughed, “I mean, I… well…” He paused, not sure what he was going to say next. “Maybe going back to Australia wouldn’t be the worst idea for him? I mean, it would suck not seeing him for all that time, but, I don’t know. Just a thought.”

Calum shook his head, “Yeah, but I don’t think another move across the world is what he needs right now. And I wouldn’t be there with him; he’d probably be alone. Like, most of our friends from back home either have moved away or are the kinds of people he shouldn’t be around right now.” Ashton nodded as Calum scratched his head, almost hoping it would bring up something he hadn’t already considered. “The only person out there is our old mate Choncy, but he has a whole life of his own, and just dumping Luke on him out of nowhere? That’s just not right. And it’s not right to Luke, either. He hasn’t really seen us in months, despite our visits every now and then. We can’t support him all this way, getting him into an in-patient and all, and then just not be there for him when we have to step up, you know? This is his _home_. He’s not just going to leave it. Frankly, I don’t want him to.” The car fell quiet as Calum slumped forward, suddenly exhausted from the conversation.

“Yeah, I know,” Ashton said, breaking the silence in an attempt to provide some comfort towards the other man. “It’s a tough situation.”

Calum huffed, agreeing with Ashton. Taking a hand and rubbing over his temples, Calum turned his gaze out the window, only to look back towards Ashton as he spoke, “He’s been writing, too, Ashton.”

“What?” Ashton asked, slightly surprised by the information.

“Yeah. I think he said that, once things settle, he wants to try and record. Maybe produce another EP.”

“That’s great,” Ashton replied, sensing some doubt in Calum.

“Yeah, it is. And I’m happy that he’s back into his music. But God knows what’s going to happen next.”

“Well, we can cross that bridge when we get to it,” Ashton measured, hoping to calm Calum as he put extra emphasis on the ‘we’.

Calum nodded, looking forward. “Yeah, yeah. I guess…” he sighed, “I can try to make it work out with Michael. I’ll talk to him, see what he says.”

“Worth a shot,” Ashton added, trying to ease the mood. “But you’re completely right. Luke really shouldn’t be alone the first few weeks. The readjusting period is one of the most crucial times for people in recovery. I remember when—” Ashton realized what he was saying, coughing abruptly to cut himself off, hoping to hide the last of his words in it.

Confused, Calum looked at Ashton, whose eyes were glued to the road. “You remember what?”

“Hm?” Ashton asked, attempting to play dumb. As he looked over at Calum, his expression told him that he was not, in any way, buying it. Sighing, Ashton turned his gaze back to the road. “I… uh— had a friend. They went through something similar to what Luke’s going through.”

“Oh,” Calum shut his mouth, turning forward, sensing Ashton’s unease.

“And, um…” Ashton tried to add, but his voice shortly trailed off as his thoughts began taking over. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Calum nod, thankfully picking up on the cues to not ask any more questions.

_Thank God._

As the car awkwardly grew silent, Ashton shook his head, trying to clear his mind. “Oh, Cal, when we get there, in case I forget, just remind me to thank Sarah for driving John today? I would hate from him to have to show up halfway through the game just because of my work.”

“Yeah, no problem,” Calum replied. The two sat in silence for a painfully long time before either could think of what to say next. Deciding to bite the bullet, Ashton blurted out,

“So, some weather we’re having.”

Calum looked over at him in confusion before descending into a fit of laughter. “What are we, eighty?”

“I don’t know! I don’t think there’s exactly a smooth transition from the _very_ heavy conversation we just had to another one!” Ashton pointed out, giggling at how much Calum was laughing.

“So you decided to bring up the weather? In New York? In _January?_ ”

Pridefully, Ashton replied, “Yes. Yes, I did.”

The two were still laughing as Ashton pulled into the gravel parking lot of the football field.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading Look At Us Now! The response I've gotten from this story is absolutely amazing, so thank you again for all your amazing support.
> 
> If you like what you're reading, please drop a kudos, or leave a comment! I would love to hear from you about what you think of the story!


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